Monogatari Series - Volume 28 - Chapter 1.07

007

In that respect, the term “corona” as an astronomical term would also certainly suggest a poor matchup for vampires—but if a situation like this was really happening in Europe, then I couldn’t disagree that Kagenui-san’s trip was entirely for business.

It was inevitable.

If anything, it would be illogical for her to have not gone on the trip.

Conversely speaking, if the only principle that allowed Shinobu and me to travel was because we were less susceptible to infection, then this was the moment it all came crashing down—our vampire constitutions ended up completely backfiring on us, didn’t they?

Though I suppose, it was just like always?

On top of backfiring, misfortunes never come singly.56

We were about to defenselessly dive headfirst into a cluster. Just like always.

But an infection that targeted vampires?

Some centuries ago, vampires were thought to be the culprits behind an infectious disease, so it seemed completely backwards for them to become the victims of one now—however, it was true that the idea lined up perfectly with Shinobu’s intuition.

The gourmet vampire, Deathtopia Virtuoso Suicidemaster, who was an expert in dying… Shinobu’s hunch that something worse than death was happening for her turned out to be exactly right.

But… Was there really something like that?

For a pandemic to be occurring throughout the vampire world at the same time as the spread of the novel coronavirus—could the vector have been bats? Or maybe wolves?

When it came to the novel coronavirus, I thought I’d managed to fully empathize with those that were at the highest risk, but now that I was placed in that high-risk position, it made me realize that I hadn’t understood their feelings at all.

Ultimately, I had been speaking from within my own safety bubble.

I hadn’t had enough of a sense of danger.

What the older people had said had all been correct.

I’d shown off so much, acting as though I couldn’t lose to the coronavirus… How embarrassing it all was. I was filled with regret.

“For now, the only ones showing symptoms are vampires. Vampires, as well as their thralls. Technically, I myself fall under the broad umbrella of immortal oddities, but at the moment I don’t need to fear getting infected—but then again, that’s not for certain. We’re calling it a pandemic, but we still don’t know what the cause is.”

Other than the fact that the starting point is somewhere around what the former Heartunderblade calls the Acerola Kingdom (temp.)—said Ononoki-chan.

“Since there are in fact a broad spectrum of immortal oddities, oni onii-chan, you should keep in mind that even your family members could be at risk.”

"............”

“Well, I’m glad that my concerns have been fully conveyed. That was the most important thing. It couldn’t make me happier. Oni onii-chan, you said some admirable things like this being repayment or atonement for the former Heartunderblade, but you won’t be able to get involved in this incident with the outlook of a third party. You’re a completely related party, oni onii-chan, and you’ll have to come into this carrying a high risk.”

So her layovers avoiding infected areas, the hand sanitizer and mask, and the fact that she didn’t come in any further than the entryway—Ononoki-chan’s hygiene habits were actually rooted in the job she was working on.

Dear me.

Though there were no such indications as of right now, it wasn’t at all true that Ononoki-chan and Kagenui-san were safe, either—we couldn’t assume that the pandemic wouldn’t spread to corpse dolls, or even humans.

“That’s right… If Amabie-sama really exists, then it wouldn’t be weird at all if there’s an oddity that’s like the plague itself.”

“Since onee-chan’s attention to risk management is nonexistent, I’ll take independent action here and allow you to confer with the former Heartunderblade. I’ll need time to replenish my energy for the next leap, so I’ll be waiting here for about an hour.”

It was right after I’d so boldly declared how prepared I was, but I was grateful for her consideration. You could even say that the circumstances had changed drastically for Shinobu, too… We were both carrying a high risk, but I considered it to be a more dangerous position for Shinobu.

For the sake of traveling while clinging to Ononoki-chan as she used “Unlimited Rulebook”, we’d talked about how we would boost ourselves via vampirism, but after all this, it sounded so dangerous that it made me dizzy.

How terrifying.

This two-man cell was really just a couple of fools.

“At least let me treat you. Do you want me to get you some ice cream? You’d be fine with just eating by yourself in the entryway, right?”

“Yes, please. I’ll take off the lid myself. Even if you finish your discussion quickly, I can’t let you see me without my mask on.”

She was saying something that sounded like a different yokai or a different urban legend had gotten mixed in, but there was no need to worry, for this surely wouldn’t be a simple discussion… After washing my hands with soap while singing the ABCs, I retrieved some ice cream from the kitchen freezer and passed it to Ononoki-chan before withdrawing to my room on the second floor—and I knocked on my shadow.

“What is it? Have you finished talking? Ka ka, you’ve done a good job.”

Rubbing her drowsy eyes, the golden-haired young girl climbed out—how carefree she still was.

It put me at ease, just for a little.

“Now, is it time to implement my nice idea? After hearing how perfect my infection control measures are, I’m sure that corpse girl was trembling in awe, being Ononoki and all.”57

“Well, where should I start…”

Though it’s kind of late to pun on Ononoki with “trembling” after all this time.

“To get straight to the point, apparently Suicidemaster is still alive.”

“Oho! ‘Tis actually a surprise. Even though that gourmet’s life of over a thousand years has likely spent more time dead.”

If I’m a vampire with suicidal tendencies, then Deathy is a vampire with malnutrition—was what Shinobu declared, but the words “suicidal tendencies” ended up weighing on me for the first time in two years.

I thought I would be squashed flat by those words.

Without finding a better way to put it, I borrowed Ononoki-chan’s monotone for the rest.

“However, it seems she’s been infected.”

“Whaaat?”

“Not by the novel coronavirus, but by a disease that only affects vampires… Apparently, in Europe, vampires are dying one after another.”

There was Dramaturgy, the vampire hunter who was a vampire himself, who had once worked together with Hanekawa for a period of time… And there was the half-vampire, Episode… Where were they and what were they doing right now? I’d ended up with more people to worry about.

It was a bit of a ridiculous circumstance that I would end up worrying about those two, though.

Simply just a weird twist of fate.

Ononoki-chan had highlighted that it was a crisis regarding the mass death of vampires, but in the first place, how many vampires even existed in the modern world, where science was at its peak?

Without even needing to use Shishirui Seishirou as an example, vampires lived fairly short lives relative to their long lifespans, and there was no doubt that they were already on the verge of extinction… That’s why they were being put in an even worse spot.

As one would be able to tell from the model for Dracula’s castle coming from Romania, vampires were originally European oddities, so it made sense to me why the infection was springing up there. However, that didn’t mean that it wasn’t capable of spreading into Japan, either.

As long as tales of vampires were passed down, so too were tales of killing vampires.

“Just as you thought, those ripples are spreading out with the Acerola Kingdom (temp.) at its center… So you weren’t mistaken when you felt like you had to return to your home country for the sake of your sworn friend. However, don’t you think it’s gotten harder to tell whether or not returning to your home country will actually be of any help to Suicidemaster?”

“Panaino!”

“It’s not the time for a ‘Panaino’!”

As though she understood that it wasn’t time for a “Panaino” without needing my retort, Shinobu crouched down on the spot to conceal her face… This golden-haired loli slave could have some violent mood swings.

She was getting depressed so blatantly?

Even curling up into a ball?

I hate to say this, but even I put up a braver front against Ononoki-chan. It was certainly unexpected for me, but I at least pretended that I had resolved myself.

I didn’t want to forcibly pull Shinobu out of her crouching state, but I still pulled on ahead, passing on the extent that I’d heard from Ononoki-chan ended up sounding like secondhand information, but I think I managed to hit all the important points.

It’s a well-known fact that, if you contract the novel coronavirus, there’s the severe problem that you won’t be able to see your family members face-to-face. In the worst-case scenario, you won’t be able to say your last farewells. And here, that sort of anxiety was not something we could detach ourselves from. It stood in the way as a problem that specifically affected us.

It was dangerous enough heading straight for the center of the pandemic, but it wasn’t hard to imagine that visiting Suicidemaster, who had tested positive, would not be a particularly recommended course of action.

And her sworn friend surely would not to spread the infection onto Shinobu—

“There are a lot of things that are still unclear, and it’s not like Ononoki-chan can give us all the details while we still haven’t made a formal agreement, but as far as I can tell, this isn’t a job that amateurs like us can carelessly poke our noses into. Wouldn’t the adult decision be to leave this to the pros?”

The adult decision.

It was laughable for me to say those words.

Having turned twenty years old—though the age of majority was going to drop to eighteen soon.

Shinobu, with her face still buried in her lap, said,

“Aah. Aah. I never wanted to hear it. I never wanted the words ‘the adult decision’ to come out of your mouth. I guess my master is done for, too.”

We should have ended things after Kizumonogatari, she continued, smacking the sides of her head in an “I didn’t want to hear that” reaction—but, Kizumonogatari?

That was pretty far back, wasn’t it.

And it was my ears that were burning, all right?

But, well, during that hellish spring break, there was no doubt that I hadn’t made the slightest bit of an adult decision when I recklessly saved the life of a vampire—and the result of my recklessness would be a frontal wound that remained with me for life.58

Though, to be precise, it wasn’t a frontal wound, but a bite mark on the back of my neck.

“As you are now, I’m sure you would not find it hard to abandon me if you were to come across me on the verge of death. Sob sob.”

“Appealing to emotion is unfair!”

And you were way too bad at pretending to cry.

What’s with the “Sob sob”?

“I learned a lot from that spring break, and I’m sure you did, too. And from when we destroyed a parallel world and stuff.”

“You sure do seem to enjoy casually bringing up my past traumas, do you not?”

My mind briefly wandered to the meaningless question of what could have happened to Suicidemaster and the other vampires in that world line, but right now, I had better things to worry about.

It wasn’t the time to make adjustments to the narrative for my own convenience.

Instead of making adjustments, I had to adjust my aim towards the issue at hand.

Though she was still assuming a sulking position, it didn’t seem like Shinobu failed to understand… If she didn’t understand, she could have foolishly jumped straight at the cluster, but the situation made our options seem closed off from all sides.

“I don’t suppose we can try to set up a video call with Suicidemaster… A lot of details may still be unclear on that side, but from the way they spoke, it sounded like Kagenui-san is capable of getting into contact with Suicidemaster…”

Now, I didn’t get the chance to ask, but what stance was Kagenui-san taking for this business trip? It really depended on the situation, but fundamentally, her position was that of one who “exterminated immortal oddities”... An ally of justice that treated “oddities that didn’t die”, which defied logic, as evil.

If there was a disease that was wiping out vampires, was it possible she actually wanted that? If so, there could be a possibility that she wanted to make the pandemic grow for the sake of exterminating vampires—or not.

That was a manifestation of a pipe dream no different from the idea that the global spread of the novel coronavirus would act as a wake-up call to the conceited humanity.

If it were Gaen-san and not Kagenui-san, then I could believe that she would take such a conniving, roundabout method, but that violent onmyouji would want to wipe out vampires not with an invisible phantom virus, but with her punches and headbutts and kicks.

Her stance was completely different.

“‘Tis a certain sort of mutually advantageous relationship between hunters and vampires, you see. If vampires were to be wiped out, then so would the vampire hunters.”

“That’s a pretty large-scale thing to say…”

But, well, it was true.

In that sense, when it came to viruses that were incapable of self-reproducing, their hosts dying out would lead to the viruses themselves dying out—but it wasn’t like the viruses would step on the brakes to prevent their hosts from dying out, which was the problem.

They would simply all die out when the time came.

All living things will go extinct someday.

Probabilistically.

Whether they’re dinosaurs or viruses, whether they’re humans or vampires—considering humans were wantonly destroying the environment of their own volition, there was no way they could operate with self-restraint when up against viruses.

“Even a vampire hunter would be troubled if they were to lose their job in a recession like this. ‘Tis not like you can find a proper job at this stage.”

They say that all legitimate trades are equally honorable, but it really was hard for me to imagine Kagenui-san being employed at a company or Kagenui-san starting her own business.

After all, it wasn’t like she could plant her feet on the ground.

“Then, should we assume that Kagenui-san has Suicidemaster under her custody? If so—”

That’s a relief, was something that was hard for me to say.

There was no way for me to know what the medical system was like for vampires… Suicidemaster may have been under constant surveillance from Gaen-san and her team ever since last spring, but the fact that her safety couldn’t be ensured even in those circumstances really made it clear how frightening a pandemic could be.

Shit, there were too many large things that I wouldn’t understand unless we went there ourselves… Even if Suicidemaster had been the one to turn Shinobu into a vampire, there was no master-servant relationship between them, so it wasn’t like telepathy was possible. There was nothing she could rely on but her own intuition.

Not that Shinobu and I had ever used telepathy between us, even if we were linked. Though there was the fact that our senses were shared, which you could say was a form of sympathy—sympathy, huh?

“The fact that our linkage stops at sympathy could have been the consideration of that Hawaiian-shirt brat, who wanted to avoid your inner thoughts being leaked to a young girl.”

“Then I have to admit, that consideration was an appropriate precaution.”

“Do not admit that. Why should ratings come into play between master and servant?”

“So, what should we do?”

Once again, I asked to confirm Shinobu’s intentions.

We couldn’t keep Ononoki-chan waiting in the entryway forever—she was a corpse doll, not a ceramic tanuki from Shigaraki.

If anything, she was more like a bear with a salmon in its mouth.59

“If Suicidemaster is to you in the same way that Hanekawa is to me, then I can try thinking about it with Hanekawa in her position. If Hanekawa were overseas, having contracted a disease with a fatality rate and complication risks worse than those of the novel coronavirus, then as for what I would do—”

I’d come up with the analogy to say that I wouldn’t go, that I’d stay put, that I’d pray for her recovery from a faraway location… But when I actually put myself in that situation, I was at a loss for words.

Because I thought that I might actually go.

There was a chance I wouldn’t even hesitate.

I really hadn’t become an adult, huh.

It was because of these kinds of impulses that humans went flower-viewing, after all.

“I understand. You need not continue with what you were saying, my master.”

Finally, Shinobu raised her head.

I’d been wondering whether or not she’d actually been crying for real, but those golden eyes seemed to sparkle, overflowing with determination.

Determination.

In other words, while that young girl had been crouched, it was clear that she had come to some sort of decision—if so, then all I could do was respect that. As always.

Would we head for the ruined Acerola Kingdom (temp.)?

Or would we remain in closed-off Japan?

Either way, just as I had done as her servant in the past, I would abide by her decision and stick together with her—however, the conclusion that the golden-haired young girl came up with was neither of the two options.

No, it was both.

“Let us do this. I am sorry to have to say this after inviting you, but you should stay here. I will go by myself to the Acerola Kingdom (temp.). What do you think?”