Monogatari Series - Volume 28 - Chapter 1.06

006

Supposing I were to interlock with Ononoki-chan and fly to the Acerola Kingdom (temp.), then in the meantime, who would be the one to take care of my little sisters, with whom I had been entrusted? That problem had suddenly occurred to me, but I might as well tackle all these problems one at a time.

Even a thousand questions must start from the first question.

First, I had to let Ononoki-chan in.

“Hiya, it’s been a while, oni onii-chan, or for short, onii-chan. I’m a corpse, so there’s no risk of infection for me, but just in case, let’s practice social distancing. Don’t you dare come even one millimeter closer from that spot.”

From the front door, she immediately assumed a distance that would make anyone think she simply hated me, but her monotone voice was, of course, because she was a corpse doll—depending on the point of view, one could argue that because she was a corpse doll, that actually raised the chances of her spreading the infection (basically what zombies were; a zombie virus). Anyway, before entering, Ononoki-chan pulled out her own hand sanitizer from the millet-dumpling-like pouch that hung from her waist and sterilized her hands.

She certainly hadn’t forgotten her manners.

Naturally, she was wearing a mask—though she was probably expressionless beneath it. In this respect, you could say that she was sticking to her character of a shikigami that was absolutely obedient to her master’s orders.

There had been a point in time when Yotsugi-chan had been made to wear an open-backed dress thanks to one of my little sisters, but she had since reverted to her original fashion.

And the eyepatch that I’d heard about was no longer there.

Gaen-san must have returned the eyeball that had been taken away from her—as someone who wasn’t unconnected to that incident, it was a bit of a relief to see.

There had often been times when my eyes had been gouged out, too, so a part of me could sympathize.

“We could set off right now, but some level of explanation is probably essential. An essential diffusion.44 Is that geriatric inside your shadow right now?”

“She is, but don’t use that wording.”

She could come back out if you kept calling her that.

Like a cat with stranger anxiety, she’d gone and hid herself when someone came to visit—or not. As you may have guessed, the tween girl and the young girl were not on particularly good terms, so this had been a result of my thoughtfulness in order to prevent them from squabbling as soon as they met.

It was monstrous distancing.

Ultimately, I wouldn’t be able to avoid them having to meet face-to-face, but I would have to stay alert to prevent lighting the spark of conflict until the very last moment—basically just putting off the problem for later. Along with that, for the sake of going through the proper procedures for step-by-step vampirism, I was having the young girl, who was ordinarily nocturnal, get some sleep. In vampire terms, it would be like her getting some rest in a casket… For Shinobu, who almost never abides by the rule of “always be prepared”, to thoroughly commit herself to the idea that “resting is also one’s responsibility”... It really made me see how much importance she was placing on that intuition of hers.

“Fine. I also want to avoid any pointless conflict.”

As she said that, Ononoki-chan sat down in the entryway without even taking off her boots.

“Hm? You’re not gonna come in? I can at least offer you some tea.”

“That’s fine. I’d like to avoid sitting at the same table without any partitions.”

“I have some ice cream, too.”

“—Th-that… is fine?”45

So which was it?

As “fine” was a word that could be taken either way, it made things more convoluted.

It was harder to read her intentions with her wearing a mask on top of always being expressionless, but Ononoki-chan seemed to have overcome the temptation of ice cream… What impressive mental fortitude.

I’d have to remember to buy her some as a souvenir.

It seemed not entering was also her consideration as a returnee (?) from overseas to avoid even the tiniest chance of scattering the novel coronavirus inside the house.

It was a level of conversation that made it hard for me to think that this was the same person that had once blasted the entrance of my home to smithereens.

Again and again, I was impressed by this shikigami.

I should probably go and put on a mask myself.

“Now, where should I begin? Onee-chan told me a bunch of stuff to pass on, and I have a lot of questions I’d like to ask myself, but we’re pressed for time. Because of the time difference with Europe, I’d like to adjust our departure time, too.”

Sheesh, onee-chan’s always pushing me around because of her lack of planning—said Ononoki-chan, speaking like someone from middle management.

Well, it would be pretty annoying to be forced to return home from Japan because of some reason that may have been thought up on the fly… And even more annoying, if it ended up twisting the future in which she could reunite with Sengoku.

Oh yeah, that’s right.

I wanted to ask about Sengoku before we got to the main topic.

“After you left my house, I heard you went to stay with Sengoku, but what happened after that? Kagenui-san told me that I should ask you.”

“We don’t have time for me to explain that, so if you’d like, read Volume 2.”

Read Volume 2?

How matter-of-fact of her.

“I’m sure opinions will be divided on whether or not it was a good idea to include the pandemic into this tale. As long as the setting is based in reality, it could be a form of deception to depict the world as though the coronavirus didn’t exist, but for those that are reading, they might feel melancholy at the thought that the pandemic has encroached upon their novels as well. It’s natural to want to be free, not self-restrained, when enjoying reading. And to those types of readers, I recommend Volume 2.”

“Don’t get into a sales pitch.”

What was this, The Testimonial of Ononoki Yotsugi?

Even if it’s Volume 2, it takes place chronologically before this one, huh… Things were as complex as always.

Nevertheless, it wasn’t like I didn’t understand what Yotsugi meant.

If anything, I sympathized strongly.

“There were plenty of great works, like The Betrothed or Death in Venice, that included infectious diseases in their stories. So it’s not necessarily a bad thing, in the sense that it gives us insight into history. If we don’t leave behind evidence in real time, history might get buried. What is the best way to reconcile this? The line between reality and fantasy is getting increasingly blurred. Nadekou is about to have a hard time with that from now on, too.”

“Huh? Why’s Sengoku gonna have a hard time?”

“For details, read Volume 2.”

She was completely passing the buck onto Volume 2.

What if it didn’t end up being published at the same time?

If we were on this subject, then the publishing industry itself was in trouble, too. When I’d heard that bookstores in the city had closed down, it had come as a shock to me, even as someone who wasn’t necessarily an avid reader. Should books be considered essential goods or not… The same could be said of music or sports, but it was a pretty difficult topic.

“If they weren’t essential, they would never have been created in the first place, and they would have died out much earlier. At least, that’s how I see it, as a man-made oddity. In fact, I would even evaluate it like this—in times like these, books are things that are so enjoyable, so irresistible, and so indispensable to the extent that it wouldn’t be a surprise if they were banned. Artists and creators should be proud that they’ve created works so valuable, we are willing to risk our lives to appreciate them. Just from the topic of reading, it seems I got a bit carried away.”46

This corpse doll was making some pretty good points.

In spite of her monotone.

And it was the same idea for music or sports, huh… They were forms of entertainment that people would gather in limitless numbers for, if limits weren’t imposed on them. And if they weren’t, in times like these they’d just be left alone, with people saying, “If it pleases them, then why not let them do as they please? It’s not like it has a big influence on anything.” And that wasn’t really all that bad.

“And I want to give praise to myself as a fan, too, from the bottom of my heart. Aah, so the numerous forms of entertainment that have soothed my soul were, in fact, so entertaining that they would end up being regarded as dangerous by society!”

“Aren’t your good points getting a little too exaggerated?”

Those words made her seem dangerous.

Alas, it would be fairly gauche of me to doubt whether a corpse doll possessed a heart or soul.

“But really, when I think about the fact that a lot of old science fiction masterpieces give off the impression of containing mysteries from an era without cell phones, it makes me feel a bit ashamed. They never depicted a pandemic like this in their imaginary future worlds, did they?”

“I wouldn’t be surprised if they actually did. Just that a stupid, shallow reader like you hasn’t managed to read one yet. Don’t underestimate the imagination of renowned classic authors. With science fiction novels having depicted cell phones, robots, and even the surveillance society to an almost prophetic level, I’m sure there’s a clear depiction of this pandemic, too. What even the best science fiction writers failed to foresee was the foolishness of humanity’s inability to band together, even in times like these.”

“Shut up. I thought you were making some good points, but now this.”

And you called me a stupid, shallow reader, too.

Though it was true I hadn’t gone too deep in my reading.

“If humanity were to band together, it would only bring forth peer pressure. Fortunately, Volume 2 has no mention of the coronavirus or the foolishness of humanity and is simply a cheerful adventure tale, so you can read it without worry. It’s just a cozy little story about a trip to Okinawa. Nadekou goes snorkeling in her school swimsuit, and plays around with Iriomote cats while wearing nothing but bloomers.”

“Don’t just spout out credible-sounding lies, even if you are a tsukumogami.”47

That wasn’t something you’d be able to publish in the Reiwa era.48

It seemed like Volume 1 really was going to be published on its own.

“Well, it’s true that if I hype it up too much, there might be a flood of people starting from Volume 2, so I’ll leave it at that. Especially because we’re in quite the unacceptable situation where the Nadeko chapters of Monster Season were more popular.”

“We were in that kind of situation?”

People will just stop reading here!

At least say something like, “Please enjoy both volumes together”!

It didn’t seem like things were going to be so cheerful from here on out, either… No matter how our Suicidemaster-centered trip would be concluded, it was an unshakeable truth that I would end up incurring Gaen-san’s wrath—in other words, a Lecture End.

“Maybe it isn’t too late to change tracks and devote myself to playing around with a young girl and a tween girl…”

“That’s also something you can’t publish in the Reiwa era. But it’s fine, both volumes will come out. It’ll be a zero-sum game between Volumes 1 and 2.”

In other words, rei (zero) and wa (sum).49

Well, it didn’t sound like Ononoki-chan committed some mistake or blunder that led to her being dismissed from where Sengoku was, which meant I could ensure a certain amount of safety for the aircraft… In the first place, it was wrong to attempt to glean information about Sengoku from Ononoki-chan.

If I make it back alive, I’ll go and read that Volume 2 of yours.

School swimsuits and wearing nothing but bloomers were probably not hyping things up so much as outright tall tales, but I could imagine even worse things had occurred.

“As for us, let’s do our best to not extend this by another volume. So, Ononoki-chan. Let’s get to the main topic. What does Kagenui-san want us to help her with? Calling us out to Europe, during these troubled times.”

I could only pray that we weren’t going to confirm the dead body of a sworn friend.

But, as soon as I made such a prayer…

“Of course, it’s oddity-related,”

responded Ononoki-chan immediately.

Not in a reading tone, but in her monotone.50

“In fact, it’s vampire-related. Otherwise, even that lawless onee-chan wouldn’t have brought on an amateur for an assistant.”

It was as I expected, but when she confirmed it, I couldn’t help but grow more and more afraid… Since I cut ties with Gaen-san, this would be the first time I was getting involved with oddity tales as part of a job.

“But it’s a little awkward, since it’s not like you two are completely unrelated, onii-chan. Because it’s a mutual acquaintance that’s been affected by this—one that can’t exactly be considered human.”51

“...Deathtopia Virtuoso Suicidemaster?”

“Oh my, and why would you think that, oni onii-chan? I only said that it was a mutual acquaintance.”

She was speaking like some great detective that had trapped a suspect using only her words, but really, with such blatant hints, anyone would be able to get it.

Even without Shinobu’s level of intuition, it would click.

“Eh… Then are we really going to confirm the body? Are we really going to an autopsy room in Eastern Europe to see Suicidemaster’s corpse, which was demolished by Kagenui-san to a point that you could trigger a dust explosion?”

“Your mental image of onee-chan is way too awful. Don’t describe her like some sort of demolition equipment.”

Well, it wasn’t quite right, but it was pretty close, wasn’t it?

I’d almost been demolished myself.

“It’s me that should say to you, oni onii-chan, that you weren’t quite right, but you were pretty close. Not quite a jungle crow, but a carrion crow.52 We’re not going to confirm the body, but depending on what happens, it could be something even more brutal. Since onee-chan is that kind of person, she didn’t really dig too deep, but it did weigh on my mind why you so fearlessly set up a remote conference here.”

Of course she would.

I didn’t really get what she meant by jungle crows and carrion crows, but with this, she seemed less like middle management and more like the tech-savvy assistant to a pushy boss—when it came to power-type characters, Ononoki-chan wasn’t much different from any other, but it seemed people could adapt based on the positions they were given.

Though she wasn’t a person, but a shikigami.

“Well, y’know, sometimes I feel like reconnecting with old friends. Especially in times like these. I’ve learned how precious our bonds can be.”

“As a result, you might end up reconnecting with a corpse.”

After casually making that disturbing threat, she then said, “If you have any information about Suicidemaster, you’d better tell me everything while I’m still in enough of a good mood to smile.”

Though she was expressionless under her mask.

Oops. It wasn’t as though I had any information worth sharing—all I could mention was Shinobu’s sixth sense. By awkwardly trying to keep things secret, I’d made myself even more suspicious—as I thought, honesty was the best policy.

I shouldn’t have deviated from my principles.

“It wasn’t exactly for the sake of reconnecting with old friends, but it’s true that Shinobu felt some concern over Suicidemaster’s present state. And that’s why I called. Since I’m not currently in contact with Gaen-san, I went to Kagenui-san.”

“Really? Is that all?”

I’d left some things out, but I wasn’t telling that big of a lie—I just didn’t think there was a need to disclose that, because Shinobu was plotting a daring trip overseas, I chose to call Kagenui-san in order to avoid being reprimanded by Gaen-san.

Honesty might be the best policy, but being thoughtful could be the second best.

“Yeah. Really, I’m the one that could use some information here. That’s why I agreed to Kagenui-san’s invitation.”

Well, it was also because I’d learned that the burden would fall upon her secondary candidate, Sengoku, if I were to refuse… It seemed reasonable to assume that we were the primary candidates, as the matter was related to vampires.

“That’s for sure. Like how for snake-related matters like Araundo Uroko, it was Nadekou that had the advantage.”

“Snake-related?”

Araundo Uroko?

Was she still trying to promote Volume 2?

“All right, I understand. However, Nadekou is one thing, but personally, I’m not too keen on getting you involved, oni onii-chan. Onee-chan can be a bit halfhearted about these things, but as professionals, there are certain lines that should be drawn at the bare minimum.”

“Well, apparently Gaen-san has given up on trying to pull me down that path.”

“That may be true. I also think that you aren’t suited to be a specialist, oni onii-chan. Because you put in too much of your own personal feelings. No matter who you’re with, you’ll sympathize with them, and no matter who you face, you’ll try to see things from their point of view. But you won’t be able to make correct judgments that way—you’ll end up doing stuff like hoarding toilet paper.”

“Actually, when it came to that debacle, I got a pretty late start on that.”

Though it got me to learn a few things about supply chain logistics. I also learned that, even though it was half a century since the oil crisis, people still didn’t change so easily.

“If what you learned was the unchanging nature of things, oni onii-chan, then what I experienced was the horror of baseless rumors. After witnessing in real time how ghost stories with no substance can form in such ways, I’m sure my professional mindset as a specialist is going to change.”

Indeed, being incapable of making the right choices even when knowing that something was misinformation sounded like a very oddity-like debacle. And it wasn’t just toilet paper—for the pandemic as a whole, I couldn’t deny that there was a part of it being magnified by baseless rumors.

It made me want to distrust others.

Even though I was supposed to have learned how precious my bonds were.

Being cautious was fine, but there was the risk of caution being a hotbed for conspiracy theories—perhaps half-belief and half-doubt was actually the best stance to take.

“But even so, in the end, I’m just onee-chan’s shikigami. It’s not like I have a professional license of my own. I have to abide by my master’s orders—and it just so happened that onee-chan’s haphazardness lined up with you declaring that you weren't afraid of the coronavirus.”

“When did I ever declare that I wasn’t afraid of the coronavirus?”

I was quivering with fear.

It might be hard for me to get infected, but at the same time, it implied that vaccines might be similarly ineffective.

“However, you’d better resolve yourself. For this job in particular, I don’t want you to come into it with superficial feelings.”

You’ll come to know about things that you were better off not knowing.

That was what Ononoki-chan said to make sure.

“You’re better off knowing that, in this world, there are things that you’re better off knowing and things you’re better off not knowing.”

By adding that final phrase, it made her speech sound a bit convoluted, but it sounded like Ononoki-chan was giving me the option to retreat. Perhaps she even thought that I had only agreed because I found it hard to reject Kagenui-san’s coercive recruitment.

The corpse doll had a kind side to her.

Or perhaps, Ononoki-chan was looking back at the case that led to her being forced to leave this house—but in any case, my answer was already decided.

“It’s all right, Ononoki-chan. I’m ready. And I’m also doing this in part to repay Shinobu. As thanks to her going along with my every whim for over two years.”

And it was my atonement.

In that respect, I was always resolved.

“Oh, is that so.”

Her reaction was too weak.

It was basically no reaction, in the face of my resolve.

“In that case, I’ll also resolve myself and share with you this piece of top-secret info. For the record, there’s no turning back after you hear this. What exactly onee-chan is doing in Europe—what exactly is happening in Europe.”

“...Gulp.”

I inhaled sharply.

Partly because of how Suicidemaster was involved in the matter, but also because that inconsiderate Kagenui-san sought me out for assistance… As someone who had borne witness to various hells, my morbid curiosity couldn’t help but be stimulated.

Things I was better off not knowing.

What exactly did I not know?

I don’t know everything, I just know what I know—Hanekawa’s catchphrase came to mind as I waited for Ononoki-chan to continue. And in her usual monotone, but with an air of solemnity…

“Right now, there’s a pandemic going on in Europe,”

she said.

She said. She said?

"..................”

“You’re so shocked that it’s left you speechless, huh, oni onii-chan.”

Well, I was speechless, but…

Now hold on. Did Ononoki-chan really see me as that much of an idiot? Didn’t we just recently talk about the toilet paper debacle? Huh, did she just think that I was pretending to know?

“Ononoki-chan, are you perhaps concerned that an irresponsible youngster like me is not sufficiently aware of the threat of the coronavirus? Did you think that declaration wasn’t for show, but for real?”

“Well, for youngsters who don’t watch TV, we can use social media to spread the word.”

“Those preconceptions scare me more.”

“Isn’t thinking that those are the preconceptions of an older person, in itself the preconceptions of a young person?”

“How philosophical of you. A step ahead in philosophy.”53

She got me.

Personally, it wasn’t so much that the threatening nature of the coronavirus wasn’t coming across, but the truthfulness, or perhaps the gravity, of the situation. But now wasn’t the time to be debating the difference in values across generations.

That was a different matter.

Right now, the fact that a pandemic was occurring was something that all of humanity throughout the whole world was aware of. For this, there was no doubt Hanekawa would say, “Everyone knows about that”—even Hanekawa, who could be anywhere in the world doing anything.

You didn’t even know something like that?

It wouldn’t be weird for that to be Hanekawa’s reaction.

“That’s not it. Oni onii-chan, I’m not talking about the novel coronavirus.”

“Huh? Are you saying you want to use the global term, ‘COVID-19’?”

“I feel like you can combine that with ‘Seven Dwarfs’ to come up with something clever.54 Both 7 and 19 are prime numbers, too.”

After saying that, Ononoki-chan continued, saying it had nothing to do with COVID-19, either.

“At this very moment, what’s sweeping the continent of Europe in the shadow of the coronavirus is a pandemic that only affects immortal oddities—vampires are dropping, one after another. At this rate, they’ll end up on the verge of extinction. And as for the one that the former Heartunderblade is concerned about, her sworn friend and the parent that brought her into this world, and, so to speak, the one responsible for her character setting—Deathtopia Virtuoso Suicidemaster has already tested positive.”

Positive.

It’s quite the ironic word for vampires who are weak to the sun,55 oni onii-chan.