WE MET THE GHOST QUEEN
Nahna Nahna brought us to the massive pyramid where their ruler slumbered.
We went inside and walked for a while, before we found a warning carved in ancient script on the wall, and Nahna Nahna told us what it meant.
Oh, and if you were curious—their language in life was completely different from ours, so we really shouldn’t have been able to talk to one another at all, but the ghosts were converting their language into something that we could understand by speaking telepathically to our brains.
I guess that means she isn’t going to hold back if we go any farther.
There was a half-concealed box made out of stone underneath the warning sign. Someone could probably pull it out from the bottom.
“Hey, Miss Nahna Nahna, what is this stone box…?”
It would be safest to check everything that looked suspicious.
“That is an offertory box.”
“Oh, I see…”
Totally inconsequential. Now I looked like an idiot for checking.
“The blocks inside the tomb rearrange themselves freely thanks to Her Majesty’s magic, and the composition of the dungeon changes every time someone enters… That is why I cannot show you the way…”
“Sounds like something out of a video game!”
“She turns the blocks into sand to make earthen creatures to hinder the living. Of course, it is also set up in a way that can attack us ghosts.”
So we’re about to go into a serious dungeon here.
“Reaching Her Majesty will require a great deal of hardship. Will you still be going to her?”
“If I lose my nerve here, I’ll never be able to hold my head high again! I’m gonna do it!”
All right! Maybe I should take a page from Rosalie’s book.
“Yeah. Plus, it might be good for us to really cut loose for once.”
This was perfect. I wanted to experience an actual dungeon at least once.
There wasn’t much we could do in the worm-filled underground ruin we visited last, but this time, we were going into a bona fide dungeon. The others considered me the most powerful, but here, I could test my strength.
“Very well! I will not stop you anymore! Please open up Her Majesty’s heart!” Nahna Nahna felt the same way we did, giving us our last push into the pyramid.
“Everyone, let’s go to the queen!”
“Let us go!” “Wait, ghost!” “Okeydoke~ ” “…Fiiine…”
Pecora was the most excited about this, while Fighsly was dragging her feet.
The weirdness began after only a few steps, when we found something at our feet.
It was a well-baked loaf of bread with a tantalizing aroma.
I picked it up and looked at Nahna Nahna. She still hadn’t left yet.
“Excuse me? Why is there bread here…? And it’s warm, like it’s just out of the oven…”
“It is one of the hunger-recovery items you may find in the dungeon. The inside is a maze, and the living cannot continue if they get hungry. Her Majesty has them appear randomly.”
It sure was a lot like a game…
“I’m not so sure about eating bread that’s been on the floor.”
“It’s all right. The floor has been sterilized. The bread should also still be fresh.”
This dungeon struck me as rather man-made, but that was only natural if it was made from the will of Her Majesty the poltergeist.
“Azusa, the details don’t matter. You must surrender yourself to the enemy’s rules here.” Beelzebub probably had that philosophy because she’d been alive for so long.
“Now that we have a grasp of the rules, we search for the loopholes—that is the spice of life,” Fighsly announced, as if that were a proverb. She did tend to shamelessly abuse the moves that always brought her victory… “Now a game, I can get into. I’ll find all the defects and get us through it without breaking a sweat!”
Okay, maybe not the best way of finding enjoyment, but at least she’s motivated now.
We pulled ourselves together and proceeded into Her Majesty’s dungeon.
The paths were narrow, so we could only really walk in twos. Probably for the best; walking five abreast was something a bunch of troublemaking kids would do.
After a little while of walking, a massive slime almost the size of an adult human appeared.
“Yah!”
I smacked it and got a good feel for the slime’s resilience.
The attack killed it, turning the slime into a pile of sand where it had once stood. But as a creature born from ancient magic, no magic stones appeared.
“I see. I guess that means we’re just in a game…”
Slimes in the real world produced magic stones, so it was complicated…
Soon after, a massive rat attacked us from behind.
“Heh! I am always aware of what stands behind me!” This time, Beelzebub defeated it with a single punch. And yep, it turned right into sand. “Mmm, I have started to understand this dungeon. All we must do is forge onward whilst killing enemies.”
I had faint memories of playing games like this in my past life, so our task made sense to me.
But the biggest difference was that with our stats, we were basically playing with invincibility cheat codes.
Rosalie wasn’t a powerful poltergeist, so she panicked when a semitransparent ghost appeared. Pecora and Beelzebub easily dispatched it with magic.
“Nothing to fret about~ Since we managed to dispatch it, that means it wasn’t real. I suppose it was made from magic as well.”
“’Tis child’s play.”
The two demons seemed to relax.
Fighsly was really laying into the monsters, maybe venting her stress from the failure of this mission to bring her money.
“Dammit! Just drop some precious loot already!”
Could we even take the items we got here back to the real world…?
At the very least, this dungeon wasn’t going to wear us out.
Wait for us, Queen Dungeon Boss!
We proceeded smoothly through the first ten floors, then took a break.
“I must be holding everyone back… I’m sorry…,” Rosalie apologized gloomily as the only one who couldn’t fight.
Whether she wanted to or not, the rest of us always ended up protecting her, but we expected that going in. Rosalie was a normal ghost, so naturally, there was no way she could win against ghosts who specialized in fighting.
There was nothing to worry about, in my opinion, but she still couldn’t help but worry.
“If you weren’t here, Rosalie, we’d have the whole ghost country after us right now. It’s all thanks to you that we’re on our way to see the queen at all.”
I wasn’t just saying it to cheer Rosalie up; it was the truth.
“Everyone has their own roles. It just so happens that yours’ll come into play a little later.” I patted the transparent girl’s head. My hand didn’t feel anything, but I think it got the point across.
“Thank you, Big Sis…”
“That very frustration that you’re not strong enough is why you want to speak up, Rosalie. I’m sure your time will soon come.”
“Yes, I’m looking forward to being useful.” Rosalie nodded slowly.
Now we were back to exploring the dungeon.
The difficulty level went up at around floor twenty, but that didn’t mean the enemies were now strong enough to put us in dire straits.
The paths were more complicated now.
There would be multiple staircases leading down, and lots of surprisingly long dead ends.
“Siiiiiiiiigh, I’m tired… I’m working for free, which is making me even more tired…” Fighsly yawned.
Morale was starting to drop. I hope we’re almost there…
I was starting to think about how gloomy the atmosphere was getting when Rosalie leaped forward.
“Everyone, I think I might know the way!”
She was loud and confident.
“What do you mean, ‘you know the way’…? It’s not like you’ve been here before, right?”
“It’s just a feeling, but there’s this tingling in my body letting me know where the ghosts are.”
“Hmm, so poltergeists are attracted to one another,” Beelzebub said with a suspicious look.
“Attracted…yes, that’s exactly it. Like I’m being pulled in that direction. You know, like when you peek into a swamp, and it feels like you’re being slowly dragged in—happens all the time, right? It’s like that.”
“Not to me it hasn’t.” That was a terrifying analogy…
“You haven’t, Big Sis? Then…it’s like when you peek down at a river from a bridge, and it feels like someone’s pulling on your hair. It’s like that.”
“Never experienced that, either!”
“How about taking a walk by yourself through the trees along a river and feeling someone behind you? I’m sure you must’ve experienced that.”
“Stop… I don’t like scary stories…”
All those examples had water in them… What is it with the water’s edge and ghosts…?
“We are inside a strange dungeon created by a spirit of the dead. Don’t you find it a little strange to reject such stories?” Beelzebub said.
“When I was a kid, someone told me that when lightning strikes, the thunder god would take away my belly button. That was scary enough for me.”
When I got into junior high, I understood that it was just a natural phenomenon, but I’d always hated thunder and lightning after that.
“That does not concern me,” Beelzebub replied. “I do not need a belly button.”
“Oh yes, I’ve heard a similar folk tale. When lightning strikes, the spirit of lightning will come to collect your debts,” Fighsly commented.
They weren’t sympathizing with me at all—but maybe it was better that they weren’t scared stiff right now.
“Uh, sorry for getting us off track. Rosalie, you feel like you’re being pulled, right?”
“Yes, that’s right, Big Sis!” Rosalie eagerly nodded. “And I think it’s real.”
“What is?”
Rosalie’s face flushed slightly in embarrassment, and she placed her hands together in front of her chest. “The lord of this place has been a ghost, all by herself, for such a long time. Which makes me think…” Rosalie’s voice rose with excitement. “She wants to see other ghosts!”
I couldn’t tell for sure, but she seemed more visible than usual.
“Even if she refused to communicate with the other ghosts, I’m certain… I want to keep going!”
People who had suffered great pain and failure better understood the pain of those who were going through the same thing. Some cruel people might want to inflict their own suffering on others, but Rosalie wasn’t like that.
“All right, Rosalie, lead the way. I trust you. I give you my vote,” I assured her as a member of the family. We just had to keep moving forward.
“Big Sis…! Thank you so much! I will possess—I mean, I will follow you forever!”
Not thrilled with the idea of being possessed forever.
But I was happy with a guardian spirit. Wait, I still wasn’t sure about that…
“If my elder sister says so, then I will give you my honest vote. ”
“And I shall give you mine.”
“Sure, and mine, too.”
How do you tell a bunch of demons that “honesty” isn’t really what you expect from their votes?
We let Rosalie’s tugging sensation guide us through the dungeon. It didn’t offer much info beyond a general direction, but we didn’t have any other good ideas. Still, the path was long. This dungeon was a massive maze—we even needed to stop for sleep at one point.
But ever since Rosalie started leading the way, we stopped running into dead ends that made us retrace our steps. There was no doubt that Rosalie was intuitively aware of the correct route.
“Elder Sister, this truly is a complex dungeon. Might this be the largest dungeon in the human lands?”
Pecora was as calm as ever, but anyone in a regular party would be trembling with fear.
The enemy monsters had gotten notably stronger, including skeleton mages that used powerful spells.
We weren’t bothered at all because we were even stronger, but a normal adventurer would be at the end of their rope by now.
“There is another monster waiting for us up ahead. ’Tis the three-headed sort, like a cerberus.”
Ahead of us was a massive wolflike creature. Not taking this one home as a pet. I wonder if those three heads ever steal food from one another.
“I’ll take care of this!” I casually approached it. I’m pretty sure this is how it feels to play a game at max level. I didn’t have to imagine all the horrible things that would happen to me whenever I faced an enemy, so that was fine.
The cerberus turned to look at me, but—there was something strange about its movements.
No, it didn’t move faster than the eye could follow, or disappear and reappear behind me or anything.
The only word that could describe how it moved was strange. The thing was way too clumsy for an animal.
It was sort of toddling toward me… Was it a robot…?
It took an unusually long amount of time for it to reach me, almost like I’d casted a Slow spell on it.
I decided to step around behind it, and I could see the cerberus both in the spot where it was before and where it was now.
I often saw an explanation for this in action manga, when someone was moving so fast that they left an afterimage; this was the opposite situation.
“Sorry to use computer terms, but…is this a processing delay…?”
I kicked the cerberus, but the sensation in my foot wasn’t what I expected. It was like some kind of resilient sponge…
This isn’t what happens when I get in a good hit…
It took a moment for the damage to register, but about five seconds later, it disappeared. It was apparently made from magic instead of sand this time.
“Was that cerberus ill? Her commitment to realism is rather excessive.”
“I don’t think that was the intention at all, Beelzebub.”
I looked down the path that the cerberus had blocked off and realized it was nothing like the dungeon we had just come through.
The walls seemed shabby, like exquisite stonework that had been turned into undressed concrete. I didn’t know if I should call it undressed concrete, or lower resolution…
I arrived at a single conclusion.
“Beyond this point, the dungeon seems to be incomplete.”
What I said came as a shock to the others.
“What do you mean, ‘incomplete’?” Beelzebub snapped. “Shoddy craftsmanship?”
“Maybe, but I think it’s more accurate to say it’s just…not done. See, look ahead.” I pointed down the hall. “The path is really straight. We haven’t seen anything that goes this long without a turn in it before.”
“Now that you mention it…”
“I think she’s still building it. We’ll get there quickly now.”
Monsters did appear after that, but all of them were laggy like that cerberus. Some of them didn’t seem to have enough polygons—a few of them were just made up of small cubes. I didn’t even know what kind of monsters they were supposed to be.
“Elder Sister, it is hard to tell if these monsters are beasts or golems, isn’t it~?”
“I bet there wasn’t any time to make them look like monsters…”
“Their movements are so choppy, too. I have never seen such animals before.”
I doubted there were any animals that acted like this in the natural world… I felt a sudden pang of sympathy for game developers…
Pecora chopped our strange enemies to pieces, but the weirdness didn’t stop there.
“Oh nooo! I’m trapped!” Fighsly got stuck in a wall!
“Fighsly! What are you doing?! Is this a Fighsly-style wall traversing technique?!” Beelzebub was shocked, too. This was apparently weird even to the demons.
“No! I went to touch the wall and I got stuck in it, somehow! Ahhhhh!” Fighsly was completely trapped—we couldn’t even see her…
“This is really bad. What’ll we do if we can’t get her out?!”
“You’re right, Big Sis. Maybe someone should go in after her…”
But everyone looked down.
—We were all too afraid of going in the wall. Honestly, it was way scarier than any monster.
“Er… As her master, I have an idea… Why don’t we wait another fifteen minutes to see what happens…?”
“Th-that is a good idea… I agree…”
The demons didn’t want to chance it, and we couldn’t single anyone out to go when we didn’t know how dangerous this was.
“Yeah, I guess we’ll do that…”
Fifteen minutes later, Fighsly still hadn’t appeared.
Urgh, we’re in trouble now… Should I just jump in the wall after her? Or should we head to Her Majesty the developer and have her free Fighsly?
Just as I was about to open my mouth—
“I sense something over here.” Rosalie pointed at the wall where Fighsly had disappeared. “I think I might be able to learn something if I go inside.”
But I didn’t have the courage to tell her to. She might be a ghost, but this dungeon was unique. Even if she could pass through walls in normal buildings…
And while I struggled to decide what to do—
“Hello, I’m back!”
—Fighsly popped out of the wall!
“Ahhh! Sheesh!”
I lived with Rosalie, so I was somewhat used to people coming out of walls, but still!
“Hell’s bells! You should have let us know much earlier that you were able to leave! We were worried, you know!” Beelzebub’s expression was a mix of relief and surprise.
“Sorry, I just like finding exploits…and I did,” Fighsly shot back. “We can take a shortcut if we go through this wall!”
We all smiled uncomfortably. No one wanted to go in the wall. No one wants to go into walls. When’s the last time anyone wanted to go into a wall for fun?
“C’mon, there’s nothing to worry about! It takes us right to a place that looks like where we’re going! We don’t need to take the long way around!”
If Fighsly was the only one suggesting it, none of us would have gone along with it, but—
“I think it’s the right way, too. I think it’s best to go,” said Rosalie. I wanted to trust her.
I had to trust in my family.
“I’ll go first.”
I slid into the wall. It felt like I’d turned into jelly, but I could breathe and move forward. I could even go back.
I popped my head out of the wall.
“All clear! Let’s go!”
We traveled through the wall in silence. About five minutes later, we suddenly emerged into a corridor.
Right next to us was a stone door that was nothing like anything else before.
On this side of the door, there were twisting and turning hallways.
“It really was a shortcut…”
Well, I can safely say that’s my first time glitching through a wall… Not sure if I want to try that again any time soon…
Rosalie was already looking at the stone door.
“I can’t read the writing, but I think it might be saying that Her Majesty will be beyond here.”
“Yeah, I agree.” It definitely felt like we’d arrived at someplace important. “But there are no handles, so it doesn’t look that easy to open.”
A second later, Pecora wrenched one of the doors to the side. That’s one way to deal with it…
We peeked through the gap and saw a room piled high with a massive amount of stone tablets.
There was barely enough space for a single person to pass between all the countless stone-tablet towers. If any of them were to fall on a normal person, it would kill them.
“What? Is this some ancient book vault? Have we come to the wrong place…?”
“Wait. The road keeps going, and—” Rosalie slipped through the piles and into the room.
Something was definitely there. Er, someone.
“It’s dangerous, Rosalie—don’t go too fast!” I weaved between the tablets after her.
After turning several corners, I suddenly reached a sort of clearing.
There was a girl sitting on a chair, working on something. The stone tablet on the table in front of her reminded me of a computer, and she was tapping on another tablet with her fingers. Touch typing?
Like Nahna Nahna’s outfit, hers showed off quite a bit of her dark skin. Altogether, she looked rather Egyptian.
As for her other features—Does she have a physical body?
She was visible to me right from the start.
“You’re the ruler here, aren’cha?! Why don’cha stop locking yourself away and go outside for a change?! Your ministers dunno what to do!” Rosalie declared to the queen (Muum Muum, if I recall).
But Queen Muum Muum kept on working.
Could she not hear us?
“Hey… Don’t ignore me when I’m putting in so much effort! You’re embarrassing me!”
“I was just puttin’ a trap on floor fifty-free! I’d let ’em see a healin’ spring, then right after, I’d drop ’em froo a ’ole down to floor fifty-seven. If I kick ’em out in the middle, then I wouldn’t know ’ow far they got. Just wait a moment there, luv,” she complained.
So she wasn’t entirely ignoring us.
And…when I saw her working like this, I started feeling a weight on my shoulders. Oh, it’s the computer tablets… They’re reminding me of a corporate office…
“What should we do, Your Majesty?” Beelzebub asked. “Shall we force her to look at us?”
“No, she seems like the head of state, so we shall wait for her,” Pecora gracefully replied.
By the way, it sounded like Her Majesty was talking in a cockney accent… Was there a city-state in ancient times like London? There were massive plague pits there, after all.
“Her back’s wide open. We could take her out with a good hit to her head.”
“Fighsly, for a martial artist, you sure talk a lot about fighting dirty.”
It was easy to forget since we were going through a dungeon, but we weren’t here to defeat her.
“Right, I’m done, I’m done. Save aaaand quit. No lag, no freezes. I should be okay to force an update now.”
That phrase really reminded me of my days as a corporate slave… Whoever invented forced updates was probably rotting in hell now.
Her Majesty looked at us. Now, what kind of person was she?
As long as she didn’t say You impudent fools, I’ll kill you! I was good.
“Heya, I’m Muum Muum. Didn’t think you’d make it this far, luvs. I didn’t finish makin’ the dungeon in time~”
She greeted us casually. Pecora was the same; a lot of rulers here sure were casual.
“Oh yeah, just find a seat and siddown. ’aven’t really cleaned, so it might be a bit moldy, but nothin’ ’ahmful to you, deary. Wa’evah, dunna, innit.”
She was cockney.
People who spoke in that accent always said things like “wa’evah,” “dunna,” and “innit.”
“Pecora, I’m sure you have a lot to ask her, so why don’t we take turns with the questions?”
“Yes, Elder Sister, I will leave that to you.”
There were a lot of mysteries here, so I decided we would go one at a time.
“Okay, then I’ll start.”
Everyone else seemed to agree, so I asked my question. “Why are you speaking in a cockney accent? Were you reincarnated from London?”
Okay, it had nothing to do with the situation at hand, but I couldn’t stop thinking about it! I had to take care of this first!
“Lundun? What’s’at? All I’m usin’ is the divine parlance. Only a small number of us in ’igh standing are allowed to use it. It’s the language of the ’igh class.”
The divine parlance?! Does that translate into London cockney?!
“The divine parlance is a language thass bin optimized feh communication. Wouldn’t be an exaggeration to call it the finest language. Wa’evah, dunna, innit.”
She was skillfully avoiding responsibility with that wa’evah, dunna, innit while she was making all these grand declarations.
“So feh example… Yeah, you in the black hat. Preten’ to shoot me wiv a bow an’ arrah.”
I’m the one in the black hat… I haven’t introduced myself yet… I pulled my right hand back and pretended to let go of an arrow. “Fire! Bam!”
Then Queen Muum Muum clutched her chest, her face twisting in pain, and fell over.
“Ahhhh~ It ’urts~ She got me… I was supposed to be married when the war was ovah…”
It was silent for a while.
This was weird…
Queen Muum Muum then got up as though nothing had happened. “See? The divine parlance is perfect feh communica’ing with random folk, innit?”
“You can act that way in any language!”
“All right, cheeky! You’re really on the ball with the banter!” Queen Muum Muum came up to me and smacked me on the back.
This probably wasn’t an attack; she was apparently welcoming me.
“I’m wondering what your standard parlance sounds like, but it’ll be translated into the language of living humans anyway, I guess.”
If people who spoke the ancient language talked to each other, the only difference in nuance was probably just like the difference between a regular and cockney accent. Wa’evah, dunna, innit.
“Then I will take my elder sister’s place and ask a question~ Why did you make such a difficult dungeon~?”
With Pecora around, this almost felt like a mixer.
“That’s ’cause the min’sters were right sticks in the mud, makin’ me bloody cross…” Queen Muum Muum’s temples were twitching. It seemed like she was genuinely angry.
“Especially that Nahna Nahna. She was there, weren’t she?”
“Yes, she was~ ”
“She was miserable… She asked me to give ’er somefin’ to write wiv, so I gave ’er a banana, but she just calmly said ‘I’m sorry, please give me something to write with’! I weren’t hoping feh quali’y in return, but at least join in on the bantz! Like Wow, hey, this writes nicely—wait, this is a banana! If not, then I just look like some daffy bird who gave ’er a banana! The banter lives and dies with reciprocity!”
To be honest, it was a stupid reason. But after a thousand, two thousand years of that, then it might cause her to explode.
I started to see why she holed herself up in her tomb.
“By the way, are there any others besides you who can use the divine parlance?” Beelzebub asked, but Queen Muum Muum shook her head.
“Everyone who could died from the plague. The lot of ’em lived good lives, so they couldn’t turn intah ghosts,” she explained breezily—but that was awful! “I was so upset with how borin’ all the comm’ners were when I was alive, so I became a ghost.”
Basically, there was one young kid who wanted to make jokes, but she was constantly surrounded by straitlaced adults.
“And once it was all comm’ners, I just couldn’t take it anymore… Why are they all so serious…? They’re exhaustin’…”
As a result, the queen got mad no one would play along and ended up here…
I thought at first that it was just a pubescent ruler being moody, but it sounded like that wasn’t quite right.
“Me next. Why are you the only one with a physical body?” Fighsly asked. A good question.
“I’m the queen, so they put me body into me coffin, and I put me soul in it. So yeah, I ’ave a body, but strictly speakin’, I’m just movin’ the ol’ skinsack around with me spirit.”
I guess she got special treatment as the queen.
“An’ I built this dungeon ’cause it’s me hobby. And practical. I mean, ’ow borin’ if I didn’t ’ave anyfin’ to fill the time, innit? I wanted to create a difficult dungeon that were all me own.”
“I understand it’s your hobby, but I don’t think it’s very practical. You can make the dungeon, but you won’t make any money from it.” All Fighsly was thinking about was profit, as usual.
“People like you come to our kingdom; if one of ’em’s an exorcist, we’re finished. The dungeon’s our evacuation site. We’ll be safe so long as we ’ave a dungeon no adventurer can get froo. But you all did.”
I see—even though she was holed up inside, she was still thinking about her people like a queen would.
“Then the last question from that ghost would finish off this round. Anyfin’ you wanna ask?” She pointed at Rosalie.
“Uh, uhhh…” It was so sudden, Rosalie started panicking a little. “Wh-what’s your favorite food…?”
“Come on, use yeh loaf! I know you ’ave better questions than that! But it’s bananas!” At least she answered the question, even if it did come with some snark.
“Then let me pull myself together…ahem…” Strength filled Rosalie’s eyes. “I’m not good at being tactful, so lemme just ask you this as a fellow ghost: Everyone’s sad that their queen isn’t showing herself. It’s been too long for you to still be mad—come out and show yourself. You can’t be having that much fun down here by yourself.”
Rosalie looked so mature. I was delighted to see how much she’d learned and grown since I took her in to the house in the highlands.
“Nah, I’m just addicted to makin’ this ’ere dungeon the scariest it can be.”
“If you’re gonna say no, at least react! What about everything Rosalie just said?!”
“An’ I’m not gonna overwork meself and die. I’m already dead. It’s not like I ’ave a deadline or anyfin’.”
I guess people worked themselves to death in this ancient civilization. The human world had so many layers.
“Well, also…this is a little embarrassin’, but…” Queen Muum Muum hesitated, her face turning red. “If I went back, I still wouldn’t ’ave any good friends… They call me Your Majesty, Your Majesty, but that’s not what I want… I just wish someone would give me a good whack for a good jape…”
“They can’t hit you; you’re the queen!”
Whoever she was bantering with would need a lot of courage!
“Yeah! I want ’em to act like you, black hat! But no one’s got the talent! They’re all just straight-faced plebs who think I’m tryin’ to be funny!”
Her opinion of me was rising… If this were an interview, I would’ve passed.
But I sort of understood Queen Muum Muum’s troubles. Now that all her citizens were ghosts, that meant no one new would be coming. It was hard to be around the same people for a thousand, two thousand years and not make any friends.
Of course she’d refuse any relationships and spend all eternity making a dungeon.
“Have you tried teaching the other citizens the divine parlance?”
“I tried. But they was all so rude. ‘The divine parlance sounds uncultured!’ they said. Do you buy that?! Tuh!”
Wow, no respect at all!
“Hear me when I say the divine parlance ’as a longer ’istory than the common parlance does! The common parlance was an accent to start wiv! Why are they denyin’ its roots?!”
“Okay, okay, it’s okay, it’s okay. Time to cool down now.”
“An’ everyone who learnt it said the divine parlance was real quirky… That everyfin’ sounded different… That it’s unnatural… That when people used it in plays and stuff, it was too barmy so they couldn’t watch…”
She was just a full-on Londoner.
She had no way out of her predicament; what could we do…?
As I wondered to myself, Rosalie floated upward and stopped right before Queen Muum Muum. “So your whole big long speech was to say you don’t have any friends, right?”
She cut straight to the point again. That was probably exactly what the queen meant, but I wasn’t sure she’d be happy to hear it in such straightforward terms…
“Yeah, ’xactly! I don’t ’ave any friends!” Queen Muum Muum ranted. “They’re all ministers! Everyone’s all about the ’ierarchy! You ever hear about ’ow it’s lonely at the top? Well, it’s true! Dammit all. Is this my dues for an undyin’ kingdom?”
She wasn’t the kind to get all mopey in this situation, but I understood how she felt.
Her reward for her high status was thousands of years of loneliness, maybe even an eternity—it was a painful thought.
“If you’re okay with it…I can be your friend,” said Rosalie, still a little tense.
She held out her hand to the queen.
“I wasn’t as bad as you, but I used to haunt one place for a long time, too. I can share about one-twentieth of your pain.”
Rosalie was using her scars from the past to save someone else in the present. She was showing us all the best of humanity—even if this was technically ghost-to-ghost.
“I’m not gonna treat you special—from where I’m floating, you just look like a weirdo in weird clothing from a history textbook.”
“Shut up! You’re the weird lot to me!”
She wasn’t very regal at all…
“And I want ghost friends, too… There are some things only ghosts can understand…” Rosalie briefly looked away.
This was more complex than a show of compassion. Even if Rosalie wasn’t alone, she was still unique among her companions. Of course she would want ghost friends.
“Mates, huh? In that case, we’re the same.” Queen Muum Muum grinned a toothy, mischievous grin, then firmly took the ethereal Rosalie’s hand. “All right, we’re mates! Don’t call me Your Majesty or Queen or whatevs. Call me Muum Muum. Or Muu for short.”
Her nickname was a little spooky-sounding, but maybe that worked for the queen of a mysterious ancient civilization living on as ghosts.
“You got it, Muu! I’m Rosalie!”
“That’s a good name! Tell me all ’bout modern human civilization!”
I felt like I was reading a new page in the story of someone’s youth.
“Oh, this is beautiful,” said Beelzebub. “Hell’s bells, I may actually shed a tear…”
“I did all this work…for free… I could cry, too…”
Fighsly had been working hard, so I hoped the demons would pay her at least.
“The rest of you, call me Muu, too! Don’t treat me like a queen!”
“Well then, Miss Muu, I’ve gotten rather thirsty, so could you get me some bread and a drink, please~? ”
“You don’t ’ave to revere me, but I’m not your servant! Just ’cause we’re mates don’t mean you can forget your manners!”
Oh, Pecora’s going to give her such a hard time… She’s already started.
We made it back through the dungeon to the rest of the ghosts.
The queen had removed all the dungeon elements for our way back, so we could make our return trip in just five minutes of walking. If you think about it, that’s some top-notch dungeon work there.
Even though we weren’t going to treat her like a royal, she still signed on to create diplomatic ties with Pecora. (She could hold a pen since she had a physical body.)
“Good enough feh ya?”
“Yes. Please don’t worry; I won’t publicize anything about this country. I will make sure I only tell friends of friends.”
“Then everyone’ll know before long!”
“I will make sure to remind them that the conversation does not leave the room, then.”
“Stop! If we get exorcist types comin’ roun’, we’re through! Seriously, don’t!”
Pecora was already having a blast with her new toy. That was faster than I’d thought. If it meant some of the heat was off me, I was okay with it.
“Thank you all so much, truly. It is thanks to all of you that our queen has returned to us.” Nahna Nahna bowed politely to me. Her form was a little different from what I was familiar with, but I recognized the courteous gesture right away. As long as we truly desired to understand each other, we could communicate across borders.
“No, this was more Rosalie’s achievement.” I looked up at Rosalie, who was floating above me.
“Oh, no… I just said what came to mind… I didn’t have a plan or anything…”
I know, and that’s why I think it’s so touching.
But just having another ghost who wanted to be friends was enough for Muu to open up. That’s the way the cookie crumbles. Wa’evah, dunno, innit.
“Also, Miss Nahna Nahna, could you please talk to the queen in the divine parlance sometimes? I’m sure that will ease some of the tension.”
“Oh, the divine parlance…?”
Nahna Nahna shifted uncomfortably.
“The divine parlance sounds so terrifying… Like the kind of language an evildoer would use…”
“You’re all just prejudiced!”
No wonder Muu put up so many walls… Well, those are ultimately the kingdom’s problems to take care of.
Personally, I was happy that Rosalie now had a fellow ghost friend.
Maybe we should get a mandragora friend for Sandra, too…but considering how rare they were, that might be too tall of an order.
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