Monogatari Series - Volume 24 - Chapter 2.10

010

I’ve always thought Shinobu would be happy about having her own child seat on my Volkswagen New Beetle, but it seems like she doesn’t like it.

Is it the colour?

But since we’re in a hurry, and it takes a lot of effort just to remove it, she’s going to have to suck up to it tonight. The show must go on.

‘Nay, I can sit at the rear without problem.’

‘Uhh sorry, the back’s full of stuff too.’

‘I see the vehicle’s temperament followeth that of its master. Both cannot take very much.’

To have a former vampire criticise my personality is probably a reflection of how hopeless Araragi Koyomi is – with that, after thanking Hachikuji, I went down the mountain from the Kitashirahebi Shrine, got on my car, and drove to the neighbouring town.

Rushing down a mountain trail in the middle of the night is a big, dangerous no-no, but fortunately our night vision was still alright, so we made it down without much trouble – although just as a precaution, I hugged onto Shinobu as we made our way down, since having her sit on my shoulder might pose some challenges for my balance.

‘Now that I think of it, it was right for me to consult Hachikuji first. Right after I heard Higasa-chan’s “this only stays in this room”, I was tempted to leap into action, but after hearing what Hachikuji had to say, I feel like I now have complete know-how of searching little girls who ran away from home.’

‘Dare I say that was a truly adventurous statement…’

‘By the way, Shinobu, you were about to say something to me?’

‘I have plenty to say, yea; another was added to the list just now. But what wert thou trying to get to?’

‘Don’t play dumb with me. How long do you think we’ve been together?’

‘It hath only been one year.’

Huh.

Feels like it’s been twelve years to me.

‘Didn’t you force in that Hanekawa anecdote at that convenient timing? Something about it being reference for someone leaving home. Since it wasn’t off-kilter enough for an instant comment, I just let it slide, but now that it’s just the two of us, I’m bothered by it again all of a sudden.’

‘If thou had let it slide before, then leave it be. It seemeth my master hath taken quite a liking to sticking his nose in the strangest of places.’

‘Didn’t we make a promise to hide nothing about oddities to each other?’

‘That vow was with a different woman, was it not? Which woman art thou mistaking me with?’

Hitagi-san, of all people.

It goes without saying I haven’t yet reported today’s illegal search to Hitagi-san, but since this has nothing to do with oddities, it’s all okay.

‘I reckon this is within a grey zone…though this case concerneth a human, oddities make up three-quarters of the search team, no?’

‘So what? Anyway, what’s got you thinking about Hanekawa?’

‘Hmph.’

Either getting fed up with me asking questions, or having intended to play dumb with me to begin with, Shinobu went on:

‘Lo, turn rightwards in three hundred metres at the next junction.’

Returning to my phone, acting as my navigator.

‘The one who is thinking about her would be thee, no?’ She added.

Tugging on her seatbelt, as if unwilling to be on the child seat.

‘Thou may have said “now that it’s just the two of us, I am bothered all of a sudden”, but I would venture that, in front of the doll girl and the lost girl…correction, lost god, expounding on such detail would be improper. If thou mistook my words as a certain foreshadowing, I should apologise.’

‘…What? Something that’s difficult to say in front of Hachikuji and Ononoki-chan? Could it be about that new game you’ve made with your tail bone?’

‘Not in a million years. Not in eleven million years.’

‘Whilst that is easier to understand than “plendifermaxigargantuapocalypticalifragilisticexpialidocious”, it sounds like you’re denying the possibility of falling in love with an eleven-year-old.’11

‘So be it. Anyway, would it be prudent to regale to those two the thing about the tail bone?’

I wonder…

Amongst the two of them, one’s a god, and the other’s watching over me and could kill me if needed…

‘Simply put, ’twas purely because “that” happened before either of the other two met thee. Were I to expound on it, then both the doll girl and the lost god would be perplexed. As the elder, I should show some consideration.’

It’s true that between the young girl, the little girl, and the tween girl (young girl being eight, little girl being ten, tween girl being twelve), Shinobu looks the youngest of the lot, but it’s also true that between the three of them, Shinobu’s actual age is also the oldest (the young girl’s just under six hundred, the little girl’s about twenty-one, the tween girl’s about a hundred and twenty? When Gaen-san was at uni and made her a shikigami, the corpse was about a hundred years old…).

But I doubt whether this girl could show such considerateness.

As far as mental maturity goes, their looks don’t deceive, and she really is the most childish of the trio…not that it matters anyway.

When it comes to things that happened before I met Ononoki-chan or Hachikuji – there’s not a lot.

It was during last summer break when I met Ononoki-chan, and it was Mother’s Day – that was, mid-May – when I first met Hachikuji.

Back then, Senjougahara Hitagi wasn’t even on my contacts list…and to round things off, I first met Shinobu, that is, Kissshot Acerolaorion Heartunderblade, during spring break, so she’s talking about something that happened between early April and early May.

If that’s the case, then that could only be it.

Yes – the first incident with Hanekawa Tsubasa.

The ‘Hindering Cat’ – and with it, Black Hanekawa.

I see…in a sense, it’s true that we’ve become partners in life and death, even if we haven’t met for long.

It hasn’t been long, but it’s been intense.

She’s seen right through me, hasn’t she?

Or have her eyes been sharpened by the man who sees through everybody, the man in the Hawaiian shirt?

‘That was back in that nightmarish Golden Week; back when you still won’t talk to me – I always thought you didn’t care what I did back then.’

‘What else can I say with thee borrowing my powers at critical junctures? Well, there is a difference between this and then. For thou to ask for my help at the start, surely ’tis a sign of improvement. Kaka. Isn’t that so?’

Shinobu then let out a laugh – a pained, gruesome laugh.

I haven’t seen her look like that in a long time.

‘“To not want this ending in failure just as back then” – art thou not overlapping this faceless, ordinary girl with that former class representative as thou thought that? Art thou not moving forward with the determination to save the cat thou failed in saving last time?’

Looking for a cat, huh.

I guess she’s right.

It’s not something I can deny…whilst it wasn’t something I’d blame on my subconscious, I saw the similarities from the beginning.

Neither can I comment much on Ononoki-chan breaking and entering, since I too didn’t prepare myself and pried open the Hanekawa family back in that Golden Week – and I ended up hoist with my own petard.

I got my just deserts.

Not only that, I ended up running away as quickly as I could.

The relationship between Hanekawa Tsubasa and her foster parents scared me so much that I dashed away in tears.

With the thought that as a high schooler, there’s zero hope for me in solving such ‘familial matters’, I tossed everything – everything, to Oshino Meme, and left him to deal with the rest.

Of all the things that happened in my third year of high school, the one during Golden Week was the most extreme of them all.

Nothing was mended.

In the end, Hanekawa Tsubasa herself resolved everything between her and her parents, including the cat, four months past that May day – I didn’t help at all.

And that’s fine.

Hanekawa Tsubasa was my saviour who lifted me in the spring break, but I didn’t insist on saving her back – not that I’ve never thought of doing that, but from the beginning, my highest priority was safeguarding Hanekawa’s safety, freedom, and happiness.

…But after she graduated high school, she didn’t continue her studies even though she easily could’ve, instead choosing to roam the world in a lengthy overseas trip. As to how safe, how free, and how happy that makes her, that’d be a different story.

Point being, leaving that family was the best thing that happened to her – just like with Beniguchi Hibari.

That’s why I was anxiously restless the whole time.

The same way Beniguchi Hibari feels about leaving her little sister at home – of course, I know that Benikujaku-chan and Hanekawa Tsubasa are two different people, and it goes without saying that Benikujaku-chan’s not the only one in this sort of situation.

No two people go through the same thing, and no two people share the same perspective – each unhappy family is unhappy in its own way.

That said…I couldn’t help myself in thinking about that.

The time in high school when I couldn’t do anything.

The time when I couldn’t face what was in front of me, so I ran away.

Perhaps now, I can do what I couldn’t have – maybe I wouldn’t run away this time.

I do fancy seeing myself growing too, even if just a little bit.

‘Go ahead and laugh all you want. Yes, I’m not helping out for selfless reasons – I want to take back that past me who failed. To kill that past me who thought that time that “something like this is beyond a kid like me”.’

‘There must be more to it. Is it not true thou desirest that small girl too?’

‘I desire small girls…?’

‘Sorry, I bit my tongue. Is it not true thou desirest to help that small girl too?’

Can you not slip-up such an originally beautiful line?

And to add in a ‘sorry, I bit my tongue’…just because Hachikuji didn’t get to say it, doesn’t mean you have to do it for her.

Some alliance between you two, this is.

‘Nay, was that not a good thing? ’Twas not my intent to rebuke thee. Is this not something important, too? The memory of thee escaping for thou thought “I cannot make it” is no good memory to bear – if thou wert to bear it ’til death, then that should prove quite meaningless a burden.’

‘Shinobu…’

‘So then, ’twas not my intent to blame, complain, or to criticise, well-timed it may be.’

Some rather specific intentions you said just now; you did think of them earlier, didn’t you?

‘Having learnt not thy lesson, and to impose on another stranger’s family business without prompting could end up with thine heart carrying greater trauma than before; that is why I have been reminding thee as a concerned grandmother would – as a concerned young girl would. This I shall say, if thou thinkest that former class representative’s family was bad, thou hast seen nothing yet.’

You really can’t beat the perspective of a vampire who’s lived with humanity for six centuries…then again, it’s not that Hanekawa’s family was special, it’s more that Hanekawa herself was special.

‘Thou art in thy first year of university. Would it not be too early to discard thy painful memories this soon? They can wait.’

‘That small girl’s not going to wait for me though, is she?’

‘But of course. They grow up so fast.’

‘No, that’s not what I meant – the small girl won’t wait for me to grow up, won’t she? Because this is a problem that’s happening right now, something that “stays in this room”. Painful memories don’t magically drop away like milk teeth. Humans, once they turn eighteen, have to force themselves into adulthood one way or another.’

It is inevitable for one to become strong, even if one needs to strong-arm oneself into it.