3
Guided by the newly released Snow, we’ve arrived at a certain facility.
“This is the water-treatment plant. It’s practically unused these days. What are you planning to do?”
Water in this kingdom is precious.
We’ve got Russell making water right now, but if something happens to him, the current system will collapse.
The water-treatment facility surrounds a large well, but after a quick look, anyone can see it’s dry.
“We’re going to use Kisaragi technology to revive this well. The water likely dried up because they exhausted the shallow aquifer. Digging deeper should bring up more water.”
Seems Lilith plans to fulfill her promise to Tillis from earlier.
I whisper to her as she peers down the well.
“Lady Lilith, Lady Lilith, are you sure we should be sharing technology without checking with headquarters?”
“We’re going to give them harmless tech before they start asking for things like weapons. Besides, deep well drilling isn’t particularly advanced from our point of view. It’s a good way to show the locals our superiority. To the ignorant, sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic. Let’s have these Neanderthals worship us like gods.”
Wow, as expected of a Supreme Leader of an evil organization; she naturally looks down on the locals.
“That’s pretty scummy, but I wanna be worshipped, too. Can I be in your entourage?”
“Sure, so long as you stay out of my way. You can be in charge of lighting my cigars.”
“But, Lady Lilith, you don’t smoke.”
Snow tilts her head quizzically at our hushed conversation.
“I appreciate your offer to revive that well, but you should probably do it elsewhere. I heard that when they tried to dig deeper here, they got water contaminated with a black, gooey substance.”
“Miss Snow, was it? Come and tell me more about it.”
“Lady Lilith, I wanna buy a luxury condo full of hot women and drink champagne every day.”
Snow seems a bit put off by our sudden change in attitude.
“What good will that do you? I’ll note ahead of time that any resources that come out of the ground belong to the kingdom and need permission from higher up…”
“Miss Snow. This black water is completely useless to you but very valuable to us. It will take many decades of technological development for you to benefit from it, but if you sell it to us, we can have a mutually profitable, win-win relationship…”
As Lilith begins trying to seriously convince Snow, I interject:
“Lady Lilith, Lady Lilith, when dealing with this one, you need to make things easier to understand… Hey, Snow, if you forget about this black water, we’ll give you a cut of the profits. Also…what sort of katana would you like?”
“I have no idea what black water you’re talking about, but I’d like a sword that’s a bit longer than the one I got from Sir Tiger Man the other day. Also, if you’re going to dig here, let me go get permission from above right now. You can get started right away.”
Lilith watches as Snow’s attitude does a complete one-eighty and the knight dashes off, before mentioning as an aside:
“You know, Six, you need to choose your subordinates more carefully.”
“Pretty sure she’s the best fit for Kisaragi out of all my troops.”
She’s particularly obsessed with money and glory, but she’s also the easiest to understand.
After recovering, Lilith smiles confidently.
“Well, either way, we have permission to begin digging. If it’s gushing out at this depth, you can bet there’s a big oil reserve under this land! Mwa-ha-ha-ha! We’re rich, Six—rich!”
“Impressive, Lady Lilith! The fact that you have no intention of reporting any of this to HQ is awesome!”
“I know, I know! Praise me more!”
I don’t know how she plans to refine the oil she’ll dig up, but she’s one of the Supreme Leaders. I’m sure she’s got a black-market connection or two.
Lilith happily scribbles out an order and begins assembling the teleported drilling equipment with her tentacles.
“All right, let’s do a test drill! Depending on the quality and volume of the oil reserves, we might have to build a giant oil refinery here! Mwa-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha! The future’s looking bright, Six! …Oh, that’s funny.”
As Lilith hits peak enthusiasm and begins digging, a black, gooey liquid seeps out of the ground, filling the bottom of the well.
But it doesn’t look very oil-like.
I spent a lot of time at an oil refinery while on a mission in the Middle East, so I can tell something’s up.
“Lady Lilith, is this really oil?”
“Th-that’s strange. It looks odd to me, too…”
There’s definitely something off here.
It just looks like liquid, but my sense of danger, acquired through years of experience, is telling me to proceed with caution…
Suddenly, the black goo attacks Lilith.
“Whaaaaaaaa—?! W-wait, what is this?! Six! SIIIX!”
“Lady Lilith, it’s a slime! It’s the perverted kind that melts the clothing of pretty girls and leaves them naked!”
Fending off the slime with her tentacles, Lilith looks to me in a teary-eyed panic.
“This is bad, Six! I’m going to end up like a porn-game character! Request weapons that work on slimes!”
The slime’s getting to be a decent size as it continues flowing out of the well.
It’s gonna be tricky for her to block the whole thing, even with all her tentacles.
“I’m sorry, Lady Lilith, but this is a pretty rare opportunity. Can I watch a little longer?”
“You can keep watching if you’re prepared to face my wrath once I’ve dealt with this slime!”
Feeling an imminent threat to my well-being, I decide to do as she says.
…Um, wait.
“Uh, Lady Lilith, this is a problem. I’m not allowed to spend Evil Points right now!”
“Gaaaaaah! That’s right! Six, take my memo pad from my lab coat! You can use my teleporter and points! I’m too busy controlling my tentacles right now!”
As Lilith shouts, her expression fixed in extreme concentration, I reach for her lab coat…
“You’re not gonna accuse me of sexual harassment or anything later, right? There’s nothing funny about getting called out for harassment later just for helping you.”
“I won’t! And it’s in the side pocket. Just where the hell were you planning to dig?!”
I grab the memo pad and teleporter from her pocket and order a weapon that would work against a slime…
“What even works against slimes? Is it like a slug? Maybe a salt bomb?”
“How the hell should I know?! Get something like a flamethrower or some liquid nitrogen!”
A flamethrower and liquid nitrogen—got it.
“Lady Lilith, I’d like new volumes of some manga I’ve fallen behind on. Can I order them, too?”
“Do whatever you want! But, Six, you better remember you’re paying for it later!”
That’s unfortunate. I’m so good at forgetting things that even Alice is impressed by it.
Lilith tearily fights off the slime as I hum a little tune and scribble out my memo. Just then—
“Wh-what the hell are you two doing?!”
Snow, who went out to get permission from her higher-ups, runs down the stairs, drawing her magic sword.
Attacking with her burning blade, Snow drives the slime, which evidently dislikes heat, back into the well.
“Six, order some quick-drying concrete from headquarters! We’re sealing this damned well!”
Lilith gasps out the order between ragged breaths as I quickly scribble with my pen.
“W-wait, but what about my share? And my katana?”
“That black water isn’t the stuff we were looking for, so…”
I do add a single katana to the list and send it to headquarters.
A moment later, a pile of quick-drying concrete arrives, along with a shovel, new manga, and a sword—
“Here, have the katana.”
“Whoo-hoo!”
“Okay, Six, come over here!”
After burying the first well in cement, we travel to another at Snow’s direction.
“You know, you could’ve mentioned it was a slime instead of giving us vague warnings about black water.”
“How was I supposed to know? They only told me they stopped drilling wells because of the black water,” responds Snow, smirking as she looks over the blade acquired with Lilith’s Evil Points.
And then…
“Could you please get over it already, Lady Lilith? It’s just a little prank from your adorable subordinate.”
“Grrr…this son of a— I want to just punch him… Forget it, we’re not digging any more wells. What if that thing comes up again?”
Lilith sulks.
“Mm…well, can’t blame you after that encounter. And I’ve heard digging wells isn’t a job for amateurs. But the fact that you were willing to help our kingdom is worth…”
As Snow smiles, trying to reassure Lilith, I thrust out my hand to cut her off.
“Don’t be ridiculous! Nothing’s impossible for our Lady Lilith! She can dig a well in no time! We’re going to show you just what Lady Lilith’s capable of! Go gather a crowd!”
“H-hold on!”
As I snap a retort that Lilith would undoubtedly have wanted me to say, a group of onlookers begins gathering, a consequence of this particular well being near the center of town.
“Lady Lilith, we’ve got quite a crowd here. This is a good chance to show them your abilities!”
“Ah, dammit! Well, I do suppose water is the most important resource for humanity. Very well, just watch as I begin the process of converting the wastelands and deserts outside the city into fertile plains! Science is superior to nature!”
Lilith had once tried turning land we’d conquered in the Sahara Desert into a green woodland.
She’d started talking about using natto bacteria to retain water, leading to a massive protest by the local residents.
Can’t blame them. No one wants natto scattered around the desert.
I’d protest for sure.
“Turning things green is great and all, but could you not leave natto all over the place this time? That was messed up, even for us.”
“I never told you to throw natto around! I told you Combat Agents to convert it into water-retaining natto resin before distributing it! How many times did I have to say it…?!”
As Lilith spouts nonsense, Snow ignores her and directs a speech at the onlookers.
“Starting in a moment, these people I have brought will return water to this well! Once the well is revived, be sure to tell everyone…”
Seems she’s trying to use this opportunity to garner some glory for herself.
“Hey, Six, you really need to choose your subordinates more carefully.”
“Just as we can’t pick our ideal bosses, subordinates can also be hit-or-miss.”
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