7
“The gist of it is, Liliana is being chased by some mysterious gang.”
Subaru flipped through the report as he sank into the sofa. They were back in the study at Roswaal Manor. In the room were four people total, including Subaru. He gestured toward Rem, who was sitting beside him, and said, “To be honest, having Rem there saved us. I hate saying this, but if it was just me and Liliana, we’d be dead.”
“And I am glad I was with you, too,” Rem said. “Though, I could have been more helpful if I’d had my morning star with me.”
“If you did, those guys would be forest fertilizer right now… But yeah, I think the way you handled them was very pretty and graceful.”
Subaru sighed in relief when he thought of the bloodbath they had narrowly avoided. The man who had been beaten senseless by Rem probably hadn’t even considered the possibility of getting massacred by a cute maid. Subaru knew that feeling better than anyone.
“So where is our bard right now? The guest room?” Ram asked.
“She’s with Emilia-tan. Officially, it’s for her safety. We don’t want to spook her and have her run on us. We figured Emilia-tan was ideal for the task since she’s blissfully ignorant.”
“I see. Yes, I can understand why Master Roswaal would want to keep that poet here.”
Ram tucked her chin and shot an icy glare at Subaru. He shrugged and said, “We want to make Liliana Emilia-tan’s PR manager or something like that, right? Liliana wants to write a new hero’s epic all by herself. The biography of a kingdom’s new monarch seems like the perfect subject to me.”
“Surprisingly quick on the uptake, Barusu. That’s cleared up any doubts I had that I was talking to someone with a hollowed-out pumpkin for a head.”
“Dude, are you calling me a jack-o’-lantern?”
Ram’s criticisms were sharp as ever. Setting that aside, Roswaal’s line of thinking was probably similar to his. Without TVs or newspapers, this was a world that lacked the infrastructure for mass media. The influence traveling bards had, singing about history and current events to the public, was probably even bigger than Subaru imagined.
Liliana’s songs could be a big boon to Emilia in the royal selection.
“I, too, am mooost pleased that Subaru is quick to catch on. You beauuuutifully described my policy on the matter. To elaborate ever so slightly, I do want to make sure everyone’s pros and cons are taken into consideration.”
“Pros and cons, eh…”
Roswaal wore a thin smile in satisfaction, which Subaru found just a little bit fishy. Seeing his reaction, Rem answered for Roswaal, her eyes cast downward. “This is difficult to say…but Lady Emilia is a half-elf. Most bards would reject our proposal on that basis alone, so we cannot rule out the possibility. However, as Liliana seems to have taken to Lady Emilia, we believe she will likely agree, with some provisions.”
“In other words…” Subaru began, “if we offer to deal with that insane problem she can’t solve on her own, she won’t be able to say no… Wow, do I look evil right now?”
“You always look evil.”
“You always look lovely.”
Receiving deeply conflicting answers from the twins, Subaru grimaced at Roswaal and his rotten personality. He shot the marquis a hard stare and scooted away, only for the man to beam radiantly and wave at him. Subaru sighed.
“Anyway, I guess the plan is to keep an eye on Liliana and try to resolve her problem. It really was a shame that we let her assailants get away. If only we’d captured just one of them…”
“Yes, if we’d broken fifty to sixty bones, he might have spilled everything.”
“If you tortured him that badly, the only thing he’d spill is blood, you psycho.”
Sometimes, Ram’s loyalty was so terrifying that Subaru couldn’t tell whether she was joking or not.
“I’ll keep my guard up, too, but if I happen to be attacked, all I can do is squeak for help in falsetto. Then again, I doubt these guys have the balls to break into the heavily guarded manor of a marquis.”
“If I hear your voice, Subaru, I will come flying to your aid. Whether I’m cleaning or cooking or even bathing, please do not hesitate to call your Rem for help.”
“You filthy cad.”
“Could you please not condemn a guy before he even says anything?!”
Subaru could practically see the puppy-maid Rem wagging her invisible tail even as the kitty-maid Ram skewered him with a deeply judgmental glare. Their usual banter was cut short as the conversation neared its conclusion.
“Anyway, I would liiiike to wait and see,” Roswaal said, cutting in. “We will ask Liliana more pressing questions to learn more about her situation while we seek a solution to her problem—how does thaaaaat sound?”
“Okay, I’ll keep that in mind when I talk to her. Though, to be honest, I think she’s still freaked out of her mind right now,” Subaru said.
“She brought a problem that bothers Master Roswaal. She deserves to suffer a little.”
“That’s a rather insolent thing to say about a guest, Ram.” With a cynical smile at Ram’s sass, Subaru got up to leave.
But just as he put his hand on the door, Roswaal said, “As long as she is in my home, I will guarantee her safety. Be aaaaabsolutely sure you tell her that, all right?”
Subaru simply sighed at the loaded statement.
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