Monogatari Series - Volume 5 - Chapter 6.13

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When comparing the two Araragi sisters─the Fire Sisters─Karen, the enforcer, can’t help but stand out, but lest that lead you astray, allow me to dispel any mistaken notion that Tsukihi is less of a handful as a sister.

As the earlier incident with the knife indicates, Tsukihi is just as hazardous. Don’t find her endearing just because she asked for my help. The truth is that she employs Karen’s cockier personality as a clever shield for her own actions. If Tsukihi seems less objectionable, then you have fallen into her trap.

In that sense, a show-off like Karen is easier to manage, while Tsukihi, no less of a fool, yet a smart fool, is almost impossible to handle.

Take the sunflower bed episode. In a way, she is even more aggressive than Karen.

I have another example from the past.

The Tsukihi Files: Part II.

Back when Karen and Tsukihi were still in grade school─as was I.

Come to think of it, Tsukihi and Sengoku may have been in the same class at the time. If so, Sengoku probably remembers the story as well.

Karen got herself into some kind of trouble─this was when they still worked separately, before people took to calling them the Fire Sisters.

Whatever trouble this was, Karen couldn’t get out of it, and to save her, Tsukihi jumped off the roof of the school building without a second thought.

What could result in such a deed?

I wondered, too, at the time, but only Karen and Tsukihi know the reason─actually, considering whom we’re discussing, perhaps they don’t remember.

Whether it was luck or careful planning, Tsukihi happened to land on the canopy of a truck parked below (like in some kung-fu movie), sparing her life (naturally, she broke several bones, and her body is covered with multiple so-called battle wounds, just ordinary scars). In any case, thanks to that leap, her previous reputation as a quiet girl who likes to play indoors vanished like so much mist.

What I found most perplexing is that not a single one of her friends stopped coming over to play.

At any rate.

Tsukihi is extreme, and hiding her extremism is almost second nature to her. The corollary is that she has the ability to throw herself, intentionally and whenever she chooses, into a rage that is no mere bout of hysteria.

Intentionally running amok. What could be more dangerous?

Her hysteric fits aren’t the problem. It’s the genuine fury─Tsukihi’s true persona─that lies behind them.

But back to the matter at hand.

Once Shinobu returned to my shadow, I got out of the tub, dried myself off, and headed to the living room with just a towel wrapped around my waist. There was no reason to get dressed just to hear what Tsukihi had to say. I couldn’t shake the feeling that I was forgetting something, but I had business to attend to.

In the living room, Tsukihi was plopped down on the sofa. The knife…she had apparently returned to the kitchen.

“Where’s the bigger sister?” I asked, sitting down across from Tsukihi.

“Mm.” She nodded. “Miss Hanekawa is looking after her.”

Hanekawa…

That was what I’d forgotten. What was I doing dressed like this with her under the same roof? I was forfeiting my right to needle Kanbaru.

“Still, even if I want to change, my clothes are in my room… I guess it’s fine since she’s upstairs.”

I’d ask Tsukihi to bring me down a set later. There, problem solved.

This was the twenty-first century where you didn’t run half-naked into a female classmate even in a slapstick comedy.

“All right,” I said, “time to fill me in on the details.”

“Okay. But first, make me one promise.”

“You’re not in a position to make demands.”

“I’m your little sister, that’s my position.”

“And in my position as your big brother, I refuse.”

We glared at each other. We always ended up arguing if we weren’t careful.

“Fine, I withdraw my request,” Tsukihi folded first after three minutes of silence. This was actually rare─usually I was the one who backed down. She really had to be feeling out of her depths this time around. In that case…

“Well, what were you going to demand?”

“That you not get angry with Karen.”

“Fat chance.”

“That you can be angry at me, but not Karen.”

“I’ll scold you both.”

“How about…you can be angry at Karen, but not me?”

“I’m angry already! Just tell me and get it off your chest.”

“Is that supposed to sound cool? I thought you promised Miss Hanekawa you wouldn’t get angry,” Tsukihi pouted.

Dummy. That was only for Hanekawa’s sake, needless to say.

Despite her sullen attitude, Tsukihi turned her drooping eyes my way. This is just my own prejudice, but people with drooping eyes, not just Tsukihi, always look to me like they’re plotting something.

She said, “Just because you’re a genius who’s good at everything, that doesn’t give you the right to make fun of me and Karen, okay?”

“How about I agree to put up with all the annoying shit you say. There’s your terms. Now talk. How did all of this get started in the first place? I can’t even figure that out.”

“Huh, even a modern-day Renaissance man like you?”

“……”

Oh boy. I was already beginning to lose it.

“How much did Miss Hanekawa tell you?” she cut to the chase with perfect timing. If this was her way of bargaining, she was actually pretty good at it.

“I heard most of it, but Hanekawa is an outsider in all of this. I haven’t heard any of the inside story yet. And besides─I can’t act until I hear what you two have to say.”

Plus, Hanekawa being Hanekawa, I suspected that she was hiding something because it made Karen and Tsukihi look bad.

If Hanekawa wanted, she could easily keep me from noticing that she was holding back. She must have purposely dropped hints to prompt me to ask my sisters.

What a stance she was taking. Neutral, but one misstep and she’d be a friend to neither party.

She was like a double agent.

She did look up to Mèmè Oshino, and I suppose that was his M.O., after all.

“Can’t act, huh? Mostly, Karen and I start acting before we’ve even begun to think. I guess Karen this time around is a good example.”

“I bet.”

“Koyomi… Is there anything you regret?”

“Regret? Of course. Is any human being free of it?” Though maybe some people never repented. That was human, too.

“You know what? I don’t really regret things much.”

“I bet. You two don’t really seem like the type.”

“But that’s exactly why─” Tsukihi inserted a pause. “Sometimes I regret not having regretted it at the time.”

“……”

“So much for that,” she said before falling silent.

She dared to fall silent.

………

“Are you trying to get me to wring your neck?” I asked her.

“No, that’s not it…”

“Then hurry up and get to the point.”

“Ah, that reminds me. I have something interesting to tell you.”

“Interesting?”

“You know how my catchphrase is ‘I’m dagnabbit mad’? That actually started out as ‘a bit mad’ for me, so it doesn’t mean that I’m really that angry despite how it sounds.”

“I never even knew that was your catchphrase!”

“How could you not? I’m dagnabbit mad!”

“You’re clearly more than just a little angry!” Color me dagnabbit surprised─she wasn’t making any sense. “Look, no more tricks. Stop trying to change the subject.”

“Ah… I was just testing you.”

“Then I was testing you for testing me. Now hurry up and get to the point.”

“B-Before that, could you tell me about a time you regretted something? I wanna hear about you, too.”

“Huh?”

“It’d be a waste to just tell you. This way, it would be like we’re sharing secrets. Like late at night, during a school trip.”

“You idiot.” But even if I thought─okay, said─that Tsukihi was an idiot, maybe it was part of my duty as a big brother to humor her childish whims. Besides, I felt like I might blow my fuse if I didn’t play along a little. “Well, let’s see, something I regret… It’s hard to come up with on the spot.”

There was plenty of material. Too much, really.

For instance, Shinobu Oshino.

Everything relating to her. The vampire stuff.

But…even if I were to tell my sisters, now didn’t seem like the time. It was a bit too heavy for the situation at hand.

Tsukihi seemed to mistake my reluctance for stalling. “There has to be something,” she prodded.

“Uhh, this is so out of the blue…. Be a little more specific about the kind of story you want to hear.”

“Just something a little embarrassing. Right, like…why you don’t have any friends.”

“I do now!”

“Really? How many?”

“Did you just ask? Get ready to be surprised!”

Hanekawa was a friend. Kanbaru…was my junior, but also a friend. Hachikuji was totally my friend.

Sengoku…a friend, too. Well, we got along really well, but maybe she didn’t think of me that way… Maybe she just felt she had to talk to me because I was her friend’s (Tsukihi’s) brother. Yeah, as gratifying as it felt to be called her big brother, I needed to get out of that zone. Still, I wasn’t wrong to see her as a friend.

Senjogahara…was my girlfriend. In terms of this discussion, I didn’t see any reason not to count her, though.

“Five!”

“You got me, I really am surprised.” Tsukihi seemed taken aback, so much so that her drooping eyes arched up. “Poor Koyomi…you’re going to die lonely.”

“What a thing to say to your brother!” Tsk, jerk sister. “Anyway, if you want to know why I didn’t have friends before… Well, back in the day, I used to think they’d lower my intensity as─”

“No, I’ve heard enough embarrassing stuff for one day… I’m sorry for asking.”

“Don’t apologize yet! I haven’t said anything embarrassing!”

“Please, no, don’t put yourself through any more of this! Really, it’s over!”

“But it isn’t!” Why was she trying so hard to stop me? There were tears in her eyes!

“Not having any friends is one thing, but you take it to a whole new level… You don’t even realize you have a problem. It’s too sad.”

W-Was it? Was I just not self-aware?

“If you ever get in a car accident and die, I’ll make sure the funeral is family only,” my sister promised. “Otherwise, everyone will find out how lonely you were.”

“Excuse me if I don’t find that very comforting!”

“As for your wedding… Well, someone with no friends doesn’t have to worry about marriage.”

“Aaaah!”

Tsukihi’s words were so overwhelming that I couldn’t find the words for a comeback. All I could do was shout.

“But Koyomi, isn’t it actually harder not to make friends?”

“Thank you for your elite advice!” Seriously, that hurt! “You know what, I’m not like you guys, I don’t want to be part of some in-crowd. I aim to be a mysterious character about whom everybody says, ‘Hey, what do you think he does when he’s alone?’”

“But the thing is that nobody, let alone everybody, bothers to say that about you. And ‘when he’s alone’? You’re always alone.”

“Well, who are you to talk? How many friends do you have?”

“Huh?” Tsukihi blinked. “I’m not sure you can call them ‘friends’ while there’s still few enough to count.”

“……”

Let me have a few of yours, I thought for real.

“Isn’t ‘friends’ supposed to be like an uncountable plural?” remarked Tsukihi.

“You…have a point.”

“So isn’t it a little weird to be counting them on your fingers?”

“You’re the one who asked!”

While we went on like this─

“Araragi, we can hear you up on the second floor─it sounds like you’re just making small talk, so maybe keep it down a little?”

The door swung open and Hanekawa entered the living room.

At some point (as I continued to quip), I must have gotten quite loud.

“Oh, sorry. I will.”

As I said so─

Crap.

I remembered.

I was sitting on the sofa talking to my sister with nothing but a towel around my waist. Worse, I had gotten so wrapped up in arguing with her that I was leaning forward, and the towel had come askew.

In the next instant, I realized three things.

One: That even Hanekawa screams on occasion.

Two: That her scream is loud enough to fill our home.

And three: That my parents are preternaturally sound sleepers.