Combatants Will Be Dispatched - Volume 4 - Chapter 5.2

2 

“Well nyeow, Lady Lilith, we wish you success!” 

We watch the ground forces led by Tiger Man snap off salutes to Lilith before heading out. 

It will take a while until Tiger Man and the Combat Agents engage the Demon Lord’s Army. 

Since we’d easily overtake them in our plane regardless of how fast they push their land vehicles, we have nothing to do but hurry up and wait until the decoys engage the enemy’s main force. 

In the end, the ones left are Lilith, Alice, Rose, me, and the pilot, Combat Agent Ten. 

Though we have plenty of time, this is a sortie Lilith threw together in a hurry, so there’s no harm in taking a moment to sort out the specifics. 

“…The plan is as I explained earlier. We will be offering Tiger Man as a precious sacrifice. He will catch the Demon Lord—probably while he’s gazing up at the sky and cackling, or something—and then, he’ll rip out his jugular. I understand the description makes this sound rather risky, but my presence will make up for that.” 

The risk is that you came up with it. I barely manage to swallow the words before they come out of my mouth. 

“The ideal situation would be a precise drop by Combat Agent Ten. Demon Lords tend to live at the tops of their castles anyway. If there’s no antiaircraft fire, we’ll have Ten bring us in as close as possible and drop us at the top floor. Then, we crash through the windows and kill the Demon Lord. Problem solved!” 

“No, don’t solve the problem, Lady Lilith! I want to talk to the Demon Lord!” 

Rose’s objection reminds Lilith of the original objective. 

“N-now, on the other hand!” 

She wants to pretend the last line didn’t happen. 

“If the antiair fire is too thick and we can’t get to the castle, then we’ll release multiple parachutes as dummies. We’ll then drop last toward the rear of the castle. There’ll be a rain of parachutes falling into the enemy capital, where the Demon Lord’s Castle is. Obviously, the enemy combatants in the city will scatter to respond to the various drop points. Once we spread out the enemy forces in this way…we’ll strong-arm our way into the Demon Lord’s Castle from the rear, heading to the top floor! Then, all we have to do is rid ourselves of the Demon Lord as soon as we find him. Problem solved!” 

“Again, please don’t solve the problem, Lady Lilith! I keep telling you we’re going to talk to him. I mean…” 

Rose cocks her head slightly. 

“I mean, we may have found the Demon Lord’s Castle, but how are we going to get inside? We need to clear the fog surrounding it using the treasure from the Tower of Duster…” 

…What’s she talking about all of a sudden? 

Why are we discussing an RPG? 

Lilith seems to be thinking the same thing, looking at Rose quizzically. 

“Once the fog clears, we have to place the sorcerer stones from each of the Elite Four into the towers arrayed north, south, east, and west of the Demon Lord’s Castle. Once we do that…” 

“The barrier around the castle disappears, and the path to the Demon Lord opens up, right? Yeah, we know.” 

Rose’s eyes go wide in surprise. 

“Wait, you knew all this, Boss? I heard this was pretty much top secret…” 

Clearing the fog with a treasure, removing the barrier with items taken from beating the Elite Four—these are all RPG clichés. 

Alice then opens her mouth. 

“Yo, Six. Remember this kingdom’s prophecy had a divinely guided Chosen One eventually taking out the Demon Lord. I’m sure you’ve forgotten because you’re all brawn and no brain, but we conquered that Tower of Duster for the Chosen One.” 

…Did we really? 

“But while we were taking that tower’s treasure, Whatever of the Wind caught the Chosen One in a Random Teleport spell, and the two vanished without a trace…” 

Oh, now that she mentions it, I do kinda remember something like that… 

“…Uh, so what are we going to do? Can’t we have an outcome where I awaken to some mysterious power and become the new Chosen One?” 

Lilith rushes through her question, reacting like I did the first time I heard about the prophecy of the Chosen One. 

“Well, just forget about the prophecy. The Chosen One’s gone, and Whatever of the Wind has vanished, too. Which means we can’t use the clichéd solution in either case… I mean, Six, you’ve beaten three of their Elite Four to date, but did you recover their sorcerer stones or whatever?” 

Now that Alice mentions it, I don’t remember collecting those drops. 

…No, wait a minute. 

“When I first beat Heine of the Flames, I got a rock like that, remember? The one Heine got all teary-eyed about and said she’d do anything to get back. The one I told her I’d consider handing over if she posed for those pervy pictures.” 

“You did what? That’s going a bit too far, don’t you think?” 

Yeah, I did grab that sorcerer stone. 

“Good job. You remembered something for once. Just to jog your memory about what happened after, you ended up not giving it back to her and blew it up using a land mine. Right in front of Heine’s eyes, at that.” 

…I don’t remember that one, actually. 

Lilith and Rose shoot me disgusted looks. 

“Besides, Gadalkand of the Earth didn’t have a sorcerer stone, and Russell of the Water is using his as we speak to deal with the kingdom’s water shortage. Even if we could get three out of four, Whatever of the Wind being missing means we’re out of options. We don’t have a way to go the clichéd route.” 

According to Alice’s assessment, we’ve only got one alternative. 

Just then, Lilith, who has been listening till now, grins. 

“…See? Since we’re an evil organization, we can’t take the easy path. Besides, we don’t need to do things the ‘right’ way.” 

Lilith brushes aside the very idea. 

“Yes, the Kisaragi way is to go against the norm. We’ll also resort to our twisted methods to take out the Demon Lord!” 

“Like I keep saying, Lady Lilith, we can’t take him out—!” 

“—It’s about time. Are you all ready to go?” 

It’s been about half a day since Tiger Man and company set off. 

Combat Agent Ten, who has been quietly tuning into the conversation with his eyes closed and his arms across his chest, suddenly speaks up, gesturing at the plane with his thumb as if to tell us to hop aboard. 

“…S-sure, we’re ready, but… Say, Combat Agent Ten, despite the fact that you’re a rank-and-file agent like Six, you’ve got…a really unique personality.” 

“Not at all. I’m just one of your average, everyday Combat Agents.” 

Without much daily contact with Combat Agents other than me, Lilith appears to have taken an interest in Ten. 

She seems to suddenly remember something and lets out a soft “Ah!” 

“Oh yeah, Combat Agent Ten! The kingdom’s princess really chewed me out because of your bullshit!” 

As Lilith yells at him, Ten breaks out in a roguish grin. 

“Well now, there’s too many things I could think of to feel guilty about to recall any specific incident. I’m a Combat Agent for an evil organization. Evil antics are my daily bread…” 

“That’s not it at all! I’m a villain, too! If it was ordinary villainy, I’d be praising you. But your case is different! You tried to poop in the princess’s room! Why did that even cross your mind?!” 

…Huh, Rose is looking at Ten as though observing something beyond her comprehension. 

“Oh, come on now, Lady Lilith. I may be the survivor of countless battlefields, and I may have done all sorts of reckless things in the past, but even I have to poop after eating. Or are you telling me not to defecate? If you asked me to kill a dragon or refrain from pooping…well, I’d go kill the dragon without a second thought. I’m sorry, but that’s just who I am.” 

“I’m telling you to crap in the toilet!” 

I wish I could listen to Lilith and Ten’s idiotic conversation for a while longer, but it’s getting to be that time. 

Alice quickly hops into the aircraft—or more precisely, the giant transport plane—which was ordered using a boatload of Lilith’s Evil Points. 

“Just get going already. Ten’s as dumb as usual, but why are you going on about poop, Lady Lilith? You showed a weird fixation with the Sky King’s poop, too, but this is messed up even for me.” 

“Fine, I shouldn’t have brought this up in the first place. This conversation’s over. But I have one last thing to say to Combat Agent Ten—POOP IN THE TOILET!” 

Lilith then climbs into the aircraft, but one look at her face tells me that she had a lot more she wanted to say. Once he confirms everyone’s aboard, Ten starts up the plane and takes off.