SCENE 0
House in the highlands - garden.
LAIKA
Hah! Hah! Hiyah! Taste my fist!
Sound of a boulder breaking.
AZUSA
Ooh, dang, Laika, that was incredible! It takes one heck of a punch to break a boulder that big in one hit! Nice one!
LAIKA
Not at all, Lady Azusa. I have yet to so much as scratch the surface of the power that you wield.
AZUSA
Hmm, I dunno. In terms of pure power, I think you might be in a pretty good place already…
LAIKA
I’m afraid that is not the case. Allowing myself to be satisfied with this level of ability would be nothing but arrogance. Such complacency slows one’s movements.
AZUSA
I get where you’re coming from, but don’t you think it’d be good to try something other than martial arts every once in a while? Maybe broadening your horizons would be helpful! You never know.
LAIKA
…Ugh. Truth be told…I’ve recently come to a similar conclusion. I’ve begun to suspect true strength cannot be achieved by pursuing power alone…
AZUSA
Oh really? Well, in that case, why not have some of our family members suggest new ways for you to train? You could start with… Oh, actually, Beelzebub’s stopping by today, so why not her? …She really does come over to see Falfa and Shalsha all the time, doesn’t she…?
LAIKA
That’s brilliant, Lazy Azusa! Maybe asking others for ideas will help me find the answers I seek! I’ll make everyone into my teacher! Thank you so much for the suggestion!
AZUSA
Laika always takes everything so darn seriously, huh…?
AZUSA - NARRATION
And just like that, Laika went out to learn a lesson from everyone she could find.
SCENE 1
House in the highlands - garden.
BEELZEBUB
So you hope to compensate for your weaknesses by having a wide variety of instructors teach you how to improve in areas where you falter? ’Tis a most admirable road you’ve chosen to walk.
LAIKA
Yes, and I would greatly appreciate it if you would teach me something, Miss Beelzebub! I’m certain a demon like you has knowledge that would benefit me!
BEELZEBUB
Hmm, perhaps…but I wouldn’t think a lecture on demon agriculture would do much to carry you toward your goals… Demon knowledge, though…
Just one thing comes to mind…and I see that materials of the perfect length have conveniently fallen nearby. To start, Laika, take these.
LAIKA
Two sticks from a tree? What should I do with them?
BEELZEBUB
Hold them in your dominant hand and use them to snatch me out of the air.
Beelzebub turns into a fly.
LAIKA
Ah! You became a fly!
BEELZEBUB
They call me Lord of the Flies for good reason! Turning into one is the simplest of tasks.
LAIKA
I see now—it would indeed take incredible concentration to catch a flying insect between two sticks! And I’ve heard it said that a legendary swordsman once caught a fly between a spoon and a knife!
BEELZEBUB
That sounds less than sanitary… But in any case, have at you!
Sound of a fly’s buzzing.
LAIKA
I must sharpen my mind…and focus… Hah!
Sound of a fly’s buzzing.
BEELZEBUB
Not even close!
LAIKA
Hiyah!
Sound of a fly’s buzzing.
BEELZEBUB
Still far from your goal! You’ll grab little but air like that.
LAIKA
Focus, focus… Hah!
Sound of a fly’s buzzing.
BEELZEBUB
Your strikes are stiff and clumsy!
LAIKA
I’ve got to picture moving the sticks like they’re part of my hand… Hiyah!
Beelzebub spends some time buzzing around in fly form.
BEELZEBUB
What, giving up already?
No, you wouldn’t. Not you. You’re gathering all your spirit for your next attempt, aren’t you?
LAIKA
…Please excuse me. My concentration faltered, and I nearly resorted to breathing fire.
Beelzebub returns to human form.
BEELZEBUB
What?! Hell’s bells, no! Breathing fire’s dangerous, and against the rules, at that! Absolutely not! Look, you scared me back into my usual form!
LAIKA
…It seems this training method is more stressful than I anticipated. I’ve felt the urge to breathe fire when irritated before…but this time, I only barely managed to keep it under control.
BEELZEBUB
You’re making it quite clear that I’ll be burned to cinders if we keep this up, so this training method is now off the table! Never again!
LAIKA
Oh! How about a different style of training? You turn into a fly, and I’ll see if I can hit you with my flame breath while you try to evade me.
BEELZEBUB
Are you truly in such a hurry to incinerate me?!
AZUSA - NARRATION
It looks like Laika’s going to learn from Halkara next.
SCENE 2
The woods near the house in the highlands.
HALKARA
Honestly, Laika, I’m really impressed by your attitude about all this! I wish I could extract some of that motivation of yours, bottle it up, and have my company sell it!
LAIKA
I would rather not have anyone drinking my extract… By the way, Miss Halkara, what did you bring us out to this forest for?
HALKARA
I can’t teach you anything about martial arts, so I thought I’d show you how to forage for mushrooms…! Well, that’s what I’d like to do, but it’d be a disaster if I picked something poisonous by mistake, so I’m planning on showing you how to gather medicinal stones today instead. That’s the sort of knowledge that might come in handy if you ever have to set out on a sudden adventure!
LAIKA
Absolutely, yes! A functioning knowledge of medicine is sure to lift me to still greater heights! I appreciate your guidance!
HALKARA
Okay, let’s get this lesson underway! Oh, and look—there’s one already! I’ve got a keen eye for more than just mushrooms, I’ll have you know! Take a look at this stone. If you grind it into a powder and mix it with medicinal herbs, it enhances their effect!
LAIKA
I see! I’ll write that down…
HALKARA
Oh, and there’s another one! You might have heard of this one—it’s a Philosopher’s Stone!
LAIKA
It’s what?! The Philosopher’s Stone is the stuff of legends, and you found one lying around in a forest?!
HALKARA
Wait, no… This is actually a College Dropout Who Wanted to Be a Philosopher But Couldn’t Cut It’s Stone. If you grind it into a powder, it slightly relieves benign discomfort.
LAIKA
That doesn’t sound particularly useful…
HALKARA
The world’s full of items that don’t seem very useful at first glance! You just have to accept that some things are always going to be a little questionable and make do with what you can get. Ooh, is it just me, or did I say something pretty wise just now?
LAIKA
…Yes, I suppose that is a valid perspective.
HALKARA
All right, let’s keep moving along! There are all sorts of great stones just waiting to be found in these woods! Oh? It looks like someone else is here!
Falfa rushes over.
FALFA
Big Sis Laika, Miss Halkara! Hello!
HALKARA
Oh, if it isn’t Falfa! You must be playing in the woods today, huh?
FALFA
Falfa heard you talking about stones and decided to come join in!
HALKARA
Oh? Are you interested in stones, too, Falfa? In that case, go ahead and ask Professor Halkara anything you want to know! Unlike mushrooms, there’s no way we’ll end up eating a bad one by mistake, so I guarantee this lesson will be almost totally safe!
FALFA
Okay! Um, so, this rock’s a different color than all the other rocks around here, right?
LAIKA
Now that you mention it, it does rather stand out.
HALKARA
Huh? That rock doesn’t have any medicinal qualities, though.
Professor Bumotralli’s theme song plays.
FALFA
Well, it looks different because it was formed during a volcanic eruption! It was sent flying by a big volcano a long, long time ago and fell here!
LAIKA
Oh really? I had no idea!
FALFA
You can see other signs of the eruption in this forest, if you look closely. Okay, let’s go over there where we can see the nearby fault next!
LAIKA
Certainly! I’m very interested in geology!
HALKARA
Waaait! We’re drifting into a whole different academic field!
FALFA
A scientist called Professor Bumotralli wrote a whole book about the geology of this area, you know!
LAIKA
You’re very knowledgeable about such things, aren’t you, Falfa? This is most enlightening!
HALKARA
Wait up, you two! Don’t leave me behiiind!
Don’t steal my student, please! What happened to Professor Halkaraaa?!
AZUSA - NARRATION
So Halkara’s lesson was sort of a disaster… After that, Laika headed over to see Rosalie.
SCENE 3
A woodland far away from the house in the highlands.
LAIKA
We’ve flown quite a fair distance, Rosalie. What exactly do you intend to teach me here?
ROSALIE
You’ll understand when we get just a little deeper into the woods! Come on, Sis, let’s keep moving!
LAIKA
These are nothing like the woods by the house in the highlands, are they…? It’s so gloomy here…
ROSALIE
You’ve got good instincts, Sis. Take the opportunity to soak in some of that gloom! We’ve still got a ways to go!
LAIKA
…Ugh. It’s so dark, you’d think it was nighttime… I’m not even sure what direction we’re traveling in anymore…
ROSALIE
Ahhh, yeah. I hear adventurers have gotten totally stranded in these woods before. Though when you think about it…that also means they’re the perfect place to hide out if you don’t want to be found.
LAIKA
Surely you don’t mean bandits have taken up residence here? If there are criminals hiding out in these woods, we have to find them and bring them to justice!
ROSALIE
Oh, we’re almost there! The center of the woods is just up ahead.
LAIKA
Understood! I will take point!
Laika advances into the depths of the woods.
LAIKA
Huh? That’s strange… I can’t sense any other people around, but something’s off… And wait—huh? It’s not especially cold, so why am I getting chills…?
ROSALIE (IN A SCARY VOICE)
That’s because you’re sensing the presence…of ghooosts!
LAIKA
Eek! Don’t say things like that, please! You’re scaring me!
ROSALIE (IN A SCARY VOICE)
But it’s truuue! Don’t you see how the bark on that tree looks just like a face? That’s the exact place where someone hung themselves!
LAIKA
I said stop it, please! I…c-can’t deal with those sorts of stories…
ROSALIE
Then isn’t that a weakness you have to overcome? You’re strong, Sis, but you’re also a scaredy-cat. That’s why I thought taking you to a forest that’s famous for being the site of lots of suicides would make for the perfect training.
LAIKA
I see nothing! My eyes are closed! I can’t see a thing!
ROSALIE (IN A SCARY VOICE)
Oh, but don’t you know? If you close your eyes, you’ll be powerless to defend yourself against wandering spiiirits! Have you ever had sleep paralysis before? It’s the same thing!
LAIKA
Aaagh! Just stop! I mean it!
ROSALIE
Sorry, Sis, but you have to stay strong! I’m doing this for your own good!
A ghostly presence manifests.
LAIKA
Am I imagining it, or did I just hear a voice? I mean, besides ours…
ROSALIE
Oh, that was one of the ghosts bound to this place. They were cheering you on, too!
LAIKA
That’s the last sort of encouragement I need right now!
A ghostly presence manifests, accompanied by a ghostly voice.
LAIKA
Huh…? This time, I could have sworn somebody was saying my name…
ROSALIE
All the ghosts are shouting your name to cheer you on! They’re making a whole chant out of it.
LAIKA
Gaaah! Please don’t! Just stop! Don’t mind me, I’m begging you!
ROSALIE
Pull yourself together, Sis! They’re just ghosts! The worst they could possibly do is curse you a little—they’re total weaklings!
LAIKA
That’s exactly what I’m afraid of! Please don’t curse me!
ROSALIE
This is hurting me as much as it hurts you, Sis, but it’s a trial you have to overcome if you want to obtain true strength!
LAIKA
…U-ugh…
ROSALIE
Oh! Are you finally building up a resistance to them, Sis? Did you realize there’s nothing to be afraid of, when you really think about it? What’s the big deal, right? It’s just a couple of ghosts.
LAIKA
…I’m so terrified, I could breathe fire at any second.
Laika snaps.
Rosalie panics.
ROSALIE
No, that’s not allowed! The fire restrictions in this forest are super harsh!
LAIKA
Oh, I know! I can’t be scared of the forest if there isn’t a forest to be scared of, right?
ROSALIE
Wrong! No! That’s the sort of thought process that makes gods of destruction decide to end worlds!
LAIKA
I’m well aware that destroying nature is a terrible act, but breathing fire as a response to fear is a natural physiological reaction. We’re predisposed to producing flames to protect ourselves in times of danger.
ROSALIE
Okay, I get it! I’ll take you somewhere without any ghosts! Just no fire breathing! Even the ghosts are scared now!
LAIKA
I’d have to open my eyes to walk, though, and I’m too scared to do that… I might let a burst of fire out if I tried…
ROSALIE
Okay, then keep them closed! No problem! I’ll guide you! Ah, now turn right! Three steps ahead, then left! Follow the road for a little while… Okay, there’s a three-way junction just ahead, and you’ll want to turn right!
AZUSA - NARRATION
Ghosts sure are scary, huh? Anyway, Laika made it back to the house in the highlands in no time.
SCENE 4
House in the highlands - living room.
FLATORTE
You’re afraid of ghosts, Laika? Red dragons really are a bunch of cowardly weaklings. I, the great Flatorte, still stand far above you and your kind!
LAIKA
Th-that’s not… It’s a personal problem that only applies to me! I am not a weakling, and red dragons are certainly not weaker than blue dragons!
FLATORTE
Keep telling yourself that. I, the great Flatorte, am strong in all aspects except being smart!
LAIKA
That doesn’t seem like something you should declare out loud, especially not with such pride… You essentially just called yourself an idiot…
FLATORTE
Acting like you’re not stupid is the same as declaring that you’re afraid of people thinking you’re stupid. If you admit you’re stupid, then being called stupid isn’t even an insult!
LAIKA
Ugh! Why did that actually sound deep…?
FLATORTE
And that’s why I, the great Flatorte, refuse to study anything at all!
LAIKA
Never mind. You’re just an idiot. I see there’s nothing for me to learn from you.
FLATORTE
I’ll teach you the secrets of cold breath.
LAIKA
It’s physically impossible for me to learn to use that. I know you don’t have anything to teach me…especially considering how many times we’ve already sparred.
FLATORTE
Okay, then what if I teach you about music?
Flatorte brings out her lute and starts playing a tune.
LAIKA
Oh, that’s right. I’d forgotten you are a proficient musician.
FLATORTE
All right, sing along after me. Ra-ra-ra-ra-ra!
LAIKA (OUT OF TUNE)
Ra-ra-ra-ra-ra!
FLATORTE
That was a little off. Try it again. Ra-ra-ra-ra-ra!
LAIKA (SLIGHTLY LESS OUT OF TUNE)
Ra-ra-ra-ra-ra!
FLATORTE
Still not perfect, but I, the great Flatorte, will accept it. Next. Dr-ra-ra-ra-ra-gons!
LAIKA (OUT OF TUNE)
Dr-ra-ra-ra-ra-gons!
FLATORTE
Listen carefully and imitate me. Dr-ra-ra-ra-ra-gons!
LAIKA (SLIGHTLY LESS OUT OF TUNE)
Dr-ra-ra-ra-ra-gons!
FLATORTE
All right, you’re getting better and better. Dr-ra-ra-ra-ra-gons! Mighty, mighty, supercool and mighty, as powerful as they come!
LAIKA
These lyrics sound like they were written by an infant… You’ve lived for hundreds of years, technically, even if you wasted most of them. Aren’t you embarrassed to sing something like this?
FLATORTE
The lyrics don’t matter! They’re just filler! Now sing!
LAIKA (OUT OF TUNE)
Dr-ra-ra-ra-ra-gons! Mighty, mighty, supercool and mighty, as powerful as they come!
FLATORTE
Stay in tune! Dr-ra-ra-ra-ra-gons! Mighty, mighty, supercool and mighty, as powerful as they come!
LAIKA (SLIGHTLY LESS OUT OF TUNE)
Dr-ra-ra-ra-ra-gons! Mighty, mighty, supercool and mighty, as powerful as they come!
FLATORTE
Much better! Now together!
FLATORTE & LAIKA
Dr-ra-ra-ra-ra-gons! Mighty, mighty, supercool and mighty, as powerful as they come! Dr-ra-ra-ra-ra-gons! Mighty, mighty, supercool and mighty, as powerful as they come!
FLATORTE
Good! Much closer to decent than you were at the start.
LAIKA
You have a remarkable talent for music yourself, Flatorte. Thank you very much. You’ve proven yourself a teacher.
FLATORTE
I, the great Flatorte, accept your praise and am ready for more of it!
LAIKA
…But that song’s lyrics are idiotic. Please come up with better ones.
FLATORTE
I don’t actually think those lyrics are cool, okay?! It’s just for practice! We’ll go with a real song next time, so prepare yourself!
AZUSA - NARRATION
I thought I heard some sort of weird song, and it turned out to be another part of Laika’s training… Anyway, she went on a field trip to a faraway town with Falfa and Shalsha next.
SCENE 5
The town of Bridatta.
LAIKA
We’ve come quite a long way to reach this town, haven’t we?
FALFA
Big Sis Laika, do you see the box Shalsha’s holding? It has your assignment for this field trip in it!
SHALSHA
Shalsha just bought the box at the general store.
LAIKA
Understood. I’ll open it up, then. Let’s see… Find out how the town of Bridatta developed?
FALFA
That’s right! Today, you’ll be learning how this town came to be the way it is.
SHALSHA
We’ll walk around and unveil the truth together.
LAIKA
In other words, we’ll be studying the geography and history of the area? I see.
SHALSHA
First, look at this map of the town.
Laika studies the map and her surroundings.
LAIKA
…I see that there are two deep valleys flanking the town.
FALFA
That’s right! We’ll be going to the town’s edge to look at one of those valleys next. But first…
SHALSHA
We’ll try one of Bridatta’s most famous local products: Bridatta bread.
LAIKA
This is remarkably springy for bread, isn’t it? It’s delicious.
SHALSHA
It’s famous for being far chewier than standard practice dictates bread is supposed to be.
FALFA
All right, let’s all eat together while we walk!
Laika, Falfa, and Shalsha move to the edge of town.
FALFA
Munch, munch, munch. Look—see how both sides of the valley, munch, munch, munch, are made of hard bedrock, munch, munch, down to its base?
LAIKA
Munch, munch, munch. Ah, I see! I wonder how the valley formed in the first place?
SHALSHA
It’s hard to tell, munch, munch, when you should swallow this bread, munch, munch.
FALFA
Munch, munch, the truth is, the place where the valley is now used to be made, munch, munch, munch, munch, of layers of soft earth! Munch, munch. A river used to flow through the area, and that river, munch, munch, eroded the soft parts away, leaving only the bedrock. Munch, munch.
LAIKA
Oh? And I suppose that made it into, munch, munch, the optimal location to build a fortified city, gulp… There. I finally finished my bread.
FALFA
Okay! Next, we’ll go back into town and see how it was made! But first…
SHALSHA
We’ll try another of Bridatta’s most famous local products: Bridatta caramels.
LAIKA
Oh, this is so sweet! It’s delicious, but…mnh…it’s very chewy, isn’t it?
SHALSHA
It’s famous for being far chewier than standard practice dictates caramel is supposed to be.
FALFA
And since it’s so sweet, it gives you a nice energy boost!
Laika, Falfa, and Shalsha move to the center of town.
SHALSHA
Shalsha is knowledgeable about Bridatta’s history, chew, chew, so I’ll take over to teach this lesson.
LAIKA
Chew, chew, understood. Please teach me, chew, chew, Shalsha. These caramels don’t seem to dissolve at all, do they?
FALFA
Their slogan is apparently “One piece lasts three hundred days”! Chew, chew.
LAIKA
Surely that must be an exaggeration…? Chew, chew.
SHALSHA
Well then, chew, chew, at this moment, we stand in Bridatta’s largest…chew, chew…and most thriving shopping district, chew, chew.
LAIKA
Ah! The caramel’s stuck to my teeth! I can’t get it off!
SHALSHA
Is there anything in particular you notice, chew, chew, when you look at this street? Any characteristic traits of the town, for instance?
LAIKA
Yes, there are. For one thing, central streets through towns are typically straight, but this one is distinctly curvy.
SHALSHA
Ugh… Shalsha’s caramel stuck my teeth together.
LAIKA
Eating these caramels is quite the trial, isn’t it…?
SHALSHA
You’re very quick on the uptake, Big Sister Laika. This street has more features than just curves, though. Try thinking a little more.
LAIKA
What could they be? Hmm…
FALFA
You’re just like a real history professor, Shalsha!
SHALSHA
Don’t just look up and down the street. Look at the streets that intersect it, too.
LAIKA
The streets that intersect it? We’re at an intersection now, but… Oh! There’s a slight incline on both sides, whichever way you turn! This street must be the lowest point in the town.
SHALSHA
That’s exactly right. This street was built to follow the bed of what used to be a small river that ran through this area.
LAIKA
Ooh! I believe I’m starting to understand how this town was built!
SHALSHA
The path of the river changed, and the river itself began to dry. Its former bed became the street we’re now walking on. That’s why it’s so curvy and meandering.
LAIKA
You’d never know it just walking around, but every town has a distinctive story behind it, doesn’t it? This has been very informative.
SHALSHA
When you study history, you learn to recognize all sorts of things, even in towns you’ve never been to before… Shalsha would be happy if you asked for another lesson sometime.
FALFA
You’re so enthusiastic today, Shalsha!
SHALSHA
You are, too, Sister. There’s much to learn from the study of geography. Shalsha understands very well that there are limits to what one can learn sitting at desks and reading books.
FALFA
Yeah! You have to go out and get looots of fresh air, too!
LAIKA
…I see. Both of you have found connections between your fields of study and the real world. And by association, your daily lives have become connected to your studies as well. I feel I’ve gained a wealth of new information today!
FALFA
Falfa’s happy to help, Big Sis Laika!
SHALSHA
It is only through the accumulated studies of many different fields by many different people that new ideas can be born. Recently, that concept is gaining traction in modern scholarship.
LAIKA
Well, then! We came all this way, so shall we walk a little more through the shopping district?
FALFA
Yeah! Walk time, walk time!
SHALSHA
Many philosophers have experienced sudden flashes of inspiration while out on walks. The act of walking helps keep one’s brain active.
FALFA
Ah! Falfa just saw something!
LAIKA
What is it?
SHALSHA
Another of Bridatta’s most famous local products: Bridatta skewers.
FALFA
They’re made from mutton that’s so hard it’s almost impossible to bite through and are simmered in a salty-sweet sauce!
LAIKA
…Don’t you think this town has far too many signature foods that take ages and ages to eat?
SHALSHA
And that is why mealtimes in Bridatta are far longer than standard practice dictates they should be.
AZUSA - NARRATION
Apparently, that mutton did, in fact, take a really long time to eat. After that, Laika gave the girls a ride home. They arrived back at the house in the highlands that evening.
SCENE 6
House in the highlands - garden.
LAIKA
Lady Azusa! I’ve just finished spending the day learning a lesson from each of our family members!
AZUSA
Boy, you really took this whole thing seriously, didn’t you, Laika? I have a feeling it gave you the push you needed, though, judging by the look on your face.
LAIKA
It did, yes! I’ve learned that it pays dividends to learn all sorts of things from all sorts of sources rather than single-mindedly focusing on my usual training alone! I’m certain I’ll be able to apply those lessons to my regular training as well!
AZUSA
Your drive for self-improvement is so overdeveloped, I’m really curious how the heck your parents raised you!
LAIKA
…But there’s one thing that would truly complete my day… That being, well…
AZUSA
Hmm…? You’re kinda fidgeting, Laika. What’s up?
LAIKA
I would like to finish this day by learning a lesson from you as well, Lady Azusa.
AZUSA
Ooh, I get it now. But hmm. You and Flatorte already spar together all the time… And considering how your day went, I should probably teach you something only I know about… But you’ve helped me out with my medicines so much in the past that you already know a good bit about those, right?
LAIKA
Then what can you teach me, Lady Azusa?
Time passes.
AZUSA
…All right, I have a plan. I’ll set you up with my own special-made training regimen!
LAIKA
Thank you very much! I will endeavor to complete it to the best of my ability!
AZUSA
Okay, then first up: to the garden! You’ll pull out all the weeds you find growing there as quickly as you can!
Laika prepares to weed the garden.
LAIKA
I see—this is an exercise to help me learn to attack more rapidly from a bent-over position, isn’t it? Understood!
AZUSA
Ready? Go!
LAIKA
Hah! Hah! Hah!
Laika begins high-speed weeding.
AZUSA
Looking good, looking good! Don’t just use your lower body, though—make sure all of your muscles are engaged!
LAIKA
Hiyah! Hiyah! Hiyah!
Laika begins ultra-high-speed weeding.
LAIKA
I’ve finished!
AZUSA
That was so fast! You took care of that way quicker than I envisioned, and it looks great!
LAIKA
Only because I was able to focus so intently. I tried tracking the weeds not only with my sight but with all five of my senses.
AZUSA
Sorry, but I have no idea what you mean.
LAIKA
Rosalie’s training helped me learn to sense the weeds’ presence. As a result, I was able to tell where all of them were to some extent, even when I couldn’t see them.
AZUSA
Wow, you’re a master weeder already!
Laika and Azusa move into the living room.
AZUSA
Okay, we’ll hold our next training drill in here.
LAIKA
Understood! And as you requested, I’ve brought a rag that I moistened with water!
AZUSA
Great. Now use it to wipe the walls!
LAIKA
At once!
AZUSA
Ready? Go!
LAIKA
Hah, hah, hah! Hah, hah, hah! Hah, hah, hah! Hah, hah, hiyah!
Laika rapidly wipes down the walls.
LAIKA
I’ve finished!
AZUSA
No way. How is that possible?! This is a pretty big room, right?!
LAIKA
To tell you the truth, Rosalie is aware of which parts of the walls are dirtier than others, since she’s constantly flying, and she passed that information along to me. As such, I was able to move with precision, wasting no movements and targeting the blemishes with perfect accuracy!
AZUSA
Rosalie again?! And uh…honestly, I was hoping you’d wipe the parts that aren’t visibly dirty, too… But eh, whatever. Next task’s in the kitchen!
Laika and Azusa move into the kitchen.
LAIKA
I see there’s an enormous pile of dishes by the sink. If I may hazard a guess—
AZUSA
That’s right! Your next training drill is washing all those dishes!
LAIKA
I must say, this seems substantially less difficult than wiping the walls was.
AZUSA
N-nah, no way! Better get to it, and be sure to use plenty of soap to get through those tough grease stains! Go!
Laika washes the dishes.
LAIKA
Dr-ra-ra-ra-ra-gons! Mighty, mighty, supercool and mighty, as powerful as they come!
AZUSA
Didn’t expect you to start singing while you washed. And what a weird song!
LAIKA
Dr-ra-ra-ra-ra-gons! Mighty, mighty, supercool and mighty, as powerful as they come!
AZUSA
Yep, that’s an earworm, all right!
LAIKA
I’ve fi-ni-sheeed!
AZUSA
What is this, a musical?!
Time passes.
LAIKA
Now, what will my next training drill be, Lady Azusa?
AZUSA
Geez, you really are fast, huh? There’s not much else left to do, honestly. I already folded the laundry…
LAIKA
Um, Lady Azusa? This is a rather difficult subject to broach…
AZUSA
Yeah? What is it?
LAIKA
You’ve just been passing off household chores as training drills, haven’t you?
AZUSA
Yep, you’ve done it again, Laika. I knew you’d catch on… I bet you knew right from the start, didn’t you?
LAIKA
Um, Lady Azusa, I certainly have no objections to doing the chores, but I would like to properly train as well! Please, give me a real, special training drill!
AZUSA
…Laika, I think you have the wrong idea about this.
LAIKA
Huh? How do you mean?
AZUSA
Training doesn’t always have to be something special. In fact, sometimes just living your day-to-day life is the best sort of training there is. Doesn’t that ring a bell?
Laika gasps.
LAIKA
You’re right! I see now… And to think I only just learned from Falfa and Shalsha about how one’s studies are linked to one’s daily life… It only follows that daily life is also connected to one’s training! How could I be so foolish?!
AZUSA
(Yep. She takes everything super seriously, all right…)
LAIKA
Thank you so much for this lesson, Lady Azusa!
AZUSA
(She’s also pretty easy to pull a fast one on, huh…?)
LAIKA
I’m sorry, did you just say something?
AZUSA
Nope. Not a thing.
All right! All else aside, you really did your best today, and I think that merits a reward.
SCENE 7
House in the highlands - dining room.
FLATORTE
Meat! So much meat! It’s a festival of meat!
FALFA
Meat, meat!
SHALSHA
Little indulgences are necessary from time to time.
BEELZEBUB
I see beef, pork, chicken, mutton, and boar. ’Tis rather impressive you managed to prepare such a wide variety of dishes.
AZUSA
Okay, everyone! You can eat your fill, but be sure not to finish anything that Laika hasn’t had the chance to try yet! She’s the star of the show tonight!
LAIKA
No need to worry, Lady Azusa. I’ve already sampled every variety on offer.
AZUSA
You don’t even eat in half measures!
BEELZEBUB
The spread would have been even more impressive had you added some dishes with spice.
AZUSA
If I made anything spicy enough for your standards, nobody else would be able to eat it.
BEELZEBUB
I’ll have to remember to drop off a personal assortment of hell-spices for myself to partake of whenever I eat here.
AZUSA
I’m not sure I want anything with hell in its name lying around the house…
ROSALIE
I’ve been wondering about this for a while, Big Sis—is eating really that much fun?
AZUSA
It’s kinda hard to explain in a way that would make sense to you, but basically—yeah, it is.
ROSALIE
But all you’re doing is putting corpses into your body, right?
AZUSA
That’s way too literal of a description! And wait, you ate, too, back when you were alive, didn’t you?! Ghost humor makes no sense to me… Anyway, Laika helped out with all the chores and spent the rest of the day focused on self-improvement, so I thought it’d be the perfect chance to splurge a little and treat her, that’s all.
LAIKA
So they really were just chores.
AZUSA
W-well, yeah, but chores can be training, remember…?
HALKARA
If we’ve got something to celebrate, then that means we should party hardy!
FLATORTE
Halkara’s barely touching the meat at all! She’s only been drinking.
HALKARA
Elves are basically vegetarians, so booze suits me better than meat does! Ha-ha-ha-ha!
AZUSA
I don’t mind you drinking, Halkara, but cut yourself off before you barf all over the place, okay?
HALKARA
No need to worry about that! After all, I’ll be barfing in the bathroom before I have the chance!
AZUSA
What are you, ancient Roman nobility…?
Time passes.
LAIKA
…I just want you all to know that I’m truly happy living here in the house in the highlands!
ROSALIE
Okay, but you’ve been living here the longest out of all of us except for my big sis, haven’t you?
FALFA
Yeah! That’s right! You’ve been here the longest!
SHALSHA
And being the most experienced out of all of us in this lifestyle, there’s much we would like to learn from you. You’re our mentor.
LAIKA
What? No, no, stop that! I can’t handle this seniority talk! It’s embarrassing!
HALKARA
Mentor, mentor!
FLATORTE
If treating Laika like she’s my mentor makes her uncomfortable, then I, the great Flatorte, will have to do so!
LAIKA
Lady Azusa, help! Tell them to stop teasing me!
AZUSA
Okay, guys, no overdoing it! I think that’s plenty. But I could learn something from you, too… I often think I should try to be more serious, like you are. Maybe I’ll treat you like my mentor every once in a while.
LAIKA
Please don’t!
BEELZEBUB
You all get along awfully well, don’t you…? I, for one, am more than satisfied spending only one night here every three or so days.
AZUSA
Isn’t that still pretty often?
BEELZEBUB
You would have me see my daughters even less than that?!
AZUSA
Stop calling Falfa and Shalsha your daughters!
The End
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