Monogatari Series - Volume 21 - Chapter 0.29

029

After changing into Tsukihi-chan’s clothes, the moment I stepped out of the bookstore, a Volkswagen pulled up in front of me — don’t tell me the ‘deflective barrier born from fear of human contact’ from a hundred beings was already null and void so soon?

That was what I thought, but I was proved wrong. The one who stepped out from the driver’s seat was Ougi-san in a male school uniform.

‘Hey, Sengoku-chan. Need a lift?’

‘……’

A second year high-schooler driving a car in a school uniform! {Y}

Was this guy for real?

I shouldn’t say this as someone who has violated the law today, big and small, but why is this guy doing this!?

‘’Cos you borrowed my bike. Didn’t I say I’d get around somehow? Well, this car I also had to borrow.’

‘You make it sound like it’s my fault…’

No, it was my fault though.

Thinking back, I did cause Ougi-san a spot of bother.

…A spot of bother?

Hasn’t this guy been getting himself involved this whole time?

Then to be shy or to brush off this guy would be meaningless.

‘…Whatever. In this hour… Please let me in. I’m in a hurry to get somewhere.’

‘Ha-ha. That’s the spirit. Or maybe you could take the wheel, Sengoku-chan? I’ve borrowed it anyway, so a few bumps or dents is no big deal.’

A mighty way of thinking about things.

But as someone who borrowed Ougi-san’s BMX, rode it to someone else’s place, and had completely forgotten about it, I am in no position to comment like that.

I did reject his offer though, and sat on the passenger seat.

‘Uhh, I need to be…’

‘No worries, I know. After separating with you, Sengoku-chan, I’ve been everywhere searching for a middle school girl wearing only gym shorts; I’m not doing this just for show.’

Even if you did, I don’t want to see you doing it at all.

After hearing Kanbaru-san’s testimonies this morning, we went our separate ways, but from what happened after, I cannot imagine Ougi-san finding any Bloomer Nadekos at all…

Where did this guy actually go?

‘Ougi-san… Ougi-san, what do you know?’

‘I don’t know anything — you’re the one who knows, Sengoku-chan.’

Ougi-san said, as he jammed the accelerator on the Volkswagen.

I’m the one who knows.

He’s right — I knew it from the beginning.

But I was mistaken.

Convinced until now, mistaken until now.

I knew it full well, yet I decided to fake not knowing it — but in the end, this was no different from what I did last year.

Ononoki-chan said I was ‘no longer who I used to be’, so I must not leave this mistake, this conviction, this misunderstanding untendered.

‘Oshino Meme-san… he once said I was a “victim”.’

‘Mm? Who is this Oshino Meme-san?’

‘…Your uncle, Ougi-san.’

‘Ah, right, nearly forgot about that. And?’

‘Mm. In fact, I think he’s right. But me back then was also content with being the “victim”.’

To be liked. To be hated. To be scorned. To be cursed.

All in the passive, nothing active from me — I see, I really was a “victim”.

Wrapping myself in harm — but not in responsibility. [13]

‘But could I definitively say I didn’t want to be liked? Could I definitively say I did nothing hateful? Could I definitively say I did nothing that heaped only scorn? Could I definitively say I did nothing cursed?’

‘Ha-ha. I’ve no idea what you’re saying. What is this? Are you suggesting that for others, everything’s because of you? That the one bullied has their share of the blame too?’

‘No, that’s not what I meant…’

I did not say that.

If I had to evaluate it, I deserved no praise at all, but I think what they did was outside the realm of human decency — it remains unforgivable to this day.

But it was true, I did nothing to stop those who liked me, or were friends with me, from committing such inhumane acts.

A word or two could have stopped it, but the thought of failure hurting me even more, and my self-protection, made me silent.

In the end, I am nothing but spoiled.

The one who loves me the most, the one who spoils me the most, is myself — playing the victim all the time, letting everybody around me be the perpetrators.

‘Interesting. Quite philosophical as well. But what’s that got to do with today? It’s all in the past, innit?’

Ougi-san asked, cheerily rotating the steering wheel — if we get stopped, I am bolting my way out of here.

‘It’s all now.’

I answered.

‘Of the four shikigami, this “victim” Sengoku Nadeko, that is, Gentle Nadeko, I look down on her a bit. Or putting it oppositely, I’m overprotecting her — compared to the active Fawning Nadeko, the emotional Anti-Nadeko, the mysterious Divine Nadeko, I think Gentle Nadeko’s the normalest of all Sengoku Nadekos.’

Therefore I was dead sure that she was freely used by the other three Sengoku Nadekos.

Forced to change her clothes by Fawning Nadeko.

Forced to give her chisels away by Anti-Nadeko.

Forced to become bait by Divine Nadeko.

The reason for this conviction was I had been viewing her as a “victim” — if I may, I even think that she became game for all three; I pitied her.

Pity — she desires to be loved.

However.

On the upper floor of the bookstore, before the showdown with Divine Nadeko, as I conjured the one so pivotal to my plans, Anti-Nadeko, she said, in her usual pugnacity,

‘Yeah, yeah, I’ll help you. Un-fucking-forgivable, Gentle Nadeko lent me those chisels and Divine Nadeko decides to fucking parade her around town like that? I’ll fuck her up — huhhh?’

…It was an anger that I shared.

But something in that line felt odd.

She lent her those chisels?

By Anti-Nadeko’s personality, I had always thought she had forcefully grabbed weak little Gentle Nadeko’s chisels — but it sounded like she owed her one; wasn’t this like when I borrowed Ougi-san’s BMX, built on mutual consent?

That means — could it be, that the chisel was not the only thing lent?

That to hide in that room was also a borrowed idea? — when Fawning Nadeko propped up the fallen bookshelf just now, I asked her, ‘why save me’, to which she replied:

‘Who knows. Prolly ’cos I’m not content?’

At that time, I thought she was unhappy at me — but if that was not the case, if she was unhappy at the bait, Speedo Nadeko, Gentle Nadeko, then what does that mean?

What does that mean?

Or, riddle me this, if Gentle Nadeko was the one who wanted to change clothes with Fawning Nadeko, what does that mean? — today was a weekday.

A girl in a school uniform would have drawn attention roaming on the streets alone — in actuality, the first one who was found was Fawning Nadeko in uniform, sending herself into the dead end that is the middle school.

The first to get caught, making Fawning Nadeko realise she was the bait, making her want to resist, making her want to help me — then what about Divine Nadeko?

To have used Gentle Nadeko as a decoy made it feel like she was the one pulling the strings, but could that childish deity ever be that sly?

Her intellect has lowered significantly. Perhaps she can think even less than when I was a deity.

Her speech was fragmented too.

I had no idea what she was trying to pull.

Could it be because that god did not have anything she wanted to do, and only did all of this out of somebody else’s instructions, somebody else’s coercion?

By whom?

By the someone she had been led to believe was bait.

‘Of the four shikigami, Gentle Nadeko’s the weakest… but because of that, she gives no pause in manipulating the stronger ones.’

Just as I handed my life to somebody else — Gentle Nadeko handed off combat and even escape to the other three.

It comes as second nature for someone spoiled, to heed no attention when relying on others… there is no malice or ulterior motive, so everybody spoils her on their own.

On the other hand, this makes her slow to realise hate or curses, unable to understand why she is despised, and also the reason why she can never escape from a ‘victim mindset’, blaming every friction, every discord onto everybody else’s head, never a moment of self-reflection.

The urge to continue being the victim.

‘So you’re saying Gentle Nadeko’s the mastermind? She’s the last boss, huh? Ha-ha, a surprising culprit indeed.’

Ougi-san piped, giving a light chuckle.

But that was not a chuckle that says ‘how could that ever possibly happen’, that was a chuckle that said ‘you didn’t know this until now?’

‘But supposing this is all true, wasn’t Gentle Nadeko flattened by the bookshelf? Speculate all you want, but the thing of interest isn’t there anymore; the truth is left in the dark —

‘No, this time, it’s in the fold’ — Ougi-san concluded. [14]

He really crumpled it into a paper ball, didn’t he?

But that was not so.

‘That Speedo Nadeko crushed by the bookshelf might not be the real Gentle Nadeko. Because I only saw that kid’s back — no, I couldn’t tell even from the front. If that Speedo Nadeko’s mass-produced by Divine Nadeko too, then…’

‘Then?’

Ougi-san repeated jovially.

Seeming like he’s bursting with joy in this realisation.

‘If this shot in the dark is right on the bullseye, if Gentle Nadeko not only has a “deflective barrier born from fear of human contact”, but also the ability to “be the victim out of self-consciousness”, so what? Sengoku-chan, you just said you “had no idea what Divine Nadeko was trying to pull”, but why would Gentle Nadeko puppet Divine Nadeko? If Gentle Nadeko trying to play every Sengoku Nadeko, including you, like a fiddle —’

Like a magical fiddle.

‘Then what was that for? Was she really trying to replace you?’

‘From what we ended up with, the only one who wanted to take my place was Divine Nadeko — even this was guided by Gentle Nadeko… what Gentle Nadeko wanted to do was to buy time.’

‘Buy time?’

‘Yes. Buying time to do the thing she really wanted to do — whilst Fawning Nadeko grabbed everyone’s attention, whilst Divine Nadeko was setting up her castle, that kid, that kid is doing something she wants, something only she wants.’

Whether the other shikigami succeeded in doing what they want, whether I get replaced, these did not matter at all to Gentle Nadeko — the town gripped with panic did not matter.

She only focused on what she wanted.

…In some sense, this Sengoku Nadeko is more like Sengoku Nadeko than the other Sengoku Nadekos.

‘But, Ougi-san, you knew all along, no? About what Gentle Nadeko wanted — and still wants now. You said you know where I’m going.’

‘Indeed I do. But do excuse me for saying this, I don’t think it’s that noble an act.’

He said without a care, but it was something I agreed on.

‘Yes. This is not noble at all. Therefore I have to put a stop to it. Otherwise this tale would never end.’

‘Ha-ha. Isn’t that good, though? I know a lot of my seniors who ended their tales like this — Kanbaru-senpai’s in the middle of it too; right, here we are.’

Ougi-san applied the brakes and parked on the kerb — ooh, he’s a smoother driver than I thought; it did not feel like he was blazing across town, but we were here a lot earlier than I thought we would.

Was it a shortcut?

Puzzled, I rolled down the window, and had a peek outside — on the other side of the pedestrian path was an old set of wooden apartments; they must be over fifty years old now.

On the entrance were the words ‘Tamikura Apartments’

…‘Tamikura Apartments’?

Erm, the ‘Tamikura Apartments’, let me see…

‘Speaking of what you wanted to do last year but didn’t, that’s killing your love rival, Senjougahara-senpai, right? Quick, make your way over there and grab Gentle Nadeko before she sets it on fire!’

‘……’

I gave him a grin.

With all my might, I gave him a grin.

‘That’s totally not it, huhhh!? Wrong place, shit-for-brains! Where the fuck is this? Lighting apartments on fire? Who the fuck does that? Who do you think I am, you cunt!? What’s with you making a cool fucking entrance when you’re dumber than a fucking brick!? Get out of the fucking car, I’m gonna fucking run you over till you’re part of the fucking tarmac! And if you don’t fucking want that, get me to Naoetsu High School stat! Front gates, right fucking now!’