Monogatari Series - Volume 28 - Chapter 1.03

003

Not leaving home, but returning home.

It was quite a witty thing to say, but if that Acerola Kingdom (temp.) was indeed the country—the ruined country—that I was thinking of, then even more strictly speaking, it would not be returning home, but returning to her home country.

Because she’d been given the Japanese name of Oshino Shinobu by Oshino Meme, and because she’d completely fit in over the past two years, I’d been treating her as basically Japanese. But as a vampire, Shinobu was in fact a non-native species—not to mention, she’d been the princess of a different country.

She’d been called Princess Acerola.

Or perhaps, “Princess Beauty”.

With that in mind, “ruined country” didn’t mean that it had fallen to ruin because of war or anything like that—it was a kingdom that she herself had brought to ruin, when she had still been human.

Before she had become a vampire… A kingdom that had fallen to ruin five hundred ninety-two years ago? No, that wasn’t it. Shinobu looked eight years old now because of me, but it wasn’t her official age.

“Rather than it being because of you, it’s because this age suits your preferences.”

“In your complete, original form, you were around twenty-five to twenty-seven years old, right?”

I promptly ignored Shinobu’s off-the-mark comment and recalculated—though it was just subtraction too simple to really be called recalculation. But it would have been a small country that fell to ruin about five hundred seventy years ago. Regardless, it had been long enough ago that it made sense for the country name to no longer be known.

It was history.

My goodness…

But if it was the “remains of a noble lady’s dreams”28, why was she trying to revisit it now? Returning home… With this calamity having befallen the entire world, it was difficult enough to return to one’s home country, so the memory of special flights going here and there during the initial stages of the pandemic was still fresh in my mind—it was natural to want to return to one’s home country with the threat of an impending emergency.

You could even call it a homing instinct.

Since a part of me wished that Hanekawa would do the same, it seemed pretty reasonable to me that Shinobu would want to return to her birthplace—that is, if it weren’t a ruined country.

If not for that, this would have quite the feel of a final episode.

For a beloved freeloader, who came from another country or another world, to return home—it wasn’t worth referencing the famous works of Fujiko Fujio yet… However, what did she want to do after returning to the Acerola Kingdom (temp.)?

It wasn’t like she was going to set up a system for medical care. The country didn’t even have any citizens.

“Ka ka. That’s for sure. Seeing as I was the one to kill everyone.”

“If that crime was committed about five hundred and seventy years ago, the statute of limitations would have long since expired…”

Don’t just say “Ka ka”.

You may have been the one to bring it up, but is that something I can really laugh at?

Rather than disparaging yourself, it was more of a confession.

A confession that could be used as evidence.

“Strictly speaking, it was not I that killed them, but that my beauty led the citizens to kill themselves. Something like that.”

What a crazy record of a country’s fall.

Really, it wasn’t something you could dismiss with a “something like that”.

Don’t pass off your crimes as mere history.

And yet, it wasn’t as though she was exaggerating… In the “Mirror World”, I myself had had an audience with that “Princess Beauty” and had come close to disemboweling myself—Kissshot Acerolaorion Heartunderblade, who was heretical for a vampire, was also a heretical princess when she was human.

She might have even been more dreadful as a human.

With a beauty that could overwhelm her country’s citizens.

In order to break free from that curse, Princess Acerola chose to become a vampire of her own accord—it had taken quite a while before she told me the whole story.

Even as unreserved as Shinobu was, it was probably a subject she wasn’t very willing to broach—it was something she could only speak of as the history of some other person. Of course, it could also be that she simply didn’t remember too much about when she was human.

Even I had managed to forget my childhood friend.

That had ended up being quite the problem.

“There may actually be some crazy travel package that can take us to visit ruined countries, but is there really a need to go at this very moment? If we can’t contain the spread of the novel coronavirus, even Japan might end up falling to ruin, so why go all the way to Europe?”

In this case, it was scary to think that “Japan might end up falling to ruin” might not just be empty words. This pandemic really made you think about the fragility of national borders.

Both national and prefectural borders were arbitrary lines drawn by humans, after all.

“With me having returned to my parents’ home like this, it’s not like I don’t understand you feeling nostalgic for home, but…”

“As if. ‘Tis not as if I’m feeling homesick or anything.”

“Really? Then why…? Trying to do something that might make you actually sick, not just homesick… If it’s not sightseeing, and it’s not returning home—”

“Like I said, it’s ‘just because’.”

Inspiration.

Shinobu repeated.

“‘Just because’—I just got the feeling that something has happened. Not a premonition, but a demon-ition, so to speak.29 To my sworn friend.”

“Sworn friend?”

“To Deathtopia Virtuoso Suicidemaster.”

For a moment, I didn’t realize who she was talking about, but that was the fault of my own perceptiveness—I should have been able to guess from the moment she’d said “sworn friend”. If anything, I should have been able to guess that the matter was about “her” from the moment Shinobu brought up going to Europe.

That in itself would have been a flash of inspiration.

Deathtopia Virtuoso Suicidemaster—you could say that she played the same role as the role Kissshot Acerolaorion Heartunderblade played for me. Five hundred and seventy-something years ago, she bit into the neck of Princess Acerola, sucked her blood, and turned that princess into a vampire—a true ancestor, of sorts.

One year ago, she had dropped in on Japan.

For the sake of sightseeing, at that.

Just with the mere act of dropping in, she had given rise to quite the flashy incident that had even gotten my alma mater involved, but, well, let’s put that aside for now—ultimately, she had been forced to leave the country.

But before she left, Suicidemaster and Shinobu had been able to reunite for the first time in hundreds of years… I didn’t want to be a bother to them, but even before that, a newcomer like me had no room to cut into their conversation, so I had no idea what the two vampires ended up talking about.

There were probably tons of things to talk about. Centuries’ worth.

And so, in order to continue talking about everything they hadn’t managed to yet discuss, Shinobu would be the one to visit Suicidemaster instead—but, no, that was almost certainly not the reason.

Something had happened—to her sworn friend.

She’d called it a demon-ition, but this was probably something beyond that. It likely went beyond inspiration and was closer to something like telepathy—after all, she was talking about the one that had turned her into a vampire.

It wasn’t on the same level as the pairing between me and Shinobu, but their invisible connection wasn’t something that would completely fade from just five hundred and seventy-something years—especially because they had reunited just a year ago.

Bonds—

“Something happened, you say… But what, exactly?”

“I do not know that much. I can’t even say so with confidence. It could just be my imagination.”

In spite of her unconfident words, her tone of voice was entirely unwavering—there was surely an intuitive reason for her intuition.

“Do you think she was exterminated by a vampire hunter?”

“Perhaps so. But she was always one to die frequently—to be honest, when we met last year, it was actually surprising to see that she was still alive.”

So I wouldn’t get this odd feeling if she died a normal death—said Shinobu, putting together an odd sort of logic.

Mhm…

Well, in times like these, I also happened to be keenly aware of the feeling of worrying about friends I hadn’t been able to meet up with like usual.

It felt like my heart would burst at every moment, imagining what Hitagi and Oikura and Meniko were up to right now—of course, I was capable of coping in one way or another, but I couldn’t go without worrying at all.

And that feeling was what Shinobu was feeling now, but in a way only vampires could feel—towards her one and only “sworn friend” of six hundred years.

How enviable.

But I understood her—it wasn’t like I was getting any sort of sixth sense, and I of all people had the least right to get anxious about her, but if I could, I would want to go and see Hanekawa.

Even if she were in space.

“Exactly. Deathy30 is to me as that class rep girl is to you.”

“When people were screaming about mask shortages, I was seriously agonizing over if I’d be able to modify Hanekawa’s bra into a mask, y’know.”

“I shall pretend that I didn’t hear what you just said, so pretend that you didn’t hear what I just said.”

Well, regardless of the specifics of what she’d just said.

There was still an inescapable dilemma that arose.

Kanbaru, for example, was in a similar situation: by living together with her elderly grandparents, being able to see them nearby made it easier to achieve peace of mind, but at the same time, there was a higher risk… From my point of view, Suicidemaster was basically a grandparent to me with Shinobu between us, and in that sense, perhaps it was more logical to keep her at a distance and worry about her from afar.

Home is where I think of when I am far away.31

Friends will come from far away.32

Now, then, what to do?

I needed to consider this carefully.

As mentioned above, as someone who was basically a grandchild, I wasn’t experiencing any sort of intuition, but surely Shinobu had felt “something”.

It was fine to believe her without evidence.

If so, then there was no reason to underestimate the danger level.

After all, Suicidemaster was not just a vampire, but a true ancestor. It was hard to imagine that she contracted the novel coronavirus and her condition was worsening, but there were plenty of other predicaments she could be in. It might not be my place to say this, but that true ancestor was not exactly a cautious vampire—her death rate was even higher than that of a rookie like me.

It was just as Shinobu had said.

Even just during her visit last year, how many times had she died in total?

As such, if there were some unavoidable circumstances, then it was natural for Shinobu to want to rush to her side. And, seeing as she’d followed me around as a golden-haired loli slave at my convenience for so long, I would be happy to accompany her if it was something I was capable of. I wanted to be of help—I wanted her to let me help her. Even if it was something I couldn’t do anything about.

However, practically speaking, there was a bigger obstacle, a bigger difficulty, in the act of visiting a ruined country when compared to visiting a famous tourist destination—it wouldn’t be so simple even in ordinary times.

The Shinobu of two years ago, and the Suicidemaster of last year, hadn’t exactly flown into Japan on an airplane… But for the current Shinobu, who had almost entirely lost the power of the iron-blooded, hot-blooded, cold-blooded vampire, it seemed unlikely that she would be able to do the same thing.

On the other hand, when it came to the idea of taking any normal means of transportation, then I had to say it made me feel a bit scared—I hadn’t even been on a boat before, let alone a plane. And even if we didn’t need passports to enter a ruined country, there was no way Shinobu would be officially allowed to depart with no nationality or family register.

Not when departing, and not when returning, either.

“And even if we somehow found a back channel that let us safely leave the country, there’s still the problem I brought up in the beginning. The chance of us exhibiting any symptoms if we catch the virus may be extremely low, but there’s no denying the possibility that we can still spread it to others.”

“My land has already fallen to ruin, so ‘tis not like there are any citizens there we can spread it to.”

What a surreal response.

However, even if that were true.

“There would still be a risk while we’re on the way there. That’s the problem with human mobility. There’s also the reverse possibility where we unintentionally bring the virus back from overseas…”

If someone were to tell me that it was inhuman of me to try and increase human mobility during this pandemic, then paradoxically, it wouldn’t be hard to say that it wasn’t human mobility at all—considering we were a two-man cell of former vampires.

“I see. Your concerns are indeed reasonable. However, I have a plan—simply put, we just need to prevent the spread of the disease, correct?”

She had a triumphant expression, but it didn’t seem as though she was going to reveal what her plan was at the moment—rather than grandstanding, it was more likely she had hatched up a plan that I wouldn’t approve of.

She was surprisingly calculating.

Her idea was surely worthless.

And her rough wording of “simply put” made me especially uneasy… Whenever Shinobu strung together a plan, it usually just made me high-strung.33

Nevertheless, it wasn’t as though I had any sort of alternative plan—so perhaps I had no choice but to deal with whatever problems came up, one by one.

I wasn’t going to press her on the matter.

Humanity had learned many things over the past few months, but perhaps one of the most important was, “We must not sow discord.”

We must be cautious of the potential to breed hostility.

“Then, assuming we’re going with your plan for now, let’s say we’ve managed to safely leave the country and travel to our destination. Let’s say we were able to not bother anyone along the way. That’s not necessarily impossible. After returning, we could voluntarily spend two weeks of quarantine in, let’s see… I know, how about a mysterious space made by Ougi-chan like Class 1-3? But still, even if we could somehow pull off such a crazy tightrope act, it’s pretty much guaranteed that Gaen-san would get extremely mad at us.”

Just imagining the future of being lectured seriously by that smiley onee-san (who I’d currently cut ties with) was enough to make my skull feel like it was caving in.

Originally, after entering university, Shinobu and I were supposed to be monitored by Gaen-san—so a corpse doll had resided in my room for quite a while (technically, it was my sister’s room, but, well, it may as well be mine). Perhaps we’d been given the clear, or maybe there was some other reason, but Ononoki-chan’s monitoring had been shifted over to Sengoku (or maybe there was no rhyme or reason to it). But that didn’t mean we were completely safe just yet… I wasn’t totally confident that our probationary period had ended. Considering it hadn’t even been half a year since Ononoki-chan had left, if we were found to be conspiring to leave the country, then it was possible we wouldn’t just be monitored again, but even listed as a target for extermination.

Even if we could quietly sneak out and sneak back in, I couldn’t think that we’d be able to slip past the eyes of the “onee-san that knew everything”—I couldn’t even begin to think that. It was possible she’d already anticipated that we were trying to work out a plan like this.

“So, instead of trying to smuggle ourselves out of the country, I don’t think we have any other choice but to ask for permission from that administrator to leave… Putting aside my own recklessness, the transfer of a golden-haired young girl is basically like an arms transfer, after all.”

“How bothersome. Do as you see fit.”

Was I really in the position of a “master” at this point?

Rather than being my slave, it was more like she was pushing all the work onto me.

It was less the behavior of a master and more the behavior of a princess. Princess Acerola…

For a princess, it was a matter of course that she would have to engage in all the necessary procedures when leaving or entering the country—but, since we’d cut ties, it was going to be hard to request permission from Gaen-san… She was probably going to impose one-man border control measures onto me. Particularly strong ones, at that.

Even if she didn’t get mad at me, she’d probably just flat out tell me “no”.

Maybe I shouldn’t have carelessly cut ties with her back then.

“Now. Use that twenty-year-old university student intelligence of yours and think of something already, my master.”

“You’re asking a bit much from a university student!”

Especially one that was only twenty years old.

Well, I had to come up with something.

For better or for worse.

Erm, putting it all together—the three points of “a means of transportation to a ruined country”, “infection control measures for a pandemic”, “securing our safety after returning home” were the most pressing matters at hand.

For one, the matter of “infection control measures” could be tentatively entrusted to Shinobu—but the “means of transportation” and “securing our safety” weren’t very simple.

The former involved dealing with governmental organizations, and the latter involved dealing with that onee-san that we were no match for. Both were formidable. Even if I were to admit defeat from the outset and perform my specialty of prostration, I didn’t expect Gaen-san would send us off with a smile… Even without taking into account the idea of oddities and all that, performing such a reckless move in a situation like this was something any adult should properly rebuke. Even if she didn’t get mad, she’d probably just say “no”.

It was harder for me to get approval than for vaccines.

Maybe it was worth a shot to try contacting her, but if she completely shut down the plan itself, then it would end up being worth nothing at all… That said, I didn’t have the slightest bit of courage to openly defy her, either—

"............”

To openly defy her.

Doing something like that against Gaen-san was an act of barbarity that not even her juniors under her direct supervision, Oshino and even Kaiki, were capable of—but, come to think of it, there was one, after all.

A specialist only capable of acts of barbarity.

That’s right. Even in our world, there existed someone who possessed a level of violence that could rival Aikawa Jun… Ah, this is killing two birds with one stone, isn’t it?

My goodness.

If I were to rely on that violent onmyouji, the two matters I was in charge of could potentially be resolved at the same time. Though it was certainly a risky venture… A gamble where my odds of winning were the same as my odds of dying. Fortunately or unfortunately, even though I had cut ties with Gaen-san, her contact information was still registered in my cell phone.

Ever since that winter of my third year in high school.

But I was still a bit reluctant…

Or rather, she was the kind of fearsome negotiator that could choose to exterminate me as soon as I made my request, but now that I’d thought of it, I couldn’t go without trying this option out.

Even if it was an attempt more dangerous than going overseas.

Would it be a journey abroad, or a journey to the next world?

“Well, we’re setting off to help out Deathtopia Virtuoso Suicidemaster. Starting off with a suicide mission seems right, don’t you think?”

“Quite true. Besides, there is no safe place left on this Earth, anyway.”

Was it really that bad?

Considering the young girl had borne direct witness to infections running rampant many times over, her words seemed to hold more weight, and I began to tremble at the thought that my sense of danger had not been enough. But I needed to turn my trembling into that of excitement.

In order to confront the violent onmyouji: Kagenui Yozuru.

I had to become a warrior.