Monogatari Series - Volume 5 - Chapter 6.09

009

Don’t worry, we’re almost at the core part of the story.

After we were done with hanafuda and cleaning up, I took my leave. It was nearly evening by that point. Kanbaru’s grandmother invited me to stay for dinner (like she always did. I’d accepted her offer a few times before. Her cooking was amazing), but that day I politely refused.

By the way.

While we were cleaning up, I asked Kanbaru about something that was bothering me. Namely, how she explained to her family what was up with her arm.

“I pass it off as an injury,” she said. “I mean, it’s not really the kind of thing I can explain.”

“Hmph…and they buy it? It’s not like my vampirism. All they need to do is look at your arm.”

Kanbaru’s left arm, possessed by an aberration, was monstrous in form.

“With Senjogahara,” I pointed out, “her father knew because there wasn’t any way for her to hide it…”

“My grandpa and grandma are worried, of course─but that business about my mother always stands between us. They’d never intrude where I don’t want them to.”

So it went.

Her mother… Right.

Kanbaru’s monkey left arm was originally a memento from her mother─even if her grandparents weren’t aware of that fact, if they had any inkling that it was somehow related, they probably wouldn’t want to tread there.

Unless…they knew everything and were just pretending not to─that was certainly a possibility.

Either way.

I suppose it was tough for Kanbaru.

Putting aside her mother, Kanbaru looked up to her grandparents. For someone as honest as her, I doubted it was easy having to keep a secret from them.

But that responsibility, too─fell on Suruga Kanbaru.

“In any case,” she said, “I only have to put up with it for a few more years.”

Yes.

Kanbaru’s arm would return to normal then.

Unlike my vampirism─she wouldn’t have to cope with it for the rest of her life. I was sure she’d get through it, being who she was. I thought so as I stared down at my own shadow, elongated in the twilight.

Anyway.

When I got on my bike and rode through the august wooden gate of her house, I noticed a man loitering right outside.

At first glance, I thought I recognized him. But he was no acquaintance─I didn’t even have to consult my memory.

He was in his late middle age and dressed in a sable black suit with a jet black tie, as if he’d just left a funeral and was in mourning. He was so obviously suspicious, and though it’s a vague way to put it, he gave off the definite air of being a character.

A character. The real deal? Or some fake?

That, I couldn’t decide just from looking.

He clearly seemed out of place in our town, or maybe the opposite, considering all that I’ve gone through lately─the exact kind of person you’d expect to find. Yes, in a nutshell…

Dubious. An ominous man.

And he was staring up at Kanbaru’s house.

“Hm? Do you live here, kid?”

Given the distance, I couldn’t observe him unilaterally, of course, and the man in mourning spoke to me thus as I exited the premises.

His line made me wonder if he might be a salesman, but his appearance denied it─why would one choose such baleful clothes?

I wouldn’t buy a cup of coffee from such a dismal character.

“No…” I shook my head, unsure of how to react. Salesman or not, he could be the Kanbarus’ guest, and I didn’t want to be rude. “I don’t…live here.”

“Ah, my apologies. I neglected to introduce myself. You are wise to be cautious with a stranger such as myself. Treasure that wariness. My name is Kaiki.”

“Kaiki?” It sounded like a word for the bizarre and mysterious, but that couldn’t be it.

“Right. Kai as in kaizuka, shell heap. Ki as in kareki, withered tree.”

His expression unchanging, his attitude oddly knowing yet moody, the man in mourning─Kaiki─cast me a sidelong glance.

His black hair was stiff with pomade.

There was an artificial smell about him.

I couldn’t shake the feeling that I knew the man.

Whom did he resemble? If he did─then whom?

“I’m Araragi…” Since the man introduced himself, I felt obligated to at least give my last name. “Written with the characters for…”

Hmm. A-ra-ra-gi. The last three were easy enough, but the first was hard to explain, though not to write.

“Don’t trouble yourself,” the man interrupted my thoughts. “That’s a name I happened to hear very recently,” he said bafflingly. “The last character is also ‘tree,’ yes? While I’m withered, I suppose you’re a sapling.”

“……”

Did he simply mean our age difference?

His speech seemed awfully roundabout.

Well, not exactly roundabout─but almost like he was purposely talking in a way that only he understood.

“Um,” I said, “if you have some business with the Kanbaru household…”

“Hmph. You’re polite for a young person these days. And you’re considerate. Interesting. Nonetheless, your consideration is wasted on me. I have no particular business with this household.”

Nonetheless, he said. His voice was both monotone and ponderous.

“I’d heard mention that the Gaen woman’s legacy resides here. Not that I had a particular course of action in mind. I simply wanted to witness the place for myself.”

“Gaen?”

Wasn’t that─Kanbaru’s mother’s maiden name? If so, was Gaen’s legacy─Suruga Kanbaru?

Is that why he asked if I “live here”? But that could mean he’d visited without even knowing whether Kanbaru was a boy or a girl.

“It seems I’ve wasted my time, however,” Kaiki said as if he’d just concluded an appraisal of some sort. “The aura is almost undetectable. Perhaps a third of what it was. Under the circumstances, I don’t see the harm in leaving this alone─in fact, I have to. There’s no money in it, unfortunately. This case’s lesson for me is that the truth is sometimes trivial even when it is as one thought.”

And on that note─

Not so much done with his business, but as if he had no business at all, he turned on his heel and walked away from Kanbaru’s home─briskly, at an alarming speed despite being on foot.

“Umm…”

As for me, in contrast─I could only remain rooted in place. Not that I didn’t want to move. It was more like I was reluctant to make my next move, whatever it might be.

Only after Kaiki vanished did I remember. Or rather than remember─

I made an association.

With that unpleasant aloha shirt-wearing man.

It was Mèmè Oshino who came to my mind.

Aberration expert Mèmè Oshino.

A man who’d resided in our town for a few months and left it behind.

“But he wasn’t like that slacker Oshino at all─if I had to say…”

If I had to say─I could think of one other person.

His accursed figure rose up in the back of my mind.

The man whom Kaiki resembled was that fanatic─

“Guillotine Cutter…”

It was a name I didn’t care to remember, nor one I should ever forget.

“Well, Oshino and Guillotine Cutter were about as different as night and day, too…”

They shared almost nothing in common, Kaiki included. In fact, it was almost weird that he reminded me of both Oshino and Guillotine Cutter.

“Should I follow him?”

Follow him─and speak to him some more?

I started working the pedals─but the handle turned in the exact opposite direction. It was like my mouth had said one thing and my heart another.

It felt like watching someone else inside my body, but I was definitely pedaling of my own volition, and was running away.

It was just a hunch…but that guy seemed like bad news.

Those mourning clothes, so baleful and dismal. But it was more than that.

He just seemed…ominous.

Like an ill omen─sinister.

“In any case, I’m going in the wrong direction…”

I was done cleaning Kanbaru’s room and planned to head straight home, but the way I was facing would take me on a long detour. There was nowhere for me to stop by, either─even the bookstore was in the opposite direction. But hey, why not treat myself to a little bike ride?

Hmm…

Maybe I needed to tell Kanbaru about the guy? Judging from his final resigned remark, he probably wouldn’t be coming around again─and maybe a half-baked suspicious person report would only make her anxious.

Still. It was better not to take chances─just in case.

Kanbaru was a girl, after all. She looked it a lot more these days, too.

There, settled. I’d call as soon as I got home.

I was standing on the pedals and coaxing my bike up a hill when I spotted someone else walking down the slope my way.

Her skirt was cut long enough to reach her ankles, she was wearing a long-sleeved summer sweater, and her hair was tied back at the nape of her neck. Her face was as expressionless as cast iron but also looked supremely vexed─of course, there’s no need to describe her in such detail.

Hitagi Senjogahara.

My girlfriend.

“I’m running into everyone I know today…”

Was this the final episode?

Or something?

Hachikuji sightings were coincidences, and it was also by chance that I thought of visiting Sengoku and Kanbaru─and now, lo and behold, here was Senjogahara. What was up with today?

Was Hanekawa canceling at the last minute such a major event that so many encounters were required to compensate for it?

If so, she had some serious presence.

But I almost looked like some guy who went hopping about from one woman to another…which was hardly commendable.

“Hey, Senjogahara.” Since it didn’t seem like she’d noticed me, I called out her name and waved my hand wildly.

Her gaze was the worst, but her vision was quite good.

She must have heard me because she raised her head and glanced in my direction─before simply turning a corner and disappearing from sight.

“Wha… Hey hey hey hey!” I began pedaling at full tilt despite the incline to chase after her. “You’re seriously hurting my feelings!”

I pedaled past her, pulled into her path, and blocked her way.

She─gave me such an icy stare that I felt the chill deep in my bones. Anyone who could produce such a blast of cold without chanting out loud had to be a high-tier wizard.

“Come on, S-Senjogahara…”

“I don’t know any guy who’d be goofing off here when he should be studying.”

“Oh, uh…” She was angry. She was definitely angry. “Y-You don’t understand.”

“Silence. I understand just fine. In fact, I overstand. Skipping one of my lessons is one thing, but Hanekawa’s? That’s just sad. I’m disappointed in you. No, I take that back. I never had enough faith in you to begin with.”

“No, no, Hanekawa was busy, so she gave me the day off.”

“Pathetic. I’m tired of hearing your excuses,” Senjogahara cut me down.

Actually, I didn’t think I made a lot of them when it came to studying.

“In the end,” she accused, “you’re not a man of your word. My greatest shame in life is to have had my heart stolen by trash like you.”

“Geez, watch it. If I were anyone else, I’d be tempted to go jump off a bridge…”

“Hmph, worm,” spat Senjogahara, thrusting her chin up like she really looked down on me. She turned her back toward my bicycle and returned to the sloping path. She’d only walked into the alley to avoid me.

It wasn’t like I could just let her go, so I chased after her.

“Miss ’Gahara! Miss ’Gahara!”

“What, Churaragi?”

“Would you mind not making my name sound like Okinawa slang? My name is Araragi─and besides, that’s Hachikuji’s gag!”

“Sorry, a slip of the tongue.”

“No, it was on purpose…”

“A slip of the hope you break your neck.”

“It was on purpose!”

She didn’t even turn around. She was really cross.

Honestly, I don’t think she doubted that Hanekawa had cancelled our lesson. It was just that after such a show of anger, she had trouble dialing it back.

She was difficult that way.

When Tsukihi worked herself into a hysteria, it abated just as quickly─with Senjogahara, it was more deeply ingrained.

“You know, Senjogahara…”

“Ugh, some weirdo is following me.”

“Who’re you calling a weirdo?”

“Ugh, a weird midget is following me.”

“Did you just call me a midget?!”

Damn, they’ll figure out how short I am! After all the trouble I went to fudge it!

“Who cares?” she said. “When they make the anime adaptation, everyone is going to see that you’re shorter than me.”

“I’m against an anime! What if they ruin the original?!”

Well. It was only by a fraction of an inch, but Senjogahara was telling the truth. Which is to say that she was tall for a girl. Though not as much as Karen…

“Does everything have to be adapted?” I complained. “They act like any book would sell if it just said ‘Now an Anime’ on the cover, and I, for one, abhor the trend. Living in such an age, I’d love to see an original anime that’s not based on anything!”

I hadn’t been so upset in a long time.

All you tall guys out there would never understand!

What it’s like to quietly opt for thick soles every time you buy shoes!

“Maybe your concern is misplaced,” Senjogahara said. “In the anime version, they’ll just cut your character.”

“The protagonist?!”

“Yes… If this were Galaxy Angel, you’d be Tact Mayers.”

“No! I demand better treatment!”

“I guess, if you’d be fine with a role like Chitose Torimaru’s.”

“If that’s how it’s gonna be, I’d rather not be included at all! Can’t I at least be Normad?”

“Oh? I didn’t know you were so intrigued by the mystery of corned beef cans.”

“That’s not what I meant!”

Did she have any sort of authority? What was she, a diva who had control over all the casting decisions, too? Dreadful.

“Now, now, Araragi, stop caterwauling. When God closes a door, he also breaks a window.”

“Is that supposed to be an upside?!”

“Don’t worry. You may be out, but they’ve added a fancy mascot to replace you.”

“Clearly a merchandising ploy!”

“Besides, you’re not the protagonist. Just who do you think you are?”

“Urk…” Right, I forgot. I was just the MC.

“You’re not the lead, you just belong on one.”

“What an attribute!”

Senjogahara was walking fast, but I was on my bike so I had no trouble keeping up. I thought about pulling around in front again, but instead of going that far I just trailed close behind her.

“Fine,” I said, “if I don’t need to show my face, that’s okay… You’ll be dancing with a blank expression during the ending song while I watch from outside the screen.”

“Huh? You won’t catch me dancing.”

“……”

“Why should I make a fool of myself?”

“………”

Cool!

Super-cool, Miss Hitagi!

“I’ll be the one watching everyone dance,” she claimed. “And after they’re done, during the last splash card I say, ‘No dancing in the station!’”

“Heck, I know that’s from a commercial for ‘Georgia’ coffee, but how many people nowadays would get that reference?!”

“It’ll be such a letdown if they go for a dance ending after all this buildup.”

“There’s no pleasing you!” Talk about greedy. She wasn’t building as much as boarding things up. “Gosh, I really don’t get you sometimes… Scratch that, I get you plenty.”

“Are you insinuating that you have a problem with the conduct of Hitagi Senjogahara, a.k.a. ‘an outpouring of nature-friendly toxic gas’?”

“That’s terrible catch-copy?!”

“Maybe ‘unnaturally friendly’ would be better.”

“Better for whom?!” And since when was she friendly, naturally or otherwise?

“Just don’t get me wrong. I actually hate human scum like you, Araragi.”

“Are you sure you aren’t just abusing your tsundere label and baring your soul?”

“They say a woman finds happiness not by being with the man she loves but by being with a man no one loves.”

“That’s not quite how that expression goes!”

And a man no one loves? How would she know?!

“I was joking,” she said.

“Well, as long as you’re joking…”

“You’re oh-so-beloved and popular with the ladies.”

“……”

Sarcasm? An allusion to the nonexistent Araragi Harem?

“Hum hum hum…” hummed Senjogahara, phonily and without feeling. She extended one arm toward my head and proceeded to seize my skull in an iron grip. Drawing her expressionless face close, she gazed into my eyes.

Glaaare, she even mouthed a sound effect. Then she said─

“Three…no, five?”

“Wh-What?”

“The number of girls you’ve played with today.”

“……nkk!”

Since when did she have ESP?!

Uh, but Hachikuji, Sengoku, Kanbaru─three was correct… Oh, and she was including Tsukihi and Karen!

Amazing!

“If we’re being strict…six?” asked Senjogahara, cocking her head. Apparently, Kanbaru’s grandma counted, too. That wasn’t being strict, that was draconian. “On the basis of that estimate, I repeat: you’re oh-so-beloved─and popular with the ladies.”

“……”

Your blank expression scares me, okay?

Were her pupils dilated or what?

“Heheh.” Senjogahara finally released her iron claw and, before I could blink, thrust the same hand into my mouth.

All four fingers, minus the thumb. Deep into my oral cavity.

“Relax, Araragi. Believe it or not, I’m pretty open-minded when it comes to two-timing.”

“I-I’m knot too thyming.” I couldn’t even remember how to spell correctly. “The moats eye doo is the to-stroke.” I meant to say something clever, but it was a fail.

“Yes. You’re forever swimming the two-stroke trying not to drown in a sea of love…”

“Don’t steal my joke!” I didn’t need any help, but the shock did fix my spelling.

“Maybe it’s a swimming pool rather than a sea? As in pooling your women?”

“You’re overthinking it now,” I said. I’d never use the word in that context. What a tutoring session...

“But the truth is that you’re surrounded by girls,” asserted Senjogahara.

“R-Really? I don’t think so.”

“Yet all the names in your contacts list are girls.”

“Don’t go poking around in people’s phones without permission!”

Come to think of it…Kanbaru had said something similar.

Was it some sort of consensus? That was too sad.

“I guess it can’t be helped, though,” Senjogahara lamented. “Your very characterization is that you’re kind to girls but cold to guys.”

“Stop it! Don’t spout nonsense that will demolish my reputation!”

This was slander! Pure libel!

“I bet if a guy were in trouble, Araragi, you’d tell him, ‘Man, that’s rough, I hope it works out for you,’ and just head on home.”

“Hearsay and disparagement!”

“And if the guy actually begged for help, you’d tell him, ‘Uhhm, I think I’ll pass.’”

“I wouldn’t pass!”

“Believe it or not, I’m open-minded when it comes to two-timing.”

Terrifyingly enough, before I could be cleared of her calumny, she simply repeated herself to set our conversation back on track. What was she trying to do to my image? What if people believed it?

“So,” she continued, “you’re free to mess around with whomever you like, however you like─but if your two-timing ever gets even a little serious, you’re dead.”

“……”

Good grief─it didn’t sound like she was kidding, not one bit.

I understood─how serious she was being.

I didn’t─as to why.

“Don’t worry,” she said. “I’ll at least give you the time to write your last will and testament.”

“That’s not what’s bothering me!”

“Welcome to Hitagi’s Countdown Corner…four seconds remaining.”

“I’m supposed to write one in four seconds?!”

“It’s quite standard.”

“Your standards are too harsh!”

“Rest easy, Araragi, you won’t die alone─the girl will follow after you.”

“Do all this dying yourself, okay?!”

“I’ll also dispatch Kanbaru to make sure you’re not lonely in the afterlife.”

“What do you take her for?!”

“A pliant junior?”

“That’s just cruel!”

“A human offering to Koyomi Araragi, then.”

“She’ll get sacrificed?!”

“Why not? The learned term is hitomigoku, which rhymes with Son Goku, the monkey king. So perfect for Kanbaru, who’s a monkey.”

“You know it’s just her left arm that’s a monkey paw, right?”

“I’m kidding. She’s dear to me. Besides…” Senjogahara finally removed her fingers from my mouth. “I don’t actually believe there’s an afterlife.”

“I see…” Well, she didn’t have to tell me, I didn’t suppose she would.

“I just want you to know, Araragi, what dating me entails.”

“I do…” I nodded, but I hardly needed the reminder. The risk was there. Senjogahara was one big beautiful thorn. “In any case, I’m not going to cheat.”

“Is that so,” she said with a curt nod. She showed no expression or emotion but added, “Then we’re fine. As long as you remember whose man you are─I’m good.” Something in those words hinted at weakness. That was rare for her. But entirely typical, you might also say. “In my own way, I put some serious effort into being your girlfriend─if possible, I’d like to see you do the same.”

“Effort…”

When was it? Hadn’t Hachikuji touched on this? Staying in love─as a matter of effort. And how that wasn’t insincere but rooted in good faith.

“I try, too,” I replied firmly as if I were making an oath. “I’ve never once forgotten whose man I am.”

“Is that so.”

My words elicited another curt nod from her. That was all. Apparently, that was enough for her.

“By the way, Araragi, there’s one last thing I want to state for the record.”

“Yeah?”

“As a girl─it’s quite gratifying to have a boyfriend who’s popular with the ladies.”

“Keep that to yourself!”

Even now, Senjogahara’s expression was as stiff as a board. She had unbelievable control over her facial muscles.

In any case, it seemed like the topic was closed, so I asked her, “Were you headed somewhere?”

“I’m just on my way home after doing some shopping. Can’t you tell by looking? This is what I hate about invertebrates.”

“I do have a developed nervous system, thank you very much!”

Besides, how could I tell just by looking? It’s not like she was carrying any shopping bags.

“Come on, get on the back,” I said. “I’ll take you home.”

“The back?”

“Of my bike.”

“Ahh…you mean that mechanical beast.”

“Where were you raised, again?!”

“I’ll pass. My skirt would get stuck in the wheels.” True, in addition to being long, reaching down to her ankles, her skirt was also puffy and flowing. “Or is this a subtle demand that I remove it in public?”

“Nope!”

Speaking of which, she basically only wore long skirts, whether it was her school uniform or everyday clothes. When she went for something shorter, like a pair of culottes, she always paired them with stockings.

She refused to expose her bare legs. I guess you could say she was being chaste? Sure, given what she’d been through, it was understandable. But still…

“Araragi.” Having released enough vitriol, and feeling sated for the moment, I suppose, Senjogahara was ready to introduce a different topic. Her tone was still flat and cold, but it always was, whether she was angry or not. “Putting aside preparing for entrance exams, the culture festival is over and it’s summer vacation. Don’t you feel like high school will be over any day now?”

“Hm? I guess you’re right.” The truth is, I’d been so focused on studying that I hadn’t really thought about it, but now that she mentioned it, graduation was just around the corner. “At least, I’ll be able to clear the attendance requirement─I probably won’t have to repeat the year.”

“Too bad, that would have been funny.”

“Don’t see the humor in it!”

“Forgoing such a juicy gag…after so many years on air.”

“We’re in high school, not on a variety show!”

“When I go over my high school memories…” Senjogahara wistfully raised her chin and made as though to reminisce for a few moments before concluding, “The highpoint was eraserockey.”

“You only got into it in high school?!”

Eraserockey = eraser desk hockey. In case you were wondering.

“You insult me, Araragi. In case you didn’t know, I was the Eraserockey Queen.”

“And the title isn’t insulting for a high school girl?!”

“I practiced alone for hours after school, and my technique can’t be beat.”

“Please, that’s so depressing!”

“Of course, I didn’t have anyone to play with, so I never had a real match.”

“Any more and I might start crying!”

“Watch how you speak to me. Otherwise, I’ll go on a violent crime spree and confess that I was influenced by your favorite manga.”

“Now you’re taking manga artists hostage?!”

“Eraserockey aside, I can’t help but feel a little sad that once we graduate, the phrase ‘seating change’ will never sound so exciting again.”

“Is that all high school meant to you?”

Not that I couldn’t understand. More than two thirds of Senjogahara’s own experience of it was characterized by nothing, literally. Nothing at all to remember in the first place─it was so light that a mere breath could blow it away.

“In fact,” I said, “I can’t picture you getting excited over changing seats…”

“True. Even if my seat changes, I remain the same.”

“……”

As deep as it sounded, she was simply stating the obvious.

That’s precisely how you’ve changed, Senjogahara.

But that went without saying.

“First we graduate,” she went on, “then college─that is, if you get in.”

“Save the commentary.”

“Then we graduate from college─and become adults?”

“Adults…”

“What do you suppose the difference is between an adult and a kid?” she asked. I don’t think she actually expected an answer. She seemed to be in thinking-out-loud mode.

“Who knows. I can’t say I’ve never thought about it before…but it’s the kind of question you can think about until the cows come home and still never answer.”

“Here’s what I think.” Her tone was serious. “Children watch the movie version of Nausicaä of the Valley of the Wind, and adults read the manga.”

“But you sounded so serious!”

“Which means I’m already an adult.”

“And I’m still a kid!” Hmph. Right, Senjogahara did do a lot of reading. “Novels, comics, business books… You’ll read pretty much anything, huh?”

“Yes. The only thing I don’t is the room.”

“That’s some important reading you’re forgetting!”

“I’m positively dyslexic there. I read between the lines but skip the lines.” Or just scan the footnotes, she added.

Talk about a complicated joke. The footnotes to a mood!

“I might not be able to read the room, but I can place a pretty good chill over one,” she boasted.

“Humanity has no use for your talent!”

“In the manga version of Nausicaä, Kushana turns out to be a surprisingly good person. I thought we were cut from the same cloth…but it turns out we’d be enemies, after all.”

“I doubt either version of Kushana would want an ally like you.”

“Araragi, it’s about time you stopped relying on the Friday night movie slot and became an adult, too.”

“You’re recommending manga to a guy who’s studying for entrance exams?!”

“Don’t be stupid. There are far more important things in this world than some test.”

“Yes, but!”

Yes, but she’d lose her top if I tried to tell her that!

Senjogahara wasn’t done with Nausicaä yet. “Finding out that the famous line ‘It’s rotten. It was too soon’ was correct, in that it indeed was too soon, is quite moving and makes you grow as a person…but if you’ve read the manga first, I wonder how you’d react to the scene in the movie?”

“I don’t think I care!”

“Try to care a little. Sometimes I worry you’ll never grow up.”

“People keep telling me that…”

You never grow up.

A child. Yet Tsukihi had told me the exact opposite today, hadn’t she?

“But yeah,” I said.

“And what about you, Araragi, why are you here? This isn’t your usual territory,” Senjogahara changed the subject without batting an eye, ever free with her transitions.

I turned her line back on her: “Can’t you tell just by looking?”

“Unfortunately,” she returned my volley, “I’m not conversant in microbe behavior.”

I should have known better than to get into a snarking contest with her. But microbe?

“If I were to hazard a guess, though…” she mused, “considering who I’m talking to, are you on your way home after committing some petty crime?”

“Just out for a stroll and a couple misdemeanors!”

A “petty” crime?! You’re too much for me!

“I’m actually on my way home from Kanbaru’s,” I replied.

Mentioning that I’d gone to Sengoku’s house first would only drag things out─to begin with, she and Senjogahara had yet to meet. Hm…maybe neither of them even knew the other existed.

Now wasn’t the time to rectify that situation. Introducing such a scary sister to Princess Demure seemed like a bad idea.

“I see. So you committed a petty crime at Kanbaru’s house.”

“I did not!”

“Really? I had the distinct feeling that you saw her naked.”

“I-I did not,” I stuttered.

It was a total lie. But wait, it wasn’t frontal!

I was merely omitting the details to keep it simple!

“I see,” Senjogahara said. “Okay, you didn’t go to Kanbaru’s house to commit a petty crime.”

“I’m glad you understand…”

“Because a sex crime is more than a misdemeanor.”

“Can’t you tell that I don’t like thinking of my dear junior that way even if it’s just talk?!”

“Seriously, though, you should see her naked at least once. Her body is like a work of art. There’s nothing lewd about it, it’s beautiful. Guys might have their preferences, but from a girl’s perspective, she has the perfect figure.”

“……”

I wanted to nod emphatically and dish about the details, but I knew better. Senjogahara might be laying a trap, so I remained silent.

But she’d seen it, too? It wasn’t odd since they were both girls, but I was curious as to the circumstances… Hachikuji had been joking, and it was a secret, but Kanbaru had no-nonsense “Sapphic” feelings for Senjogahara.

Kinky. Sapphic.

Masochist. Exhibitionist.

Suruga Kanbaru. She was quality. While I’d teased her about the covers of BL novels, there was no mistaking that she was an elite-ranked pervert.

“Now that her hair’s grown out,” Senjogahara remarked, “she looks a lot more like a girl… All she needs to do is talk more like one, and she’ll be complete.”

“Not to interrupt your Suruga Kanbaru Makeover Party─but I dig the way she speaks.”

“It really fills me with pride to own something so fine.”

“Except you don’t?!” I was afraid I’d slip up if this went on, so I decided to deflect the talk a little. “Oh, by the way, there was this weird guy outside her house.”

“Huh, when did they install a mirror there?”

Senjogahara tilted her head as if she meant it─man, this girl.

“He wasn’t weird so much as…ominous,” I rephrased myself.

“Ominous?” Senjogahara─slowly turned toward me.

Not realizing what that meant, I continued, “He said his name was…Kaiki.”

And then─my memories get cut off there.