Monogatari Series - Volume 28 - Chapter 1.05

005

I did not find myself immersed in the feeling of having completed a difficult task.

Before Ononoki-chan crashed in on us, I first needed to meet back up with Shinobu… With Kagenui-san having placed emphasis on taking countermeasures against infection, it was about time for me to hear from her about them, now that the plan had made it this far.

Especially if we were to cooperate with Kagenui-san and Ononoki-chan, who’d been there for longer… I’d heard that the infection status of the various countries in Europe were far different from that of Japan, so we couldn’t just be slapdash about it.

And there was the possibility that, in order to get things moving, she’d simply lied about having a plan—if so, I needed to make that transparently clear.

“How rude. ‘Twas certainly not a lie that I had a plan—but at that point in time, I couldn’t have foreseen that you would go and seek help from that Kagenui.43 Perhaps my plan will need some fine-tuning.”

Appearing from my shadow for the second time, Shinobu pompously crossed her arms—as expected, she wasn’t pleased with the fact that I’d made contact with that specialist in immortal oddities without having consulted her first.

For someone who says that all humans are the same to her, that girl could be pretty extreme in her likes and dislikes.

How difficult she was.

“It was a surprise for me, too. I never thought Kagenui-san would be working in Europe in this situation—but don’t you think it could be connected to that ‘just because’ feeling you were having?”

Since I had some concerns, I figured it was better to share them with Shinobu now. It would be a pain if things got complicated over there because I stayed silent.

“Hmm. And by that, you mean?”

Why weren’t you getting it?

You should be able to figure it out from that.

“I’m just saying, how do you feel about the possibility that, at your birthplace or somewhere nearby, Kagenui-san exterminated, or is in the process of exterminating, Suicidemaster? The timing just seems too good to be a coincidence.”

I couldn’t afford to have things go to waste by clumsily pressing the matter, so I didn’t really ask about it during the call, but apparently, there had been some sort of connection between Suicidemaster and Kagenui-san even before the events of one year ago.

They’d exchanged words that sounded so very meaningful.

“If helping Suicidemaster means having to oppose Kagenui-san and Ononoki-chan, then that makes things more complicated. It would be like going back to that summer break two years ago…”

Those were summer memories that I didn’t want to recall.

It was perhaps the time I’d been the closest to dying.

And there was no way that I could say that I’d won that battle.

“Since the source is my own intuition, I cannot outright deny it, but, about that, well… Would it not be all right?”

After thinking about it briefly, Shinobu said as such.

Did she really think about it? If she was even thinking, was she actually thinking about toroidal baked goods, instead?

She was always making careless promises, again and again.

Or so I thought, but it seemed that this time, it wasn’t necessarily a careless promise, nor did it seem to be entirely baseless, as the golden-haired young girl continued thusly.

“After all, she is a vampire that will die for more times than you can count. And that has always been the case, so simply being exterminated by a vampire hunter in a proper, or ordinary, manner should not spark my intuition. I suspect she has gotten involved in matters even more unavoidable.”

Something was happening that was worse than dying?

She’d been saying something of the sort from the beginning, but it made even more sense if Kagenui-san was somehow involved.

They say that speaking from personal experience carried its own level of persuasiveness, and if so, Kagenui-san describing her visit to Europe as a “business trip” could have a different implication—in the first place, a specialist in immortal oddities like her asking someone like me or Shinobu for help was quite the abnormal situation in itself.

It was neither proper nor ordinary.

What exactly was happening in Europe—in what remained of the Acerola Kingdom (temp.)?

“...Well, Kagenui-san is someone that employs an immortal oddity in Ononoki-chan as her shikigami, so there’s no point in thinking too hard about it.”

There was no need to obsess over the setup.

I’d learned from the pandemic that thinking too hard or worrying too much wasn’t exactly a good thing.

Considering that she’d been thinking about calling up Sengoku, even though Ononoki-chan had already been ordered to withdraw, it could just be that, because of the infection control measures, there was a limit to what kind of people she could reach out to.

In times like these, it was true that it was harder for those belonging to organizations to mobilize.

“Indeed, in the case of that snake girl, she did seem to possess immunities to various poisons. Though I do not know if that remains true.”

“Looks like we’ve returned to the topic at hand, though. Let’s assume ‘not getting infected’ is easy enough, but what are we going to do about ‘not infecting anyone’, Shinobu? What did you mean when you said you might need to do some fine-tuning?”

“Well, going back to the summer break of two years ago, the reason that Kagenui decided to turn a blind eye to us was because you and I had lost nearly all of our vampiric power, thus making us no longer targets for extermination, correct?”

Right.

To add to that, the one who went through the process to get us recognized as harmless was none other than Oshino—that discerning guy had gone and ensured our safety in advance.

To go even further, it was that con man that had called Kagenui-san into this town in the first place. Because I’d gotten in the way of his get-rich-quick scheme, he’d put me through some awful harassment.

What a trio they made.

Maybe they gave off the same impression as me and Oikura and Hitagi.

“In fact, she’d made it abundantly clear when we met again that winter. If my physical transformation into a vampire progressed any more from that point, she would exterminate me with no mercy.”

“And that is exactly what I plan to do.”

“What?”

I had simply been reminiscing about the past, but Shinobu pointed towards what I said as though I was dead-on.

“With what remains of our vampire constitutions, there’s no chance of us being infected, so if we were to power up that constitution by a tiny bit, spreading the infection would become impossible, too. That is my plan. Or was.”

“Mm—would it even work that way?”

It didn’t immediately click for me.

If turning into a vampire was like becoming more like a bat, then I would think it would make us more susceptible to infection—like how they would say cats could catch the virus, though this had nothing to do with Hanekawa.

I couldn’t simply pass the halfhearted judgment of a layperson.

No, in the first place, it wasn’t like it was impossible for us to get infected. The kind of immortality I had was one that simply maintained a healthy body, so it only meant that it was unlikely for me to show symptoms if I were to get infected—like being able to quickly recover if I sustained a fatal injury. Basically, if we boosted my immortal nature, my vampiric nature, even further, was she thinking that I wouldn’t just be able to negate the effect of the virus, but eradicate it completely?

That would be almost like a vaccine.

“If that were possible, it would be better for us to proactively go outdoors and gradually clean the atmosphere of the virus. Like an air purifier.”

Or like Amabie-sama.

Perhaps we should have pictures of ourselves drawn, too.

“Back in my heyday, that may very well have been possible for me—loathed as the King of Oddities as I was. But of course, were we to go that far, it would simply revert us into becoming targets for extermination.”

I have no need for living life on the run, said Shinobu, shaking her head.

Just as it was for me, it seemed that “hellish spring break” was a bitter recollection for Shinobu as well.

Becoming a young girl for eternity would be bitter for anyone.

“According to what I learned from Meniko, viruses aren’t capable of self-reproducing, so they aren’t classified as ‘living beings’ under the modern definition… But would it be like using an energy drain on the viruses themselves?”

“It seems your knowledge consists solely of what you have learned from women and children. That in itself could be called an energy drain—but, ‘tis something like that. Not to mention, under the modern definition, vampires would not be considered living beings, either.”

We would be monsters, she said.

Hmm… To be completely honest, it was hard to say that it sounded like a good idea… Perhaps that was why she’d acted so pretentious about it earlier. But it was as a result of repeatedly doping ourselves with that “vampirism” that I’d nearly been unable to return to being human that winter.

Though that depended on the definition of “human”.

Could you really say that a being who concealed a young girl in his shadow was really human?

However, though it was an act I’d recklessly repeated for my own convenience, it was a different matter if I were to do it for Shinobu’s sake.

I’d been holding back ever since I’d become a university student, but I doubted it would be a big problem to expend some of the gauge that had filled up so far.

If Kagenui-san weren’t involved, that is…

Then yeah, the plan would need some fine-tuning. Or adjustment on a larger scale, or maybe even giving up on it entirely.

“If we show ourselves to her after turning into vampires, she’ll kill us…”

There was no doubt she’d be astounded, berating us for being people who never learned… It would be even worse if she were to learn that I was the reason she’d been sent to the North Pole.

“But technically, she was the one to invite us, so… In the end, it was like she hardly even cared about the reason I called her.”

It made her seem like more and more of a heavyweight.

Or just half-baked.

“Practically speaking, we do need to use a little bit of vampirism from our normal mode, or I wouldn’t be able to survive clinging to Ononoki-chan’s waist through her mighty leaps. With repeated flights, it would tear my body to shreds.”

If it were Shinobu in her heyday mode, if it were Kissshot Acerolaorion Heartunderblade, then she could make a direct flight to what remained of the Acerola Kingdom (temp.) in a single leap without any layovers. We couldn’t allow vampirism to that extent, but if we didn’t reinforce our bodies on some level, what would arrive on Romania’s doorstep would be two battered corpses.

What a delivery that would be.

“Is there a possibility that Kagenui-san is calling us for something completely unrelated to Suicidemaster? If that’s the case, we would need to handle two separate matters when we go there.”

“‘Twould seem to me that you are dreaming too much… I do not believe that Deathy has gotten herself exterminated by that Kagenui, but with how things have developed, I do not think they are completely unrelated, either. We do not need inspiration for that much. We can simply ask that Ononoki girl about it.”

“That’s true—and by Deathy, you’re talking about Suicidemaster, right?”

They sure seemed close…

They really gave off the impression of being sworn friends.

“When I went up to my childhood friend Oikura and tried to call her ‘Dachi’ with the double meaning of Sodachi and tomodachi, meaning friend, all I got was the experience of feeling physical pain for the first time in a while…”

“Could it not be that she felt strong repulsion towards the latter meaning?”

“Hey, would it be fine if I called you ‘Kissy’ from now on?”

“I do not mind much myself, but it would remove my bindings. Do not forget that I am bound by the name of that Hawaiian-shirt brat.”

I wasn’t expecting for the one restricted by those bindings to warn me about them… Regardless, for Kissy, or rather, for Shinobu to suggest the act of doping via sucking blood, it meant that the situation really was urgent.

I couldn’t refuse.

I’d say no to dining together, but I couldn’t say no to this.

Even if it was inevitable for us to incur the wrath of Gaen-san… I’d been thinking about asking for forgiveness by going through her junior, Kagenui-san, but that might lead to even harsher lecturing. She might take on Kagenui-san’s share of the wrath, too.

This was the result of our evil scheme.

It would probably be a good idea to check with Ononoki-chan in advance to see if Kagenui-san’s business trip occurred on Gaen-san’s orders.

Thinking back to the events of last year, Kagenui-san didn’t seem like the kind of loyal junior that would act as Gaen-san’s hands and feet—but, against the “onee-san that knew everything”, I wanted to keep this a secret if I could.

I’d take this secret to the grave.

Though it could be that keeping this a secret is what sends me to the grave.

“I feel guiltier about the act of going out itself rather than its potential to spread the infection, and maybe that just means I’m weak to peer pressure, but oh well.”

“And, as I have said, ‘tis not going out, but returning home.”

She was really fixated on that, huh.

And, just then, the doorbell rang.

It seemed Ononoki-chan had arrived—when she was still a freeloader, she’d more often climb in through the window, so it was really a sign that times had changed.

Right now, Ononoki-chan was a guest.

However, the first time she rang the doorbell as a “guest” two years ago, it ended with the entrance of the Araragi home being completely destroyed, so I had better answer the door quickly.

Thank goodness Tsukihi’s school had already reopened.