5
“Welcome back, Snow. Thank you for undertaking the mission… Perhaps you could introduce me to your companions?”
Once inside the castle, we’re taken to the largest room at the very top of the building and introduced to a blond-haired, blue-eyed young woman. I get the sense she’s the calm, quiet sort.
“Of course. I encountered these two while carrying out my mission, Your Highness. They say they are foreigners who come from beyond the Darkwood. I was not able to determine the truth of their claims, but when I found them, they had slain a pack of Deadly Heggs. At the very least, they are skilled enough to navigate the forest.”
Hearing Snow’s report, the young woman covered her expression of surprise and mouthed Oh my…
“Lower your heads. The lady before you is Her Highness, Princess Cristoseles Tillis Grace, princess of the realm and your new employer.”
“That name’s a mouthful.”
“Y-you insolent cur!”
Snow glares as I blurt out my opinion, while the young woman in front of me lets out a soft chuckle.
“I see you’re one who readily speaks his mind. Clearly, you’re not from any of the neighboring kingdoms… I doubt anyone who knows of my reputation would behave this way in my presence.”
The young woman chuckles in amusement, letting the implications of her statement remain a mystery.
“How should I address you? Princess Grace? Or should I refer to you as Princess Cristoseles?”
“Please call me Tillis. There is no need for formalities or titles. I ask that you act as naturally as possible.”
“…L-Lady Tillis, surely that is going a little too far…?”
Snow seems to have more to say, but Tillis is breezily unconcerned. The Supreme Leaders at our corporation are pretty quick to comment about my attitude, but it appears this princess doesn’t need constant reminders of her status.
Snow whispers into Tillis’s ear. A moment later, the princess nods and turns back to Alice and me.
“…Sir Six and Lady Alice, is it? I’m told that you commanded armies in your homeland, Sir Six?”
“I sure did. I led countless Combat Agents in vicious battles against all sorts of enemies from around the world.”
Snow shoots us a skeptical gaze typically reserved for scam artists, while Tillis chuckles in her artful way.
Eesh. For once, I’m telling the truth.
“Currently, our war with the demons has left us with a shortage of qualified soldiers. Given your abilities, we would appreciate it if you could lend your strength to us, if even for a short while.”
Tillis clasps her hands together as if in prayer, then gazes up at me.
“W-well…I can’t very well refuse the request of a princess. D-don’t think I’m accepting just because you’re easy on the eyes…”
“Six, stop being a creep. You’re just going to complicate things.”
Hearing my response, Tillis lets out a soft sigh of relief and smiles at me.
“Honestly…I know you’re a foreigner, but there are limits! Her Highness is kind enough to ignore your indiscretions, but don’t think the other nobles are so tolerant. I don’t mind you losing your head, but you’re likely to take me down with you!”
After our interview with our new employer, Snow takes us to the next part of the hiring process. Even though Tillis has given us her blessing, they still need to interview us, if only as a formality. It looks like bureaucracy’s strict adherence to protocol is a universal concept.
“Please forgive him, Lady Snow. Six is certainly a fool without a shred of common sense, but when it comes to battle, he’s a professional. He’ll prove his worth soon enough. His accomplishments will be a credit to you, I’m sure.”
“Well…”
Snow’s string of complaints cuts off as Alice highlights our potential.
“Oh! I get it now. Since you’re in the middle of a war, I’m sure you want every able-bodied fighter. Seeing the corpses of those whatchamacallit monsters, you thought we’d make quite the catch. I see, I see… You made a big deal out of your generosity in giving us work when what you really wanted was to get your hands on my sexy body!”
“We’re not that desperate! And your body? Don’t make me laugh! I’ll be honest with you. My three greatest loves are money, glory, and high-quality swords!”
I’m caught a bit off guard as Snow drops all pretense and essentially declares herself a megalomaniac.
“Look, Six. There’s something about you that makes me think we have something in common. Normally, they wouldn’t just hire a foreigner. I’ve got some authority, too. If anyone gives you crap for being a newcomer, I can use my position as captain of the Royal Guard to crush them. We’re on the same side, you and me. I’ll try to give you some backup from here on out. I’m counting on you!”
Snow has just admitted to being a social climber and accused me of being the same thing, and I’m still reeling from the sudden revelation when Alice suddenly pipes up.
“…Say? Snow, what might that be?”
As we pass the castle courtyard, we come across another sight that, like the tank, looks completely out of place in a stonework castle. There’s a box-shaped contraption around three meters to a side sitting there in the courtyard. Alice stares at it, examining it in detail.
“Compared to the tank, this appears to be in much better condition. Seems to run on solar power. What is this for?”
We stop to examine the object, and Snow lets out a sigh at our curiosity.
“This is another of our kingdom’s artifacts. It’s a legendary relic that makes rain. Every year, during the dry season, one of the members of the royal family offers a prayer to the device, and it brings rain to the kingdom. As you might have noticed, it’s currently not operating. It’s safeguarded here, protected by layers of preservation magic, but someday it, too, will be lost to the sands of time…”
Snow trails off at the last comment. From her expression, it’s clear she’s equating the fate of the device with the fate of the kingdom.
“If it’s not too far gone, I might be able to fix it. May I open it up?”
“T-truly? Even if you can’t fix it, I’ll take full responsibility. But please, give it a try!”
In response to Snow’s hopeful expression, Alice produces a toolbox seemingly out of nowhere and starts repair work on the device.
“Where the heck did that come from?”
“I carry the tools I need to maintain my own body. It’s like how you take care of your health,” Alice responds airily.
She can repair herself, hmm? She might be more useful than I thought.
Snow shifts impatiently as she watches Alice work.
“Well…? Can you fix it?”
“Yes, ma’am, it looks repairable. Some of the wires are worn. It should just be a matter of replacing them and restarting the device.”
Snow’s face lights up as Alice explains the repair process.
“Good work! All right, let me go fetch someone. Heh…heh-heh-heh…… Hey, Alice, Six, we’ll be splitting credit evenly, right? Right??”
Snow breaks out into a bewildering fit of giggles as she dashes off in a random direction.
“…Split the credit? But she didn’t do anything.”
“You haven’t done anything, either, you know… There, that should do it.”
Alice pushes what appears to be the on switch, and a mechanical voice speaks up.
“Commencing reinitialization process. You will be prompted to set a new password once reinitialization is completed.”
Password?
Ah, so that must be what Snow was talking about when she mentioned saying a prayer to the device.
“Reinitialization process complete. Please set a password.”
The device announces that it’s ready to accept a new password.
“Dick festival.”
“Password set.”
“…What the hell are you doing?” Alice blurts out, momentarily pausing as she puts away her tool kit.
I wag my finger and tut. Alice is an android; she should have seen this coming.
“Think about what Snow said. Every year when they need rain, a member of the royal family says a prayer. That means Tillis. Imagine that beautiful, well-mannered princess saying that obscenity. In public, to boot! Each time Tillis is forced to embarrass herself to the masses, I’ll also get some Evil Points.”
“Clearly you didn’t think this through. Snow said a royal. That means it doesn’t have to be Tillis. Tillis is a princess. That means there’s an actual king. So you’ve made it so that every year a middle-aged guy is going to say that idiotic password in front of a huge crowd of people.”
……
“Crap. When you put it that way, I’m starting to think this wasn’t such a great idea.”
“Well, it’s too late now. Six, get them to send us some plastic explosives. We can blow up the machine and erase the evidence. Then we tell Snow, ‘We couldn’t fix the machine. I thought it was fixed, but it blew up.’”
That’s a wonderful idea. I can see why Alice is classified as a high-spec android.
“Excellent, let’s go with that!”
“And what, pray tell, is so excellent?”
A familiar-sounding voice interrupts me from behind.
Tillis is standing behind us with a forced smile and a fan clutched in a death grip. An uncomfortably silent Snow stands next to her, sweating bullets and trembling.
The chip in my head chooses that moment to chime in with a familiar notice.
<Evil Points acquired.>
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