015
For now, I decided to send Hanekawa on her way before my parents got up. We’d relied on her too much already to call it “a helping hand”─besides, it was getting to be late. I’d see her home part of the way on my bike.
Obviously, riding two to a bike was out of the question. Hanekawa was a stickler for traffic regulations. She’d never allow it unless it was an absolute emergency.
Not that I had any ulterior motives! Please, why would I want her to hug me from behind?
“I’m sorry for all the hassle,” I thanked her. “I’ll take care of it from here.”
“Yes, of course.”
Hanekawa and I made conversation as we walked.
Come to think of it, we hadn’t talked like this in a while─though I saw her all the time since she was my tutor.
We couldn’t chat while I was studying.
“It might be better if I stopped lending a hand,” Hanekawa said. “It doesn’t seem like any good would come of it. I’ve already done all I can.”
“Yeah…probably.” It killed me not to be able to contradict her.
Hanekawa was just, and strong.
But maybe too just, and too strong.
Without due caution, and even with it, she risked uprooting the entire garden.
“Araragi, are you angry?”
Our gait was almost the same, so we could walk side by side even if I didn’t try to match my pace to hers.
“Angry at what?” I asked, pushing my bike beside her.
“Come on. I mean what happened with Karen and Tsukihi. After all, I’m the one who arrived at the culprit. Then that happened to Karen. Are you angry?”
“If I was, it would be at those two. There’s no reason for me to be angry at you… You know what, I’m not angry, but I have a complaint. Next time you decide to help the Fire Sisters, please come talk to me first.”
“But if I did, you’d get just as angry. Besides, if I want to be friends with Karen and Tsukihi, isn’t that my business?”
“Certainly.” Even if it was bad business for me. Ah, well. There was no point in getting into that now. Spilled milk.
“Right,” said Hanekawa. She bashfully drew her student diary from the breast pocket of her uniform. “Still, as a way of apologizing for keeping everything with Karen and Tsukihi a secret, allow me to present you, sir, with this ticket.”
With that ostentatious preamble, she neatly tore a blank page from the diary without using a ruler or folding the edge (how did she do that?) and handed it to me.
I turned over the page─ticket?─but there was nothing written on the back, either. What the hell? Was it a metaphor or something? The ticket to the future is always blank?
Did that make her Rem Saverem? What a moving finale that was! Love and peace!
That probably wasn’t it, so I asked, “What’s this?”
Hanekawa was even more bashful now. “That ticket authorizes the bearer to touch my breasts at any time and place of his choosing. Take it.”
“Ack! Are you serious?!” My hand shook as I gripped the piece of paper─correction, the deluxe ticket.
“Yes, I’m serious. If you ever use it, though, I’ll despise you forever.”
“Then what’s the point?!”
I ripped it up and tossed it away.
Hanekawa laughed lightheartedly.
Uhh… She was making fun of me.
I’m pretty sure she’d never have made a joke like that back in the day.
I take back what I said earlier. Or rather, I underline it.
She’d changed.
Probably─for the better.
“Would you rather it was a ticket to receive a pair of my underwear at any time and place of your choosing?” she asked me.
“Wouldn’t you despise me forever if I used that ticket?”
“Of course.”
“Then you can keep that one, too… How about a ticket to ask for your skirt at any time and place of my choosing.”
“That ticket doesn’t exist,” Hanekawa shot down my proposal.
Too bad. I thought it was a pretty clever idea, if I do say so myself. Even if a skirt wasn’t as electrifying as a pair of panties, maybe I wouldn’t be despised, and I’d still obtain a piece of Hanekawa’s clothing. And if I had her skirt, I’d also get to see her in her underwear (whereas if I received the underwear, I’d miss out on that visual pleasure!).
“Anyway, putting myself aside, Araragi… Maybe you shouldn’t pick on Karen and Tsukihi so much.”
“Don’t worry─you can rest easy on that count, as well. It’s not like they were just acting selfishly. I understand that.”
“You’re right. I don’t mean to bring up ‘hating people who’re like you’ again, but those two do resemble you.”
“I suppose you aren’t talking about our appearances?”
Well, we did have very similar facial features. It was easiest to notice in photographs. Incidentally, the quickest way to tell us apart is by looking at the eyes.
“Nope, on the inside,” replied Hanekawa. “Not that I’m one to talk, I suppose.”
“True… But we’re siblings. It’s a bit different in your case.”
“Mister Oshino…” Hanekawa suddenly brought up Aloha Shirts. “What do you suppose he’s doing now?”
“Who knows? But I’m sure he’s looking down at us from wherever he is,” I said, treating him as if he were dead. Actually, Oshino being who he is, he’d die rather than watch over us. “I bet he’d be able to solve Karen’s problem in no time… From what Shinobu tells me, this Cinderswarm Bee is a pretty low-level aberration.”
“Shinobu? Cinderswarm Bee?”
“Ah.” I hadn’t brought that up yet. I quickly filled Hanekawa in on the progress I made with Shinobu, and what she told me about the aberration responsible for Karen’s fever.
“I see.” Hanekawa apparently put the pieces together from my simple explanation. She was as smart as ever. “The Cinderswarm Bee─doesn’t sound too difficult. It seems minor, at least. But you made up with Shinobu? That’s good to hear.”
“Well, it’s not bad,” I said, glancing down at my shadow. There was no sign of Shinobu at the moment, but I guess that didn’t surprise me. Unless I dragged her out, Shinobu would never appear in Hanekawa’s presence.
“I don’t know about taking a bath together…”
“Why did I tell you that?!”
Why was I always shooting myself in the foot? I had to learn to be more careful about what I said to Hanekawa.
“So, Araragi, are you going to start calling Shinobu by her true name now? The one from back when she was a vampire?”
“Her true name…”
“You know. Kissshot Acerolaorion Sata Andagi.”
“Not exactly!”
It did sound a bit similar!
I was impressed that anyone could couple Shinobu’s true name with an Okinawan snack!
Hanekawa the funny woman!
Churaragi and Sata Andagi, what a nifty team!
At any rate…
“I don’t think so,” I answered. “She’s lost that name forever─Shinobu Oshino is her true name now. And I’ve decided never to call her by that other name again. Regardless of whether we make up or fall further apart, nothing will steer me from that resolution.”
“Hmph. Well, Mister Oshino only went away because he decided he could leave Shinobu up to you now. Really, I thought you’d make up right after the culture festival.”
“Then I guess we’ve been keeping everyone waiting. You could say I was being neglectful.”
“You’re not neglectful. I would know,” Hanekawa said smoothly.
Indeed.
She seemed to think of me more than anyone else did.
Even when she’d lost her memory, she’d kept me in mind.
“You know everything,” I told her, my heart full.
“I don’t know everything. I only know what I know,” she replied.
It was our usual back-and-forth.
“Araragi, do you want to hear a scary story?”
“A scary story? Like what?”
“Like, say, you look at your phone and there’s a missed call from Senjogahara. She’s left a message. It says, ‘Call me back as soon as you get this.’”
“What’s so scary about that? I’d just call her back.”
“The message is dated yesterday.”
“That’s terrifying!!”
Whatever the message’s content, I’d be too scared to return the call!
“Just kidding,” Hanekawa said. “That was just small talk.”
“S-Small talk. You startled me. It felt real.”
“Why would I know if you didn’t know about it yourself? You see, I don’t really know everything. Anyway, the scary story I wanted to tell is actually about Shinobu.”
“……”
“The hardest part of a fight is after making up─make sure you don’t forget that.”
Believe me, I hadn’t. That statement barely merited a nod, which was all the more reason to give one.
“All right,” Hanekawa said, satisfied with my response. Not touching on that subject any further, she returned to our previous topic. “About what we were saying. Even if Mister Oshino were still around, he might have ignored Karen’s case. He could be pretty cold when it came to people getting themselves into trouble.”
“That’s a good point…”
If Oshino did “save” someone─it was because that person was a “victim” in every way. Pretty much the only one among us whom he accorded such treatment was Sengoku─true, it was possible that he was just a pedo.
Even then, he wouldn’t help Karen.
There’s nothing remotely “Lolita” about her. I mean, she’s taller than I am, even if that’s shorter than Oshino.
“You’re right,” I said. “In Karen’s case, he’d flat-out refuse or it’d be: ‘I’m not saving you. You’re gonna go and get saved on your own, missy.’”
“That was really good…” Hanekawa enthusiastically ventured off the subject again.
I had no idea how many times I’d been made to hear that line.
“Araragi, you never told me you were good at impressions.”
“I wouldn’t say I’m good at them…”
“Do another one. This time, Senjogahara.”
“No. Why do I have to?”
“Do it.”
“No.”
“Do it.”
“…”
I couldn’t refuse a third request. Not when it was Hanekawa making it, at least. I didn’t know why she was insisting, though.
“My my, Araragi, what a lavish waste of time it is tutoring you. If I were to put a price on my loss, it’d probably come to around two hundred million yen. You hear me? It’d take someone like you two hundred million years to earn that much.”
“I don’t know if that was a good impression or not, but Senjogahara must have said something terrible to you…”
Hanekawa looked aghast. Spot-on or not, I guess my impression came off a little too real.
“Okay, do Mayoi next.”
“Let’s see…” I was Hanekawa’s jester, at her beck and call. “S-Stop it, Mister Araragi! Away with your hands! If you’re not moved by that emotional appeal, I’ll just have to appeal to the law instead!”
“Just what have you been doing to Mayoi? Away with your hands?”
“Me and my big mouth again!”
When was I going to stop putting my foot in it? I really did have the intellect of an invertebrate!
Hanekawa glared at me.
My eyes jerked around like they were doing the underwater backstroke.
“S-Sorry, a slip of the tongue,” I said.
“What did you really mean to say?”
“Away with your hams…”
I was now some weirdo who force-fed a little girl. I imagined myself running around, defying Hachikuji’s wishes and putting food in her stomach. What a surreal image.
I was doomed.
“Fine… Do Kanbaru next.”
“My senior Hanekawa, you are truly a sight to behold. The gods themselves must have come down from the heavens to bless you. I am but a worm at your feet…heh. Having been born into the same era as greatness such as yourself, I swear never to avert my eyes from that fact. You remain, forever, my shining beacon to follow.”
“……”
“Wait, I was really proud of that one.”
“Kanbaru has never said anything like that to me…”
“Huh?”
“I admit she’s very polite, but a bombastic phrase like ‘the gods themselves must have’ doesn’t sound like her.”
“Oops.”
Kanbaru wasn’t like that with everyone. I never knew.
I thought she used that kind of language with all her respected elders and seniors, but did she only speak that way to me?
That was a lot of pressure…
What exactly did she see in me that was so worthwhile?
“Okay, last one. Do an impression of me.”
“These breasts are yours, Araragi. Feel free to touch them anytime you like.”
“I never said that!” yelled Hanekawa.
I got scolded by Miss Hanekawa!
I felt like jumping off a bridge.
“B-But you said something like that…”
“It wasn’t like that at all. And besides, you were a gentleman and ripped that ticket up. When you did, I felt all tingly about you for a second.”
“What?!”
And the points I scored were now void?
What an unfortunate development.
An absolute tragedy.
“So if I hadn’t overstepped,” I moped, “I’d have been allowed to fondle your breasts as a reward for doing impressions… Oh God.”
“There would have been no such reward.”
“You know, you shouldn’t tease me this way. What if I wind up committing a sex crime thanks to having to repress myself? Take stock, Hanekawa. Only you can prevent that.”
“You do realize that fantasizing about groping me is already dangerously close to sex crime territory.”
“Ludicrous… Since when is love a crime?”
“Leave that word alone.”
Hanekawa grew even angrier.
I guess I was being pretty inappropriate.
“Fine then,” I said. “As a compromise, can I at least fondle your upper arm?”
“Huh? Why my upper arm?”
“I have heard tell that upper arms feel like breasts.”
“That’s just silly…” Hanekawa looked exasperated. “I mean, I don’t think it’s even that close.”
“Oh? Really?”
Then it was just an urban legend.
Mere superstition, or wishful thinking.
“Yes,” Hanekawa confirmed. “They’re not similar at all, at least not when I feel my own.”
“You’ve been feeling up your breasts?!”
“No, wait! Don’t get the wrong idea, I mean like in the bath!”
“The bath─so when you’re completely naked?!”
“I do have to wash my own body. What’s so strange about that?!”
“Hanekawa! What were you thinking?! You should have said something. You know you can rely on me. I’d totally wash your body for you!”
“I don’t know what to make of you!”
Hanekawa seemed flustered. How cute of her.
Hm, she nodded. “Okay, how about this,” she said.
“How about what?”
“If you get into college on your first attempt, I’ll let you fondle my breasts as much as you like.”
“Uh.”
I froze. Hanekawa fidgeted bashfully.
“Y-You’re not fooling me this time,” I warned. “You’ll let me fondle them as much as I like, but if I do, you’ll despise me forever, right?”
“Nope. In fact, I’ll be visibly glad and strike a sexy reaction pose, like Miss Machiko. I’ll say, ‘Maicchingu!’ just like her.”
“You, of all people?!”
She’d go that far?! With the pose, too?!
I’d pay two hundred million yen to see that!
“Your studies have been coming along pretty well so far,” she explained, “but I’m afraid you might start to hit a wall soon. When that time comes, don’t you think a reward─or rather, a return on your efforts─would help keep you motivated?”
“W-Well, yeah…”
“I’m willing to do whatever it takes to help you get into your first pick. My breasts, my upper arms, I’ll let you do whatever you like with all the soft parts of my body.”
“H-Holy…” I was awestruck. All the soft parts? “So I could even do something like lick your eyeballs?!”
“I’m starting to suspect you have some very unusual fetishes…”
“I-I do? You mean licking a girl’s eyeballs isn’t something that every red-blooded guy fantasizes about?”
“It sounds to me more like something a big-name serial killer might fantasize about… But yeah, I wouldn’t mind.”
“You wouldn’t?!”
“But you’ve got to choose. You can either lick my eyeballs, or all the other soft parts of my body. It’s one or the other.”
“O-One or the other…”
Talk about a tough decision.
Wait a sec! The answer was obvious!
“I’m gonna lick your eyeballs!!”
“Understood…” Hanekawa seemed awestruck as she nodded. “But only if you get into your college.”
“……”
Honestly, though.
Did she think my chances of getting in were so low that she had to mortgage her body?
Have you ever heard anything so sad?
Even for a joke, it was harsh.
“Do you feel motivated to study now?” she asked me.
“I want to crawl into a hole…”
“Ahahaha.”
She laughed at me, too.
But as long as Hanekawa was enjoying herself, I didn’t really mind.
Heh. Besides, even if I did get into college, I’d never have the guts to accept my reward.
“So,” I said, “we were talking about boobs.”
“We were talking about Mister Oshino.”
“Sorry, a slip of the tongue.”
“That might catch on, actually. I’ll have to give it a try sometime…”
Hachikuji was taking the world by storm.
“Mister Oshino probably wouldn’t have helped Karen…but what about you, Araragi? Are you going to? Maybe not?”
“Of course I’ll help her. But I won’t be doing it for her,” I replied. “And I sure as hell won’t be doing it for the sake of justice.”
“Then what will you be doing it for?”
“Nothing, really. That’s just the rules. When your little sister is in trouble, a big brother helps her out. Ask anyone, they’ll say the same.”
No, that wasn’t entirely true. It wouldn’t elicit any such declaration in the first place.
“I’m relieved to hear that,” Hanekawa said.
“What’s that supposed to mean? You thought I’d just abandon my sister?”
“I thought you might.” Hanekawa didn’t outright negate my flippant rejoinder. “You’re very strict with them. Besides,” she added firmly, “what happened this time was their fault.”
“……”
“That’s why maybe you’d choose not to act.”
Of course. Hanekawa was exceptional─she excelled at most everything, more than most anyone. And she had a great personality. Fair and aboveboard. She made the right call whatever the situation. Plus, she always thought of others and never put herself first.
However.
For instance, the time when I became a vampire─
She’d been very solicitous and gone to great lengths for me. At some points she even made almost unbelievable sacrifices for my sake.
But never, once─did she offer any words of pity.
As if to say─the hellish spring break I was going through was, strictly speaking, my own fault.
She had comforted me, protected me, and saved me. But she most certainly had not sympathized with me.
She had indulged every care I might have need of. But never once had she been indulgent.
“I’m not as steadfast as you…or Oshino,” I admitted. “I’ll do what I can─and whatever I can’t do, of course, I won’t.”
“I see.” Hanekawa nodded. “Well, I think this is far enough.”
Her house was still nowhere in sight─but this was as far I would accompany her.
We had our respective domains.
The sun had yet to rise, though. The dangers of walking alone at night had little to do with distance.
“You should ride home,” I suggested. “You can borrow my bike.”
“Are you sure? Because I’d take you up on that.”
In place of an answer, I simply turned the handle her way.
“In that case, thank you.” Hanekawa held down her skirt and hoisted herself onto the bike. The length of her skirt gave even Senjogahara a run for her money, so there was nothing to see.
Not that I was hoping for anything racy.
Just knowing that Hanekawa was straddling the saddle of my bicycle was satisfaction enough… Wait, that’s more perverted!
Hrm…maybe I really do have unusual fetishes.
Senjogahara didn’t seem to care, though.
“I’ll return it tomorrow,” Hanekawa promised.
“Okay.”
“And make sure you settle this today. You have to start studying for your exams again tomorrow. It’s great that you’re thinking about your responsibilities as a brother, but don’t forget about your responsibilities as a high school student.”
With that final bit of advice, Hanekawa slowly worked the pedals homeward.
She rode standing up on them.
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