Monogatari Series - Volume 25 - Chapter 2.02

002 

In the Road Traffic Act, the bicycle is classified under the light vehicles without motor category, so when on a public road, instead of riding on the sidewalk, cyclists should ride on the roadway. Depending on the way of pedaling, a bike can go over 60 kilometers per hour and the sidewalks aren’t organized in lanes. Because of that and taking into account that pedestrians can easily collide with bikes, it is obvious why this law was established. 

But if people were to follow that law and pedal on the roadway, they would feel a bit afraid, as expected, as the masses of steel would go past them by ten centimeters beside at high speeds. 

I don’t know any historical details, but the bicycle was, without a doubt, invented afterwards. Maybe this is just my position talk  as a cyclist, however, I can’t help but to feel dissatisfied since the bicycle literally had to find a place on roads where cars already were exercising their authority and because there’s this constant awkward sense of shame while cycling on the road. 

Bicycles running slowly through the roadway, like the old days, are inevitably treated like a nuisance and make other drivers feel like they should just send them flying. 

That said, I would have never thought that I would really be sent flying. 

On my way home, when I was calmly turning the pedals of my usual granny bike, a red super-car approached from my back at a speed the eye cannot follow, and like it was precisely aiming at me, threw me as I turned round and round like a pedal in mid-air. 

The driver is unforgivable unless they were giving DIO-sama a ride on the backseat. 

There are certainly no marks of brakes on the road. Instead, the only vestige is the onomatopoeia “Zugagagagaah!” released when I was reduced to shreds while falling on the ground. 

“Gu, gu. Guaa.....” 

I don’t know what just happened. What an extreme state of confusion. I know that I have been hit by an automobile at high speed, but I can’t process it as something that happened to my own body. The same unrealism I felt when I found the dying vampire. They say that winning the lottery has a lower probability than getting hit by a car, which I doubted. Now that I have actually been hit, I have no choice but to agree. 

“Uh. Uuuh...” 

I groaned. Even though I didn’t want to, my voice let out on its own.  

My throat was functioning like an accordion. 

I doubted that I could speak, but if I was asked “Are you alright?” I feel like I would have responded “I’m fine” as a reflex. Even though I was obviously not OK, I wanted to assume I was. 

However, the voice that called me out, as I twisted trying to crawl on the ground, wasn’t of someone being careful asking “Are you alright?”. 

“Oy, you there.” 

That’s what the voice said instead. As I heard this dreadful voice tone while struggling desperately, I tried to lift my face and I saw a woman  dressed in red. She was red to the point of looking like the materialization of red itself. She was a gorgeous woman whose whole body was wrapped in a wine red suit. 

You could tell by the color. It seemed like she was the driver of the super-car in question, you could tell by the color. A pair of, obviously, red high heels that looked like lethal weapons stood right in front of my face. 

With these shoes, I see why she wouldn’t be able to step on the brakes. Although I doubt this person would set foot on the brakes even if she was wearing a pair of completely flat sneakers. 

“What are you sleeping for? Stand up already or I’ll run you over.” 

With your heels? So you are willing to step on my back, even though you won’t step on the brakes? Looking closely, I realized how that person was wearing sunglasses (its lenses were obviously extremely red) but those weren’t enough to conceal her sharp expression. 

Crap. DIO-sama wasn’t in the backseat. He was in the driver’s seat. 

It wasn’t a threat nor a bluff. I realized how if I didn’t immediately get up, she would really trample me, and using my remaining strength, I grabbed the wall with both hands and raised my body. 

I have never seen a kabedon  like this. My legs were shivering. I just had a taste of how a newborn deer feels. However, I don’t think my knees were about to give way just because of the received physical damage. As I stood straight, I noticed, in the distance, that bright red woman who was taller than me, faced her and certainly felt pressured by her intensity. 

“Alright, you look great lad.  Good, good. Ha ha ha.” 

She looked at me, in this state, and let out a friendly laughter. Why is this person laughing when a dying high schooler is in front of her. Moreover, she’s genuinely having fun. This woman is laughing like she isn’t responsible for anything. 

And, as if she was sensibly responding to my hostility... 

“Kiiick.” 

... she unexpectedly kicked my abdominal perpendicularly. 

So whether I’m standing or lying down, I get hit with the heels one way or the other! At this point, I didn’t have to force myself to stand up in the first place if I was going to fall like this. Although, I have to prevent getting stepped on after being kicked, no matter what. 

“Gu... Gugu...” 

When I was about to fall on my knees, I somehow managed to keep standing. 

“Ooh. That’s amazing. You’re hanging on, aren’t you, lad? I like people who try their best. I’ve taken a liking to you.” 

She said, naively impressed, clapping her hands and laughing even more. 

You’ve taken a liking? I still don’t have a clue who this is but my intuition tells me that being liked by this person is the world’s most dramatic event. Though, I also don’t want to turn this into a flashy scene of carnage. 

Needless to say, this doesn’t even compare to the hellish Spring Break and the nightmare of a Golden Week. I would have noticed that she’s an extremely dangerous character even if she hadn’t run me over at high speed from behind. It’s just as if she were an invader from another universe. 

“I am Aikawa Jun. Mankind’s strongest contractor.” 

“Y—Yeah... Aikawa-san, is it?” 

I was hit really hard. Her fist sinked into my face and my body sank into the wall. I went through the rare experience of having half of my body become unified with a block of concrete. 

“Don’t call me by my surname, lad. Only my enemies call me by my surname.” 

“...............” 

No... You... Not even a minute has passed since we met, and after running me over, kicking me, hitting me so hard my body caved into a wall, you think this is a friendly situation? This is clearly a hostile one. Though in my opinion someone who would cave others’ bodyhalf into a wall has no enemies... 

“My, my name is Araragi Koyomi. A third-year high school student who pledged to defend the human rights based on the national constitution.” 

“Hmm, so your name is Araragi-kun. That’s long and hard to say. From now on introduce yourself as Aki.” 

And like this, the advocacy of the young man still unified with the wall was heroically ignored. I admit that my name is hard to say, but no one has ever demanded that I changed it. If I did that I’d lose what’s good about me. I meant with double meaning. 

“By the way, they say married couples shouldn’t have different family names or else the family will lose its sense of unity, so I wonder how much sense of unity your family has, Suzuki-san. You know how wherever you go in Japan it’s full of families.” 

That’s a rather perceptive point of view, but unfortunately I can only confirm that with both my eyes since half of my body has transformed into a concrete block. 

“Ahem... Jun-san. For now could you pull it out of here, please?”  “Your spine?” 

Of course not my spine! As I was about to rudely speak to a senior, without taking into consideration the age gap between us, Aikawasan, or rather Jun-san, used the other side of the hand that punched me to firmly grab the block of concrete, pulled it from the ground, and I, flustered, remained silent. I’m not saying the wall was pulled out. Before that, how did she manage to even grab a plain block of concrete? The wall’s not even structured in a way that would allow that. 

In any case, that was how the wall was destroyed and my body was freed. However, it’s possible that the safety factor of the situation where I was restricted was greater. 

“What is it? I can’t hear you say ‘thank you’.” 

“Unthankable.”  

No, not that. I meant “thank you”. That was me trying to force words of gratitude. And to that, Jun-san just lively laughed it out with a “Ha ha ha”. 

“Hey, no need to thank me. Instead, I have something I want you to tell me.” 

“Som—something you want me to tell you?” 

Perhaps, a moral way of life? I’m also not that well-versed in it, but I have a feeling there’s a great amount of things I could teach her, you know? How you can’t run over a high school student, kick them, punch them and cave them into a wall. And while we’re at it, how you absolutely cannot pull a wall out of the ground with both your hands. 

“Who cares about a moral way of life. The only one I go through is my way. So what I want you to tell me is just the way.” 

And after that she said, 

“I was told that there is a building in this city inhabited by a vampire, but...” 

That was what Jun-san asked me. 

“Could you bring me there? To tell you the truth, I was contracted to exterminate a vampire.”