Monogatari Series - Volume 19 - Chapter 5.11

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“Hiya!”

A punch hit me.

Mayoi Hachikuji’s punch.

Leaping into the air, a heroic jumping play from a dead standstill, still wearing her backpack, she struck my cheek with a closed fist.

Holding nothing back, she put a ridiculous amount of strength into it, despite being more or less an elementary schooler. Enough to send me flying, but I managed to cling on to the snake’s tail, holding it tight reflexively to withstand the punch, wondering if it might tear─fortunately, it seemed to be elastic (?) and merely grew longer as I staggered back.

“That one was for me!” she declared as she landed.

For herself?

That was just called punching me.

Tadatsuru’s eyes were opened wide─did he not know about her feisty side? Had she pulled the wool over his eyes?

“Hey…Hachikuji.”

“Don’t worry. My fist is fine.”

She opened and closed it.

As if I was worried about that.

Sure, you could break your fingers punching someone that hard if you didn’t know how to make a proper fist─but we were in hell.

All of us immortal.

Even I, the victim of her punch, didn’t feel much pain in my cheek─in an environment where you could be beaten by metal clubs and come back to life, what was an elementary schooler’s fist?

Still.

As clichéd as it might sound, her fist hit my heart harder than my body─my chest hurt far worse than my cheek.

“Then one for Miss Senjogahara, one for Miss Hanekawa, one for Miss Kanbaru, one for Miss Sengoku, one for your two little sisters, one for your parents, one for Miss Oikura, and one for Chiaraijima.”

“I’m glad you care for Oikura when you didn’t know about her until moments ago, but who was that last person?!”

“And one for Mister Oshino, and one for Mister Kaiki, and one for Miss Kagenui, and…” Hachikuji counted on her fingers─starting to ball her fist just as I thought it’d opened up.

And wait, even for Kaiki?

“As for Miss Ononoki, have her punch you herself once you’re alive again.”

“There’d be no trace left of me. She literally has bone-crushing strength.”

“Is it okay for someone like you to come back to life? What kind of a line is that?” demanded Hachikuji, actually punching my stomach with the fist she’d made.

Whoomp, whoomp.

She did hold back a little this time…or maybe she only hit hard when it was for herself.

“You should be glad it was me who heard your whining. Miss Senjogahara would revert to her old self and treat you to a stationery storm.”

“…”

Whoomp, whoomp, whoomp, whoomp.

Hachikuji pummeled me.

She got enough shots in to cover everyone, but I continued to take the punches.

“Miss Hanekawa…would let you fondle her breasts to inspire you, like always, but don’t expect me to spoil you, Mister Araragi.”

“Hold on. Like always? She’s never done that… Could you not make it sound like a regular occurrence, for her sake and for mine?” Even if it almost happened once.

Finally stopping with her punches, Hachikuji said, “What’s wrong, Mister Araragi? Spooked? Do you not want to return to life and have more trying experiences? Are you tired?”

Trying experiences… Of course I didn’t want any.

Tadatsuru thought Miss Gaen wouldn’t make any more absurd requests after I came back to life, but I found that hard to believe (she had a real knack for using people)─and even apart from her, all the things I needed to do once I was back was kind of depressing.

Including taking my entrance exams. Though I wouldn’t make it in time even if I revived now, and all the knowledge I’d crammed into my head, all the memorization, must have been shot out the other side thanks to my sojourn in hell.

But that wasn’t the issue.

I felt depressed, but not spooked─tired, true, but it wasn’t even that.

“When you first came here,” Hachikuji reminded me, “you did feel you could rest in peace now. Are you hoping you’re done with bothersome tasks? Are you picking ‘no’ at the continue screen? Is credit feeding banned here?”

“No, but some taut thread in me snapped…” I glanced at the snake’s tail still in my grip and gazed into the heavens it extended toward. I wasn’t sure I could explain how I felt, but I’d give it my best. “…and part of me feels like I was able to die at last. Yeah, I’m a little hesitant to press continue. Like I’ve had enough, and am not hungry for more…” I learned that heaven and hell, the afterlife, exists, and while my understanding of the meaning of life wasn’t shaken─

“In other words, Mister Araragi, you’d rather stay a ghost and settle into a position of watching over everyone?”

“Position… No, it’s not like that at all.”

“You’re only saying this because you don’t know how painful hell really is. I’d love for you to experience children’s limbo for even a day, if we had the time. Being able to come back to life is quite fortunate.”

“…”

Fortunate.

Yes, that was it. What I originally blurted out expressed my true feeling. It wasn’t that I didn’t want to return to life─I wasn’t sure if it was okay for someone like me to be so fortunate.

Did I deserve it?

“How do I put it… Maybe I’m wondering if it’s okay for me to come back to life when there are others who must deserve it more. It’s not that I don’t want to, but I feel like I’m jumping the line, or stealing someone’s spot, or trashing the rules─cutting in when I shouldn’t.”

Like in my trip through hell so far.

Wouldn’t it have been better for Seishiro Shishirui to save Shinobu?

For Hanekawa to save herself, through Black Hanekawa?

Senjogahara had Kaiki.

Despite Hachikuji’s assurances, even Sengoku’s case might have been just a quarrel between friends if I hadn’t stuck my nose in. To say the least, leaving it to the Fire Sisters, girls her own age, might have been the better choice.

What Kanbaru might call playing second fiddle─I’d felt it keenly over the past six months.

Wasn’t I the one taking unfair credit? “Pinch hitter” might be too harsh on myself, but a strong suspicion that it never needed to be me was ensconced in me.

You know what I think?

I still doubted I’d cede the role of being the one to save those girls─placed in the same situation, I’d surely want to be the lead violin or on the starting lineup. In which case I couldn’t help but wonder if I shouldn’t just stay the hell out of it, and stay in hell?

I’d been ready to sacrifice my life for a legendary vampire, after all.

And to die for Hanekawa’s sake.

Senjogahara had turned over a new leaf─she’d be fine even if I died. Then…

Then knowing my place─like a good boy, shouldn’t I just die here?

“You do,” Hachikuji said. “You do deserve to come back to life. You’ve at least earned that. Think of all you’ve done to earn it! And I know it all very well!”

“…”

“The half-year since we parted ways must have been tough, but it couldn’t break Koyomi Araragi’s spirit, could it? If not you, who ought to be coming back to life? You’re the lead, hands down!”

If you keep on moaning, I’m gonna hate you─Hachikuji threatened, before taking a deep breath.

She was preparing for a long line. I steeled myself to hear her out─to accept her sermon, no matter how sharp or scathing.

“Listen, Mister Araragi. The Mister Araragi I know loved young girls, little girls, tween girls, the underside of skirts, girls’ hips, big breasts, rough treatment, his bigger little sister, his littler little sister, MILFs, topless girls, volleyball shorts, school swimsuits, class presidents, tomboys, cat ears, athletic girls, bandaged girls, panties, eyeball licking, getting stepped on while groveling, dirty books, giving and receiving shoulder rides, being tyrannized by his girlfriend, cleaning up his junior’s room, cutting girls’ hair, taking baths together─”

“Hold on. Hold on, hold on, hold on, you’ve broken Koyomi Araragi’s spirit clean in two.”

Her logistics surpassed my expectations.

What a hopeless perv. The guy was better off dead.

Instead of cheering me on, she was making me want to stay in hell. Unless she turned it around at the end, I was going to have a hard time changing my mind after that onslaught.

I’m counting on ya, okay?

Or so I thought, but contrary to my hopes, Hachikuji capped off her long line with something of a fake-out─a simple, or from my perspective, an obvious liking. A natural preference.

“And living, didn’t he?”

But─it worked.

A simple fact, spoken simply.

It was all I needed. It sufficed.

I’d forgotten because it was so obvious.

Being on the verge of death again and again─all those narrow escapes made me forget something I’d always felt.

I was glad to be alive.

Enough to keep on living, and not as a humble act─no matter how masochistic or miserable I tried to look.

“You’re right… I can’t cherish young girls unless I’m alive.”

“Erm, that isn’t what I wanted to say, you realize.”

I’d creeped Hachikuji out.

Despite her whole speech.

But yes, maybe it was true.

There being a heaven and a hell─didn’t annul the point of living.

“I was worried that life would have no meaning?” I marveled. “Just being alive had meaning. Loving life was enough, since I could come to love so many things, so many people.”

“That’s open to misunderstanding, given the context.”

“Hmm.”

I adjusted my grip on the snake’s tail.

Held it with both hands.

I looked at Tadatsuru, whom we’d kept waiting all this time. “Please tell me that I don’t have to climb all the way? I’m pretty sure I don’t have that kind of upper body strength.”

“Don’t worry. Remember what I said? No trial stands between you and your resurrection. I just need to give the signal, and Miss Gaen will pull you right up. Just cling to that snake’s tail and don’t let go─you only have one chance, though. Be careful your hands don’t carelessly slip.”

“If they did?” I was holding on along the scales, so now that he mentioned it, it might be slippery…

“Who knows. I suppose you’d fall? For two thousand years, through flames─so hold on tight with both hands, and whatever happens, don’t let go.”

“Okay… Sorry for all the trouble, and thanks, Tadatsuru─Mister Tadatsuru.”

“No need to be respectful after all this time. It’s not as if I’ve relinquished my grudge against immortal aberrations. So long as you keep protecting Kissshot Acerolaorion Heartunderblade─you’re my enemy.”

“…”

Still, I said. “Thanks for everything this time around… I never imagined I’d get to speak with you like this. If we ever have the chance, I hope we can chat in a more relaxed setting.”

“Sure, during a fight to the death.”

“Yeah… Hachikuji,” I said, turning toward her once again. “What’re you going to do now?”

“Excuse me?” She tilted her head, baffled. “You’re asking about me? This takes care of work, so once I see you off, I’m heading back to spending my days in children’s limbo stacking rocks.”

“Stacking rocks.”

“Ha ha ha. Please, I don’t need your sympathy. No, it isn’t fun, and honestly I don’t recall doing anything to deserve it. These rules about sin and punishment are far too inflexible, but then, I bear the guilt of having wandered for eleven years, even if that wasn’t something I did during my time as a human. I’ll accept my punishment to pay for that sin─and I’ll pay up in full. Don’t worry, Jizo will come save me soon enough and I’ll transmigrate happily ever after.”

Pay up… But Hachikuji’s eleven years as a lost child wasn’t supposed to be subject to judgment. In fact, weren’t those years far more like hell to a ten-year-old girl than children’s limbo?

“Perhaps I’ll be reborn as the baby you have with Miss Senjogahara.”

“That’d be a heavy one.”

“Oh, how heavy? More than ten pounds?”

“I’m not talking about your weight as a newborn…”

“But if you die before I’m reborn, Mister Araragi, let’s play again here.”

“Could you not assume I’m being sent to hell?”

Now that I had been once, it seemed like a done deal─but maybe knowing that you were going to end up in hell was some sort of encouragement to go on living.

“Well then,” Hachikuji waved. “If I could, I’d send you off with a kiss like last time, but I’m not tall enough without Miss Ononoki around.”

“How about not saying that here…”

Just look at Tadatsuru’s dubious stare. He was doubting my character.

Not to cover anything up, but after all that dallying, I found myself nudging him on.

“I’m good. Send it whenever. That signal of yours. Send me along.”

“Yes. Perhaps you’d have liked to learn more, but ask Miss Gaen to fill you in once you’re back. I’m starting the countdown, then─Ten. Nine.”

He’d brought a wooden Shinto wand out from somewhere; maybe it was part of his costume change. Swinging it back and forth, he counted down the seconds.

That made it feel more like a reverse bungee than a spider’s thread dangling from heaven─should I wrap the snake around my waist instead of holding onto it? But a countdown could be interpreted as a form of purification.

“Eight. Seven. Six. Five. Four. Three. Two. One… Ignition.”

For whatever reason, the last part sounded like a rocket launch─in fact the approximate speed at which I was tugged straight into the air.

No kidding, my hands nearly slipped─as my feet left the ground.

It reminded me of Ononoki’s Unlimited Rulebook. No, it was because I’d gotten used to her move to some degree that I could endure the shock of the liftoff.

I endured it.

And I think that’s when my eyes met Hachikuji’s.

“Ah.”

She was seeing me off with a smile.

Satisfied, as though she’d accomplished something.

Her job. Wait─her job?

No booking fee, she’d told me.

Then word choice aside, she’d helped resuscitate me like this without any benefit to herself, despite not getting revived herself.

Right.

She said I deserved to be resurrected more than anyone else─and that’s exactly what was happening, with her left by the wayside.

“H─”

Saying bye to Mayoi Hachikuji.

For how many times now?

“H─Hachikujiiiii!”

The moment I had that thought, my legs moved.

Both of them.

Not with any profound understanding or sharp read─I certainly wasn’t inspired by the story of the spider’s thread and wasn’t trying to turn it on its head.

If I have to say…

I had pretty long legs, that’s all.

“What? Eek, eeeek!”

Hachikuji screamed.

You would too, young girl or not, if you found your torso in a surprise leg scissor─especially if you were also getting caught up in a reverse bungee jump toward the high heavens.

And so─it was with my legs wrapped around a pigtailed girl wearing a large backpack that I was pulled into the sky. Almost instantly, Kita-Shirahebi Shrine and our town came into view, as if on an airplane map.

“Oh, Araragi, one last thing!”

A voice from the distant surface down below.

Tadatsuru’s─I couldn’t see him anymore, but somehow his voice alone reached me. Either he could project at a superhuman level, or it was some sort of half-human, half-spirit technique.

“One last thing from me! The enemy who requested that I slay a vampiric you alongside Kissshot Acerolaorion Heartunderblade─let me be the one to give you the name!”

I heard it.

Grasping a white snake with both hands and hugging a young girl with both legs, I heard the name. Strangely reverberating as if through the Doppler effect.

“Ogi─Ogi Oshino─”