Prologue 2: Shirasaki Jun’s Soliloquy

From now on, what I am going to tell you about my relationship with the twins, which is quite unknown to the wider public, truthfully. Honestly they are as little to no parallels as possible.

I became friends with the twin sisters,who were living next door to me while I was in the first grade of my elementary school.

My parents bought a house over there, and thus moved out.

When we moved in, it just happened that there were twin sisters of the same age as me, living next door.

Factually, that’s all there is to it. Even if I were to bring up those probable theories or fate, and start going down that line, there doesn’t seem to be a point. Only those matters should be held forward, which is a fact realized by pure observations.

Even if I were to try to say it in a cool way, at that time I was not so much as pleased by that at all. I was just trying to act cool, thinking it wasn’t so bad and in turn fooling myself.

The rumor regarding how blessed I was to have cute twin sisters living next door.

The twins ── Rumi and Naori were the sisters who were famous for their cute appearance in our neighbourhood. At the time when they were tender, they were just wholesomely adorable. People around them would often say, “They will definitely become idols or actresses in their future.”

Such individuals were affectionate towards me. I’ve never been so happy. I even felt proud and haughty because of that.

Being friendly with girls is fine in the early grades of elementary school, but gradually as I grew older I became the target of ridicule. So I started being reluctant when I tried to talk to girls all the more.

Only because they would come and talk with me without being shy, I was able to converse with them freely in return.

Lately, Rumi keeps short hair and her figure is slender, while Naori has her hair tied up in two buns and a feminine figure. … Well, I won’t go into too much detail, but anyway, they obviously look different now; although back then, they really looked very similar.

I think it was around upper elementary school when they started to show clear differences.

I remember being surprised when Rumi suddenly cut her hair short. Since I was still young, I had this misguided thought that, “Perhaps she got her heart broken?”. I was such a child that I believed in the saying that girls cut their hair because they were heartbroken. I don’t remember asking her why she cut her hair though.

Because, at the time, my mind was fully occupied with Naori.

Probably, it was around that time, I had been in love with Naori.

Among all the girls I’ve met till now, Jinguji Naori was by far the most quick-witted and sharp in intelligence. I, who had always loved reading books, was able to do so-so in my studies and had pride for knowing various kinds of extra-curricular knowledge.

However, Naori knew all about these things, and even slightly surpassed me in this regard.

I realized this sometime after we met and knew each other.

On that day, I was proudly talking about the knowledge I had acquired from books. It was a talk on evolution or something along those lines.

Naori, along with Rumi said that “You know so much”, quietly, while parting ways, said so, in my ears straight out in rapid succession──

“The concept about dinosaurs (land) being able to survive because they evolved into birds, is a bit off in my thinking. Among the creatures called dinosaurs (land), there was already a species called Flying Dinosaurs which later became birds.”

[TL note: Dinosaurs (Land): 恐竜; Flying Dinosaurs: 鳥類]

“That species survived in the process, branched out, and now we know them as birds. It’s a choice made in due course of time. Thus, nn~to~, in other words, the dinosaurs were the ones that went extinct, while the flying dinosaurs survived by evolving into birds.”

“So, I thought that it was a bit different to say that they survived because they evolved into birds. Evolution is not something which happens all of a sudden, but rather happens slowly with the change in the group that is transmitted from one generation to the next. When the shape of the same individual changes, it is called metamorphosis. Also, you said that Tyrannosaurus had feathers, and they were actually bushy. But I reckon if it’s actually like that. Aren’t animals with large bodies less or not at all bushy? Elephants and rhinos are not bushy. The bigger they get, the harder it is to keep their body temperature down and in check. Reptiles don’t sweat, so I think it’s even harder for them.”

What in the world is this guy? I was grateful that she didn’t say any such thing in front of Rumi, but from the bottom of my heart, I was sick-annoyed by this cocky girl.

Naori’s test scores were also higher than mine. She never got a single incorrect. She would always get a perfect score.

Be it book knowledge, knowledge of the subject, or even studies, I was beaten in every single thing.

Couldn’t accept being defeated one sided by Naori, so I started reading tons of books. I even studied hard. Naori never seemed to look down on me, but I just had this flame of rivalry burning constantly due to her.

Ever since the dinosaur story, Naori had become that one being that I had to defeat at any cost.

Of course, there was a desire to win against Naori. But at that time, I think, I just purely wanted Naori to recognize me. I wanted to appeal to her about how great I was in fact.

While I do think that Naori couldn’t care less about such things. She was just that kind of person.

One day, Naori was asked about what kind of person was her “type” of person. Nope, it wasn’t like I asked her directly. It was just something our conversations pointed onwards as we talked about when all were gathered in the classroom after school.

And then she said, “He has to be better than me.”

When I heard that, I thought that if I were to make Naori look back at me, that was the only way. If I make Naori disheartened, I will just have to keep on winning. That way she will have to become aware of my existence.

Rather than becoming her ideal type, what I felt inside me was akin to wanting to harass her.

That day, my studies paid off, and I was having a good competition with Naori. However, Naori was one step ahead of me. In that sense, it would be more correct to say that I only won sometimes.

If I could make Naori recognize me as her ideal type, how good would that feel? Even though I had no intention regarding that even a bit at that time. But I couldn’t help thinking how exciting this would feel!

I just need to completely defeat Naori. That’s what I’m thinking about. Okay, there still seems to be some possibilities.

As I am now, I can understand it very well. This was truly my first love.

At the time, I was not mature enough to honestly admit that thought blatantly.

I was always like, it’s not that I love Naori or so. I just want to win against her. I just want to make her feel dis-heartened.

The more I showed my bravado, the more I pretended not to be interested in her and the more I started to become more concerned about Naori. When I pass in front of Naori’s class, I casually look inside. I even started to look for the figure of Naori at the grade assemblies. And yet, for some reason I found it difficult to go up to the Jinguji household.

One such day, a male friend asked me, “Are you curious about the girl named Shirasaki?”.

Curious?

What does that even mean?

If I were to take the word “curious” as it is written on paper, then it should be more so with respect to Naori wouldn’t it. But in this case, the word “Curious” indicated a hidden liking through it. Then it’s different, isn’t it?

I answered “no” to that question. But is it really? I don’t feel like that towards Naori do I…? That’s correct, right? But then, in what way was I getting curious about Naori then?

Maybe, perhaps… have started feeling about Naori… in that kind of sense?

It was the time around the summer of the sixth grade.

Thus, I finally realized the phenomenon known as “first love”.

However, the realized first love could only lose its brilliance because of my childish self who didn’t want to acknowledge it somehow, and Naori, who even though talked about various things but side-lined me nonchalantly. Thus, unable to portray its presence in front of the said person in concern; it slowly, so slow to not even get noticed, extinguished as the time went on.

However, the academic ability I had acquired out of my rivalry with Naori showed its full force when I took the entrance examination for a well-known integrated junior and senior high school attached to a private university. I passed the exam being the top of my class and have been keeping the first rank in my grade till today, when I am in my first year in high school.

This is just my own stubbornness. This is just my stubborn attitude to be better than Naori, nothing else. Since I could not confess my feelings to Naori by myself, I had no choice but to appeal to her in this way. I do feel kind of pity and ashamed of my past self, but thanks to this performance, I was highly respected by everyone in the school except Naori. The number of people I could call as friends also increased.

But Naori, on the other hand, never tried to beat me and would always be in the top five. She never competed for first place. The best she could do was third place. I thought it wouldn’t be impossible for her to outperform me since she was smarter than me (though that would be a problem), so before the last regular examination of the second year of junior high school, I once did ask her that, “Won’t Naori try aiming for the first place in her grade”.

I think Naori’s very answer to this question depicts a clear indication of her true nature.

She replied, “Un~nn, it’s not like I am not aiming for it, but right now I’m imposing several rules on myself. You know, I never review after finishing. I’ve been doing that since I took the entrance exam for this school. So, I want to put my pen down before anyone else and sleep until the exam is over. Wouldn’t it be cool if I got first place doing that? But, well if I get third place doing that at best, that’s okay. It’s a little frustrating, though. But I can finish faster than the kids who give up halfway through the test, you know? Isn’t that awesome? If you want to compete in speed, I’m at the top of the list.”

Naori said this in response to my question without a hint of concern. This is my first love, Jinguji Naori.

─ Are you for real?

I said unintentionally, in a reflex.

I had never even thought about that kind of thing. She’s only interested in solving the test faster than anyone else? And while doing so, she still has that score? And that ranking? I can’t even think of doing that sort of trick in any way.

“I think I can get first place if I spend a little more time reviewing … I just need to read the questions carefully, you know? But you know, isn’t it boring to play a game where the outcome is obvious. It’s not like I intended on declare war on you ─ oops, rather, there is no public to even declare war on actually, so declaring war is not an appropriate expression ─ but what I wanted to say is that, even if you were the school president yourself, you should always be on your guard. Oh, wait, did you rather think you had beat me?”

… What’s that even supposed to mean? Do you mean that all these times, I’ve been just dancing on the palm of your hand?

No doubt, only Naori could keep her rank as the top five in this grade while still playing in such a manner. It is obvious from the very beginning that if Naori stops her game of time attack, it is clearer than looking at the fire, that she will usurp my place that too very easily.

“I guess that means there is no one better than me in this grade. Tte~ Isn’t that a little too arrogant?”

What I believed in, crumbled down. This was just – pure defeat.

Frankly, that very day, I lost my confidence completely.

I thought I was finally better than her, even though I thought that I had finally acquired the ability to impress Naori, but she had started another battle on her own by herself.

What it meant was that I could not surpass myself who failed to surpass the person who was better than me at that time.

I couldn’t confess my feelings. I couldn’t even express to her how I actually felt towards her.

Since, the moment I admit my defeat, it would be tantamount to me losing the right to tell Naori how I actually felt about her.

Thus, my first love became a small spark that could nothing more than only remain smoldered in the depths of my heart.

I never saw the flame again. I only noticed that there was a fire because there was smoke coming out of that place.

And even so, since the start of this Golden Week, I have been dating Naori.

Even though I had been dating Rumi until just a month ago.

If I only mention this fact, you will verily and definitely perceive me as an extremely dishonest and outrageous man. In a sense, that might be true, and I regret even admitting that, but I would at least like to exercise my right to explain how this even came to be in the first place.

During the spring break before entering the third year of junior high school, Rumi asked me, “Would you like to go out with me?”.

That was a little after Naori told me about the test. It was around that time that I realized that I could not win against Naori.

It was a time when I felt defeated in my own way and realized that I was naive to think that I could ever win over Naori.

In other words, it was around the time when I was trying to run away from my first love without telling her about it.

It wasn’t the first time a girl had confessed her love to me. I recognized the way she stared at her hand and fidgeted. And so, when I saw Rumi on her usual park bench, silent, I had a thought that maybe she might also feel the same way. However, I had been feeling somewhat distant from her since she became a junior high school student, and I wondered if it was really so, and thus such a question was also there. I didn’t want to get teased by her for being so careless and egotistical, so I waited for her till she words it out herself.

When I was told that “Why don’t you go out with me?”, I had one thought thinking that it was such a discussion after all, while another being surprised that, I really got confessed by Rumi …Thus unable to get a grasp about the situation I was in, I decided to search for her true intention first, and said, “What happened to you all of a sudden”. Rather what if she answers in contrast as if playing, seriously what is with that serious answer. “What? Did you really take it seriously?” If I were told such a thing, I can’t even look at her eyes again. I’m sure she might be pulling that story on for a while. To be honest, it wasn’t that kind of atmosphere, but if I failed to see how it was going to come, there was a possibility that it would lead to an irrevocable outcome, from which I might not be able to come back again.

But then Rumi ended up saying, “How about a trial run?” And “Jun would also be fine with me, wouldn’t he?” I got even more unsure and confused whether she was serious about this confession.

When I peeked into Rumi’s eyes, to know her true intentions, her eyes were very serious. It was the same look as she would have before playing a club game. However, the thing that was a little different from those games was that her eyes were somewhat frightened. I finally understood that Rumi was serious.

“Does Rumi really want to go out with me?”

To be sure, I just asked her what she might really wanted to mean. I understood that Rumi was not joking, but I wanted a clear answer. Even if she made fun of me for being a coward, I wanted to make sure I got that part right.

After a short pause, Rumi replied, “Un,” with a blush on her face.

We became lovers from that day on.

When I started dating Rumi, I decided to put my smoldering first love behind me.

That is what I decided.

My first love was the younger one among the twin sisters, but it was not like trying to project my feelings for Naori onto Rumi. I had grown up with Rumi since we were children, and I even liked her as a person, so even though I was shy about going out with her, I had no resistance as such.

For me, who had given up on Naori ─ no matter how hard I tried, I could never become a man worthy of Naori ─ To that man, Rumi told me in a roundabout way that she liked me.

Looking back on it now, that may have been a kind of relief for me. As I was tormented by the sense of defeat. I felt like all my efforts had been rewarded all of a sudden and felt somewhat relieved.

No matter what I said, I was simply happy that I had begotten a girlfriend. Not satisfied with the sparrow jumping and flying within my heart, I rolled around on the bed and when I came to notice it, I was fighting with a pillow till it became loosened up. I kind of wanted to return to being a junior high school student …, who would get hurt in doing that sort of thing.

For that reason, we started dating, making the most of the benefits of being in a junior high and high school integrated school, and instead of being overwhelmed by the important period of studying in the third year of junior high school which should have been focused on exam preparation, we decided to spend the day with the time revolving around only the two of us. And just like a junior high school student we would get intoxicated by those little secrets and trivial adventures that someone would enjoy in those times.

And so, as the seasons would pass by, I grew more and more fond of Rumi.

In contrast to my tendency to overthink things, Rumi would always be positive and action-oriented since childhood. For example, when I asked her for advice about something ─ a slump in club activities or a human relationship ─ she would push me by saying, “It’s no use thinking about this and that, you have to take action first,” or “Forget about the details, just do what you think is best for you.”

I don’t know how many times those words saved me.

Rumi was always cheerful, and although she could get a bit angry at times, I honestly enjoyed being with her. I cherished Rumi not as a childhood friend, but as my girlfriend.

And so, I started wanting to do those things that Rumi would want me to do till my capacity.

When Rumi said “I want to enjoy the gap in your appearance, so why don’t you wear contact lenses more often?” me that. I started wearing contact lenses whenever I would go outside. And I also began to pay a certain amount of attention to my clothes.

And then, towards me who was gradually changing from who I used to be, I would get teased by Naori like “Is that my elder sister’s fetish/hobby? Or did you wear as she would want you to wear? Or would it feel easier when you get laid on your butt?”, but since it was the age at where individuals would became aware of their sex, including how the surroundings would play according to them ─ that is, since we were in our puberty, thus we were not given lectures and prying eyes by other people around us.

I had told my good friends about Rumi and me, but I did not go out of my way to mention them about our present relationship. At the time of being alone, we would actually be in different classes altogether, so our relationship was never known to anyone else as such.

In the first place, I didn’t even tell my mother, let alone spreading information about it. To be honest, I think she kind of had an idea regarding it, but I never told her clearly about it. This was simply because I was too embarrassed to tell her.

When Rumi came, I asked her, “Did you say something?” Rumi said, “I didn’t say one thing, rather, is it even necessary to even say anything about this?” was what she replied.

However, that was in junior high school. Aside from my parents, I also wanted to brag about her to others.

Feeling itchy while continuing to keep my mouth shut, I once suggested that it would be a good idea to make a big deal about it at school. But then she replied, “Wouldn’t it be more fun if we were to sneak around together behind everyone’s backs?” I responded with a not-so-satisfied look, “That’s true, too.” In fact, our dates, which we had been doing behind everyone’s back, was kind of entertaining and thrilling for me, since I was sort of a lover of mystery novels and spy type of novels.”

I was so excited that I took her words at face value without thinking much about it.

It was around the time of the spring break when we were going to enter the high school that I realized why Rumi had not told me to not tell anyone about our relationship. It was just as we were approaching the one-year anniversary of our relationship.

Rumi suddenly said to break up with me.

Just like when she confessed her feelings for me, Rumi called me out on the night of spring break.

Without crying or smiling, Rumi said with her usual face, “Let’s end it today.”

Of course, I was not convinced by such a statement, so I questioned her again and again. I clung to Rumi for answers to the point of being called disgraceful. I remember that there were fights and failures too. The more I thought about, the more it felt like the reasons could be this and that things came to my mind.

I kept pleading Rumi about where I was at fault as much as possible.

But Rumi just shook her head quietly and said, “You must be surprised to hear something like this out of the blue. But in my mind, it wasn’t all of a sudden. I had already decided to end it. So, no matter whatever you say, I won’t change my decision. But don’t worry. It’s not like I don’t like you anymore Jun. If anything, it’s more like my own personal problem. I’m sorry for being selfish. But I really enjoyed all my dates with you Jun. Thank you for everything till now,” and as she finished, finally she showed a lonely-sad expression on her face.

Looking at Rumi’s face, I desperately wondered about what I should say to her.

I couldn’t voice anything about breaking up, my words were just rendered blank.

Because Rumi was the first precious girlfriend that I had ever had.

I couldn’t help but love Rumi for who she actually was.

The words that Rumi said to me when I was rendered silent still bind me to this very day.

“I have one last request from you. As your girlfriend, this is my very last request.

Please start dating Naori. Please go out with Naori even if it is right now.

At present I’m not good enough for Jun. It’s the same for Naori. But it has to be Jun. …”

Saying so, Rumi bowed deeply and in a language that did not suit her at all. As she voiced her request to me.

It was not like a last will that was given to me, but rather words of curse that were put onto me.

I was just a poor man who couldn’t resist the curse from being inflicted upon me.

And so, now, I am dating the girl who was my first love.