6
“Raaaaaagh! All right, old man, you better have a good reason for this! You trying to mess with Kisaragi?! Betrayal comes with a high price tag!”
“Wh-wh-what in blazes?! Guards!! GUARDS!!”
Bursting into the banquet hall, I demand answers from Engel. “Don’t ‘what in blazes’ me, old man! Is your country selling water crystals to the demons? Hmm? Planning an alliance with them, are you? Maybe hoping to join in their invasion plans? Well?”
“Ah. I see you ran into Lady Heine. Your name was Six, yes? Listen to me.”
Engel sits in a plush, elaborate chair in the middle of the room. He appears to be sitting to keep his weight off a bad knee. Snow has him cornered inside his chair. He looks to me and shakes his head deliberately, trying to reassure me.
Snow’s eyes go wide at this exchange, and she, too, starts demanding answers from the prince. “Is this true, Your Highness? Why is Heine of the Flames here in your castle? If there’s any truth to what Six is saying, we cannot very well ignore the threat!”
“Lady Snow, allow me to explain. Sir Six is mistaken about an alliance with the Demon Lord’s Army. We’ve only agreed to a nonaggression pact. The demons are intelligent. They’re more than capable of negotiating with us. After a few meetings, we found we could come to a mutually beneficial arrangement.”
Ah, so this old man figured he could play both sides.
Thinking back on it, there were always these sorts of countries, even on Earth. The sort that wouldn’t take a clear stance on Kisaragi, even knowing we were an evil megacorporation. Once the winner was obvious, they’d jump in with the winning side at the last minute.
I suppose that’s ultimately what diplomacy is all about, but I’ve never seen it end well for any country that tries it. Once the dust settles, they’re usually bullied into concessions, maybe signing an unfair treaty. Other times they just end up being annexed in the end anyway.
I mean, that’s how we operated. I can’t imagine it’s any different here.
“We, of course, have no intention of becoming your enemy. You are aware of the reason the demons resorted to war, yes? They say they were forced into it by the Sand King. The desertification of their lands left them with no other choice. Indeed, we’ll be happy to mediate negotiations between you and the Demon Lord. Why not take this opportunity to end the war entirely?”
Engel shakes his head in a gesture that I guess is meant to demonstrate he’s the adult in the room. The gesture has no effect on Snow, who abandons her respectful tone for a combative one.
“So long as the Sand King exists, the demons will eventually run out of habitable land. So long as they crave new land, there’s no room for peace!”
I don’t know who this Sand King is, but eventually he’s going to turn all the demon country into desert. In which case, they have no choice but to invade other countries for their land.
Just like us. We’re here in search of new lands to conquer.
“Actually, if you’re willing to negotiate, we’re open to the possibility of peace.”
I hear the voice come from the entrance. I turn to see Heine standing there, arms still restrained behind her back.
Oh yeah. I guess I was in such a rush to get back here that I forgot to remove those cuffs.
“How dare you speak of peace! How many of our soldiers do you think lost their lives fighting you?! They were all good men. Heath, who came up with schemes to embezzle money… Molech, who sent me bribes… And just as importantly, you melted my precious sword Iceberg! I haven’t forgotten what you did to her!” Snow reveals bits of damning information during her angry tirade.
Ignoring her, Heine smiles seductively and saunters over to Engel. “I’d say we’re about even on that count, given that you killed Gadalkand. Thanks to Prince Engel’s help, we might find a solution to the Sand King problem, too. Evidently, there’s something in this kingdom’s ancient ruins that can defeat it. That’s actually why we’re here today.”
…Ancient ruins? Are those the same ruins Tillis mentioned?
Engel helpfully picks up the thread and fills in the details. “Basically, if we can do something about the Sand King, there’s no need for war between the Demon Lord’s Army and our kingdoms. Do you see now, Lady Snow? Our kingdom hasn’t betrayed anyone. In fact, this proposal is meant to provide a helping hand to the kingdom of Grace. You were facing defeat after all. However…”
His expression clouds with sadness.
“…it appears Lady Snow did not understand our sincere intent. Not only that, she decided to threaten us…”
Engel deliberately shakes his head, and Snow can’t find the words to respond.
Heine smiles mischievously. “We heard from Prince Engel that you all stopped buying water crystals. We offered to take those excess water crystals off their hands; you think you can just stroll back in and buy more?”
Ah, I see. The glut of water crystals opened the doors for the Demon Lord’s Army to step in.
“Snow, was it? Are you sure you should be so aggressive?” Heine teases. “Depending on how this plays out, you might end up making an enemy of both Toris and the Demon Lord’s Army.”
“Grr… Grrrr…!”
Seems Snow has realized the weakness of her position, grinding her teeth in frustration.
But as if driven by a sudden insight, she grabs Engel’s arm and presses up to him…
“Surely Your Highness would choose the kingdom of Grace over the demons, yes? I may have come on more strongly than intended earlier, but I have believed in your judgment, Your Highness. Why don’t we get better acquainted, as a sign of our kingdoms’ friendship?”
“H-hey, wait, you’re willing to go that far for your country? P-Prince Engel! I would be happy to keep you company…”
Suddenly the two women are engaging in a tug-of-war for Prince Engel’s attention.
Oh, come on. This is ridiculous.
“Heine! You, a high-ranking demon resorting to seduction? Do you have no sense of shame?! Surely Your Highness finds me more attractive, yes?”
“Wh-what are you talking about?! You’re the one who started with the seduction! I—I met His Highness first! You should be the one to back off! Your Highness will choose me, right?”
This is just bizarre. There’s so much wrong here.
Why are these beautiful women fighting over this ugly old dude instead of me ?
Despite being in a situation that’s right out of a harem genre story, Engel maintains his calm and answers them both. “I appreciate your gestures, but surely we shouldn’t let something like this influence the outcome of diplomacy.”
“Wh-what’s wrong, Your Highness?! You’re very different than your reputation!”
“All you could do was stare at my chest yesterday, and now you’re acting like you’re above it all. What happened between then and now?!”
Engel remains as calm as a sage, stoic in the face of the pair’s attempts at seduction. “For whatever reason, right before this banquet started, I suddenly felt like a new man. I started to question my shallow obsession with women…”
“Prince Engel, are you sure you are well?! You’re a completely different person from the description provided to me by Princess Tillis!”
“I can’t get over the fact that you went from calmly sexually harassing me yesterday to this!”
The two corner Engel, but he looks unfazed.
As a fellow man, this is a situation that makes me grind my teeth together with envy, but maybe this guy’s more than he appears.
However…
“Prince Engel! I, Snow, may have problems with my personality, but I’m confident in my face and body! Surely it’s better between two humans than with some random demon!” Snow approaches Engel, eyes bloodshot from her desperation not to let this potential sugar daddy get away.
Huh? So she actually is aware of her personality flaws?
“Wh-what?! P-Prince Engel! I, Heine, am faithful and diligent. I—I… Um…”
Heine’s a bit turned off by Snow’s aggression, but she presses on with her seduction attempt to avoid losing.
But the prince himself…?
“ Sigh. What am I to do with you? I keep telling you I have no interest in you two…”
He sighs out a remark worthy of a stoic protagonist with no libido to speak of, then glances toward me with a wry, almost gloating smile.
…This feels like the dictionary definition of failure.
It’s the feeling when you wait in line for a collector’s item and the person in front of you buys the last one.
The feeling when you hear the Kisaragi Supreme Leaders are bathing and take a peek…and get an eyeful of naked Tiger Man.
The feeling when brand-new Combat Agents who join up later shoot past me and end up in positions of power.
The feeling when I get my ass kicked by a Hero.
But compared to all those, the feeling of defeat at the hands of the man in front of me is overwhelming.
“What is it, Six? You’ve got that determined look again. You’re not planning anything stupid, are you?” Alice prods me from behind, trying to warn me.
“Sorry, Alice. I’m about to do something ridiculous, but can you just give me a pass this time? There are times when a man just can’t back down.”
“…I don’t understand what it is you’re talking about, but I’m your partner and evil corporate colleague. I’ll stand by you to the end, no matter what evil deeds you commit. Go ahead and relax,” Alice says, clearly sensing my determination. Aww, I think I’m gonna cry.
It’s all right, I have a reliable partner. She’ll figure it out, regardless of what happens.
“Damn you, Heine! I’ve hated you from the moment I met you. Dangling those stupidly huge tits out and sucking up to every man in sight! Not only is there overlap in our character types, but you’re trying to seduce my target…!”
“I’m not dangling anything! And as for sucking up, what the hell is wrong with you! And I’m not the same character type as you are! I’m not nearly as greedy!”
Despite the fact that the two fighting over him are about to start grappling with each other, Engel himself looks untroubled.
I wander up next to the prince. “Hey, man, the situation in this hall’s getting pretty ugly, huh? How about I do a little party trick to lighten the mood?”
“A party trick? Lady Snow mentioned fighting was your area of expertise, but you can do party tricks also? Very well. See what you can do to clear the air in here.”
With the tables turned to his advantage, Engel’s manner of speaking has changed entirely. He doesn’t seem to be expecting much, but everyone looks over at me as he gives his permission…
“You’re the perverted woman who let Six take all those racy pictures when you fought us! Your Highness, you should avoid women with no modesty, like this demon. On that front, I’m still pure! I can even ride unicorns…”
“Shut your mouth! I didn’t expose myself like that because I wanted to! It’s all Six’s fault…!”
Ignoring the two as their argument intensifies, I step behind Engel, who waits with an expression of curiosity.
“Hmm? If you stand there, I won’t be able to see your trick, Six.”
I let those words go in one ear and out the other. Alice notices that I’ve reached down to grab the zipper on my fly.
As I watch the android’s oddly human-looking expression of bewilderment…
“All right, here I go. This is one of the most famous can’t-miss party tricks passed down through the generations in my country!”
“Topknot!”
<Evil Points Acquired>
[Declaration of War]
The kingdom of Toris, unable to tolerate the attempts at intimidation of a longtime ally by your kingdom’s envoys and the blatantly disrespectful actions against Crown Prince Engel, hereby formally declare war upon the kingdom of Grace.
As a consequence, we will be withdrawing all diplomatic personnel, suspending export of water crystals, and implementing all available economic sanctions.
If the kingdom of Grace wishes to demonstrate its remorse, it may do so by turning over the two envoys. Otherwise, the kingdom of Toris will not hesitate to resort to the use of force and acquire recompense in blood.
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