10
The time is late, well into the night and closing in on early morning.
I knock on a particular man’s door.
“……Who is it?”
“Me. It’s me.”
At that response, the man opens the door without any semblance of caution.
“Who is it? Gear? Pomegranate? I haven’t called you; I’m busy right now…”
“What’s up, old man? It’s me, your favorite person in the world!”
The chief of staff stops his questions in mid-sentence, hurriedly trying to slam the door shut. I stick my foot out and use my boot to keep the door from closing.
“Gaaaaaaaaaah! Ow! Ow! My foot!”
Hearing my scream, the chief of staff throws open the door in a panic. I casually walk in, and Alice follows a few steps behind me.
“Wha…? Wh-what are you doing?! You can’t just barge in here!”
I ignore the chief of staff’s angry sputtering and glance around the room.
“…Well, well, things sure are different at the top. A lot of expensive stuff you’ve got here, milord.”
“Hey, Six, this is some really good furniture. Even a quick estimate would put their total worth in the millions.”
Whoa, really?
“…I’d be tempted to let him go if he gave us all his furniture…”
“I can’t have you being that easily swayed.”
The chief of staff seems to be struggling to follow our conversation. “Hey, now! What the hell do you two want at this late hour?”
“Well, well, that’s an interesting change from your usual tone. Is this how you really talk?”
“There’s an easy way to spot the small-time crooks. They can completely change their manner of speaking at a moment’s notice. He’s a stereotypical petty villain, Six.”
The chief of staff looks down, as if resisting an impulse. “……What do you want?!”
“…Well, you see, Snow told us everything. About how you got her to investigate us because you didn’t like me.”
“Indeed. Evidently, you hooked her by offering her a promotion, which led to her wandering to our room and overhearing a sensitive conversation. She kept apologizing for it.”
At that, all the color drains from the chief of staff’s face, leaving him white as a sheet.
“…Uh, well… Um…”
“There’s no way that’s true, riiight? You were so quick to praise me and call me a Hero at those meetings. Isn’t that right, old man?”
The chief of staff’s face lights up, and he pounces for the rope I dangle in front of him.
“Y-yes, that’s right! Sir Six is a Hero of the kingdom! Why would I hate such a man?”
“Good point… It must have been a misunderstanding on Snow’s part,” Alice agrees, and the old man nods enthusiastically.
“Yes! Yes, of course! That’s correct! ……Hey, wait. I recall Lady Snow saying that she wanted to kill you, Sir Six. That woman, she’s a commoner from the slums. If not for the war, she wouldn’t have ranked much higher than private. She got lucky and won her promotions, but I have no doubt that her ambition tempted her to do more. She probably hoped to take my place by pitting you and me against each other…”
“Damn, seriously? That’s messed up! Oh, hey, you know about that girl Rose? Apparently, she’s been on the hunt for some weird rock her grandpa wanted her to find. Something about it being his dying wish. I heard she’s being worked for almost no pay! Who came up with that idea? It’s genius!”
“If we’re going there, the whole idea of gathering a group of rejects from the army and using them as expendable troops is impressive, too. A true masterstroke.”
At our words, the chief of staff grins widely. Pleased as punch.
“Why, those are my ideas! Princess Tillis is a capable administrator, but she’s much too sheltered. She’s incapable of discarding the unworthy. So I chose to help reduce her burden, you see. I didn’t gain the chief of staff position for nothing. Not to toot my own horn here, but this whole plan went rather well…”
………………
“Hey, Alice, can we stop now? Like I said from the start. He’s not worth recruiting.”
The chief of staff’s eyes widen in surprise at the sudden shift in my attitude.
“Right. I’d never met this old man or had a conversation with him, so I thought there might be some hope. But this guy’s not evil. He’s just an opportunistic little worm… What’s wrong, Six? Does your chest hurt?”
“Urgh. I don’t know why, but those words just hit me right here…” I press my palm against my chest.
“…Wh-what is the meaning of this?! Why the sudden change in attitude…? …I don’t know what triggered it, but I apologize if I offended you. What say we forget about the past and discuss the future…?”
The chief of staff begins to offer excuses, which Alice interrupts by slamming something down on the desk.
The object on the desk is…
“Wh-what is this?”
…a lotus root.
“It’s the edible rhizome of a lotus plant. Not only can you eat it, it’s got some medicinal uses.”
“…A-and?”
Alice presses her expressionless face toward the chief of staff. “How would you like us to shove this entire thing up your ass?”
“Eeep! Wh-what is this girl saying?! D-didn’t anyone teach you not to play with your food?”
Alice didn’t look like anything other than a young girl, but her mannerisms and tone were as effective in the art of intimidation as those of any evil corporate operative. The chief of staff’s face twitches anxiously.
“I wouldn’t dream of wasting food. Once we’re finished, it will be cleaned, cooked, and consumed. Of course, I can’t eat, so you’ll have to do the honors.”
“Wha…? Wh-wha…what are you…?”
As the chief of staff backs into a corner, I tear off a length of an item I’m carrying in my hand.
“…J-just what is that…?”
The chief of staff grows curious about the item I’m holding.
“This? This is a tool used for punishing balding men. In some regions it’s referred to as duct tape.”
“Eeep! S-stop! What are you doing?! Please don’t!”
Looks like the chief of staff cares about his hairline after all; he keeps backing farther toward the wall with his hands shielding his scalp.
“Don’t worry so much. All I’m going to do is stick this on your head and peel it off. See? Easy.”
“P-please don’t! I’ll do anything! Do you want money? I can give you money! I’ll give you all that you ask for. So please don’t!”
Alice picks up the lotus root, then approaches the chief of staff, completely immune to his pleading.
“Hey, old man, if you’re gonna dabble in evil…”
I tear piece after piece of duct tape, storing it on my wrist before finishing Alice’s warning.
“…And if you’re planning to entrap someone, you’d better be ready to go down yourself… This is a show of thanks for how you treated my subordinates. So… Lotus root or duct tape? What’s it gonna be?”
The chief of staff just gives a tense, weeping smile.
<Evil Points acquired.>
After leaving the chief of staff’s room, we make our way toward the hideout to pick up our luggage.
“…You know, Six, even though you’re a meathead, your latest plan has my praise.”
I raise a brow at Alice’s comment.
“Hmm? What ‘plan’ are you talking about?” I ask back, confused by her praise. “And stop calling me a meathead.”
“…Wait, that wasn’t part of a plan? Everything we’ve been through?”
“…?”
Nope, don’t understand what she’s getting at.
“You made a promise with Snow, remember? About hiring Combat Agents?”
“Oh, that. Right. I promised Snow that we’d stick around and fight whoever we needed to fight, at least until we can get back to Japan. Though, since the truce with the Demon Army is supposed to last a month, we might not even have to fight before we leave. How’s that for an impressive plan?”
In spite of being an android, Alice lets out a sigh of exasperation.
“…Look at your current Evil Point balance.”
…190 points.
“…Huh? There’s a lot more than I thought. How? How did I get this much for pulling down Snow’s panties and bullying a baldy?”
“Look closer. Notice something next to the total?”
I take a second look.
…………-190.
“Uh…what?”
“Don’t ‘what’ me. You requested the R-Buzzsaw even though you didn’t have enough points, remember?”
!
“Since your point count’s negative, if you get back to Japan, the retribution squad’s going to grab you and subject you to some pretty rigorous punishment.”
So our corporation’s got this division called the retribution squad.
Normally, Evil Points are accumulated by completing evil deeds. However, if you rack up enough good deeds or tarnish the reputation of the organization by doing something embarrassing, you’ll start losing points.
Once your score hits negative figures…
“…I’ve heard the punishment is terrifying.”
“Seems like the punishment is customized for the victim each time.”
……Shit, shit, shit, shit. What do I do?!
“Alice! I don’t want to go back to Japan!”
I grab Alice and shake her in a panic. She stares at me as though she’s watching a particularly interesting new animal.
“Huh, you really weren’t doing it all on purpose, then…? Okay, here’s the plan, Six. Stay here. Even once the teleport connection is stabilized, stay here and keep working as a hired Combat Agent. Earn yourself enough Evil Points and head back to Japan only after you get them back up in the positive.”
“Perfect! Still, if there’s a month between now and the connection stabilizing, that should be plenty of time to get myself in the black again.”
I mean, I actually raised more than that in a shorter period of time. And that was just a few days ago!
“Hey, Fly, you’re forgetting that there’s wanted posters of you all over the city. You’re basically on parole.”
Oh, crap!
“Listen, will you? I’ll write the report this time. I’ll come up with some reason why you can’t leave yet. I’ll stay here with you as you accumulate points.”
“All hail Queen Alice!”
I cling to Alice. She in turn starts patting my head as though reassuring an overgrown child.
“All right, all right. Now start thinking up new ways to acquire points.”
“You got it, partner! I’ll start by meeting up with my squad members and stripping all of them naked!”
As I turn to head back to the castle, I hear Alice’s voice.
“H-hey, are you serious? And what’s this ‘partner’ business? I’m a support-type android…”
Alice is giving her usual complaints, but I’m too preoccupied with figuring out how to acquire points that I don’t quite make out all her words…
“…Partner, huh?”
…But I could’ve sworn I heard her mutter one last thing with a hint of satisfaction.
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