Monogatari Series - Volume 11 - Chapter 1.17

017

Okay.

An hour has passed since i screamed like a dying demon king pierced through the heart with a legendary sword.

i don’t really remember what happened afterwards.

It’s vague. It’s fuzzy.

It’s a total mystery why i’m now staggering toward school.

It’s strange that i’m lurching from left to right to right to left, not knowing whether i’m awake or asleep, vision blurred and warped, and heading to middle school.

Why am i still alive?

It’s strange.

To escape reality, i try thinking back to the faint memories, and yes, the first flashback is Big Brother running into his room after hearing Nadeko scream and slugging Tsukihi.

Yikes, i think.

A girl getting punched with a closed fist basically right before Nadeko’s eyes… The image is so shocking i lose interest in finding fault with Tsukihi for the “atrosity” she committed against Nadeko. Even Solomon wouldn’t try to punch his little sister in two.

“Sengokuuuuuuuu! Hang on! Relax, you lost your bangs, that’s all!”

He held Nadeko’s shoulders and swung her back and forth.

Nadeko lost her bangs, that’s all?

Nope.

Isn’t that, like, everything?

What’s left if you take Nadeko’s bangs away from her?

“It looks really weird, but don’t worry!”

It looks really weird, but?

It wasn’t even an attempt to comfort Nadeko… He was just announcing a fact…

“Karen! Get over here! Take Sengoku somewhere safe! I need to have a talk with this littler little sister of mine right now! No, I have nothing to tell her anymore, but the two of us need to be alone!”

“Heh, heheheh,” Tsukihi laughed eerily as she lay under Big Brother’s mount.

The way she laughed with blood pouring out of her mouth was so awfully real.

It isn’t super-deformed or anything.

“H-How bold, Koyomi. You want us to be alone?”

“Bold is damn right! I’m about to do things to your body that will get censored for teens and Tokyoites! You better be ready!”

“D-Don’t go too hard on me…”

“Oh, I’m gonna show you hard!”

A terrible sibling fight was about to break out.

No, Karen forced Nadeko out of the room after coming in like some kind of beast summoned by Big Brother Koyomi, so i don’t know if their fight was terrible, or worse…

“Wh-What the hell have you done, Tsukihi… Even I can’t defend you on this one…”

Shaking uncharacteristically and streaming a bizarre sweat (not the refreshing kind), Karen brought Nadeko to the first-floor washroom. Then─

“Umm…I want to say that Tsukihi normally uses…”

She took a pair of scissors off of the shelf. These were serrated and for trimming hair, rather than the regular kind for cutting pieces of paper that Tsukihi used.

“We can’t leave you like this, I want to clip it so it looks natural… Is that okay?”

Karen was being considerate.

Karen, who’s supposed to be crude and tactless…

“What’s it like now?” i asked, looking toward the mirror with Nadeko’s unfocused eyes.

In that mirror, i saw─who?

That’s what the sight made Nadeko want to ask─a girl with no bangs, whose eyebrows and forehead were out in the open for everyone to see.

The end.

“No way, no way, no way, no way, no way, no way, no way, no way,” Nadeko mutters as she heads toward school─hiding her face with both palms as she walks.

i actually want to wear a hat pulled all the way down… Even a bowler would be fine, but i’d have to take off any hat at school, no matter what kind…

i even feel like taking the day off.

i don’t want to go to school with this hair…

Well, it’s a hairdo i can kind of be seen wearing thanks to Karen’s surprising styling talent… Still, there’s no hiding the imbalance between Nadeko’s bangs and the sides and bottom.

There’s no balancing it without having her hair cut extra short.

Try as she might to hide her face as she walks, it’s useless─her small hands can cover her face, but they only reach up to her forehead.

i feel like everyone’s laughing at Nadeko.

“No way, no way, no way…”

“No point in trying to run away from reality, my dear Nadeko─hmmmm?”

Then.

i hear a voice coming from Nadeko’s face, now unguarded by her bangs─well, it wouldn’t from her face, it actually comes from right next to it.

Maybe i should just say from the wrist of her right hand covering the right half of her face.

Yes.

In other words, after all this time, it’s Mister Serpent.

“…”

“Hm? What’s the matter, Nadeko? Why aren’t you reacting?”

“Sh-Shut up,” i say.

It’s rare for Nadeko to be so rude.

It’s a rough tone you shouldn’t use toward anyone even if they aren’t gods. But it’s all too much for Nadeko right now.

“i can’t believe you…Mister Serpent.”

“You can’t believe me? Why not?”

“Y-You didn’t save Nadeko…”

“C’mon, don’t be ridiculous─what could I have done in that situation? I did exactly what I promised you and stayed quiet until the very end, didn’t I? Far from scolding me, you oughta be praising me, hmmmm?”

“…”

Logically speaking, he’s right.

But i’m not talking about logic.

This is about how i feel.

“Either way, what reason do I have to save you? It’s pretty high-handed to complain that I didn’t, you know. A real self-centered, me-first story, hmmmm?”

“That’s true, but…urrrk,” Nadeko groans, lowering her right hand.

When Mister Serpent starts going on like this, acting as an aberration and not a scrunchy, he’s too close for comfort up against Nadeko’s face (to put it in a romantic way, our lips were nearly touching) and it feels hard to talk to him.

But since her hands are already small, it’s not like Nadeko can cover her whole face with one hand, and she gives up and puts down her left hand as well.

Well.

i can’t play peek-a-boo like this all day, anyway…

No matter how much you peek-a-boo, people can see you.

This bangless girl.

“…”

Ahh, i feel so anxious. It’s like i’m walking around buck naked.

No matter how much i look down or away, Nadeko can’t hide her face. What is this…immoral sense of freedom?

Does Miss Kanbaru always feel this way?

It’d be amazing if she does. She’d have Nadeko’s respect.

Well, not that Miss Kanbaru is always walking around buck naked.

“Nah, it’s just normal. What immoral sense of freedom…” Mister Serpent teases like he’s read Nadeko’s mind.

i don’t even have the energy to argue back.

Even so.

“i can’t believe you… i can’t believe you, Mister Serpent,” Nadeko says to herself, but still audibly. Repeating the phrase over and over like some kind of plea is Nadeko’s way of putting up a fight.

i’m not putting one up consciously. The best way to describe it is that i’m delirious.

“You’re so mean, Mister Serpent…”

“Mean… Why are you blaming me? This is the flimsiest fit I’ve ever seen, hmmmm? I’m not the one who cut off your serpentine bangs. It was that Tsukihi girl, no?”

“Urrrrr.”

He’s right.

But honestly, Nadeko finds it hard to direct her anger at Tsukihi…and not just because Tsukihi already took some extreme punishment.

“Wh-Why, though… Why would she do this to Nadeko…”

“I don’t think you’re gonna find a reason.”

Mister Serpent sounds like he’s enjoying this.

Although he’s merged with Nadeko, not a scrap of our emotions is linked. He’s not like Miss Shinobu or Miss Black Hanekawa.

But what could he be enjoying about this?

“Basically, Nadeko, you managed to rub her the wrong way when she was bristling.”

“B-Brisslin? Is that some cute anime girl who’s popular now?”

“No, no. It’s not a nickname. Don’t you know that word? It’s as elementary as can be for me─whose scales are always on edge. Yes, bristling. In other words, you made Tsukihi mad.”

“…”

It didn’t seem that way─it didn’t seem like the moody and hysterical Tsukihi’s way of getting mad─still, was she mad?

The result of her anger at Nadeko.

Is that why those scissors flashed?

…

Uh-uh, no matter how mad you are, cutting off another girl’s hair isn’t something you do.

“Tsukihi really is scary…”

“Are you sure? You’re a lot scarier from my perspective,” the Serpent says.

“Why, is that…”

“It’s what I thought when I heard your conversation─hsshh, hsshh. I get how Tsukihi feels, a lot better than how you feel. She and I are also pretty close as far as our existences go,” Mister Serpent remarks, not making any sense. “Sure, she’s a bit nastier than I am.”

“Wh…What are you talking about?”

“Nothing. Not a thing. If you have no idea what I’m saying, it means you don’t need to know. Anyway, dear, you haven’t forgotten, have you? You’re gonna search for my object of worship again starting tonight.”

“…”

“Whoa. Don’t tell me you actually did forget.”

“i didn’t…but i don’t want to walk around much with this haircut…even if i can’t do anything about school…”

And you didn’t save Nadeko when she was in trouble, i grumble, but Mister Serpent doesn’t seem to catch it.

Nadeko’s voice was too quiet. Maybe she needs to be a little more forward.

“Um, Mister Serpent? This is just a proposal.”

“Huh? A proposal?”

“i-i hope you’ll listen, it has ‘merrits’ for both of us.”

“Of course I will. You and I are trusting partners, after all.”

Yeah, right…

i won’t say he has a forked tongue, but well, it is a snake’s.

Nadeko speaks up. The proposal benefits both of us.

“Can we stop looking for your object of worship until Nadeko’s hair grows back?”

“…Where exactly in that plan do I come out ahead?!”

“Eek!”

Nadeko flinches and shrinks as Mister Serpent yells at her─well, okay, he has a point.

“Y-You might feel a sense of satisfaction because you did something Nadeko asked you to do.”

“Who do you think you are?” the god retorts.

Just as i expected, he shoots down the proposal.

i let out a deep sigh.

“In that case…i can just wear a hat at night? And sunglasses, and a face mask…”

“What are you, a robber?” The Serpent sounds dumbfounded. “You know, Nadeko, you really are hopeless. Why does it matter what your hair looks like?”

“It…It’s a very important issue for a girl.”

“You’ll be fine. You’re cute enough.”

“!”

i don’t know what Mister Serpent means by this─maybe he’s just trying to put Nadeko at ease, maybe it’s an offhanded remark not even meant to do that.

But those words.

They’re like thorns to Nadeko right now.

Fangs sinking into her.

“i…”

“You?”

“i’m not cute!” i scream.

On the way to school, too─i realize i’m almost there, and it’s among classmates, seniors, juniors, and even teachers that Nadeko screamed.

She instantly shuts her mouth and places her open left hand over her sealed lips before sprinting away─to quickly make it through the gates and beeline to the school building.

“Hey, hey, Nadeko, what’s the matter? Why run off? People are only going to be that much more suspicious. It’s when you slip up that you need to take care to right yourself.”

“U-Urrrr…”

It’s not just because of Mister Serpent’s warning, but i finally stop by the shoe cupboards.

i can’t believe i feel so uncertain without bangs.

It’s not even about being cute or not…

i’m just so uneasy.

Nadeko’s eyes happen to make their way over to the full-body mirror placed diagonally across from the cupboards─and though i already saw it on the way in unexpected reflections and glass angled just the right way.

i see a girl i don’t know. A new character. It has to be an original character for the anime, or maybe even a game version.

There’s no game version, but still.

“See? This girl isn’t cute.”

“Hsshh hsshh, but isn’t that exactly what you wanted? You didn’t like it when people were partial to you because you’re cute.”

“It wasn’t…that i didn’t…” But i can’t put together a response.

“It’s just hair. Who cares? You don’t have to do a thing for it to grow back.”

“It won’t… Nadeko is going to be like this for the rest of her life.”

“You know that’s not true… What the hell? That’s not even negative, just stubborn. Instead of spouting that kind of crap, why not take care of your hair and do whatever you can to help it grow faster?”

“Y-Yeah… In that case, Nadeko will do her best to become kinkier!”

“Did you really just say that?”

“i’ll read all the naughty books i can find!”

Apparently, Miss Kanbaru’s hair grows fast because she’s kinky…

Fine, i do get a strong sense that the issue lies somewhere else.

And that’s not what i wanted to say, at all─but what should i say to make Mister Serpent understand the way i feel?

Anyway, i’m in the school building now─i can’t keep talking to him.

We’ll continue this conversation tonight.

Despite what i said, i probably do have to go look for his object of worship… Mister Serpent’s energy might run out if Nadeko waited for her hair to grow back out.

“If.”

“Huh?”

“If you’re really that concerned about your bangs─I could fix them, hmmmm?”

“…”

It comes from nowhere─Mister Serpent offers a real proposal, and it leaves Nadeko speechless.

Huh?

“Y-You can─do that?” i ask back in a whisper.

i do this as i change shoes. So that no one gets suspicious─but i’d be lying if i told you that Nadeko’s fingers weren’t trembling as she took her slippers out of the cupboard.

“I’m a god, you know─it’s my duty to listen to people’s requests. I wasn’t planning on offering anything in exchange, but if you retrieve my object of worship, I suppose I could at least grant your wish of having long bangs again.”

“…”

“Could you not look so excited, dear? I can’t have you getting your hopes up too much─to be precise, I can only make your hair grow at a faster speed. I’m not saying I can turn things back to the way they were.”

I’m not saying I can turn things back to the way they were─the Serpent repeats in a somewhat suggestive way.

But Nadeko doesn’t care what he might be suggesting. There’s only one thing that’s important, which is Nadeko’s hair growing longer.

“Y-You mean…right now?”

“You gotta listen when people are talking to you. Snakes, too. Once you retrieve my object of worship, remember? Isn’t it obvious I don’t have that kind of power now?”

“Oh.”

So he kind of gave Nadeko the slip.

In other words, to get her bangs back, Nadeko needs to “rome” around town at night looking like some unknown, original character after all.

Well, i’m happy there’s at least some hope─but i wonder.

He might be lying to Nadeko to make her feel better.

And even if he isn’t, even if i blindly believe him like nothing could possibly go wrong, i still don’t have any idea where his object of worship is. What’s more, i’ve learned that Mister Serpent’s dowsing abilities can malfunction, so the path ahead is very uncertain.

It feels like the situation hasn’t improved one bit.

Who knows, maybe Nadeko’s bangs are just going to grow back out normally as we try and fail to find Mister Serpent’s object of worship…

Seriously, how long is his time limit?

“No, no, Nadeko─that’s not an issue.”

“Hm?”

That’s not? What isn’t?

“Wh…What do you mean?”

“We might find it as early as tonight─yes, my object of worship. We’ll turn this curse into a blessing, or maybe it’s like life handing you lemons and making lemonade─however odd that adage sounds coming from my mouth. Anyway, yesterday’s malfunction may have worked in our favor,” the Serpent reveals─grinning. No, he’s not actually grinning with his face. “While it may have been a disaster for you, the loss of your bangs just might be a lucky break for me. Your sacrifice wasn’t in vain.”

“…”

Please don’t sacrifice Nadeko’s bangs.

It doesn’t make her feel any better.

“But…what do you mean?”

“Hsshh, hsshh, hsshh. Maybe it’s no more than every cloud having a silver lining for you─but at the very least, they’re wrong about the ways of heaven being inscrutable.”

“…”

i don’t really understand the fine differences between all these expressions.

Aren’t they all just saying the same thing?

“Basically, Koyomi taking you in his care has given me an idea of where my object of worship is─though naturally I won’t claim to be certain.”

“R-Really? Then…”

Nadeko’s hunt for this object of worship could end as soon as today─in that case, you might really say there’s a “silver lining” to what happened last night.

A worthwhile sacrifice…it wasn’t by any means, but i do feel like i’m at least being repaid in some small way.

Then again, i also remember feeling the same way last night. i can’t be all smiles yet…

“S-So, Mister Serpent. You have an idea?”

“I think I’ll tell you tonight─we can’t go searching until then, and it’s going to be a bit of a surprising location for you. You want to be able to concentrate on your classes.”

“…”

i wouldn’t mind taking a day off if he’s absolutely certain where it is…but this is a promise that i insisted on. i’d be ashamed to back down from it.

The thing is, Nadeko doesn’t want to have to sit through her classes with this hair… That makes it feel all the more like she would be cheating, and she feels guilty.

“A surprising location for Nadeko… So, somewhere Nadeko knows?”

“It would mean that, yes.”

“Was there something like a hint in Nadeko’s conversations yesterday with Big Brother…or Miss Shinobu, or Tsukihi? Something─that rang a bell for you, Mister Serpent?”

It would mean that. But Mister Serpent doesn’t give a clear yes or no. “Well, I suppose it would mean that─it doesn’t not mean that,” he answers vaguely.

The way he puts it makes Nadeko grow uneasy. “Um, Mister Serpent… If you’re going to call Nadeko your partner, i’d like you to just tell Nadeko instead of ‘consealing’ it…because it’s going to be Nadeko who has to do the actual searching…”

“Oh, no, don’t you worry. I’m not trying to put on airs or anything─and I’m not plotting anything, either. I’m just trying to choose the best way to do this.”

“But─”

“And anyway, aren’t there other things you ought to be thinking about and solving, hmmmm?”

“…”

Well, true.

Like why Tsukihi suddenly cut Nadeko’s hair─according to Mister Serpent, it’s because i rubbed her the wrong way when she was brissling, but…

Tsukihi can get mad on other people’s behalf.

Maybe she’s just carrying on the ideals of Big Brother Koyomi, who hustles for other people’s sake…but what i can’t figure out is why her rage led to that result.

Maybe i’m just going to have to ask her…

It also feels pointless to ask her…

Also, considering the sentence Big Brother must have exacted on her afterwards, i can’t go near the Araragi residence carelessly.

i even want to hold off on phone calls.

“Yeah, i do need to think about it… The ordinary thinking would be that she was breaking Nadeko’s heart by force by cutting her hair, but that seems too shortsighted.”

“Isn’t that the right answer? So you do get it, Nadeko. Bingo─but if you find it shortsighted, I guess you need to think more long-term. Not just about why she cut your hair, but why you still refer to yourself by your name.”

Mister Serpent sounds appalled.

His words confuse Nadeko.

Think long-term? Does he mean─all the time?

Always?

“Give me a break… Thinking all the time…would be so tiresome─” Nadeko starts to say without thinking, but she’s interrupted.

“Oh. I’ll be quiet.”

Nadeko doesn’t even have the time to wonder why, because at the same moment─

“Sengoku,” she hears from behind, as someone places a hand on her shoulder.

i don’t feel repulsed since it’s over Nadeko’s clothes, but it sure does surprise her.

When i look behind with a jolt, it’s Nadeko’s homeroom teacher, Mister Sasayabu.

i was so absorbed by our conversation i completely forgot i was already at school─so once again.

Once again Nadeko feels tense.

Mister Sasayabu must not have heard the conversation since Mister Serpent noticed him first and went quiet─

Thinking so, i check him out.

“Hm, hmm?” His expression is so totally suspicious.

i wonder if he noticed something, but i’m wrong─Mister Sasayabu isn’t surprised about anything to do with Mister Serpent. It’s Nadeko’s hairstyle.

He probably couldn’t tell from behind, but unlike until just yesterday, Nadeko has no bangs─so of course he’d be surprised.

“I-I must have the wrong person… Sorry.”

“Oh, no, i’m Sengoku.”

Mister Sasayabu tries to leave, flustered, but Nadeko stops him─there’s no need to, if i think about it with a cooler head, but i do it without thinking, reflexively.

“i’m Nadeko Sengoku.”

“Sengoku… So that’s your true form…”

What a brutal line.

Then again, Nadeko thinks the same thing about herself.

Still, i don’t want people thinking it’s the real Nadeko… i don’t intend for a version of Nadeko with a weird hairstyle, short only in front, to be her true form.

Mister Sasayabu clears his throat, cheesily.

“Are you being bullied?” he asks.

…That’s what it looks like?

From a teacher’s perspective, this unique hairstyle looks like the result of Nadeko’s heartless persecution by her peers─you know what? Ultimately, you could say so.

While we go to different schools, Tsukihi is absolutely a girl Nadeko’s age.

“…”

Nadeko falls silent and shakes her head.

Denying it by saying “i’m not being bullied” might backfire, like i’m really trying to deny it.

Nadeko’s plan seems to work, and Mister Sasayabu seems convinced.

“Okay, then.”

While he’s relieved, he also looks a little disappointed─and i know how he feels.

There’d be a course of action he could take as a teacher for a big, blatant issue like bullying─at least, we’d be able to move on from the current state of our class.

Teachers are pros, too. If there’s a problem, they can take care of it. But.

While they can enforce something like “not fighting.”

They can’t enforce “getting along with each other.”

Which is why i can see why things getting worse might seem like an improvement.

…Still, he’d be nothing but a pest if he said, If only you were being bullied, Sengoku.

Give Nadeko a break.

“By the way, Sengoku. About what I asked you to do the other day─any new developments?” he asks, changing the topic.

Well, maybe he thinks that’s what he did, but it doesn’t feel that way to Nadeko who’s listening─that aside.

It seems to be why he wanted to talk to Nadeko─i’m glad that he didn’t overhear her conversation with Mister Serpent.

Even if she’s really tired mentally, even if she’s beyond exhaustion and on the verge of death, Nadeko needs to stay a little more focused, she thinks to herself. At the same time, she also can’t believe Mister Sasayabu.

While i know it’s not good at all to feel this way about an adult, especially your homeroom teacher, i can’t suppress the feeling.

i mean, he only asked the other day.

This has been dragging on with no signs of any solution since the start of second term and is basically entrenched─such a problem, or lack of a problem, can’t be settled in a few days.

If you want to be malicious, you might almost arrive at the groundless suspicion that he sees it as part of his routine work─in other words, checking in about it every time he sees Nadeko Sengoku, regardless of the time or place. And that he’s preparing an excuse, or building an alibi, about doing his job as a homeroom teacher…

A nasty way to look at it?

But Nadeko isn’t particularly good-natured, so she can’t help but think so.

Furthermore.

Regardless of what Mister Sasayabu really thinks─that’s probably what Nadeko would do in his place, she believes.

“…”

Well, all of these things might be going through Nadeko’s mind, but she’s not going to say them to his face.

Not a chance. Nadeko just goes silent and looks down like always─she’s going to wait for Mister Sasayabu to give up and leave.

No matter what his intentions, whether or not it’s just been a few days, Nadeko hasn’t done anything. There aren’t going to be any new developments.

Everything is still on standby.

“…?”

But today, Nadeko’s usual way isn’t working─Mister Sasayabu seems to be oddly persistent and is waiting for a reply from her.

Why might that be?

Has something changed between yesterday and today? Nadeko finds it odd, but then she comes upon the reason in no time.

What changed between yesterday and today.

Nadeko’s hairstyle, of course.

She can look down all she wants, but he can still see her whole face─and if he can see Nadeko’s expression, he can figure out that she’s not as troubled as she says.

What an awful effect of the haircut.

i didn’t expect this.

Nadeko’s gloom factor has decreased now that her bangs are gone…

There’s nothing i can do about it.

It’s not like Nadeko can cover her face at this point… i just need to come up with a convincing excuse and get out of here.

What should i say, though?

i’m sorry, i’m now proactively investigating, identifying challenges, devising an action plan, preparing approaches from a variety of directions, and holding brainstorming sessions each night─or something?

No, no. Nothing like that.

i just need to give a normal excuse.

i’ll start with the usual.

i’ll start with “i’m sorry” the way i always do, bangs or no. The rest i can make up as─

“Shut the fuck up!”

Hm?

Did someone just say something?

“Of course I haven’t made any progress, stop forcing your damn work on me, hmmmm?!”