5
“Hey, Alice. I’ve done pretty well for myself, haven’t I? I kinda figured my achievements would trigger all sorts of romance flags among me and my squad mates. So what the hell? Does everyone just want a rich, handsome guy? Here I am on an alien world, and I still can’t escape the harsh sting of reality.”
“You’re pretty greedy yourself, wanting someone young, well-endowed, beautiful, and faithful in the same package. As an android, I have to say men and women are both useless. If you want the ideal partner, I’d say you’re better off sticking to the R-rated androids Kisaragi will be selling soon.”
Alice and I wander around the castle as I try to cool off from the flush of warmth brought on by the alcohol…
“…Wait, run that by me again? Kisaragi’s going to be selling R-rated, pervy, pretty-girl androids? “
“I never said anything about them being pervy.”
Shit. Now I just want to go back to Earth. But if I go back now, I’ll definitely get tossed into a war zone full of Heroes…
As I’m pondering all this, Alice suddenly stops in her tracks. “We’re here. Six, what do you think this is?”
Sitting here in the corner of the castle is a strange device with a large glass case attached in the middle. The case is filled with some sort of liquid, and the machine appears to be working.
“I know what it is. It’s one of those pods you use to grow things. Specifically, pretty-girl homunculi and human clones. Alice, figure out how this works and make a clone of Snow. Then we can take the new, pure Snow and replace the corrupt one in the banquet hall.”
“That sounds pretty entertaining, but this looks more like a hibernation capsule. Probably used to keep something in suspended animation. Based on the fact that it’s empty, though, it seems whatever was inside woke up and ran off,” Alice observes as she surveys the device, touching it here and there.
“Nah, I don’t think so. This has to be a device to create beautiful women. I mean, why else would it be sitting here like this? I bet if we mess around with it, it’ll spit out something like a gumball machine.”
“Well, if you’re that certain, give it a try. But the design’s more like a life-support device than anything else.”
Undeterred by Alice’s remarks, I start randomly messing with the machine.
I eventually lose patience as all my efforts don’t even get me a single beep. Alice lets out an exasperated sigh at my irritation.
“I bet it’s broken from sitting here for hundreds of years,” I tell her. “Usually these things start working if you smack them.”
“Whatever; if that’s what it takes to satisfy your curiosity. If you break it, we’re getting the hell out of here. So be ready to run.”
I listen to Alice’s words with half an ear as I approach the device and cock my fist back to strike. Just then—
“STOP!”
—a yell that sounds rather like a scream echoes through the dark hallway.
I turn around to find the source of the commotion…
“You idiots. What are you doing?! Do you know how important this device is?”
The voice belongs to a young man—a boy, probably still in elementary school. He’s a little mouthy, but he is handsome, especially in his face. A mop of silver hair and a different-colored iris in each eye round out the look.
…I could swear I’ve seen someone like him before.
“What do you want, you brat? You some sort of custodian? I’m Mr. Six, an important envoy from the kingdom of Grace. You should watch your tone if you want to avoid a diplomatic incident.”
“I’m not involved with this country. Wait, did you just say…you’re Six? You…? Huh, Gadalkand lost to you ? Guess he was all talk after all.”
…What’s with this brat? Think I need to teach him some manners.
—Wait, what did he just say?
“Gadalkand? That’s the name of the Elite Four member I hacked to pieces, right? Didn’t think a dumb brat like you would know something like that.”
The boy snorts derisively. “Oh, I see. I guess Heine was right. You’re a little lacking in the brains department. My name is Russell. One of the Demon Lord’s Elite Four, Russell of the Water.”
A daring smile plays across his lips.
A moment later, his smile is replaced by a look of discomfort and a cry of pain as his face is subjected to my iron grip.
“…Hey! What’s wrong, Russell? The hell is going…? Gah! Y-you?!”
As I’m punishing the child claiming to be an overlord in the Demon Lord’s Army, I hear a familiar voice call out from behind me.
I turn around to face the voice—
“Target apprehended!”
“Gaaaah! What?! Wait…!”
Standing there is the unmistakable figure of the Elite Four member, Heine of the Flames.
I don’t know what she’s doing here, but I toss Russell aside and tackle Heine as she stands frozen in shock.
“Mwa-ha-ha-ha-ha! Don’t know why you’re here, but you shouldn’t have let your guard down! Alice, get them to send us some handcuffs!”
“On it!”
“Stop! Hey, Six! You’ve got the wrong idea! I’m not your enemy today! I’m not here to wipe out humanity or anything! I’m here as an envoy from the Demon Lord!”
Heine lets out a desperate cry as I pin her to the floor.
“Six, the handcuffs are here.”
“Good work, Alice! Go ahead and lock her up once I hold her arms behind her!”
“Wait… Listen…!”
I keep Heine pinned to the floor, grabbing her arms and dragging them behind her back.
“Six, she’s cuffed. You can let go now.”
“Dammit, listen to me…! H-hey, Six! I’m restrained now. You can let go of me. H-hey, why are you breathing so heavily? Russell! Russell! HELP!!”
I flip around in place, holding Heine in front of me like a shield.
“Guh?! R-Russell… Y-you…!”
“Heine?! N-no, I was just trying to help…!”
Sensing danger from behind me, I shielded myself from Russell’s attack with Heine, and Heine took his spell in the back.
Her features twist into a pained grimace.
“You brat! The hell are you doing, attacking someone you just met?! How awful!”
“That’s impressive, Six. Forgetting your own actions from just three minutes ago.”
I don’t understand what Alice is getting at, but I stand, keeping Heine positioned as a shield.
I stay hidden behind her as I slowly approach Russell. His face has gone pale from the shock of accidentally hurting an ally.
“Hey, Heine. Just because you’re a villain doesn’t mean you can’t choose your allies more carefully. Not only did this brat attack someone he just met from behind, but he totally did so knowing he might hurt you. Such a ruthless savage!”
“Six, you really should look in a mirror… You know what? Never mind, I’m done.”
As I try to comfort Heine, Alice interjects with another odd comment from the side.
“Well, either way. We came to a foreign castle and captured a pervy Elite Four member. Not only do I get the credit, but I get to enjoy a little aggressive interrogation time. Hee-hee-hee. I’m sure you’re well aware of what happens to female leaders that get captured by the enemy, hmm?”
“S-S-Six, w-wait…! We really aren’t here as enemies… And your hands keep touching my chest…!”
Each time Heine tries to squirm away, I’m told by a voice in my mind that I’ve acquired more Evil Points.
“Nice work, Six. You may as well go full scumbag now. Show me what it means to be a petty, conniving little rat!”
Ignoring both the teary-eyed Heine and the obnoxiously commenting Alice, I turn my attention to Russell.
“So just what are you exactly? Is the Demon Lord’s Army so starved for talent that they’d make a petty, conniving brat like you into an overlord?”
“Wh-what the hell are you going on about?! Calling me petty and conniving! As if humans have any room to talk!”
<Evil Points Acquired>
Evidently Russell isn’t used to taunting, snapping back at me with flushed cheeks. “Let go of Heine already! I’ve heard all about you. You conquered the impregnable Tower of Duster and you killed Gadalkand! I bet you used some dirty tricks for both feats!”
“Stop, Russell. Don’t taunt him! Also, Six! Stop groping me every time you say something! Wai—stop!”
<Evil Points Acquired>
I pull Heine closer, drawing my pistol from my hip. “Let’s make sure we understand each other, little man. Of all the types of villains in the world, the kind I can’t stand the most is kids like you. I bet you say things like ‘Can I keep him as my toy?’ and ‘I’m bored; can I break him now?’ I’ve heard it all before.”
“I have no idea what you’re talking about…! I only say things like that every once in a while! And let go of Heine already! If you want to fight me, I’ll indulge you. Just stop fondling my friend!”
<Evil Points Acquired>
He doesn’t seem to realize I’ve got a weapon in my hand.
He may be a member of the Elite Four, but I’ll admit I’m not totally thrilled at the idea of killing a kid. But them’s the breaks in an evil organization.
I point the barrel of my gun at Russell and prepare to squeeze the trigger. Just then…
“Come on, Six, listen to me! I’m here as an official envoy to this country. If you attack us, that’ll complicate things between this kingdom and yours! And for the last time, stop groping my breasts!”
Even as Heine the Hostage tries desperately to convince me, the flow of Evil Points continues.
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