Combatants Will Be Dispatched - Volume 1 - Chapter 1.7

7 

“This will be your room. We’ve furnished it with the basics. Now, what shall we do about Alice…?” 

After a brief argument, we’ve finally made our way to the barracks and been led to our rooms. Here, for whatever reason, Snow has decided she needed to complicate the discussion. 

“What do you mean, ‘What shall we do about Alice?’ Did you have something special in mind for her?” 

“…Well, ordinarily this barracks is off-limits to nonpersonnel.” Snow looks a little nonplussed. 

“Excuse me? You think you can exclude me now? I’m a member of Six’s unit, dammit. Seriously, that’s why you got demoted, dumbass.” 

Alice suddenly launches into a tirade. Her expression isn’t much different from usual, but I get the impression she’s miffed. 

“Wh…what? A-Alice…wh-where did you learn to speak so disrespectfully?” 

The sudden burst of venom from Alice, who by all appearances is a child, sends Snow reeling back, wide-eyed. 

“I don’t need any lectures about respect from you. Check yourself before you criticize anyone else, got it? Now go and ready a room for me, you cheapskate!” 

“…Y-you…insolent little brat! Squadrons have five members. Each member has a specific role. Usually, there’s three knights as front liners, with a mage and healer as the back line. Six and I would be knights in this case. Meaning we need at least one more front liner, a mage, and a healer… What can you do, Alice?” 

Snow looks at Alice skeptically, but if Alice is troubled by it, she’s not letting it show at all. She scowls as she presses her face up at Snow. 

“What can I do? As a high-spec model, I can do anything. My specialties are planning, strategizing, and devising tactics, but I can also use nanomachines to provide medical attention to those in need. It’s technology far beyond the comprehension of you troglodytes. So I guess you can tell that healer or whatever to hit the bricks. Their services are no longer required!” 

Alice unilaterally declares healers to be superfluous extras, then stomps her way out of the room in a manner not befitting a presumably emotionless android. 

“…Can she do that…?” 

Snow mumbles her concern, momentarily looking less like a cynical knight and more like an insecure teenager. 

Snow makes arrangements for Alice’s room, then leads us to the exercise yard in front of the barracks. Snow mentions that there’s currently a group of soldiers awaiting assignment, carrying out training exercises there. 

“Eyes up! We will now begin the recruitment of two members for a brand-new squadron. If you think you’re up to the task, step forward!” 

In response to Snow’s announcement, the soldiers stop sparring and gather around us. 

“You haven’t been here long enough to know what each soldier is like, so I’ll be choosing our squad members. However, feel free to peruse their résumés if you’d like.” 

Snow shoves a pile of papers into my hands, then waits for the soldiers to assemble. If she actually wants our input, she’s doing an amazing job of hiding it. Anyone can see that she’s just putting on a show by waiting for everyone to gather before announcing her preset choices. 

“Hey, Six, look at this.” 

Alice pauses filing through the résumés and holds a set up for me to look at. 

“‘God of War, Alexandrite Gravekneel.’ Good pick—he sounds like a badass.” 

“No, not him. Just look at his age. That geezer is over eighty years old. I’m talking about these two.” 

With a title like God of War and the experience from surviving into his eighties, I’m pretty sure Alexandrite’s got all the qualifications of a badass, but Alice is intent on the pair on the next page. 

“‘Artificial Humanoid Battle Chimera: Rose,’ ‘Grimm, Archbishop of Zenarith’…? These names sound like trouble to me. What’s so great about them…? Hey! ‘Mirei the Clumsy Ally-Killing Mage’! Let’s go with her! I want a clumsy mage on the team!” 

“There’s no way that a clumsy mage is anything but a ticking time bomb. Besides, just look at the kill counts for the two candidates that I found. They’re way higher than the others.” 

I go through the résumés again after Alice makes her point. Sure enough, those two have a lot more kills than the others. 

Still… 

“But if we’re talking about kill count, Alexandrite has ten or twenty times their number. Might be better off going with him…” 

“Forget about the old guy. We can’t have a soldier that might keel over from a heart attack mid-mission. Besides, these two have more interesting titles. I have no idea what an Archbishop of Zenarith is, but a Battle Chimera sounds like a perfect fit for the corporation.” 

…That’s true. The title does make her sound like some sort of mutant. 

“I see you’ve all assembled. Now, I’ll announce the choices for the squadron. First…” 

Alice interrupts Snow in the middle of her announcement without so much as a by your leave. 

“Hold up, Snow. These are the two we want.” 

Alice hands the chosen résumés to Snow. 

“Uh…wait, not these two… Can we at least swap one out for Sir Alexandrite?” 

“Do the two of you have a geezer fetish or something? Just call them forward already.” 

It’s hard to shake the feeling that Alice has Snow firmly under her heel, and the knight mumbles complaints under her breath as she summons Alice’s selections. A young girl steps in front of me, looking a little older than Alice, at maybe fourteen or fifteen years old. 

“…Well, each résumé describes the soldier in question, so you can read up later. Rose, go ahead and introduce yourself,” Snow orders. 

“The name’s Rose. Artificial Humanoid Battle Chimera Rose… You think you can handle me…?” 

Covering one eye with her hand, Rose glares at us with a look of deliberate disinterest to rival Alice’s. 

A closer look reveals a lizard tail peeking out from the hem of her skirt and a little demon horn protruding from behind her silver bob. Each of her eyes is a different color, and the combination does in fact bring a Chimera to mind. 

I mirror Rose’s pose. 

“Combat Agent Six. Cybernetic killing machine. I buried my past with my old name. Pleasure to meet you, Artificial Humanoid Battle Chimera…” 

“I’m Alice Kisaragi. Don’t worry, our corporation deals with so many cringeworthy nutjobs, we’ve got HR policies to help special snowflakes like you. We’ll make good use of your abilities.” 

At our introduction, Rose freezes in place, covering her face with her palms. She falls into a trembling heap, evidently hoping that we might have mercy and forget about her weirdly haughty intro. 

“Alice, you could have at least tried to play along. Look at her; she’s so mortified, she’s shivering. You’ll probably make her cry if you call her cringey again.” 

“Why would I play along with her dumb antics? …You there, stop acting like that if you find it so embarrassing.” 

“Y-yes, ma’am… I’m Artificial Humanoid Chimera Rose. P-pleased to meet you.” 

Rose slinks toward us, her face beet red. 

“Try to look past her oddities; she can’t help that her creator raised her this way.” 

“My creator…that is, my grandpa, told me to do this when introducing myself… Sniff, sniff… I didn’t want to do it, but it was my grandpa’s dying wish…” 

Rose starts crying after Snow’s explanation. This strikes me as a good time to look away for a bit, so I turn my attention to Rose’s résumé. I note the basics: age, assignments, kill count, and special abilities… 

“…Whoa, what’s this? You can absorb the abilities of things you eat?” 

“Huh? Y-yes, sir…as a Chimera, I’m pretty easily influenced by the things I eat… It can’t be just a bite or two, but if I eat enough of a monster, I start manifesting its abilities. Lately, I haven’t eaten much other than meat from one-horned ogres and fire-breathing lizards. That’s where this little horn and tail come from…” 

Alice and I exchange glances. 

“<Alice, she’s a mutant initiate.>” 

“<We definitely need to secure this one.>” 

“…Wh-what’s going on? I can’t understand a word you’re saying…but it doesn’t sound particularly pleasant… Um…say…you wouldn’t have any unusual foods on you, would you? Something smells really tasty…” 

Rose’s initial panic at hearing Japanese is replaced by curiosity, her nose twitching in response to a scent. I haven’t had time to eat a proper meal since we were teleported, so I started snacking on a ration bar on my way to the barracks. I take out the partially eaten ration bar and show it to Rose. 

“Did you mean this? It’s everyone’s favorite, delicious, nutritious ration bar, Calorie-Z. You can have it if you agree to follow all my orders without exception.” 

“S-seriously? Oh…but it just smells too good to resist.” 

“Tsk… Six, you know you look like a pedophile trying to tempt a little girl with candy, right? …Still, that is useful information for the future.” 

Rose’s mismatched eyes follow the ration bar as I wave it from side to side. 

Snow’s attention remains on the gathered soldiers, looking for a specific face. When she finds her mark, Snow calls out, “Grimm, wake up and get over here!” 

In response, a woman in a wheelchair wheels her way over to us. Seated barefoot, the slender woman looks to be about eighteen or nineteen years of age. She has sleepy brown eyes on a faintly pale face framed with beautiful straight brown hair. The first word I can think of to describe her is frail, and I can’t help but wonder if she’s actually fit for combat. 

“I’m Combat Agent Six, your new commander.” 

“Staff officer and medic, Alice.” 

Grimm listens to our introductions with a bright, shining gaze. 

“It’s a pleasure to meet you! My name is Grimm. I have so many questions for you! But let’s start with the most important one. Are you married, Commander? Got a girlfriend, maybe? I’m not currently seeing anyone, by the way. Can you believe it? A fine woman like me, still single.” 

“In spite of my rugged good looks and charming personality, I’m still single, as well.” 

“This is a military squadron, not a dating service! Fraternization within the same unit is strictly prohibited! Focus, Grimm!” 

Snow works herself into a righteous frenzy, but Grimm appears unfazed by it. If anything, Grimm shifts from side to side in her chair, almost giddy. 

…I suppose I should pick something combat-related to talk about. What do I ask first? Who or what the hell is Zenarith? Do you really need to be heading out to battlefields when you’re in a wheelchair? There’s a whole lot of questions that keep bubbling up, but the most important question comes first. 

“Grimm, are you a magic user? If you are, could you tell me a bit about your abilities? I’m a novice when it comes to magic.” 

Of course I’m going to ask about magic first. Especially since Grimm’s résumé lists something as creepy as curses in her Special Abilities section. 

“Well, if you want to go into specifics, I’m not a magic user… Instead, as an archbishop, I serve as a conduit for the great Lord Zenarith. He uses me to manifest his blessings upon this world.” 

A conduit for blessings? What the hell does that even mean? 

“Uh…so just who or what is this great Lord Zenarith?” 

“Lord Zenarith is the God of Undeath and Disaster. I, Grimm, am a humble servant and worshipper of the great Lord Zenarith.” 

God of Undeath and Disaster…? 

“…So…a dark god?” 

“Blasphemy! Watch what you say, or Lord Zenarith might smite you!” 

Ordinarily, I’d ask that she demonstrate, but the whole “curse” thing makes me a little nervous. I suppose I’ll see it in action soon enough on the battlefield. 

… I don’t quite know what’s gotten into Grimm, but suddenly she shifts in her wheelchair, hugging her knees to her chest with a playful grin. Her long skirt lifts in response, and the hemline creeps up along her legs… 

“…Tee-hee…hey, big boy. Are you interested in what’s going on down here? If you repent for your sin of calling Lord Zenarith a dark god, we can initiate you…and then maybe I’ll let you have a little peeEEEEEK!” 

<Evil Points Acquired> 

I lose patience with Grimm’s teasing and hike up her skirt. 

I’m forced to reassess my opinion of Grimm as her panties come into full view—she’s wearing a black G-string. Far from being a frail, reserved beauty, it seems that Grimm has a rather naughty side. 

“I had no intention of actually letting you look! You’d better take responsibility for this and put a ring on it! You’ll be supporting me for the rest of my life! I’m never letting you go!” 

I take that back about her being naughty… Any way you slice it, this chick is crazy. 

“Easy there, Lady Butt-Floss. You’re partly to blame for teasing Six like that.” 

“Don’t call me Lady Butt-Floss! I only started wearing this underwear because Gothmopolitan Magazine said it would make it easy to get a boyfriend!” 

The hell is Gothmopolitan? Some sort of dating magazine? 

“If seeing panties was enough of a reason to marry a woman, I’d have my own harem by now! I’ll show you my underwear later, and that’ll make us even, Madame Butt-Floss?” 

“Don’t you dare equate your dirty boxers with a maiden’s panties! And you’d better stop using that nickname, too!” 

Snow lets out a deep sigh as she watches our exchange. 

“Sigh…of course he’d choose the biggest potential headaches… Still, at least they’re useful in combat.” 

I take another look through the résumés at Snow’s remarks. It’s not just the old man or bumbling mage or these two weirdos. Every single candidate has one problem or another. So this must mean… 

“Well…anyway, I suppose we’ll just have to do our best as the cream of the reject crop. Any chance of us becoming friends is pretty much dead, but I’ll at least try to keep you alive.” 

Snow wears a sullen look, turning her back to us and waving her hand dismissively… 

…Hey, who the hell is she to call us rejects? 

I mean, sure, we’ve got a thong bishop in a wheelchair, a perpetually hungry monster girl, along with a Combat Agent and android from an evil organization, but… 

…Okay, yeah, we’re definitely a bunch of social rejects. 

…Hey, wait a second. 

“That means they thought you were a reject and sent you to join us, doesn’t it? Makes sense given your personality…” 

Snow twitches and shoots us a look of pure venom. 

“Wh-what are you going on about…?! Of course that’s not the case! I’m here to watch over you!” 

“Hey, Six, not only did she get demoted, but Tillis decided to use the opportunity to get rid of her. Ha! Re-ject! Re-ject!” 

“Ha-ha! R-re-ject!” 

“Whoo-hoo! Serves you right!!” 

Drawn in by Alice, even Rose and Grimm join into the taunts. 

Snow clenches her jaw, squeezing her knuckles tightly enough that the color drains from them entirely. 

“S-say what you will! You just need to listen to my orders! Under my command, we’ll produce results and I can get myself promoted out of this mess!” 

Snow glares at us with a mixture of hurt and determination, likely due to her shattered pride as an elite soldier. 

“Did you hear that, Six? She just admitted this unit is a mess! After all that talk about being assigned to us as a guardian.” 

“Hey, you’re right. She finally admitted that she got demoted…which reminds me, why do we need to listen to Captain Demotion again? I’ve commanded units myself.” 

The taunting from Alice and me has Captain Demotion at the end of her rope, and her brows rise in anger. 

“Don’t call me Captain Demotion! You’ve never fought in this country before, so that’s why you listen to me. Just what the hell is up with your armor anyway?! There’s something…off about it. It’s black and evil looking…like something a low-ranking demon would wear, not a knight!” 

“Watch it! My armor’s got nothing to do with it. I’ll admit the power armor looks a bit prickly, but I don’t have to put up with remarks like that from you!” 

The power armor I’m wearing is an older model and heavy as hell, but it’s been my constant companion for years and saved my ass more times than I can count. 

“I’ve had enough of you! Just the fact that our commander is some shady-eyed, scar-faced bastard from parts unknown…prone to strange antics, to boot…that’s enough of a stain on our reputation!” 

“Wha—?! You little…” 

Oh, so that’s how it’s going to be, huh? I start going easy on her, and she decides it’s an invitation to walk all over me. 

“What’s more, you look like an ignorant bumpkin! What kind of schooling did you even receive? I have a degree from the kingdom’s top university!” 

“…Grrr.” 

I didn’t go to college. Hell, I was so busy with my job as a Combat Agent that I never even finished high school! 

“Do you get it now? Do you see why you should just shut up and listen to me? Swear you’ll listen to my orders, and I’ll at least make sure you’re not embarrassed on the battlefield!” 

Oh, this little— …I’ll show her…! 

“What’s with that look? Going to resort to violence now?! Fine! Ignore the fact that I’m a woman and give it your best shot! Assuming you have the balls! Well?! Come on now!” 

You…! 

“You biiiiiiitch!!” 

Snow drops into a fighting stance at my yell. I approach the knight, poised and ready for an all-out brawl…and grab hold of her breasts. Yes, Snow’s ample bosom that swells out from the front of her uniform. The whole room goes silent, the rest of the squad just gaping. I don’t think I’ll ever forgive the sheer look of incredulity that Snow wore as she stood there frozen in a fighting pose. 

<Evil Points Acquired>