Combatants Will Be Dispatched - Volume 1 - Chapter 1.6

6 

“Stop squirming! You’re in the royal presence!” 

“Oh, come on! You said you’d take all the responsibility for anything that went wrong! Liar! Sadist! If you couldn’t handle one little screwup, you shouldn’t have asked us to fix the damn thing in the first place!” 

After Snow and the other soldiers take us into custody, we’re dragged into what appears to be the audience chamber in front of the king himself. 

“S-silence! I told you to fix it…not do…that!” 

Snow shoves me, hoping to shut me up. Our arms bound, Alice and I are thrown onto the carpet in front of a dais and forced to kneel. The gentle-looking man sitting on the throne in front of us gazes down at us with a look of curiosity. 

“…And these are?” 

“Your Majesty, these were travelers Snow recruited to serve as officers in our military. They came upon the artifact in the courtyard and claimed they could repair it…and ended up doing just that.” 

A woman who appears to be a secretary or assistant describes our misdeeds, prompting the man’s brows to rise in surprise. At this point, I’m pretty sure this man is the king himself, after all… 

“Hey, Alice, I don’t think I’ve ever seen someone who looks so…kingly. Look at that beard! He’d make Santa Claus jealous! Do you think he’ll let me touch it?” 

“Six, that is the ruler of this country. If you must spout mindless drivel, can you at least whisper? You’re practically shouting.” 

Ignoring our exchange, the secretary continues her explanation. 

“Unfortunately, in the process of repairing the artifact…they changed the prayer into…well, an obscene phrase.” 

“An obscene phrase? And what phrase would that be?” 

The secretary is an attractive woman with a calm, collected demeanor. 

What is it with this planet anyway? All the women I’ve met so far are superhot. Now that I think about it, the knights who were accompanying Snow were all pretty easy on the eyes, too… 

“Um…it’s…dick festival…” 

“Ah…forgive me for making you say that aloud.” 

I can’t help but feel another pang of regret as the gravity of the situation sinks in. 

But wait a second…all those women were riding unicorns… 

“We cannot understand why anyone would do such a foolish thing. You there, do you dispute anything the secretary has said so far?” 

…If I’m remembering my mythology right, unicorns only accept the company of virgin maidens. Say, does that mean…? 

“You! Answer His Majesty’s question!” Snow’s face breaks into my thoughts. 

“Whoa! Too close! I see what you’re trying to do! Taking advantage of my reverie to steal a kiss!” 

“What…?!? What are you talking about?! Do you realize where you are?!” 

The king breaks in with a polite cough and repeats his line of questioning. “You, is it true that you changed the prayer into an obscene phrase?” 

I recall my current situation with a start and glare at Snow. 

“It’s true, but she said she’d take all responsibility.” 

“Y-you son of a… He’s lying, Your Majesty! I only ordered him to fix the device…” 

The king appears at a momentary loss for words as I try to press responsibility onto Snow… 

“We appreciate the fact that you repaired the artifact. For that, we will forgive your indiscretion and provide you with a reward. You may take that reward and make your way—” 

“Father, a moment please.” Tillis, wearing a calm smile that just manages to cover whatever emotions were roiling beneath the surface, interrupts the king and enters the audience chamber. “I would like to take those individuals into my service. They are, after all, capable of wiping out a group of Deadly Heggs and repairing artifacts. It would be a pity to lose their services over such a trifling matter.” 

“V-very well. If that is your judgment, I will support your decision, Tillis.” 

The king nods frantically in agreement to Tillis’s suggestion. Alice and I have an aside in Japanese. 

“<Six, it looks like the true center of power in this country is that princess. The king strikes me as more of a doting, doormat father.>” 

“<Ah, so we should cozy up to Tillis. Brownnosing is one of my best skills, leave it to me.>” 

“<You are something else…>” 

Snow waves her hand grandly toward us as she processes what Tillis had just said. 

“Your Highness! We should banish this man! Think of what he’s done to our artifact! He might very well be a spy planted to bring ruin to our kingdom! Please rethink your decision!” 

“Oh? Spies, huh…? What does that make the person who talked up our potential and got us hired?” 

Snow explodes with rage. “You dare accuse me of treason? No one is more loyal to the princess or this kingdom than I!” 

“Ah, looks like I struck a nerve… People get really defensive when the accusations against them are true. The truth hurts, doesn’t it?” 

Snow responds to my taunting by drawing her sword and lunging at me. “You bastard! Give me one good reason not to use my beloved Flame Zapper to cleave your head from your shoulders!” 

“Ah, resorting to violence against a helpless opponent just because you’re losing an argument. I guess chivalry really is dead! You sure you wanna kill someone your boss is interested in hiring? There’s something else you ought to be doing, isn’t there?” 

Snow, cheeks flushed with rage and ready to take my head off with a single swipe of her blade, freezes in her tracks. 

“…Something else I ought to be doing?” 

Alice explains to the bemused Snow. “Well, you told Six and me, and I quote: ‘I’ll take full responsibility.’ Our part has been swept under the rug, but that doesn’t change your role in all this.” 

Snow begins to tremble uncontrollably, sword slipping from her hand and clanging against the floor. Cringing, she turns her gaze toward Tillis. The glimmer of hope in her eyes is quickly extinguished as the kingdom’s true ruler directs a gentle smile toward the knight— 

I stretch as I leave the interview room, and Alice comes up to me, speaking in Japanese. 

“<Hey. How did your interview go? Since they’re already planning to hire us, I’m assuming they just asked some easy background questions.>” 

“<Yep. They asked about Kisaragi, my Finisher, and even a couple questions about Heroes.>” 

After the audience with the king, they had me write a résumé for a quick interview for appearance’s sake. I’m just giving a rundown of the interview to Alice. 

“<So I’m now a knight of the kingdom…not bad. If I can’t be the Chosen One, I’ll settle for being a knight.>” 

“<Just don’t forget you’re a Kisaragi Combat Agent first and foremost. Our mission comes first.>” 

“So that language you sometimes break into, is that your native tongue?” 

* * * 

A voice breaks into the Japanese conversation between Alice and me. 

“You again?” 

It was Snow, finally having changed out of her armor and revealing that the outfit was hiding one seriously nice body. The outfit, which I assume is some sort of knight uniform, is pretty heavy on blue tones. The color accentuates the whiteness of her slender legs that peek out from the skirt, and judging by her looks, Snow would give a supermodel a run for her money. 

“What do you mean, ‘You again?’ I’d prefer not to be here, either.” 

She’s weirdly hostile. I mean, I suppose I’ve given her a few reasons to hate me, but still. 

“And…? What do you want? We were just on our way to the barracks.” I’m pretty salty myself, and I’m not even trying to hide it. 

Snow’s brow twitches. “I’ve been assigned to take you to those very barracks…and tend to you while you’re there.” 

“…Say what?” 

The moment the question leaves my mouth, Snow straightens and snaps off a smart salute. 

“I’ve been assigned to your unit, effective immediately. From here on out, I’ll be serving as your executive officer.” 

…It appears Snow is now part of my unit. Wait, how did it come to this? 

“…You’re saying my first assignment is as a unit commander?” 

Snow maintains her salute, but her expression turns to a look of annoyance. 

“…W-were you even listening to Princess Tillis? We’ve lost most of our veteran commanders and knights in our war against the demons. That’s why you see women serving as soldiers. It’s also why so many knights and officers are barely older than children. We have a critical shortage of commanders. You have experience leading units in your home country, right? So starting today, you’re being placed in charge of your own squadron. Even if the group is only at squadron level, this is still a leadership position.” 

Ah. I see this kingdom’s higher-ups appreciate my talents, making me a squad commander so quickly. 

“With that said…I consider you a figurehead. When it comes to actual combat, I’ll issue the orders. Stay out of my way.” 

What the hell is this woman going on about? 

“Hey! Don’t let that whole knight-captain thing go to your head. I’ve got a pretty good record as a commander. Definitely better than your kingdom’s losing streak to the demons.” 

“…I do appreciate that you repaired the artifact. But in the process, you made it abundantly clear that I can’t trust you. I’m on to you now, so don’t try anything funny.” 

Snow turns on her heel and starts walking without so much as a backward glance. Her body language makes it clear she’s not planning on making friends, but Alice and I don’t intend to just let her march off without getting in a barb or two of our own. 

“Taking out your anger on us because you got demoted… Don’t you have any shame? Some people!” 

“Some people!” 

“…I—I haven’t been demoted! I’m…I’m here to make sure you two don’t do anything suspicious. And since you’re basically an amateur, I’ve been assigned to support you. You’d best understand where you stand.” Snow turns back toward us and gives a hurried string of excuses. 

Her eyes are bugging out way too much for us to believe her. Alice and I turn to each other and shrug. 

“…Pretty sure she’s the only one who thinks she’s being assigned to watch us…” 

“Of course. After letting that happen to a national treasure like that artifact? I’m pretty sure a screwup that big would normally call for seppuku. Poor girl, deluding herself into thinking she’s getting an important assignment.” 

“You…you bastards!”