Monogatari Series - Volume 11 - Chapter 1.20

020

Both of Big Brother Koyomi’s parents work.

i’ve asked before what they do, but both he and Tsukihi just gave a vague answer, like “Well, they’re civil servants. Yeah, civil servants.”

Their stories were completely straight.

It’s kind of suspicious.

There must be more going on behind the scenes.

i secretly wonder if they’re involved in some shady line of work.

But whether or not there’s anything behind the scenes or in the shade, i do at least know that they don’t work from home and aren’t there in the afternoon─which is also when Koyomi, Tsukihi, and Karen are at school, obviously.

Then again, there’s no guarantee any of the three siblings are out given their surprising tendency to skip school, but if they’re skipping, they should be somewhere saving people or something. So either way, they shouldn’t be home.

In other words, the Araragi residence is empty in the afternoon.

Completely empty.

So if i’m going to sneak in, afternoons would be much better than nights.

“Hsshh, hsshh─you know, they do say that afternoon burglaries are more common than nighttime ones. And you know what else they say? Leaving your door unlocked or your windows open makes it harder for robbers to come into your home. Not because you’re appealing to their sense of kindness, but because it actually makes them think someone’s home.”

“…”

Nadeko doesn’t even nod in response to the Serpent’s words─how could i to a piece of knowledge he pulled out from Nadeko to present to Nadeko?

What follows, though, is Mister Serpent’s opinion rather than any knowledge.

“I wonder if you aren’t the same way─getting people around you to protect you by making a show of being defenseless and harmless. Of course in your case─someone really is home.”

“Can we please stop having these meaningless conversations, Mister Serpent?”

“Hmmmm?”

“Nothing’s going to come from talking like this. All that’s left to do is search Big Brother’s home to find your corpse… We can do that fine without opening our mouths.”

i notice that i said “corpse” and not “object of worship,” but i don’t even feel like resaying it. Nadeko just looks up at what’s in front of her─the empty Araragi residence.

So, how should i break in?

“And anyway…are you sure, Mister Serpent?”

“Huh? About what?”

“About your cor…object of worship being inside Koyomi’s home. Are you really sure this isn’t another malfunction?”

Nadeko voices her doubts, and i think anyone would after the chain of events that took place yesterday as a result of Mister Serpent malfunctioning.

It’s not even just in case.

“No, no, like I said, something came out of that malfunction─in fact, you could say this is going exactly as planned. Koyomi found you thanks to it, and you were able to get into his home, which is when I noticed where my object of worship is.”

“But…you didn’t do anything in Big Brother’s room, not even malfunction.”

“I was doing everything I could to hold myself back. You know I can’t start vibrating in front of other people─that’s why I was silent the whole time we were in that room.”

“…”

So it wasn’t just because we were around other people─true, Mister Serpent didn’t talk even when we were alone in the room after Miss Shinobu led (hauled) Big Brother out of it.

i guess he was spending energy then?

“Oh… Is that why you didn’t try to save Nadeko from Tsukihi’s scissors?”

“Well, that’s not something I could do anyway.”

“Still…how strange. Why is your object of worship in Big Brother’s room?”

It is strange.

As far as i know, collecting “anteeks” isn’t one of his hobbies…

“Did Koyomi or his family take your object of worship from the shrine?”

“No, I doubt that’s what happened─the timeline doesn’t match up. Probably, my object of worship was taken somewhere, and someone found it before I could…and entrusted it to Koyomi.”

Right, Big Brother seemed not to know about that shrine being there─and neither did Nadeko until she looked into ways to get rid of the “charm” placed on her.

“But entrusted… By who?”

“Beats me─probably some Hawaiian-shirted expert?”

“…”

Despite Mister Serpent’s incurious and offhanded delivery, he sounds pretty sure.

But wait, an expert who wears Hawaiian shirts…

Isn’t there only one person in Japan like that?

“Whatever the case, though, there’s no guarantee. Who knows, I could be malfunctioning again. Just hurry up and get in there to take a look around, Nadeko.”

“Could you please not sound so casual about it?”

Hearing that is disheartening.

The thing is actually indoors… He’s been using words like “burglary” and “robbers,” and that describes exactly what Nadeko is about to try and do.

The sensible thing to do would be to ask Koyomi or Tsukihi and get permission to come inside, but…Koyomi is always with Miss Shinobu, and Tsukihi is just scary, even if you don’t count what just happened… The fact is, it’s hard to ask either of them. Explaining why would be hard, too.

So Nadeko’s only option is this sham burglary.

No, i really am trying to take something from inside the house. It’s pure burglary.

“Okay! Nadeko will do her best.”

i’d look suspicious loitering outside for too long (Nadeko is still in a school uniform so the police could easily come pick her up). Making up her mind, Nadeko opens the gate to the Araragi residence and enters the premises.

Boldly.

Like i live there.

…i can’t believe that Nadeko, who’s “dedicaited” her entire life to being quiet and out of sight, is doing such a thing… Can i thank Tsukihi cutting Nadeko’s bangs for this, too?

i don’t know. Nadeko doesn’t know herself anymore.

“…”

But the wind is suddenly taken out of Nadeko’s sails when she discovers that the front door is locked after all.

Double-locked, at that.

It seems kind of like a new door, though i didn’t notice yesterday because of how dark it was─could they have remodeled recently?

“What to do, Mister Serpent…”

“Feh… Remodeled, remade, it doesn’t matter to me─nice try, but you can’t keep out a god.”

“Huh…”

What, is he going to use his aberrational powers to blow down the door the way Nadeko did at school with a rolling savate? i’d rather not do something that would just lead to more trouble down the line…

Speaking of which, they say that vampires and ghosts and stuff can’t enter into enclosed spaces unless they have permission from someone inside─is that not the case for Mister Serpent?

Oh.

But speaking of sealed-off spaces─

Clang! Clang!

Just then.

Nadeko hears sounds coming from inside as she’s thinking aloofly to herself─i don’t have to check to know that it was the sound of the locks being undone.

i fearfully open the front door─and white snakes come wriggling out. Two of them─Nadeko tries to move her feet out of the way as fast as she can, but the snakes are already gone by then.

Yes.

Just like the hallucinations that appeared in Nadeko’s shoe cupboard and inside her desk.

“Sealed-off spaces? They don’t mean a thing to me─I’m able to nullify any barrier.”

“…”

That’s very heartening to know in committing a burglary.

So it seems like those snakes weren’t just hallucinations─and now that i mention it, i didn’t just see them, i think i felt them too.

i hurry inside to the entrance, close the door, and lock it back up.

i’m being brisk like never before.

But when i think about it more, i shouldn’t have locked the door and in fact shouldn’t have opened it. Instead, i should have left the house as soon as i possibly could─even putting any ethical questions aside.

An aberration that nullifies any barrier. That lurks in sealed-off spaces.

If only i thought about what that meant.

But not able to find the time now that Mister Serpent is vibrating, no, quaking─what an incredible reaction, he’s spinning furiously on Nadeko’s right wrist.

I-If this is his dowsing─

The sandbox yesterday can’t begin to compare.

“Gah… Yup, this is where,” Mister Serpent says, stopping─even Nadeko can tell it’s a challenge. If i had to liken it to something, maybe it’s like stopping yourself from “chivering” when you’re cold. He even seems to be in pain.

“L…Let’s hurry, Mister Serpent.”

It’s impossible not to worry when someone seems to be suffering right in front of Nadeko’s eyes.

Taking off her shoes (her slippers), Nadeko puts them in the plastic bag she got on the way and steps up into the hall.

“Wh-Where could it be? Is…Big Brother Koyomi’s room suspicious, in the end?”

“Yeah… I’m basically like a compass at a magnetic pole right now, so I’m not completely sure─but I guess it would be his room that I’m finding suspect,” Mister Serpent says, but his words seem to lack their usual edge. “Koyomi is halfway to being an expert himself, you see─and he’s served by that legendary vampire.”

“…”

Served, huh?

Nadeko sees their relationship pretty differently─of course, i don’t think Big Brother is serving Miss Shinobu, either.

i don’t know, their relationship is like…

It’s like.

“…i’ll hurry.”

i climb the stairs.

i know where i’m going because i was here just yesterday─still, i cautiously tiptoe up to the second floor.

i’m thinking of different excuses i might use in case someone’s home─“i’m sorry, i forgot something when i was here yesterday, so Nadeko let herself in to get it back. The lock on the front door was undone”─as i reach toward the doorknob for Koyomi’s room.

It feels so immoral.

But resigned to the fact that her life is already over, Nadeko has sunk into desperation─i feel strongly, strongly, that whatever happens can happen, Nadeko can forget it.

And in fact, after this, whatever does happen─and Nadeko does forget it, but totally not seeing it coming, she just enters Big Brother’s room.

Maybe Tsukihi is actually taking care of herself in the next room over after getting beaten up by Koyomi─no, chances are she was hospitalized after what she went through, i realize belatedly as i step in. If she hasn’t come out to challenge Nadeko yet, it’s probably fine.

…i do pray she’s in class and not the hospital… She might have done something awful to Nadeko, but we’re still friends.

“Still friends… Yeah… If only i could have felt that way.”

“Hmm?”

“i’m talking about back then…about the girl who put the charm on Nadeko… i stopped seeing her as a friend afterwards…but there must have been a better way─”

The verbal abuse i heaped on everyone in class.

It was what Nadeko wanted to tell herself─i bet.

“…Still, it was impossible,” i continue. “Because we’re not saints. That girl isn’t a saint, and neither is Nadeko. If someone does something to you that you hate, you’re going to hate them. If they’re nice to you, you’re going to like them.”

“You’re being so honest. What’s the matter, Nadeko?”

“Nothing’s the matter…”

Nadeko closes the door to Koyomi’s room and decides to take a look under his bed first─though it can’t be hidden there.

If the Hawaiian-shirted expert─in other words, Mister Oshino─really entrusted it to him, Big Brother would hide it somewhere and not display it.

“Now that i think about it, it’s really true…” i muse. “Nadeko likes people who are kind to her, and she hates people who are mean to her…”

“…”

“Liking someone who thinks nothing of Nadeko, let alone someone who dislikes her… It’s just not possible. When you’re dealing with people, the way someone feels about you is very important.”

“And if the way you feel about them is just as important to them─I wouldn’t want to be friends with anyone with feelings like yours, dear.”

“…”

“Speaking of which, Nadeko, you don’t remember anything about the boy who told you he liked you, do you? Not his name, not his face, nothing. You didn’t know who he was until then, sure, but not remembering the name of someone who said he liked you? Don’t you think that might qualify you as someone with personality issues, hmmmm?”

“…”

“And it must be to hide this personality of yours that you never tell people how you really feel, always looking down at the ground and falling silent─hsshh, hsshh!”

“…Right.”

Oh ho, the Serpent reacts oddly.

Is he surprised that Nadeko nodded like an honest girl? Maybe.

Because Nadeko isn’t an honest girl.

i didn’t like telling people how i really feel.

i didn’t like doing things.

And that’s probably─because i’m not kind.

i’m not easy to deal with─at all.

“You’re right. Probably,” i say to Mister Serpent as i search through Koyomi’s room─well, it seems like i’m conversing, but maybe it’s more like Nadeko talking to herself.

At least, i wasn’t expecting a reaction.

“What Tsukihi said was correct.”

“Hmmmm?”

“Nadeko likes Big Brother because, that way, she never has to get hurt… Well, i mean, romance takes up so much energy─not to sound like you, Mister Serpent. Falling in love with someone, being loved back… An unrequited love where you just ‘yurn’ might actually be easier… You don’t have to be distracted, and you don’t have to feel lost, just like Tsukihi said.”

“…”

“That’s the only explanation that makes sense, right? i tried to make all those excuses this morning…but a girl as unserious as Nadeko spending six whole years really loving a friend’s big brother who she barely knows, and him alone… It’s a stretch, isn’t it.”

It’s not like there was something in particular.

There were various things, but there wasn’t anything, either─no big story behind it all.

Although Tsukihi was convinced by her own words, it’s not like there was a key episode back when i was in second grade─Big Brother saving Nadeko when she was about to get hit by a car, or stepping in to help when Nadeko was being bullied─we just played games together in Tsukihi’s room.

If i have to give a reason.

It’s all because he was Tsukihi’s big brother─all because he was Koyomi Araragi.

In other words, the only explanation is that it felt safe to like him because he was so beyond Nadeko’s reach.

“i think being in love with someone is a very wonderful thing─a feeling like that’s all you need in life, all you need to be cheerful and to make everything soft and fluffy.”

“…”

“The world is such a tough place, with so many things that are annoying or that don’t go your way, and what you think will always be there for you might crumble at a moment’s notice, and the rules you think you could rely on turn out to be less reliable than you thought, and your body and mind get so easily tired, so exhausted that you might just find yourself wanting to slump over on the ground, but even so, it’s like you can keep pushing yourself if you love someone.”

“…”

“It’s like you can smile even when you want to cry─which is why…” Nadeko pauses like she’s advising someone. “Which is why Nadeko fell in love with Big Brother, maybe─just to feel more stable by being in love.”

“To feel─more stable.”

“i mean, isn’t it gross if you think about it? That’s all it is, right? Gross. i bet Tsukihi, too, wanted to say that. Staying in love with someone when you haven’t met him in six years… It might be beautiful and romantic if it was some tale…but to be frank, you’re just a stalker. That’s just heavy,” Nadeko rambles. “i’ve been thinking…about what Tsukihi meant. It was tiresome, but it’s not like there was anything else to do─so i thought about it.”

“…”

“Ideals that are too lofty can ruin people─well, i guess she said they were actually Miss Hanekawa’s words… Anyway, isn’t that like chasing after a dream without any worries since it’ll never come true?”

A dream that can never come true.

An ideal that you can never reach.

A lost object you can never find.

Then, even if it doesn’t come true, even if you don’t find it, even if you don’t reach it─you never have to get hurt.

You won’t have to change. You won’t have to do a thing.

“i mean, it’d be such a shock if a reasonable dream never came true… Lofty ideals are probably a way of protecting yourself. Because when they don’t happen, you can always say, ‘i knew it.’”

Don’t dream. Look at reality instead.

How many setbacks has Tsukihi had to experience? Just how much did she need to learn before she could talk to Nadeko the way she did, like she knew it all?

Experiences that would make Nadeko fold if she had them even once─knowledge that would cause her life to end.

Yes.

Snapping on her teacher and turning the rest of her class against her the way i did─must be nothing to Tsukihi.

Tsukihi wouldn’t even leave school early afterwards─she’d probably sit through class like nothing happened.

It’s that Tsukihi that Nadeko─

“You know, it just might have been Tsukihi that i fell in love with first. Maybe, by falling in love with Big Brother, i wanted to become Tsukihi’s sister…”

“…”

“Sometimes i notice that i’m working to find Koyomi’s good points.”

“…”

“Mm…”

Nadeko’s hands are moving the entire time she’s talking, but i still don’t find anything resembling Mister Serpent’s object of worship.

Maybe it’s not in this room?

On the other hand, Koyomi’s room is the absolute furthest I’d be allowed to go in searching this home… Hrmm.

In any case, when i look at it like this, his room lacks individuality.

i guess you could say that i don’t feel anything Koyomi-ish from it? It’s not really showing Nadeko anything about the person who’s always using it.

There are barely any items that could tell you about his hobbies or tastes. All the books on the shelves are famous, and i don’t get a glimpse at anything like his more fanatical interests.

It’s almost like a hotel room.

With the bare minimum in it…like he’s ready to leave at any moment─and has already gotten ready to do so.

…

If a family member’s room looked this way, you might feel uneasy─i have that thought.

“Wait.”

And then.

Right when i’m quietly having that thought, i discover an item that makes his hobbies and tastes very obvious.

A dirty magazine.

A number of them, in fact, together inside his bottom desk drawer.

“Yikes. Yikes. Yikes.”

“Hey, Nadeko?”

“Th-This really would make your family feel uneasy…”

i take the top one from the stack.

The cover is unbelievable.

To describe it to you, it’s… How do i put this…there’s a girl with pigtails and…no!

Nadeko can’t say more.

“W-Wow. This is so tailored… i should have expected as much from Big Brother Koyomi… No joke… W-Well, it’s fine, in its own way…”

“Hey, Nadeko.”

“Be quiet. Your object of worship might be in between the pages of this magazine.”

“Nah… It’s definitely not that flimsy…”

“Hrmm.”

i take a careful look through it.

i examine each page so as not to miss anything.

It would be a big deal if i missed Mister Serpent’s object of worship, you see.

“Nadeko…” i mutter.

“Hm?”

“Nadeko─doesn’t like to say ‘I’ or ‘me’… Why do you think that is?”

“How should I know? Figure it out for yourself.”

“That’s it.”

“Hunh?”

“That must be it─it’s because Nadeko doesn’t have a ‘self,’” Nadeko states, reaching for a second magazine after finishing the first.

This second one, completely different, is about foreign affairs.

H…How scandalous.

i can’t do this. i can’t even start to do this.

“Nadeko…doesn’t have a self,” i mutter.

That’s something else i’ve been thinking, as much as i didn’t want to think it.

“A self? Are you sure you don’t mean self-confidence, my dear?”

“No. A self.”

“What are you saying, Nadeko? The person right there is you, and no one else.”

Those hands. Those legs. That body.

Down to every one of the hairs on your head─all of that’s you, Mister Serpent details.

“So of course you have a self.”

“Yeah…of course there’s someone named Nadeko Sengoku. A someone they call Sengoku. Someone they call Nadeko. That someone you call ‘dear,’ Mister Serpent─she’s right here. There’s definitely a girl in her second year of middle school who’s searching through Big Brother’s room right now.”

But that’s not me.

i can’t see that as being who I am.

“Nadeko is someone else as far as I go─which is why Nadeko never calls herself me.”

“…”

“I’m not the person everyone takes to be Nadeko Sengoku─if they think Nadeko Sengoku is cute, they’re not talking about me.”

Somehow it feels like i’m living another person’s life.

Like i have no self.

Nadeko lives her life doing what others say.

She only reacts to what others say.

She never does anything herself─of course she doesn’t.

Because Nadeko has no self.

She’s not even empty─there’s someone on the outside of Nadeko who’s a question mark, and on the inside too─

“Talk about stupid. So in other words, you’re a kid,” the Serpent pooh-poohs.

“…”

“That really is why little brats call themselves by their first name. Everyone else calls them that, so that’s how they ‘understand’ themselves─basically, it means they haven’t formed an ego. Oh, and that’s why your teacher refers to himself in the third person, too. Because calling himself ‘your teacher’ gives him a sense of actually being your teacher.”

“In other words, Nadeko not having an ego…not having something she can call herself…”

“There’s nothing wrong with that─not on its own. Living a life that’s true to who you are isn’t all that valuable, actually.”

“But…if i don’t have an ego, if i don’t have a self…then there’s no point in being here.”

“That point is too much for you to bear, Nadeko, right?”

“…”

He’s right.

It’s not like Nadeko wants an “I” at all.

If there’s anything she wants, it’d be─

“Magazine number three…”

Uh oh.

Is it okay for a high schooler to be in possession of this? Your entire life could be ruined if it got out that you owned such a thing.

“Maybe we should say this is your object of worship and take it home with us…”

“Is that how you view my object of worship?”

“Ah.”

Flutter.

Something floats down from inside the third magazine─a bookmark?

Koyomi is more meticulous than i thought if he’s using a bookmark in a centerfold collection… If he used a bookmark, does that mean that he likes this page in particular?

In that case, i need to check it out.

Let’s see, here.

“Really, Mister Serpent, like you said once─Nadeko doesn’t feel that bad about it.”

“Hm?”

“About your breathren? Your brothers? Your underlings…thralls? In other words, about killing all of those snakes…and in such a cruel way.”

i don’t regret it. i don’t feel any remorse.

i don’t─do a thing.

“Nadeko just thinks she couldn’t help it…because Nadeko thought she’d die otherwise. There’s a possibility that Nadeko just might feel remorse, but I don’t.”

“…But your massacre was meaningless, and in fact, only made things worse for you, didn’t it?”

“Still, i couldn’t help it…because Nadeko didn’t know.”

“…”

“i couldn’t help it. Yeah. Nadeko can deal with anything that way. Because everything that happens to her is someone else’s problem.”

Even the way i’m trespassing on Big Brother Koyomi’s home now─i feel like there’s nothing i could do about it. If he gets mad at Nadeko─she’ll probably apologize.

After all, someone is mad.

Of course i’ll apologize.

Like it’s someone else’s problem.

“And it’s because you’re mad, Mister Serpent─that Nadeko is atoning like this.”

“No, I’m not particularly mad at you─”

“i bet Nadeko could kill a person and still say, ‘i couldn’t help it’─”

“Nadeko!” Mister Serpent suddenly shouts─surprising her and freezing her hand before it can flip another page.

“Wh-What… Is it something about the girl on this page?”

“No, no… The bookmark that was inserted there.”

“The bookmark?”

The one that fell on the floor?

Could it be a special first-run bonus with a girl’s photo on the opposite side? Nadeko does as she’s told and picks up the facedown bookmark.

And then─

“Ah…”

Drawn on the front side─is the picture of a snake.

One that’s eating its own tail.

A picture─of an Ouroboros.

“And wait…is this not a bookmark…but a talisman?”

i think back.

Yes, the talisman that Koyomi stuck on Kita-Shirahebi Shrine’s hall in June─the talisman that Mister Oshino supposedly entrusted to him.

That’s what it looks like. It’s almost “identacle.”

Wasn’t the work of putting that talisman on the shrine worth more than five million yen? Of course, there were characters written on that talisman, while there’s an illustration on this one. To say that they’re similar might not make logical sense.

But.

The red ink used─to draw the image, and to draw those characters, is similar─the strokes of the brush are undeniably─

“I see,” Mister Serpent says. “So that’s the form it was preserved in─my object of worship was saved not in material form but as an image… I didn’t expect that one. Hsshh, hsshh.”

“An image…”

It wasn’t a corpse.

It wasn’t a pile of bones, or even a mummy…

That makes sense, it’d be easy to take away, to save, to hide like this─and it helps explain why Mister Serpent couldn’t find it despite his powerful dowsing skill. But…

An image?

“S-So people can worship this? i mean, it’s─paper-thin.”

“They sure can.”

Even if it’s─paper-thin, Mister Serpent answers Nadeko without so much as a pause.

He’s shamelessly contradicting what he said before.

“You humans don’t think twice about worshipping images.”

“W-Well, true, we do fall in love and start admiring them, but that whole culture is pretty recent…”

“No, no. That’s not what I mean.”

“A-Are you saying like paintings and not just photographs?”

“i’m talking about Rembrandt and Da Vinci, that sort of stuff.”

“Ahh…”

Okay.

Now that he mentions it, that’s worship─isn’t it?

“It doesn’t have to be an image,” the Serpent says. “It could be music, or literature─anything could end up being worshipped. And of course that includes corpses, rocks, trees, and the like.”

“…”

Nadeko takes another look at the talisman again when he says this─hm.

It just looks like a plain image to Nadeko.

Not the kind that gets worshipped, i think.

It would still look like a bookmark if it never got referred to as a talisman…but maybe that’s exactly why this was the perfect hiding place.

Normally, you wouldn’t expect a shrine’s object of worship to be hidden in the pages of a dirty magazine─in fact, isn’t that a good way to get yourself cursed?

It might actually be why Big Brother’s luck has been so bad recently, and his life full of so many disasters…

“Turning an existence, a concept, into an image to preserve it forever─I guess there’s wisdom in it. But to think that I, Master Serpent, could ever have a body so paper-thin─hsshh, hsshh. You’re right, Nadeko, knowing oneself is harder than you’d expect.”

“…So does that mean everything’s okay?” Nadeko asks, looking at one side of the talisman, then the other─to check with Mister Serpent.

A final check.

“Now, Mister Serpent, you have your energy back… Which means you can keep on existing without having to worry about running out─”

“Well, I doubt it’ll last forever─this piece of paper is only like a copy of the original, and it’s not like I’ll be able to regain all the faith in me that’s been lost. But I should be able to continue on for a few centuries─a lot longer than if I was an e-book. Come on, Nadeko. Hurry up and let me eat that talisman.”

“Let me eat…”

“Don’t worry, I’ll keep my promise─I’ll make sure to resurrect your bangs. No, maybe I owe you more as thanks. If you have any other wish, I’ll grant it for you.”

Mister Serpent is in a better mood than he’s ever been─you could even say he’s high.

i don’t blame him.

He finally found the thing he wanted, his body─his energy, the source of it.

“…”

“Hm? Nothing, Nadeko, no wish? I don’t mind how ambitious. Like reversing what happened at school today─I should have enough energy left over to pull it off.”

“Ambitious…”

Something─out of reach.

A wish.

Like i’m visiting a shrine─in that case, what does Nadeko want?

What do I want.

For the girl called Nadeko Sengoku.

“i don’t need you to make it so that today never happened.”

“Hmm? Are you sure, Nadeko? After all that talk about your life being over? Well, I’d only be erasing everyone’s memories, but still─are you really fine with everything being over, hmmmm?”

“It doesn’t matter either way… You see, Nadeko is bad at working in groups.”

“Huh. Sure, I’d assume as much.”

“But sometimes i think about how arrogant it is to say that you don’t work well in groups, too─what you’re saying is that you don’t belong with the people around you. Nadeko is scared of the words ‘pair up with whoever you like’─because there’s no one she likes.”

“…”

“That’s why it doesn’t matter either way─for Nadeko, it’s been over for Nadeko from the start. It’s been over for her for a long time now. It’s just that I never saw that. It was already over, done for, and not about today, whether or not that charm was cast, but no matter what.”

It was already over.

“…So, what, nothing?” presses Mister Serpent. His good mood and all the excitement has vanished─he sounds serious. “Nothing you want to ask a god for?”

“Ask for.”

“Pray for, if you prefer.”

i think.

The question makes Nadeko think.

It’s tiresome, but─i think.

“My dear…”

Nadeko speaks.

Speaks the tiresome words.

“My dear Big Brother Koyomi… If Nadeko asked for him to love her back…could you make even that come true?”

“That’s asking for too much, Sengoku.”

The voice comes from behind Nadeko─isn’t Mister Serpent’s.

i don’t have to turn around to be able to tell.

He’s here now─right behind Nadeko.

Big Brother Koyomi.

Koyomi Araragi is here.