2
“Boss, are you sure you actually like women? Are you sure you don’t have weird fetishes like Mr. Russell?”
“Lay off already. I was just momentarily confused. If you keep doubting me, I can use your body to prove just how much I love women.”
We’re on the way to the castle, and Rose is still peering at me suspiciously. I drop into a fighting stance to make my point.
“I—I got it. I believe you! I believe you, so please stop with those gestures!” Rose backs off cautiously as I approach with my wriggling fingers at the ready.
Coming out of my stance, I ask a question that pops into my head. “Hey, I heard you haven’t asked Russell about your identity. Why not? You’ve been looking for those answers for ages, haven’t you?”
Rose’s brow twitches…
“Well… Now that it’s staring me in the face, I’m a little afraid to know the truth… Mr. Russell really hates humans. I’m scared that I won’t be able to keep living this way if I know my identity.” She looks down with an expression of unease…
“Hey, look at that stall! Mokemokes! They’re selling mokemoke skewers!”
“Please don’t change the subject! I’m trying to be serious right now! And you were the one who started this, Boss!”
God, she’s needy.
“I’ve been addicted to mokemokes lately. They might look like giant crawfish, but they’re delicious. And it turns out they’re a delicacy!”
“Boss, weren’t you calling mokemokes your friends not that long ago? What’s changed?” Rose asks. I have no idea what she’s talking about.
“Why would I be friends with crawfish? You really do say some weird things from time to time. Hey, can I get two mokemoke skewers? One sauced, the other salted.”
“That’s my line! Did you already forget?! You did, didn’t you?! Boss, what’s wrong with your memory?!”
She can’t seem to drop this utterly irrelevant topic, so I hold out the two skewers I just bought.
“Sauced or salted?”
“Sauced, please… But don’t think you’re pulling one over on me! I’m not that easy! Not with just one mokemoke skewer…”
Two hours later, we arrive at the castle’s training grounds, where we’re accosted by Grimm. Apparently, she’s been waiting here the whole time.
“You’re late! I told you to hurry because it’s an emergency! Where are the dolls? You did buy some dolls, right?!”
As part of some shady ritual, Grimm is frantically attaching little labels to a bunch of human-shaped mud clumps sliding around the training grounds.
Wait—wait, what…?
“Wh-what the hell are those wiggly things…?”
“They’re evil spirits! I can’t just let them roam free, so I’ve trapped them inside mud figurines! But never mind that, Commander, where are the dolls?!”
At Grimm’s unusually urgent pleading, I reach into my jacket and take it out…
“Here’s Meat the Ripper, the Kisaragi Corporation’s mascot. He talks if you press the button on his back.”
“HI, I’M MEAT! TIME TO SLAUGHTER HEROES!”
“Ugh! What is this creepy thing?! It doesn’t have a shred of cuteness! I wanted you to bring me stuffed animals! We cram evil spirits into cute things so that we won’t be creeped out when they come to life!”
Still, looking at the mud lumps wiggling around at my feet, I feel like putting these into stuffed animals would just double their creepiness.
“Boss, if Grimm doesn’t want it, I’ll take Meat. He’s pretty cute.”
“Seriously? There’s something majorly wrong with your tastes, Rose! …Say, Rose, you’ve got sauce around your mouth. What were you doing?”
Taking Meat from me, Rose holds him up to hide her mouth.
“HI! I’M MEAT! TIME TO SLAUGHTER SPINSTERS!”
“Rose, give me that doll! It’s clearly evil! Why did you press the button anyway?!”
Just then…
…as Grimm tries to grab Meat, the mud dolls at her feet start shaking uncontrollably.
“Hey. There seems to be something wrong with these…”
“Huh? …Eeep! Oh no!” Grimm says hurriedly before scurrying behind my back.
At the same time, the mud dolls explode with a dry pop , and mud splashes across my face and Rose’s.
“…Rose, hold Grimm down.”
“HI! I’M MEAT! TIME TO SLAUGHTER INCOMPETENT LACKEYS!”
“Commander? Just listen, please…? Rose, calm down… Two on one isn’t fair!” Grimm looks at us fearfully as we inch closer. “The Undead Festival’s about to start! It’ll be a disaster without me! Commander, I’m so sorry! Please, please waaaaiiit!”
<Evil Points Acquired>
“Oh, right. You did mention something about an undead festival, didn’t you?”
Punishing Grimm a little has helped me calm down, and I listen to Rose’s explanation as Grimm softly sobs next to us.
Magic is commonplace on this planet, and so are undead, apparently.
“The Undead Festival is a ritual where you welcome back the spirits of our dead ancestors. It takes place around this time each year. I like it because it means you get to eat lots of delicious food for free.”
“Ah, so it’s a bit like Obon back home.”
However, unlike Obon in Japan, here the ancestral spirits literally come home. And it seems that these spirits, unless provided mediums to possess, end up possessing random corpses and wandering around town.
“ Sob… Wh-which is why, as the Archbishop of Lord Zenarith, God of Undeath and Disaster, I am in charge of organizing the festivities… The reason those mud dolls blew up was because they were temporary mediums. They couldn’t hold up under the strain.”
“…Ah well, I think I get the gist of it. So what happened to the evil spirits, then? Can I go home now?”
Grimm looks at me with a grave expression, shaking her head slowly. “There’s only a week until the Undead Festival. I need to prepare enough vessels for the ancestors to possess. Commander, I’d like your help in gathering materials to make the dolls.”
“Sounds like a pain in the ass, so I’m gonna have to say no. Rose, I’m sure you’re still hungry. Let’s grab something on the way home. Any requests?”
“HI! I’M MEAT! COMBAT AGENTS SHOULD EAT MEAT!”
“Pleeeease! If you’ll help me, I’ll make it worth your while! I’ll give you all sorts of sexual favors!”
As I turn to leave, Grimm clings to my hips, crying as she begs for help.
“Sexual favors? I already sexually harass you as a way of saying hello…”
“That’s true! You hiked up my skirt and did all sorts of things to me before! If you’re not going to help me out now, then you should take responsibility for earlier and support me!”
And now she’s turning this back on me .
“All right, fine. I’ll hold you to those favors. But keep in mind that we’re both grown adults. If you try to pass off a kiss as a reward like Snow did, nudity is going to be the least of your worries.”
“…Actually, Commander, do you mind if I have a little longer to think it over?”
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