CHAPTER 1
Undead Festival
1
Kisaragi Corporation Grace Kingdom branch.
“Tiger Man, there’s something wrong with me. I feel strange. My heart won’t stop racing…”
“You’ve always been strrrange, but there’s nothing wrong nyeow. What’s cute is cute. Just accept it.”
Here in a suburban house currently given the ridiculously exaggerated role of a hideout, Tiger Man and I sit discussing the deep truths of the world.
“But—but…this is a guy! Why am I getting so worked up?”
“It’s not like I preferrrr guys, either. It’s just that genderrrr doesn’t matter to me if they’re cute.”
“It sure matters to me!”
While we’re having this conversation, Russell is busily cleaning the windows in the French maid costume he’s been forced to wear, staring daggers at us the whole time.
It hasn’t been that long since we got into a war with the neighboring kingdom of Toris over an unfortunate misunderstanding. During that conflict, we managed to capture Russell of the Water.
Despite his initial resistance, Russell has submitted to his role, making good use of his abilities to create water for the kingdom.
And now…
…due to Tiger Man’s wishes, he’s somehow ended up working as a maid for Kisaragi.
Tiger Man and I crouch down, gazing up Russell’s skirt from below.
“What do you think, Tiger Man? I still think black panties and maid outfits don’t mix.”
“You rrreally don’t get it, do you? Maids are right next to nuns on the hotness scale. The gap between purrception and rrreality; the whole sense of taboo. That’s what makes maids with black underwear so grrrrreat!”
Yeah, I don’t get it.
“Tiger Man, are you using big words to sound smarter? I still don’t get what you’re saying, so I’d appreciate it if you could put it a little more simply.”
“I was trrrrying to explain it in a way that even a complete idiot would underrrstand… Sigh. Let me trrry it this way. I’ll use Agent Eight as an example. She’s constantly in and out of pet shops when she’s off duty. She’d love to own a pet, but she’s afrrrraid she’d fall aparrrt if it died.”
Agent Eight, unlike me, is an actual elite agent. She even has the latest body enhancements.
She’s ridiculously beautiful and has a figure to die for, but she’s a bit of a loner, which makes it hard to get to know her.
“You serious? All this time, she’s been pushing the cool beauty persona even though she has a cutesy side? I’m definitely gonna tease her about it next time I see her.”
“Let me know when you do. She’s too big for my tastes, but I loooove watching an emotionally detached beauty turn beet red from embarrassment. Anyway, that’s a great example of the gap between purrrception and rrreality.”
Ah, I sorta get it now.
The two of us grab at the unresponsive Russell’s skirt hem, staring intently upward.
“When you put it like that, I can see how black panties for maids could work.”
“I know, right? There arrre some who say maids should only wear white panties, but I’m a black-pantie Tiger Man through and through.”
Just as we appear to have come to an understanding, the room’s door opens.
“Boss. Grimm’s calling. She says it’s an emergency and needs you at the castle ASAP…”
Rose appears in the doorway.
As I wonder what the hell Grimm might want, Rose catches the two of us peeking up Russell’s skirt and freezes.
I keep hold of the skirt hem, lifting it slightly as I respond.
“What does she want now? Bother me later; I’m busy.”
“Are you that busy peeking up Russell’s skirt?! No, that’s not the problem! Wait…! What are you doing, Boss? And you, too, Tiger Man! I mean, Russell’s a guy, so why are you even in this situation to begin with?”
As Rose babbles in confusion, Russell, who had been quietly cleaning the windows, lets out a deep sigh.
“…I’m not dressed this way by choice, you know. Tiger Man said he’d release me early if I did my work while wearing this outfit… Hey, you’re a Battle Chimera like me, right? Humans really are fools, aren’t they? Especially the ones here…,” Russell says sagely.
“You say that now, Rrrussell, but when I use you as a body pillow everrry night, you don’t seem to mind. Even if you do complain about my furrr!”
“…Whatever! H-hey, Rose, don’t look at me like that! It’s not what you think! It’s just cuddling! We haven’t done anything more than that! We haven’t crossed that line!”
As Rose eyes him with disgust, Russell begins rattling off excuses.
“You’re quite the gentleman, Tiger Man. I figured you’d have already devoured him by now.”
“I don’t like making little kids crrry. I’m patiently waiting for Rrrussell to come around.”
Russell heaves a weary sigh and shakes his head slowly. “That’ll never happen. Just give it up… C-come on now, don’t look at me like that, Rose! We’re kin! I’m not doing this because I want to! I’m hurt… Uh, anyway, wasn’t there something you were here to do?”
At that, Rose snaps back to reality. “Th-that’s right! This isn’t the time to be panicking over Mr. Russell’s fetishes.”
“W-wait, Sister, what do you mean ‘fetishes’?!”
Putting aside Russell’s tearful objection, Rose looks at me with a serious expression.
“Grimm wants you to bring her some dolls.”
“……”
I resume peering up Russell’s skirt.
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