Combatants Will Be Dispatched - Volume 4 - Chapter 3.2

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And so, led by Grimm… 

“Issue the evacuation order! Fire’s effective against the Mud King! Once the residents are safe, bring all the fire spirit stones you can find!” 

“Oil! Spread some oil! The Mud King is intelligent. If it sees oil, it’ll steer clear to avoid the fire!” 

…we arrive to a spectacle of utter pandemonium and freeze. 

“Lady Lilith, I have a really bad feeling about this.” 

“What a coincidence, Six. I was just thinking of turning around and going home.” 

That black slime is now crawling out of the dry well where Lilith had left the drilling equipment running a few days ago. 

“…Pretty sure this one’s on you, Lady Lilith.” 

“Wait, Six, it’s too early to jump to conclusions. I think we should carefully investigate the facts before announcing any findings.” 

Both Lilith and I had completely forgotten about the drilling equipment until now. 

If it was up to me, I’d just feign ignorance and go watch the crawfish back at the base. 

But… 

“Lady Lilith, my Evil Points haven’t stopped since earlier.” 

“Oh really. Then it seems this counts as your crime, too. Good work, Six. This is quite the act of villainy!” 

…… 

“Oh no you don’t. You’re not pinning this all on me, you bowl-cut lab rat! You’re getting Evil Points, too! What do we do about this?! We’re gonna end up owing Tillis again!” 

“Oh yeah? Are you saying this is my fault?! Fine, it’s my fault! I’m a Supreme Leader of an evil organization! I spread destruction and chaos without even thinking about it! I’m sooooo sorry that I’m such a charismatic, shining example of villainy!” 

“You’re choosing to lash out at me now?! I called you here for reinforcements, and all you’ve done is add to our headaches! You utterly useless boss! Quit plugging your ears and try denying it! I DARE YOU!” 

As I rack my brains for a way to deal with this blame-shifting geek, Grimm looks over at us with her head tilted quizzically. 

“Hey, what are you two arguing about? As you can see, that’s the Mud King. We’re going to calm it down, so could you help us out?” 

Based on the fact that Grimm’s using this “Mud King” term we’ve been hearing since earlier, it seems she knows about the slime. 

“What’s the Mud King? Is it related to that black stuff?” 

“Oh, right, I keep forgetting you’re not from around here, Commander. That black slime, the Mud King, is a giant monster sealed underneath the Grace Kingdom. It’s why this country’s always short on water.” 

…Wait, what? 

“Hey, um, does everyone in the kingdom know about this?” 

“Well, not everyone. Ordinary citizens don’t. I mean, knowing this thing is sealed under their feet isn’t exactly going to help them go about their daily lives.” 

Still, if that thing’s there, why didn’t Snow warn us…? 

And it didn’t seem like she knew what this black slime was… 

“Still, aside from blabbermouths, idiots, or people who might sell the information for money, almost everyone who serves the kingdom knows about it. Keep that in mind, okay, Commander?” 

“Ohhh, I get it now.” 

Which means a certain idiot who is also extremely easy to bribe wasn’t let in on the secret. 

…Just then. 

“Combat Agent Six, this is our time to shine. I’ve already ordered the quick-drying cement. Let’s shove that troublesome slime back underground. We can worry about finding the culprit once that’s done.” 

“Roger, Lady Lilith. No doubt this is all the fault of the Demon Lord’s Army’s Heine of the Flames! Now that I think about it, she also infiltrated the city in a stuffed-animal suit during the Undead Festival!” 

“I see! While I’ve never met that woman, if you say it’s her fault, then that must be the case. Damned Demon Lord’s Army! They’ll pay for this…!” 

At our enthusiastic denunciation of the evil Demon Lord’s Army, Grimm eyes us with a puzzled look on her face. 

<Evil Points Acquired> 

One hour later. 

“What the heck is up with this planet?! I heard it was primitive and had no modern weaponry, but that’s not true at all…! I, a Supreme Leader, damn near got the ero-game treatment from an overgrown amoeba!” 

Lilith fumes after burying the Mud King—and the incriminating drill—under the quick-drying cement. 

As it turns out, her mechanical tentacles aren’t suited to fending off gelatinous creatures like slimes, and after being thoroughly drenched in its gloopy residue, she slumps over in exhaustion. 

“The reports didn’t lie. It’s just that there’s some ridiculous things from time to time, but the base level is still really weak. I mean, we Combat Agents can handle most monsters with ease.” 

With various parts of her outfit thoroughly soaked through with black slime, Lilith rages as Grimm gently wipes the little tyrant’s face with a handkerchief. 

“I feel like I’m getting hit with every ridiculous thing out there. The giant lizard in the woods, the Sky King, and now this Mud King. I can’t help but think you’re using me to deal with all these overpowered problem characters.” 

Seems she’s got enough smarts to notice that pattern. 

“Please cheer up, Mother. Your help was invaluable.” 

“You just called me ‘Mother’ again! I won’t overlook it this time! Why do you keep calling me that?! I’m Six’s boss, not his actual mom! You can’t just claim me as your mother-in-law!” 

The motherly figure—who’s younger than I am—finally lets the complaints fly. 

“But, Mother!” 

“Stop saying ‘Mother’!” 

Because of her small stature, Lilith, who’s getting her face wiped with a towel, looks more like the daughter than the mother. 

“What the heck is wrong with your subordinates, Six?! The Chimera girl ends up being a boy; the devout paladin, who should be ripe for corruption, ends up being morally bankrupt from the jump; and then there’s this man-stealer who uses a wheelchair despite the fact that she can walk! I know Kisaragi has no shortage of colorful characters among our ranks, but this kingdom’s people are just as awful…” 

To be fair, the Chimera dude isn’t even my subordinate. 

“Please hold a moment, Lady Superior. There’s a reason for my wheelchair! It’s because I suffered the backlash from a curse when I fought my greatest rival…” 

Grimm’s use of the word curse catches Lilith’s attention. 

“Curse, huh…? I saw it in the reports, but Alice claims it’s just a form of hypnosis.” 

“Please don’t listen to that reality-denying brat! I mean, just the other day, while I was chatting with a spectral acquaintance of mine, Alice brought this weird device over and tried to suck up the ghost.” 

The “odd device” in question was a vacuum cleaner. 

Oh yes. Inspired by an old movie, Alice started carrying a vacuum cleaner on her back and claiming she was going hoax-busting. 

…Grimm seems to notice Lilith’s skeptical gaze and hurriedly offers a defense. 

“Wait, I’ve seen that look before! It’s the same as that brat’s! The look of a skeptic! …Fine. Since we’ve managed to stave off the Demon Lord’s Army’s evil scheme to release the Mud King…I’ll show you, Commander, and Lady Superior, what I do in my spare time!” says Grimm, a confident smile on her lips.