Toradora! - Volume 5 - Chapter 5

Chapter 5

“Waah, there sure are a lot of people lined up outside… No way, I’m getting nervous. What should I do?”

“Calm down, Haruta.”

“Calm down? But Taka-chan…eep!”

They were in a cramped spot by the classroom’s blackboard. They had blacked-out the space and turned it into a dressing room. Haruta had been peeking out into the hallway from a gap in the door they had closed. He had raised his voice, taken aback, and the others surrounding him adopted the resolve to discipline him. A storm of outstretched arms rained down together to poke him in the forehead.

“What’re you doing, you idiot?! Keep quiet! If they hear us, it’ll ruin the mood!”

“Do you have no self-awareness as a director, you idiot?!”

“You’ve got no composure at all! You idiot!”

“Ow ow ow oww! But I can’t help it!”

Haruta finally crawled away and escaped from the explosive attack. He pointed at the black-clad back of the person facing away from the commotion, who was still occupied with preparations.

“But Takasu was glaring at me with that terrifying face!”

“Huh? Me?”

Ryuuji had just been talking to Haruta to soothe his nerves, though. He turned around in surprise at the unexpected words from his friend.

“Whoa?!”

“Gyaaaaaaaaah!”

Even the ones who had been reproaching Haruta completely broke down and ran away to the wall. What in the world? Ryuuji thought, tilting his head in astonishment. Taiga, who had come out from the changing space after getting in costume, furrowed her brows at the commotion and grabbed Ryuuji’s shoulder.

“Wait,” she said, “what are you doing horsing arou—gyaaaaah!”

After looking into his face, she fell right over. This was abnormal behavior, even for her. Ryuuji impatiently pulled Taiga up.

“Even you, Taiga?! Why are you all screaming when you look at me?!”

“I was careless…to take your face flash directly…”

“My face? Uh, w-was my makeup too strong?”

He finally grasped the situation. Though his reaction was late, he became embarrassed and covered his face with his hands.

The cramped dressing room was only illuminated by a desk light someone had brought. They had surrounded the room with blackout curtains and turned off the rest of the lights so nothing would be visible from the stage. In that dimly lit space, Ryuuji’s villainous face, lit diagonally from below, had become nothing less than a murder weapon. Thick, stark eyeliner brought out the dangerous sheen of his dark blue lids. The makeup on his sharp and lifted sanpaku eyes made his threatening presence seem more prominent. Concealer hid the color of his normally rough lips, making them look even more inhuman. If he swaggered onto the stage with a face like this, he would likely leave a permanent scar on the spectators’ souls.

“What’s your goal with this, you bomb-faced dog?”

Taiga threw makeup wipes at him. Ryuuji took them, though he was slightly sad. He had just been enthusiastic. He wanted to put in his best effort, even though he was being pushed into showing off his terrifying face, which was the origin of a psychological complex for him. He felt indebted to his classmates, who had accepted him back into the fold even though he had made a scene and ruined the mood the other day. He wanted to do everything he could to at least act the part of the villain.

“I got carried away…”

“You don’t need anything like that,” Taiga said, flatly carving away and throwing out Ryuuji’s feelings for him. “When it comes to you, it’s better if you think, ‘There’s something missing,’ on all points. That’s exactly good enough. You’re always overdoing something. You engrave this lesson deep into yourself.”

“What are you talking about?” he said. “I’ve always taken it to heart to use a moderate amount of salt… What’s with your face? Are you thinking of going out there and being the only one with your face all cute? Get your villainous makeup on. How about I do it for you? Huh?”

“No thanks. I’m fine as I am.”

Taiga plopped down behind Ryuuji. As she shrugged in the mirror, he could see her unfazed face had no sign of makeup. Though her face was as bare as usual, her hair was villainous, at least. She had put it up in a high and severe ponytail. Hmph, she snorted haughtily. She proudly flourished the jet-black cape he had made especially for her. She held a black feather folding fan in one hand. She opened it in all its splendor and showed it off to him.

“I’m switching with Dimhuahua for the leading role, so I’m passing on the baddie makeup.”

“Oh, is that so.”

She was so happy. And your favorite papa is staying over today, he thought. You must be on cloud nine.

Ryuuji sulked. He wretchedly put on the cape that matched Taiga’s and started taking off his overambitious makeup. Inside the cape, his outfit was comprised of a black T-shirt and black sweats. Taiga, of course, had a black T-shirt with black leggings. The slippers on their feet didn’t quite finish the look, but, somehow, their head to toe black outfits looked villainous.

“Anyway,” said Taiga. “More importantly, you understand, right?”

“You’re heavy.”

Taiga put all her weight on Ryuuji’s back as he sat with his legs under him and fumbled with his makeup. They locked eyes in the mirror and she sadistically traced the outline of Ryuuji’s scary face with the feathers of her fan. At a distance close enough to bite off his earlobe, she whispered low into his ear.

“The thing we talked about this morning. Make sure you actually honor that.”

He didn’t have any choice other than to nod at her cruel gaze. In fact, he had said, “I don’t want to,” on the way to school, which resulted in her first rampage of the morning. Now, she looked at him with proud eyes.

Apologize to Minorin, she’d said. And definitely make sure to make up with her.

Even though she didn’t know the circumstances or anything about what happened, Taiga had actually taken sides and placed the blame on Ryuuji. She didn’t even know how he felt. Actually, she didn’t even know she was the cause of it in the first place…though he had hidden that from her, so of course she wouldn’t know.

“I said I got it,” he said. “Actually, why don’t you mediate between me and Kushieda? Weren’t you having a normal and happy conversation with Kushieda this morning? Why don’t you tell her all casually to, ‘Make up with Ryuuji,’ or something, too?”

“You think I could fix a relationship like that? You think I’d be able to ape my way through such a delicate matter of the heart?”

“I should have known better, but I asked you anyway. That’d be impossible for you, wouldn’t it? Sorry, my bad.”

He sighed as he tried to fix the eyeliner he had removed and redrew the line too thick again. Yes, he knew. He didn’t need to be told to make up with Minori. It wasn’t like Taiga could mediate their fight, so he had to do what he could. Though he said he wanted to make up, Ryuuji still wasn’t able to come to terms with Minori’s way of thinking. He’d just been hung up on it the whole time. If he didn’t find a way to resolve his unease, he definitely couldn’t make up with her.

Ryuuji’s gaze skipped past his increasingly ridiculous makeup job, angling behind him in the mirror.

“Whoa! As expected, Kushieda, you wear it well!”

“You think so? Does it look good on me?”

He didn’t know what getup she had on. He could only hear a bright voice coming from the changing area. The owner of the voice, Minori, was hidden just beyond the curtain so Ryuuji couldn’t even get a peek of her.

“Ahh, what a pitiful face you’re making,” said Taiga. “Hurry up and make up with her. You’ll miss out on your chance to go around the cultural festival with Minorin.”

Ryuuji didn’t need Taiga telling him. He knew that, of course. He turned towards the small, pale face that had been the cause of his quarrel with Minori in the first place. Suddenly his detestation for her quietly piled up like the blizzards that occasionally fell on the town. His control broke.

“There.”

“Ugyah?!”

With the eyeliner in his hand, Ryuuji drew a whisker on Taiga’s detestable cheek.

“Wait, what do you think you’re doing?!”

“There, there!”

“Noo!”

He pursued her all the more. He dabbed at her forehead and he marked her chin. Taiga thrashed her hands around like a beast and ran away on all fours from her dog’s sudden rebellion.

“Ow!”

“Hey, Takasu! Don’t get the tiger all riled up in this small space!”

“Uwaah, wait, the curtain!”

They rained down trouble on their classmates, who were packed together in the middle of preparations. Taiga tried to jump under the desk loaded with props, but a stray hand grabbed her by the collar and pulled her away. Taiga raised a shrill voice and tried to shake off the grip that held her. Then, when she looked up at the owner of the hand, her movements stopped exactly like magic.

“Now we should all quiet down soon. We’re almost at our first show time.”

Kitamura had appeared. As the vice president of the student council, he was working security and doing administrative work on top of his role as a student on Ami-chan’s team for class 2-C. Since he was in a minor role, he wore a white T-shirt that matched everyone else’s and the pants of his school-issued tracksuit. The glasses he had on glinted, as per usual.

“According to the information from the front, the people lined up for the first performance alone will fill 80% of the seats. Some people will probably come right at the last minute, so we should expect a full house.”

Whoa… A stir rippled through the darkness in the dressing room.

“Uwah, a full house, seriously? I thought no one would be interested in pro-wrestling, though.”

“Actually, aren’t there way more people than there were last year? The hallways have been packed since morning.”

“But last year, even the students from our school were skipping out, and the whole place was empty.”

“There are a lot of people from other schools here, too.”

Kitamura nodded heavily.

“This year,” he said, “the student council made its way to nearby schools and went around doing intensive PR every day. We put up posters and explained the plan to pit the classes against each other. It seems that worked better than expected. Plus, kids from other classes are trying to get more votes by calling on their junior high classmates who ended up at different schools. On top of that, there are the junior high third years who’ll be taking the high school entrance exam. There are more coming this year compared to usual.”

“Whoa, junior high girls…”

“No way! We could hit on them.”

In the cramped space, all the members of the class sat on the ground hugging their knees. A depressing whisper echoed through the room that was already uncomfortably hot and stuffy without any additional help:

“Maruo, the guests are getting to their seats soon.”

At the sound of the feminine voice from the front, everyone clammed up. Even Taiga, who had been writhing on her own after Kitamura touched her, got up and was quiet. It seemed she might have read the mood. From beyond the two blackout curtains they had partitioned the room with, they definitely felt the presence of many people. They started to hear the commotion of voices and the chairs they had put into rows being pulled across the floor.

“Everyone, are you ready?”

Ami spoke in a low voice from behind the curtains. She slipped through a gap and stood there. At her appearance, just the tip of her finger indicating for them to be quiet was enough to start a round of applause.

That was expected of the leading role. She was a blossom of the stage. Only the T-shirt that she wore matched everyone else’s costumes. Under that, she had a pure white skirt she had borrowed from the girls in the tennis club. Her straight legs glittered magnificently in the light. Of course, she was wearing bloomers underneath, too.

“As expected of Ami-chan, she knows…”

“She’s amazing…”

The boys were practically prostrated as they worshipped her dazzlingly beautiful figure. What idiots. They weren’t even concerned about the girls’ cold disparagement of them. Then they turned everything off, down to the last small light, and only the clamorous commotion of the audience remained, pressing down on the classroom.

“Okaay. Ami-chan’s legs have got us high-spirited. Shall we get going, everyone?”

At Haruta’s foolish voice, everyone nodded and stretched out their right hands. They all piled on top of each other, got close together, and somehow put their hands on top of each other.

There was Ryuuji, who ended up still wearing his terrible makeup, and Taiga, who was leaning on Ryuuji’s head with her feather fan under her arm. Kitamura nodded enthusiastically, and Ami looked at everyone with the smile of an angel. There was Noto, too, who had his arm over Haruta, and Maya, whose slender arm was displayed by her rolled up T-shirt sleeve. Then there were Nanako and the boys, who stuck too close to her as Nanako skillfully glared at them with a faint smile. Then there was the boy who had gone too far joking around and put on sausage curls. Then there were the girls, who were holding onto their hearts that beat furiously from nerves. There was the one who until now had been clutching her script nervously, and even the one who wailed I want to go to the bathroom again. They were all there in full force. Minori was also probably somewhere where Ryuuji couldn’t see her.

“And so, let’s pray for the success of class 2-C’s first pro-wrestling show performance… And go, fiiiiiiiiiight…”

“Aaaaaaallllll…”

They quietly worked themselves up with their soundless fingertip applause. At that point, someone quietly muttered What’s with the Lipovitan commercial?

***

“Please don’t stand around here! The old school building is to your left, the new building to your right! Hey, no one’s listening~!”

At one of the breezeway’s V-connections, the groups of people who were faltering between going right and left were causing a traffic jam. Where, where? The sailor uniform-wearing girls from other schools were causing a commotion. Guys approached to hit on them. Parents went every which way with a camera in one hand. “Mom, where’s 1-D?!” “I wonder if it’s over here, Dad?!” The groups of junior high students got so excited they tried to run, and those who got mixed up in the group were dragged along.

“We have great crepes in our class…” There were some in aprons who grabbed the arms of the junior students. On the opposite side, there was yet another pulling them the other way. “Our class’s crepes are even more freshly made…”

In that chaos, the armband-wearing student council girl directing traffic was close to tears.

“Wait, don’t push, don’t push! That’s dangerous, so…eek! Ahhh!”

She raised her voice to a strangely provocative pitch and then was swallowed, disappearing into the throng. In a fluster, a boy with the same armband rushed over. He grabbed her arm and yanked her out of the sea of people. This time, the boy went overboard and was lost to the sea of the crowd. He was swept away and simply disappeared far out into the hallway.

In a corner of that huge commotion, some students were deep in conversation.

“Oh, I got a message. What’s this picture?”

“What, lemme see? ‘Class 2-C’s pro-wrestling is super awesome’?”

“Isn’t that Kawashima Ami?! She really is cute… What?! What’s with that mini skirt?! Show me that picture again! Who sent it?!”

“Lemme see, lemme! That’s a picture to treasure! Who took that and where?!”

“Someone who went to see the pro-wrestling show. They said to hurry and come, too. They said the delinquent Takasu-kun and the Palmtop Tiger are super hilarious, too… Seriously?! That’s scary!”

“Huh? Does it look fun? Let me see, where?”

“Should we try going? We still have time until we need to swap places, and it’s too early for food.”

What’s that? Show it to us, too. What is that, what? Huh, what is it? Like a virus, the boisterous gossip multiplied and rapidly infected the school, all starting from a single picture someone had started spreading around.

“Th-that’s! The secret treasure handed down among 2-C?!”

“Of course! It’s the super precious, mysterious treasure—its name is the ‘Red String of the Homeroom Teacher!’ Weh heh heh!”

“Stooooop~! What are you doing?! Anything but that~!”

At a volume just below howling, a high-pitched voice rang through the classroom. The one who was dancing as they pointed at the one who was screaming laughed, Weh heh heh! He had his thighs wide apart as a member of the disgraceful, bowlegged group. It was a hang-up of Haruta’s that the brainwashed ones had to be bowlegged. The group of bowlegged ones, with their thighs shaking as they moved forward and back, surrounded Ami. In other words, everyone in 2-C except Ami had already been put under the magic influence of the brainwashing. Oh, how terrible, what a mess.

“This is hopeless!” the spectators laughed. Even the hecklers had become invested in the show.

“Noto-kun! You were part of 2-C once, too! There’s no way someone with a heart as beautiful as yours could do such a merciless thing!”

Lit by a spotlight, she was all that would be expected of the daughter of Yuudzuki Reiko, the bachelorette coroner. Though Ami was a hack of an actress, the enthusiasm traveled in her voice. She made the tension rise even in that idiotic scenario.

“Everyone else was part of 2-C, too! We were all friends! We lived happily together in 2-C!”

Ami stretched her shaking arms towards Noto and tried to persuade him with a desperate expression. When she yelled, her skirt fluttered and showed glances of her beautiful legs. The eyes of the boys in the front row seats were glued to them.

“Friends? That’s all in the past. Well…there was definitely a time when my heart was beautiful…”

Noto, who had gotten a role that was much better than expected, brought out a huge pair of dressmaking shears. Schlick. He stuck his tongue out and, in one drawn-out purposeful motion, licked his lips. He slowly opened the scissors and slid the edge of the shears along the mysterious treasure in his hand—the “Red String of the Homeroom Teacher.” As his black-rimmed glasses slid down to the middle of his nose, the role seemed to become more and more fitting for him—though, of course, it was fatally stupid.

“But now,” he went on, “I’ve offered my whole heart over to the Palmtop Tiger-sama! Now, Tiger-sama, I ask of you to give me an ooorrrdddeeer!”

The spotlight went to the stand they had made by putting together some stepladders.

“Bi bi bi, bi bi bi.”

“Bi bi bi bi bi bi bi.”

Taiga was at the front. Behind her was Ryuuji.

Clad in black capes, the two of them used their height difference to stand in front of and behind each other while bowlegged. They raised their hands high up and spread them out. Throughout the whole time they kept saying, “Bi bi bi bi.” Haruta the director had strongly insisted that would happen when anyone was brainwashed, along with the bowlegs.

Taiga gave Noto a wink as she whipped open the strangely appropriate feather fan. She fanned herself once and cast away the cape. With her right hand, she pointed it straight ahead. Fwip! Then, a well-carrying, low voice went over the brainwashed guys.

“Destwoy it!”

Bam! Even though they had timed the dialogue with a special sound effect, she had completely botched it.

Though it wasn’t part of the performance, the brainwashed soldiers collapsed to their knees. The spectators who had been laughing until then slipped right out of their seats.

“You klutz…bi bi bi…say it again…bi bi bi.”

As he sent out his brainwashing bi bi bi beam from behind her, Ryuuji poked the top of Taiga’s head with his chin. Ugh, she swallowed.

“D-destroy it!”

Bam. They did it again. Noto somehow got the timing right the second time and the spotlight showered him with light.

“Weh heh heh heh heh heeh! Doing irreversible damage is fun!”

Snip. He cut the mysterious treasure, “The Red String of the Homeroom Teacher.”

In that moment, Ami was supposed to yell, What have you done?! Instead, a voice fifty times louder than Ami’s screamed.

“GYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!”

Behind the crowded seats, the one suddenly standing up and yelling was their spinster of a homeroom teacher, Koigakubo Yuri (aged 30). Whoa! That’s so real, Koigakubo! The spinster was yelling a little too realistically in front of the surprised guests, who turned around at the innovative direction the play was taking.

“Eeeei! Gaaaah!” She writhed in anguish as she collected the severed red thread by wrapping it around her hand. The cut thread was tied to the spinster’s pinky. Then, as she continued her performance of suffering, she indifferently exited the audience. She didn’t even shrink when her other students who were in her English class pointed behind her back and chattered: Yuri-chan’s performing, that’s super funny.

Haruta, who was acting as the lighting crew, narrator, and director from inside the shadow of the blackout curtains, watched the spinster’s act in satisfaction.

“As expected of Yuri-chan,” he said. “That was a nice, bloodcurdling performance.”

She had cried and said she didn’t want to do it even if it was make-believe, because words still held some power, but the whole class had begged her until she agreed to make the guest performance. The spinster might have been paying her dues for selfishly choosing the class exhibition. That, or she might have heard someone mutter, “The reason she can’t get married is because she’s got a pig-headed personality like this…”

Once the spinster exited the classroom, Ami held her head and writhed in agony in the ring.

“Gah! It’s too much! Just how far do you have to go before you’re happy?!”

“Weh heh heh heh heh!”

They had made the ring by placing mats down and putting three ropes around the stepladders they had substituted for poles in each corner. Other than Ami, the people in the ring were all bowlegged. They cornered her until she finally dropped to her knees.

“Just what do I need to do to save everyone in the class?!”

“Bi bi bi bi bi bi bi bi.”

“Bi bi bi bi bi bi bi bi.”

Above her, the brainwashing beam was working swimmingly. Ami glared sternly at the beam discharging from the Palmtop Tiger and her delinquent henchman.

“I won’t forgive you for doing such a terrible thing! You, Palmtop Tiger, the ugly, idiotic brat with a violent personality and an itty-bitty body, and you, the lackey who only has a face that looks like a delinquent’s, but totally lives like an old maid!”

Huh, was the line that long? Haruta thought as he tilted his head to one side. Bi bi bi. Slight veins trembled in the middle of Taiga and Ryuuji’s temples.

“Who are you calling ugly with a violent personality?”

“…An old maid?”

Ami still had more to go for her passionate performance.

“Aah! But what can I do when everyone’s been taken hostage like this?! Does this mean all I can do is watch as everyone is lead astray?! What a cruel fate it must be! Someone, please save everyone!”

The surroundings blacked out. Quiet, tragic music played as Ami sank to the floor and cried, lit by a thin ray of light. The serious development was also the climax, but for some reason, part of the audience was strangely enthusiastic. They started to get worked up and whistled at her. Ami was sitting on the floor with her legs to the side. They were probably reacting to those. Flash, pcht, ping. The sounds of cameras went off here and there. In the interim, the bowlegged group shuffled off to the side of the ring and started preparing for the next development. Smoke wasn’t allowed, so several stagehands from below the ring held blackboard erasers filled with chalk dust and hit them together. The moment they did, faint smoke started to envelop the ring.

“God has witnessed everything.”

“Oh!”

Minori gradually rose from the haze, lifted by the power of four boys. She was on their shoulders.

“Captain K-Kushieda…”

“How could they do that to the famous commander who lead one of the top eight teams in Kanto?!”

Those who were lamenting were probably the junior players in the softball club. This was probably the first time they had seen Kushieda, the senior player they looked up to, outside of a sports setting. However, the other spectators clapped their hands together in great glee at her serious face.

Her getup consisted of a bald cap, an eye patch, buckteeth, and a camel bellyband. According to Haruta, her role was “the fairy of the ring”—though according to her lines, she was a god.

“Warrior Ami, I’ll give you a chance. If you can reach people’s hearts with your pure power, then the brainwashing will be undone. Now, I want you to answer this question that I ask of you.”

Suddenly, the bald-capped god began to deliver her lines with clear enunciation that fit their lofty eloquence.

“Do the best you can during this impromptu, incredibly important—ATTACK CHAAAAAAANCE!”

Minori’s voice took on a peculiar and strangely unpleasant vibrato as it echoed through the ring. The audience was dumbfounded and the insides of their heads went blank. That was when she suddenly quizzed them, “What is the name of the fairest of them all?”

“Kawashima Ami!!” Several voices suddenly roared in miraculous unison immediately after the bald-capped god’s query. In other words, Ami had reached all their hearts.

“Splendid!”

Just as soon as that happened… Ami’s cheeks blushed with ecstasy in a way that couldn’t be explained away as part of the performance. She seemed fully satisfied as a smile of deranged delight slowly distorted her pretty face. Her joy seemed like something no one should have been witness to. Someone who was aware of the smile raised their small voice:

“Sh-she’s kind of got a wicked look on her face…”

Right then, the lights all dropped for a moment. Then, intense lights radiated the stage from three directions.

“Wh-what in the world was I doing?!”

“Ami-chan, what were we doing?!”

“I feel like I was having a bad dream!”

“This is amazing!”

“I’m so happy!”

“We’ve been cured!”

While in that glaring light, the ones who had been cured of their bowleggedness (the chorus) lined up smoothly and sang, Doo-waah! They posed together and declared the brainwashing to be over. The enthralled spectators applauded. Of course, the Palmtop Tiger and delinquent couldn’t let this go without doing anything. They had to keep the plot moving.

“You! You used stopgap m-measures t-t-to…!”

“We won’t forgive you, Kawashima Ami!”

Ryuuji wrapped up Taiga’s line, which she seemed in danger of botching. They were done with their bi bi bi-ing. The two of them took on matching poses from the top of the stepladder. “Hah!”

“Let’s do it!”

“Yeah!”

That was the signal. They took off their capes and winked at the people below the ring. Ryuuji propped up Taiga’s torso.

“Heave ho!”

Whooooooa! Excited cheers surged from the audience and made the earth feel as though it were rumbling. The confetti poppers the stagehands used shot off from four directions with perfect timing. Taiga leaped with all her strength from the top of the stepladder. As Ryuuji held Taiga’s torso, he threw her as hard as he could to add to her momentum.

“Whoa, amazing!”

“The Palmtop Tiger’s here!”

“Ami-chan, run!”

Somehow, she did two somersaults from the ladder going forward into the ring. A team of boys caught her from the top of the ring. Like a cat, she spun around and quickly landed in a standing position. Instead of a weak rope, the arms of several of the others stopped her recoil.

“Theeeere!”

She used her terrific leg power to her heart’s content as she jumped around the ring like a rubber ball. She cleared several meters in a single jump. She twisted her body midair like a spinning top and did an instantaneous rear roundhouse kick.

“Take that!”

“Tsk! That was close!” Ami yelled reflexively as she finished a magnificent backwards somersault. Although the attacks were going as planned for the scene, the heel of Taiga’s slippers dangerously grazed Ami’s bangs. As they received loud cheers, Taiga simply pivoted on her other foot.

“Who’s an idiotic brat now?!”

With two somewhat genuine-seeming quick kicks that cleared her head, Taiga smacked Ami’s chin. Of course, that was also going according to the scene. Borrowing the help of two people appointed to the task, Ami did a graceful backflip to escape. Eek! Ami screamed as she was brought up. Her cry might have been a little too close to real.

“Hey, did you see how she moved just now?!”

“No, it was too fast. I couldn’t follow her movements!”

It was an eye-opening performance for those at the side of the ring, who had to remember their lines.

Then Ryuuji jumped in. With synchronized timing, Taiga and Ryuuji attacked Ami with a double lariat, but Ami crouched and escaped. From behind Taiga and Ryuuji, Maya and Nanako, brainwashed no longer, returned the lariat. Their arms, however, were slightly feeble, which was potentially because of nerves.

“There!”

“Ho ho ho~!”

Pretending as though they had been hit, Ryuuji and Taiga both fell on their backs to the mat at the same time. Then the gymnastics club boys did some meaningless, showy cartwheels in the background to add some pizazz to the ring. Ami, who had stood up in that time, bent over Taiga, who was also trying to get up. Taiga couldn’t jump up, but Ryuuji was approaching from Ami’s back. He held a folding chair in his cowardly hands.

“Ami-chan, behind you, behind you!”

The spectators kicked their chairs out as they stood and desperately tried to save Ami from crisis.

“Get him!”

“It’s Takasu, get him!”

“Get that delinquent!”

Five boys from the class lifted Ryuuji up like a mikoshi palanquin. They simply collapsed onto the mat and rolled around, crushing him without pardon.

“How dare you go to Ami-chan’s villa?!”

“I’ve got a grudge that’s far from over!”

“Why didn’t you take pictures of her in a swimsuit when you went to the ocean?!”

“Everything good has been happening to no one but you lately!”

The impassioned statements they breathed down into Ryuuji’s ears were definitely, definitely, definitely their true feelings. As evidence of that, Ryuuji could no longer breathe even though they had promised they wouldn’t put their body weight on him.

“I-I-I’ll remember this…” he said.

The last event drew near. As they tumbled around in different stances, Ami and Taiga exchanged a look.

“We’re doing it, teenybopper! Now…”

“Now! Ow ow ow!”

“Ow ow ow! That hit my leg!”

Ami lifted Taiga’s light body up with her arms and legs. They were making a cooperative effort to perform a Romero special—they had completed a perfect surfboard hold. Whooooooooaa! The overenthusiastic cheers of the spectators almost made the ground rumble. The classroom’s windows shook behind the blackout curtains. Confetti rained down like a paper blizzard around the ring. Poppers shot off all at once. Bam bam bam! The peal of the sound effects echoed. Haruta, the director, was acting as the theater’s announcer.

“Aaaaaand the winner iiissss Kawashimaaaaa Aaaaamiiiiii! And corps 2-Ceeee~!”

Whoa…the whole audience gave them a standing ovation at once. Their applause, cheers, and roars of laughter seemed like they would never end. They started calling Ami-chan over and over again until they drowned out Haruta’s announcements.

Aaaaamiiii-chan! Aaaaamiiii-chan! Aaaaamiiii-chan! Aaaaami-chan! As they chanted her name, another conversation played out on stage.

“No way…”

“What?”

“My back is cramping up…”

“Just be patient until the curtain closes. If we trade, I’m going to have to do this, too.”

“Ughh…”

No one noticed the tears starting to gradually build up in Taiga’s eyes.

***

“Welcome home, master!”

“Welcome, princess! Your very own prince has come to welcome your highness!”

“I-I don’t really care whether you come to my class’s café or not anyway!”

“We have over 1,000 volumes in our manga inventory! You can read as much as you want of anything! With one drink you get a whole hour for free!”

The hallways of the school grounds were becoming incredibly congested as afternoon approached. The halls were filled with the commotion of girls and boys wearing uniforms from other schools, students, and their parents. There were even junior high students who seemed like they planned to take the high school entrance exam. Behind those who were clumsily using the momentum from the festival to try hitting on the girls, a mini reunion was forming. It’s been so long, I can’t believe you actually came?! Two long processions were forming by rival exhibits that neighbored each other.

“Hey, please move closer to the wall if you’re in line for the maid café!”

“Wait! Don’t you just go around moving our customers like that!”

“Huh?! This part from here to here is our line!”

“You’re part of 1-A, aren’t you? I’ll remember this, you underclassman!”

“Shouldn’t you be hunkering down and studying for your exams or something?!”

A maid battle that probably wouldn’t solve anything broke out.

“Oh, it’s a fight between gals! This is great! Get on with the cat fight!”

“Go, maid with the long skirt! I’m on any test taker’s side!”

“What’re you saying?! I’m rooting for the first year with the black knee socks! She’s definitely in the right for establishing her territory!”

Spectators gathered, and the hecklers began to vie against each other.

“Displays of violence are forbidden in the exhibits, you brats!”

BAM! In a display of violence, the bickering maids were slammed together from behind. Their foreheads knocked against each other and the two maids collapsed to their knees.

“Sorry that she’s so hot-blooded.”

“No, no, I’m so sorry, senpai.”

The maids were each pulled away by a boy from their respective classes. Cheers and applause rose from the students at this brilliant display of vigilante justice.

“Good going, Godfather!”

“As expected of the Kanou sisters’ older brother!”

A girl, who was like Yamato Nadeshiko in the flesh, if Yamato Nadeshiko wore a school uniform, was walking over. Her skin was so fair it looked transparent, and her long flowing hair went down to her back. The girl raised one hand and answered those voices.

“Whoa, whoa, whoa! Enough, now be quiet! All of you file into two proper lines! Don’t go out of those lines! Now, on with iiiiit!”

“Roger!”

With a strange, pure power, the girl made even the parents watching over the students line up properly with a single yell. She was the older brother in the hearts of everyone in the school. She was Kanou Sumire, the perfect, superhuman student president.

“Just as expected of our president, amazing!”

“Hey, Kitamura, are you supposed to be loitering around here like this?”

“I don’t like that girl…”

The vice president Kitamura, Ryuuji, and Taiga were also among the spectators who surrounded the girl, giving her a large round of applause. After their pro-wrestling show had turned out to be a huge success, they had broken for lunch. The three of them had all joined the frantic festival together to find something to eat. Well, they weren’t really all together. Ryuuji hadn’t even been given the time to bluster about whether to apologize to Minori before she quickly disappeared off somewhere with some underclassmen. Incidentally, Ami had gone off with Maya and Nanako.

Kitamura, who was somehow the leader of the leftover trio, watched as the gallant student president disappeared around the hallway’s corner, accompanied by applause.

“It’s fine,” he said. “It’s fine. We change out security duties at a specific time. Actually, Aisaka, are you okay?”

“Huh… Wh-what about me?”

“You’re eating your uniform tie along with your crepe.”

Blech! Taiga spat the end of her ribbon tie out of her cream-covered mouth. What a klutz, and a glutton… Ryuuji was overcome by the spectacle.

“Ha ha ha, your head was out to lunch. That crepe must be super good! I should have bought one, too. Let me have a little?”

“Uh!”

Aaah. Kitamura shamelessly opened his mouth as Taiga turned a frenzied gaze toward him. Her face had gone beyond red and instead was ashen, as though she were on the verge of anemia. Ryuuji thought she might die if she kept this up, but, though she was practically shaking, she was successful in slowly offering the crepe to Kitamura so he could take a bite. She was out of breath and spoke in a falsetto voice that seemed like it could crack at any instant.

“Y-you can eat as much as you want…”

“Thank you! That’s generous of you!”

It was an emotional moment. Kitamura grinned and looked as though he wasn’t thinking about anything as he took a giant mouthful of a bite out of Taiga’s half-eaten food. It even still had the indents of her teeth. Waah! Taiga screamed without making a sound. Only her mouth moved.

“Hm, this is pretty good. It’s got chocolate and banana, and it even has ice cream.”

“…”

Taiga looked at the crepe that had been returned to her. The stare she turned to the indents on the crepe from Kitamura’s teeth was like a beam of sunlight gathered through a magnifying glass. Ryuuji could imagine what she was thinking in her small brain. She was deciding between wanting to preserve it in commemoration of the event and having an indirect kiss while it was still fresh. She was too embarrassed to do that. She would die from happiness, but if she didn’t do anything, Kitamura would think she was weird. What should I do, what should I do…

That was probably where she was at in her head anyway. What an idiot, Ryuuji thought, as he looked at the top of Taiga’s head, and then at Kitamura, who was in a jovial mood. No matter how close of a friend he was with Kitamura, he couldn’t believe this guy who could eat food from the opposite sex as though it weren’t a big deal.

“Ryu-Ryuuji, you can have a bite, too!”

“Gah!”

This was out of the realm of Ryuuji’s expectations. He didn’t know what Taiga was thinking. She might simply have been at the height of reckless confusion. Anyway, she stuck the crepe Kitamura had eaten from right into Ryuuji’s mouth.

“Gah, buh, blugh…”

“It’s yummy, right?! It’s good, right?!”

She pushed the small remainder of the folded-up crepe further and further into Ryuuji’s mouth. They’re so close, Kitamura’s smile seemed to say as he watched their antics. Ryuuji’s breathing was labored. He was dying. He desperately chewed and brushed away the fingers that were all the way in the back of his throat. Somehow, he swallowed everything right as he was on the verge of mortal peril.

“You…you…were you trying to kill me?! Do you hate me that much?!”

“Ahhh…”

It wasn’t just Ryuuji who was crying. Taiga, through her thoughtless actions, had lost all of her treasured crepe. In a sad stupor, she was looking down at her now empty hands.

Ryuuji coughed slightly again. He didn’t have any pity for her. It was Taiga’s fault in the first place and, on top of that, he wasn’t with Minori even though the cultural festival was going on. Taiga could also stand to be a little miserable. She was sneaking off to live happily ever after with her papa and—

“Come to think of it, your dad hasn’t made it in yet, has he? Did he reply to your message?”

He remembered that Taiga had been fretting over her dad. She had sent him a message immediately after their break had started. You’re not here yet? When are you getting here? We only have three showings in the afternoon. Incidentally, he’d peeked at the title of the email she was sending, which read, “Hey, you geezer.”

“Not yet. But it’s not like he has to come anyway. Seriously, what is he doing?”

“Why don’t you try calling him?”

“I did. It went to voicemail. That doesn’t matter. Let’s hurry up and eat something. I’m hungry.”

“And where did you put away that huge crepe you were just eating?”

“There.”

Without hesitating, Taiga pointed a finger at Ryuuji’s stomach. In here, too, said Kitamura in a happy-go-lucky way.

“Okay, then shall we go and eat our lunch somewhere that looks decent? I wonder what’s good… Uuuh, there’s a yakisoba place, an udon place, okonomiyaki… They don’t have any Japanese dessert or shaved ice places. What’s this? ‘Szechwanna piece of this?’ So, a Chinese place.”

“What? Making Chinese food with nothing but a lousy stovetop from the home-ec classroom is so cocky.”

“Other than that, it looks like it’s all just cafes.”

As the three of them lined up against the wall to avoid the traffic, they glanced at their pamphlets with a contemplative Hmmm. It might have been because everyone had taken popularity votes, but that year the class exhibitions were overwhelmingly food and drink places. The plain exhibits on things like calligraphy, regional topics, and historical surveys that were regular installments until the previous year had disappeared for the most part.

“I don’t like this.”

“Yeah, I don’t, either.”

“I wonder why they decided to do this.”

The next section of the pamphlet read, “Let’s study the fundamental fundamentals of Kaatsu vascular training.” For some reason, only the PE teacher Kuro-muscle’s class was doing something strange for their exhibit. According to rumors, the ripped homeroom teacher (his real name was Kuroma or something) had coerced his whole class into having protein drinks with lunch.

“That’s different.”

“Guess you’re stuck with your homeroom teacher.”

“But you’re not stuck with going along with it.”

The three of them nodded in pity, unaware that most of the other classes were saying the same thing about them and the just-as-eclectic pro-wrestling show that they were putting on for the cultural festival in class 2-C.

“Welcome home, master~!”

A girl in a maid uniform appeared and started trying to draw in customers. Her long hair was curled in twin-tails that were on the borderline of working in three dimensions. Before the three of them could turn around, she skillfully opened three of the menus she held.

“We have lunch time specials for this time only. Omelet rice is 800 yen. Adding a drink is 200 yen. You can get the ketchup moe moe drawing service for another 300 yen.”

“Whoa, that’s expensive!”

At first, Ryuuji was the one who was taken aback. Then, when the maid saw his face, she dropped the menu.

“Uwah, it’s the delinquent Takasu-san!”

Puh! Taiga sputtered at her response.

“Aha ha ha ha ha haaa! That’s what you expect from Ryuuji! Even the maid who’s supposed to get customers won’t engage with you! Your tragedy knows no bounds!”

“Wah, the Palmtop Tiger!”

The maid also noticed Taiga where she was hiding snugly in Ryuuji’s shadow. Pretending not to have seen either of them, the maid bolted and snuck away. Taiga didn’t even have the strength to follow after the maid as she dejectedly closed her mouth.

“Puh. She ran, didn’t she? Wonder if I’m the only one who’s tragic?” Ryuuji said.

“What did’ya say?”

Taiga’s face contorted. As Ryuuji recklessly taunted her, she stomped on his foot hard enough to smash it to smithereens. “Hmph!”

“Ah!”

Kitamura was there, so this was probably her version of being easy on him. That itself was a terrifying thought.

“Hey hey,” he said. “Don’t get in a fight. Look, the advertisers won’t come near us because of what you’re doing.”

At Kitamura’s intervening words, Ryuuji and Taiga felt an odd emotion. Even if the maid hadn’t run away, they were faintly aware from the start that no one was curious enough to approach the two of them in the first place. The peculiar duo’s infamous reputations were made up of a mix of truth and rumors that accompanied them around the school.

However, right at that time, some unfamiliar but timid and charming boys called to them.

“Ummm, you three.”

“Would you come by our class for a bit?”

Even when Ryuuji and Taiga turned to them, they didn’t get scared and run. Kitamura was smiling as he told them, “Oh, what’re you doing? We’re looking for some place to eat lunch.”

“We’re not a food place, but we’ll treat you to lunch if you come with us. Ummm, sorry, but you’re the softball club manager, Kitamura-kun, right?”

“Yeah, that’s right.”

“Then over here, that’s the delinq—that’s Takasu-kun and the Pal—and Aisaka-san, right?”

“Yo,” said Ryuuji.

“What’s with you?” said Taiga.

With an abject smile, the boys told them, “Our class is putting on a tenkaichi budoukai world martial arts tournament. But everyone’s novices so…would you come participate? Your pro-wrestling show moves were so sharp and amazing.”

We wouldn’t do something like that—Kitamura, Ryuuji, and Taiga all shared the same weak expression. Here, too, was yet another strange and eclectic exhibition mixed into the fray.

They politely declined, and the three of them strolled through the crowded food court area in the new school building. They were suddenly exhausted as they went into the old school building where there weren’t as many people. The traffic thinned out and it was easier to walk around.

“But we won’t find anything good to eat around here.”

“The fine arts club or whatever is exhibiting, but… Huh, the theme is ‘night scene monotone’. That seems boring. Actually, all the exhibits look super plain. That’s why no one’s here.”

“Well, well. According to the pamphlet, there are other places around here.”

Kitamura, who was guiding them, turned to the other two, who didn’t seem as enthusiastic. It was when he was talking to them that it happened.

“Welcome.”

A solemn voice called out to the three of them from the end of the hallway. There was a desolate atmosphere around the restaurant—or rather, the classroom. The sign read, “A place to eat, best in the national science exam.”

If one were to take the sign literally, it meant that the exhibit was being organized by the top-scoring third year class. This class was different from the ones pandering to customers with flashy costumes and charming girls.

“For three? We have many seats open at the moment.”

He was worthy of being called an upperclassman. The older male student who lifted the entryway curtain with one hand wore an austere waist apron. He wasn’t afraid when he saw Ryuuji and Taiga.

“I saw your class’s pro-wrestling show earlier. That must have been a lot of work. You must be tired. You should have our class’s yakisoba.”

“Well then…is that fine with you, too, Takasu and Aisaka?” said Kitamura.

The two of them nodded and Kitamura quietly turned up the curtain ahead of them. Voices came from inside.

“Hey, lead the three guests in!”

“Yeah, gladly!”

“Glaaadly!”

It felt almost as though it were the first time someone had ever gladly welcomed them.

They sat on the classroom chairs, which had austere decorations similar to an izakaya-style bar and looked at the menu.

“Uhhh, right… Could I get chilled noodles?” said Ryuuji.

“What is this?” said Taiga. “Toasted octopus?”

“Then I’ll…have the recommended yakisoba. A large helping please.”

“Riiight! Gladly!”

“Glaaaadly!”

It seemed all the orders were being sent right to the kitchen (?). Once they finally composed themselves and sat down, they noticed there were a few other groups of customers. It seemed everyone was enjoying the spartan restaurant as they looked at the menu, ate fried rice, or took part in other activities. They could hear the other customers talking and saying things like, This is pretty good.

Ryuuji automatically swept his hand across the table. He was confirming that there was no oil or dirt to the touch. The table was smoothly sanitary. He glanced at his feet. Even the legs of the table and chairs didn’t have a speck of dust, which was something even professional restaurants overlooked. When the customers ordered something, there would be a comforting echo of “Gladly!” There wasn’t much originality to that phrase, but it sure brought out the atmosphere.

Well, who knew what the results would be if he happened to check the top of the entryway curtain with his custom-made Takasu dusting stick. When a brutal grin graced his lips, Ryuuji suddenly felt a sense of déjà vu.

“Don’t you think this restaurant kind of has the same feel as Market Kanou?”

“Hm? Speaking of Market Kanou, that’s the president’s family-owned store. They even put a huge advertisement in the pamphlet. In other words, they’re a big sponsor.”

Ryuuji pointed Kitamura towards a nook of the wall. A week of Market Kanou bargain sale flyers were plastered to it. There was even a picture of the manager and a familiar-looking old man happily smiling as they held radishes at the storefront. Over that picture, the words “ingredient sponsor” were written out in imposing brush lettering. Kitamura clapped his hands together and nodded.

“I see, the top in the national science exam… So this is the president’s class…”

Here and there inside the restaurant, understatedly tasteful, small violet sumire-colored bowls were being delivered to the customers. The sumire bowls were probably a way of expressing their respect for the president’s command. Of course, it would stand to reason that the impeccable student president’s own class would naturally participate in the festival. She was the one pulling the strings behind everything. Ryuuji hummed and crossed his arms.

“You guys’ president has got a hand in everything… She’s even successfully running a restaurant,” he mused.

“No matter what she does, she’ll probably be successful. She’s made from different stuff than a normal person. And I’m kind of excited to try the food. I feel like they’ll bring out something great,” Kitamura said, his tone unusually curt. Normally, he acted as though he had been appointed to the role of brownnoser and would be enthusiastic to the point of causing a scene, all Preeesident preeesident, how amazing you are.

On the other side of things, Taiga was looking down and poking around at something. She really hasn’t got the skills to engage with others, thought Ryuuji as he peeked at her hands.

“Whoa, what’re you doing?” he said. “You’ve been quiet lately.”

“Hm?! Uh, it’s a-a game.”

Flustered, Taiga closed the flip phone she had been gripping. Liar, thought Ryuuji, taken aback. His sanpaku eyes had seen exactly what she was doing. She had been scrolling through her email messages. She had been waiting this whole time for her unresponsive dad to message her. In the end, the inside of Taiga’s head was a broken record of Daaaad, daaaad. Is he here yet? Is he here yet?

She was worrying about that even though she was with her crush and should have been enjoying the cultural festival. She was wasting the opportunity she had. Look at yourself first, Ryuuji thought. He was a sad sight to behold himself. His own crush was completely ignoring him.

He unintentionally let loose a sigh. Was this how everything was going to end up? He’d thought he’d gotten just slightly closer to her through the spring and summer. Would all of that disappear into the distance? It wasn’t as simple as catching her and apologizing, either. He didn’t think that the day would come when he would be able to understand what Minori was thinking. The unrequited love that had lasted a year was now a candle in the wind. A pillar that had held up Ryuuji’s heart for an age was in danger of toppling over.

“You’re so carefree,” he said. “You’re a simple girl. So that was the extent to which you cared.”

“Huh? What did you say? Is your head okay? I’m concerned for your brain, from the bottom of my heart.”

As they were in the middle of their exchange and Taiga said that heart-chilling line, the roasted octopus, which was really takoyaki, arrived at the table. Taiga’s interest diverted from Ryuuji in a split second as she pecked at her food happily with a toothpick.

“Wait until everything comes out,” Ryuuji said as he stopped her.

Right as she was about to complain, she remembered Kitamura was there, and her cheeks turned red. Next, Ryuuji’s order of chilled noodles came out. In actuality, they were made from regular ramen noodles. Kitamura’s yakisoba also came to the table and they heard another “Glaaadly!” aimed at some other guest.

“Thank you!”

Finally, everyone took up their chopsticks. No sooner had they done that than it happened.

“Ah!”

“Whoa!”

Because of his worries, Ryuuji’s busybody sensor might have grown dull. The takoyaki Taiga was trying to bring to her mouth fell into her lap. Ryuuji noticed it, but by the time he put out his hand, there was already a stain from the traces of sauce that had gotten directly on her skirt.

“Ahh, seriously,” he said, “what’re you doing, you klutz?! Bring your face forward and eat with your plate below your chin!”

“Ngh.”

Taiga pouted as Ryuuji’s words went in one ear and out the other. She rudely took the takoyaki that had fallen onto her skirt and tossed it into her mouth. Hot hot hot. She thrashed around. In the end, Ryuuji was the one to wipe her skirt for her. He started to wipe up the sauce like a mother while Kitamura smiled wryly. But he hadn’t noticed it.

He hadn’t noticed it at all.

He was too troubled by the incident with Minori. He was too preoccupied with himself to notice.

Taiga had also dribbled sauce onto the hem of her shirt. No one, Ryuuji included, had noticed it at all, and when that stain finally was discovered, quite a bit of time had passed.

By the time they found it, the stain had turned into something that would never disappear. It turned into a stain that even Ryuuji couldn’t get rid of.

***

Four o’clock came around, and 2-C’s pro-wrestling show had finished its final performance with a large crowd.

Together with the excited audience, the cast all applauded around the ring.

“It was a full house!”

“Yes, it was a huge success!”

They passionately strained their voices, which were hoarse from the performance, as they praised their fellow cast members. They cracked the leftover poppers and lavishly used up the rest of their confetti.

In the middle of the unceasing cheers and applause, Taiga was wrapped in her villainous cape. She didn’t say a word as she loitered by the edge of the ring.

“Hey, co-lead!”

Haruta was in a good mood as he pulled her arm to have her stand in the middle of the ring along with Ryuuji. Even when she was showered with applause, she was still silent. She wasn’t in a bad mood, but her trembling eyes continued to stare at her feet.

Taiga hadn’t performed the leading role even once.