Combatants Will Be Dispatched - Volume 4 - Chapter 2.2

2 

On the way home from the castle. 

“Well, now you’ve done it, Six. I’ve got a whole lot more headaches to deal with. I mean, what sort of life do you have to live to even come up with the idea of pooping in a princess’s room?” 

“Don’t pin all the blame on me. Ten’s the one who tried to poop in Tillis’s room.” 

After accepting Tillis’s request to transfer technology, Lilith’s been muttering complaints next to me. 

“Why are my subordinates all such a handful?” 

“They probably take after their boss.” 

While Lilith and I are bantering— 

“This one’s too lame to bring any glory! Surely, you have better targets! Something like a spy who’s infiltrated the city or an infamous criminal everyone’s heard of!!” 

—I hear a familiar voice and turn toward it, catching sight of Snow arguing with a shady character. 

“You say that, Miss Snow, but my information’s primarily about monsters. Whenever I get a tip about a criminal, I just turn around and sell it to the guards.” 

The shady-looking man must be an information broker or something. 

“I get that, but that’s why I’m asking for your help! With your nose for knowledge, I’m sure you’re aware I’ve been hit with a pay cut. I’m broke! We’ve known each other a long time! Do me a favor and give me a tip about a criminal with a bounty on his head!” 

“Look, I can’t just pull someone like that out of my… Oh, wait, I do have someone in mind. An infamous criminal everyone’s heard of.” 

At the broker’s words, Snow’s face lights up. 

“Please! Who is it? Where is he?!” 

“The criminal’s name is the Fly. And he’s standing right behind you.” 

At that, Snow turns around, sees me, and pounces. 

“Six, who is this girl who suddenly attacked you? You two seem acquainted, but I suggest you pick your friends better.” 

“She’s one of my subordinates. Her name is Snow.” 

“Mmmph! Mrrrrrm!” 

Snow lies at my feet, constricted head to toe by one of Lilith’s tentacles. 

As I’m driving off the information broker who ratted me out as a criminal, Lilith studies Snow rather closely. 

“…Ah, I see. So this is the girl who figured out you were a spy. I’ve read all about you in the reports. Welcome to the Kisaragi Corporation! We’re happy to invite talented people into our ranks! I’m one of the Supreme Leaders of the Kisaragi Corporation, Lilith the Black!” 

“Mrrmph?! Mmff, mmfffmmph!” 

Snow appears to have something to say. I just assume it’s something along the lines of I’m a knight of this realm; I have no intention of joining Kisaragi! 

“Lady Lilith, she may be my subordinate, but she’s got nothing to do with Kisaragi. She’s still with this kingdom, but she’s been assigned by Tillis to help me out. Plus, she’s always pissed at me for one reason or another.” 

Hearing this, Lilith gazes into Snow’s stubborn expression and smiles happily. 

“Ah, I see. I can sense that she’s got a strong will for resisting evil influence. The pleasure and points derived from luring a righteous person like her to evil is unparalleled!” 

“Mrrrrmmmph! Frrrrmph!” 

Snow glares defiantly, her angry retorts muffled by the tentacles. 

“Bwa-ha-ha-ha, good! A wonderful find! Do resist as best as you can. When you’re prepared to serve us, gently close your eyes and nod! …Let’s see, we should start with her family. Six, go look up her family roster. These sorts are usually pretty quick to fall when their loved ones are held for ransom.” 

“If I recall, she’s actually an orphan from the slums. I don’t think she has any family.” 

“Mmph!” 

At Snow’s and my reactions, Lilith stops cackling. 

“So family members are out… Okay, next! The reports said you’re a knight. A knight’s duty is to protect people. Then let’s see that in action… Which means, Six, you’re going to help me out with this one.” 

“W-wait, what are you doing, Lady Lilith? This isn’t funny!” 

After wrapping me up in tentacles like Snow, Lilith holds a heavy rock in front of me. 

“Listen up. I’m going to suspend this rock from a length of rope. Under the rock will be Six’s head. And you, Miss Snow, will be holding the rope back with your teeth.” 

What the hell?! 

“Wait, think about this, Lady Lilith! Think about how badly that’d mess up my head!” 

“Your head’s already messed up, so that’s not a concern. Never mind that, Six, and pay attention. People like her are always going on about protecting the weak, but let’s see just how hypocritical the truly weak can be when push comes to shove! There’s nothing I love more than revealing their true colors!” 

Yeah, Lilith’s a piece of work, all right. 

She giddily sets about readying the scenario, but I admit I’m kind of interested to see how this will play out. 

Come to think of it, the constricted woman tasked with saving me has kissed me before. 

She’s basically a textbook tsundere . 

Maybe she’ll actually fight pretty hard for me. Could it be that, deep down, she really has a thing for me? 

With her preparations finished, Lilith flashes a smile worthy of a mad scientist and makes a declaration to Snow. 

“Six’s head is now in your hands. A precious comrade. A beloved friend. Your dearest lover. When someone like that is placed on a scale with your life on the other end, which will you choose?” 

The rock dangles over my head, a tentacle holding the other end of the rope. 

Lilith removes the tentacle covering Snow’s mouth and extends the rope to her. 

“One more thing. If you can hold on for one full minute—” 

Before Lilith can finish, Snow grabs the rope with her mouth, arches her back as she pulls it taut, then lets it go without a moment’s hesitation. 

“Yeowwwwww!” 

“H-hey, wh-what do you think you’re doing?! Six! That sounded pretty bad. Are you all right?” 

Having had a largish rock dropped on my skull, I protest by writhing back and forth. 

“Of course I’m not all right! You should’ve known this would happen! Let go of me, Lady Lilith! I’m gonna treat this defenseless cocoon bitch to some real punishment!” 

With a giant bump growing on my head, I start kicking Snow, totally ignoring the tentacles wrapped around me. 

“Honorable Knights of Grace don’t submit to evil!” 

“Oh, shut up! As if you’re ever remotely knightlike in your day-to-day life! Hell, I saw you pull that rope back! You did that on purpose to make it hurt more, didn’t you?!” 

“So what if I did, you criminal?! I realized my life’s been going downhill ever since I met you. Kisaragi?! Evil organization?! Screw that! I’m done with you all! Just leave me alone!” 

Snow returns the kicks, firing off a list of complaints while still tied up by tentacles. 

“What’s with this girl…? If using family members or trying to break her commitment to justice won’t work, the only thing left is to bribe her with money or material wealth…” 

The moment those words pass Lilith’s lips, Snow freezes in place. 

“…I’m not even going to demand you leave the kingdom’s service. Why don’t we start you off with a trial period as a Combat Agent? You can get paid by both Grace and our organization, like Six.” 

“Hmph…! Do you really expect the former knight captain of the Royal Guard to be lured by such sweet words, Lady Lilith? What else?! What other benefits does Kisaragi offer?!” 

As the hog-tied knight begins adopting a more respectful tone, Lilith continues, albeit a little incredulously. 

“Kisaragi’s salary might be low, but we offer great benefits. We have workplace injury compensation and a pension plan, so if you lose the ability to work after getting hurt, we’ll provide everything you need to live out the rest of your life in peace. Also…if I recall, you’re fond of blades and swords, right? Our organization has a collection of master-crafted swords that don’t exist on this—” 

Before Lilith finishes, Snow gently closes her eyes.