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“Ahhhhhh! Hurry! Please huuuuurrrry uuuupppp!”
“Goddammit, why are you always such an idiot…? Oof! Why the hell are you so heavy?!”
“He’s still using the old-generation power armor?! For crying out loud, use your Evil Points and upgrade already!”
With my power armor on cooldown, rendering me unable to move, two agents carry me as the mole chases after us.
Despite releasing the restraints on my power armor, the harpoon I threw didn’t do a damn thing.
“Hey, don’t you think something’s off here? Even the harpoon I threw with my super strength didn’t work. Could it be that the mole has some sort of magical ability that prevents physical attacks? Like in a video game?”
“Leave that sort of theorizing to Alice! Just because you can’t move doesn’t mean you can slack off like that!”
The colleague carrying the upper half of my body yells this at me, but Alice doesn’t believe in the supernatural.
“Actually, when Tiger Man punched the mole with his full strength, that seemed to have an effect. So I don’t think physical attacks have zero effect.”
The agent carrying my lower half shoots down my theory entirely.
If Tiger Man’s attack worked, then it might just be a lack of power.
But given that even my throw didn’t pierce its hide, using harpoons to immobilize it isn’t going to work.
It’s not like I’m still using the old power armor because I don’t have the points to afford the new set.
Sure, this armor is inferior to the latest models in terms of agility, but it’s got better strength and durability.
It also has a simpler design, and it’s harder to break.
Maybe we should just have Tiger Man use his mutant strength to throw a harpoon.
…No, because of his claws, he can’t really throw with much accuracy. No matter how far away from the battle the rest of us are, I bet any harpoon he tosses will find its way to us somehow.
Actually, now that I think about it, I haven’t seen Tiger Man since the last mole attack…
“Oh shit, it’s getting closer and closer! You guys need to move faster!”
“Pipe down, or we’ll just leave you here!”
“Why don’t we just leave him anyway? At this rate, it’ll catch us, too!”
As expected of Combat Agents from an evil organization. They have no qualms about ditching me to save themselves.
“Please don’t leave me here! If we get home safely, I’ll introduce you to this girl Bianca who I met at one of the Grace taverns!”
“…Tch. Idiot. We might work for an evil organization, but we won’t abandon another agent!”
“Yeah, we’ve known you a long time, Six! It’s just dark humor! C’mon, let’s do this!”
Boy, Kisaragi Combat Agents might not always see eye to eye, and they’ll even make some messed-up jokes every once in a while, but they would never leave a comrade to die.
I take comfort in that knowledge and thank my lucky stars.
The two of them are doing their best, but the mole’s still gaining on us.
There’s a full minute left on the armor cooldown.
We might not be able to get away…
Just then, the pair, who seem to have come to the same conclusion, exchange whispers…
“Hey, I’ll hold out until the last minute, but just in case…”
“Yeah, I’ve been through a lot with you. If we’re about to be overrun, then…”
“Hey, what do you mean, ‘just in case’? What are you two plotting? We’re comrades, right? No, we’re friends, even. Close friends who’ve been through hell and back together!”
The two don’t meet my gaze despite my desperate pleas.
Yeah…I guess I knew what they were really thinking all along. That’s just how Kisaragi agents are deep down.
“Well? Do you think we can keep going a little longer? Or is there no hope?”
“We should probably just get rid of—”
“You can do it! There’s still plenty of distance between us and the mole! Don’t give up so easily! My cooldown period’s almost over!”
Just as the Sand King gets uncomfortably close and I panic at the prospect of being left behind…
“O Great Lord Zenarith, I beseech thee! Deliver disaster unto this monster! May it stumble in a spectacular fashion!”
As the curse rings out, the Sand King trips over its own feet.
Looking over in the direction of the voice, Grimm’s there with Rose pushing her wheelchair.
She usually gets in the way, but she really came through in the clutch this time.
I typically mooch off her, but maybe tonight…
“Commander, my curse tripped the Sand King! Yes, MY curse! You owe me big-time for this! Enough to shave a year off that promise, perhaps…?”
As Grimm rambles on about something, I decide I can wait for next time to treat her.
<Cooldown complete. Power armor ready for use.>
The announcement comes at last, and I begin running with my own two feet.
“Oh, the cooldown’s done… Hey, why are you suddenly running off on your own?”
“That bastard! How quickly he forgets that we hauled his ass all this way! The least he could do is run behind us!”
I hear some annoying buzzing coming from behind me, but since I reserved my strength during the cooldown period, I’m the first to get to Grimm.
“Commander, you always get in trouble the moment I take my eyes off you. I really can’t leave you alone, can I? You’d be lost without me…”
After saying that, Grimm acts as though she can’t help but care for me.
“You’re one to talk considering you literally die every time I take my eyes off you, but thanks. Still, I’m not sure what you meant when you said I owed you.”
“Even if you pretend not to understand, I’m still subtracting a year. You’re keeping that promise if we’re both not married nine years from now.”
Grimm’s yammering about something I’m still not really following, so I ignore her and turn my attention to the Sand King.
Back on its feet, the Sand King chases after one of the agents.
“Grimm, can you perform another curse? I mean, they were thinking of abandoning me, but they did help a little. I wanna make sure I don’t owe them anything.”
“I can, but that just means you’ll owe me even more. Meaning if we’re both single in eight years…”
Still ignoring her, I make a mad dash toward the Sand King.
“Boss, I’m tough, so I’ll act as a diversion! Do something about it while I keep it busy!”
Rose dashes up next to me, completely eclipsing whatever the hell Grimm was talking about.
“Listen to meeeee! O Great Lord Zenarith, I beseech thee! Deliver disaster unto this monster! Have it freeze in place!”
The Sand King, chasing after the Combat Agent, stops dead in its tracks.
Having gone two for two for the first time in ages, Grimm earns surprised cheers from all the agents who witness her feat.
“See that, Commander? I’m a competent woman! So dependable! I can’t guarantee I’ll still be single in eight years, you know! So if you’ll just sign the marriage certificate already, I’ll throw in my incomparable housekeeping skills!”
Grimm’s weirdly giddy after having her curses succeed twice in a row and starts rambling, and Alice throws something at me.
“Six, here’s a sonic depth charge Lady Lilith left behind! The mole should be vulnerable to sound! When the Sand King opens its mouth, throw this into it! You just need to drive it away for today!”
After catching the ball Alice throws to me, I chase after Rose.
Once the two Combat Agents get far enough away from it, the Sand King’s paralysis fades, and it turns its nose toward Rose, who’s right in front of it.
…Just then.
“I’m in luck today! Really lucky! I feel like I can use the Zenarith Assembly’s secret teachings!”
I don’t know what she’s planning, but Grimm stands on top of her wheelchair, carrying lots of sacrifices.
“I am a woman beyond death and destruction! The Archbishop of the Great Lord Zenarith! My name is Grimm Grimoire! Allow me to show you the true power of my curses!”
Our surroundings suddenly go dark.
It was bright and sunny up until a few seconds ago, but now clouds blanket the sky.
The agents begin looking around in confusion, clearly unnerved by the spectacle, which no normal human could produce.
Grimm listens to the confused murmurs with satisfaction, then points at the Sand King.
“By the grace of Lord Zenarith, give yourself to eternal slumber! Death is a precious gift! Surrender to its sweet embrace!”
My long-honed instincts as a Combat Agent sends up all sorts of warning signals.
Is she serious…? Even though she’s usually just an annoying spinster, I guess this is what happens when an archbishop gets serious…!
“Please accept my offerings, Lord Zenarith!”
As Grimm screams to the sky, a black mist envelops the Sand King.
“Farewell, Sand King. Your name, the mere utterance of which brought whole nations to their knees as they cowered in fear, will not soon be forgotten…”
Grimm murmurs softly, then collapses into her wheelchair, a smirk dripping with confidence still on her face.
What just happened, you ask?
Well, it seems our dear Grimm just committed an especially fancy form of suicide.
The Sand King appears perplexed as well, and it keeps looking around despite the fact that the mist has dispersed.
But just then, a low voice echoes in the distance, slicing right through the air of confusion.
“Drown in a sea of hellfire…!”
Spurred on by Grimm’s bravado, Rose strikes a pose and sucks in a deep breath.
I dash toward the Sand King as Rose draws its attention.
“Sleep for all eternity! Crimson Breaaaaath!”
As the mole reels back from the flames lapping at its nose, I throw the sonic depth charge into its mouth!
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