SCENE 0
Azusa steps into the house in the highlands’ kitchen.
AZUSA
Uuugh, having to walk all the way from the medicine-making room to the kitchen for water is such a pain. I should really start bringing in all the water I’ll need before I get to work… Now that I’m here, though, it’s weirdly quiet in the dining room today. It’s been a long time since it felt so deserted in here. I know Rosalie said she was going out to Nascúte today, but where could everyone else be?
HALKARA
Ugh… Sniffle…
AZUSA
Huh?! Is someone here?
Azusa searches around the room.
HALKARA
Ugh… The paaain…
AZUSA
Aaaah! Halkara’s lying on the ground! That jar must’ve hit her on the head!
Falfa and Shalsha hear Azusa’s voice and come running.
FALFA
What’s wrong, Mommy?!
SHALSHA
It sounds like there’s been a terrible accident.
AZUSA
Ah, Falfa, Shalsha! That’s right, it’s terrible! It looks like Halkara got hit on the back of the head by a jar, somehow…
FALFA
Halkara…? Th-that’s awful!
SHALSHA
It seems likely the jar was thrown at her from behind.
HALKARA
U-ugh… H-helhp mheee…
Sound of a flash of inspiration.
SHALSHA
This smells…like a case.
FALFA
That’s right! Let’s solve this mystery together, Shalsha! We’ll be just like the characters in these books!
SHALSHA
Ah! Sister, are those…The Child Detective of the Sweets Shop?!
FALFA
That’s right! They’re about a child detective whose parents run the local sweets shop! The detective solves all sorts of murder cases, and their parents reward them with sweets at the end of every story! It’s a super-popular series!
AZUSA
That sounds pretty kid-friendly, except for the part about the murders. It’s kind of hard to tell who the intended audience is, huh…?
SHALSHA
Shalsha has read the series as well, of course. The Case of the Overbaked Cookies, in which the sweets shop’s employees die one after another under mysterious circumstances, was particularly well-written.
FALFA
Falfa was so surprised when I learned the murderer was disposing of all the evidence by eating the cookies they used to kill people!
AZUSA
Isn’t it weird to have sweets be the murder weapon in a series where sweets are also how the detective gets paid…?
FALFA
We’ll catch the bad guy, just like they do in the books!
SHALSHA
Understood. We have the bodies of children but the minds of university students, so Shalsha is certain that this task isn’t beyond us.
AZUSA
I mean, all of that’s true… You might really solve this one.
HALKARA
B-before that… Healing magic… Pleeeashe…
The story’s title is read out loud.
SCENE 1
AZUSA
Phew… All right, I cast some healing magic on Halkara and sent her to bed for now.
LAIKA
It’s a relief to know her life isn’t in danger. I was in the kitchen just moments ago and didn’t even see her…
AZUSA
Oh really? Well, she fell behind the table in a kinda hard-to-see spot. Anyway, she’ll be up and about before too long, so let’s just let her rest for now.
BEELZEBUB
You say she was hit in the back of the head by a jar? Who could have done such a thing?
AZUSA
No clue. We haven’t figured out who the culprit is yet.
LAIKA
It could be, then, that one of us committed this atrocity. Much as it saddens me to even consider the possibility…
BEELZEBUB
I couldn’t have said it better myself. And to think they’d use the jar I brought here as a souvenir, of all things! Why not hit her with a saucepan or a vase, like a sensible would-be murderer?! Have some decency!
AZUSA
That’s the part you’re upset about?!
BEELZEBUB
It is well within my rights to be upset about it! They’ve weaponized the goodwill of a demon and used it for evil! How demonic of them!
AZUSA
Is this a bit? Are you hoping I’ll point out how silly that sounded?
FALFA
Everyone, be quiet, please!
AZUSA
Huh? What? Did you figure something out, Falfa?
BEELZEBUB
But of course I’ll listen to whatever my darling girls have to say! My lips are sealed.
AZUSA
How many times have I told you not to call them your girls? Falfa and Shalsha are my daughters!
BEELZEBUB
How is it fair that you get both of them? ’Tis greedy, pure and simple!
AZUSA
So what, you’d rather separate them? That’d be so sad! No way am I handing my daughters over to someone who doesn’t have their best interests at heart!
BEELZEBUB
As I’ve said many, many times, I would gladly take both of them!
AZUSA
And as I’ve said many, many times, it’s not happening!
Time passes.
SHALSHA
…It took all of you a full fifteen seconds to quiet down.
AZUSA
You sound like a principal lecturing her students at a school assembly, Shalsha…
SHALSHA
That’s because Shalsha was quoting a teacher who appears in The Child Detective of the Sweets Shop.
AZUSA
So you really were trying to act like a teacher!
SHALSHA
In the second volume, that teacher gets bludgeoned to death with a lump of sugar. The murderer eats the sugar lump afterward, destroying all the evidence of their crime.
AZUSA
Do all these mysteries hinge on the criminal eating the evidence…?
FALFA
Listen, everyone! Halkara has been hit on the head with a jar by a mystery attacker!
SHALSHA
Considering the circumstances, it’s safe to assume the perpetrator is someone who was here in the house at the time of the crime. In other words, this household is effectively a locked room!
AZUSA
Except that the front door’s open. It’s literally not locked.
FALFA
But the mystery will be much better if it’s a locked room, Mommy!
BEELZEBUB
’Tis true indeed! You’re absolutely correct, Falfa.
AZUSA
Let me guess: Now you’re trying to be the cool aunt who spoils someone else’s kids…
FALFA
Falfa and Shalsha are going to solve this mystery together!
SHALSHA
You can call us the Great Detectives Falfa and Shalsha.
LAIKA
Should I take this to mean the two of you want to play detective?
FALFA
We’re not playing! We’re real detectives!
SHALSHA
We will unveil the truth, no matter the cost. Shalsha will stake the names of countless nameless slimes on it.
AZUSA
Didn’t you just say the slimes were nameless?
FALFA
Stop nitpicking, Mommy!
SHALSHA
That’s right. All’s well that ends well.
AZUSA
I don’t think detectives are supposed to be so haphazard…
FALFA
Anyway, just leave it to us!
SHALSHA
Shalsha and Falfa will reveal the truth, no matter how well it’s hidden.
FALFA - NARRATION
And so Falfa and Shalsha turned our room into an interrogation chamber and started calling in the suspects one by one.
SCENE 2
Interrogation of Suspect #1: Beelzebub.
Falfa and Shalsha call Beelzebub into their room.
BEELZEBUB
Okaaay, Falfa and Shalsha, I’m coming iiin! Oh, I see you’ve moved your desk to the center of the room! And you’ve placed a lamp upon it as well. ’Tis quite fitting for an interrogation chamber indeed.
Beelzebub sits down.
FALFA
First, Falfa would like to hear your side of the story, Miss Beelzebub.
SHALSHA
Tell us the plain, simple truth. The gods are watching, and they’ll know if you lie.
BEELZEBUB
The gaze of your gods means little to a demon such as I, but very well. I shall offer you my full cooperation!
Oh, of course! In demon society, it’s traditional for interrogators to offer their suspects a dish known as kadzudahn before the interrogation begins. Shall I make some for us? The dahn part of kadzudahn, incidentally, means “desert.” In other words, offering the dish signifies that the suspect has nowhere left to run!
FALFA
Not this time, Miss Beelzebub.
SHALSHA
Shalsha and Falfa are taking our search for the culprit seriously.
BEELZEBUB
I—I see… Very well, then. I shall be serious as well.
FALFA
Then to start, here’s your first question: Miss Beelzebub, will you tell us about the jar that was used as a weapon in Miss Halkara’s assault?
BEELZEBUB
I brought it here with me as a souvenir. ’Tis known as a Jar of Grief. If you press your ear to it, you’ll hear a noise that sounds just like the grief-stricken lamentations of the abyssal dead. It’s made of metal, by the way, and wasn’t broken when it hit Halkara’s skull.
SHALSHA
Something about that seems very strange to Shalsha. Why would you decide to bring a weird, creepy jar like that as a souvenir?
BEELZEBUB
Weird and creepy…?! Those jars are lucky charms for us demons! ’Tis said that the wails of the dead drive away any who would approach you with wicked intentions! Thus, it is a ward against evil spirits and is in no way weird or creepy!
FALFA
Interesting. “The jar isn’t weird or creepy”—there! Falfa wrote it down.
BEELZEBUB
Oh, so you’ve thought to take notes? Excellent!
SHALSHA
Shalsha would like to move on to the next question. How would you rate the offensive capability of that jar?
BEELZEBUB
Uh… Well, erm, that seems a strange perspective to take. The jar is not a weapon—it was not meant to be thrown at anyone. Thus, I do not have a clear answer regarding its offensive capability.
FALFA
“Offensive capability: unknown”! Falfa wrote it down.
SHALSHA
Well then, Shalsha will move on to the final, most important question.
BEELZEBUB
Very well… What would that be?
SHALSHA
Miss Beelzebub, where were you and what were you doing at the time Miss Halkara is presumed to have been attacked?
BEELZEBUB
I placed the jar on the table when I arrived, then immediately went to your room to play with the two of you. We have been together since early this morning—in other words, the two of you are witnesses who prove my innocence.
Falfa and Shalsha gasp.
FALFA
…It’s true. Falfa and Shalsha were both playing with her the whole time.
SHALSHA
…It’s the perfect alibi. There’s no debating it.
BEELZEBUB
And I, for one, would be more than happy to resume our playdate! What shall we do next? I brought all sorts of games with me! And you know, you could play all the games you want, whenever you want, if you became my children!
SHALSHA
Beelzebub isn’t our perp, Sister.
FALFA
You’re right. Her alibi is airtight.
We’ll play more games with you after we’ve solved this mystery, Miss Beelzebub. For now, please step outside.
BEELZEBUB
Nooo! The pain of rejection… Ah, that reminds me! I have just the thing—but, hmm, where did I put it? Oh, where was it?
SHALSHA
This is no time for games. We hope you understand.
BEELZEBUB
Ta-daaaa! An assortment of sweets I bought just for you!
SHALSHA
…Sister, they say you can’t fight on an empty stomach.
FALFA
Yeah, and also that eating sweets makes your mind work faster! Snack times are important!
BEELZEBUB
Indeed, indeed! Eat up and grow well… Actually, no need to grow. You’re as cute as can be just the way you are!
SHALSHA - NARRATION
The sweets Miss Beelzebub gave us were delicious. Next, we called Laika into the interrogation chamber.
SCENE 3
Interrogation of Suspect #2: Laika.
Falfa and Shalsha call Laika into their room.
LAIKA
Excuse me, I’m coming in now… Thank you very much for having me…
FALFA
You don’t have to treat this like an interview, Big Sis Laika.
SHALSHA
Stay calm and answer our questions clearly, and everything will be just fine.
Laika sits down.
LAIKA
I would certainly like to remain calm, yes, but after what happened to Miss Halkara… Well, I’m afraid it may be difficult for me to keep my composure. Who could have committed such a horrible, cowardly act…? And to attack her from behind, no less! I’m so furious, it feels like I could spit flames at this very moment!
FALFA
Don’t breathe fire, please! You’ll burn the house down…
SHALSHA
And if the house burns down, we’ll suffer even worse damage than Halkara just did. Please restrain yourself.
LAIKA
Ah, my apologies! I let my temper get the better of me.
FALFA
In The Child Detective of the Sweets Shop, the culprit of The Case of the Overbaked Cookies burned the store down at the end of the story, but the crime we’re investigating today isn’t that large in scale.
LAIKA
Am I to understand that the story somehow continues after the sweets shop burns down…?
SHALSHA
They rebuild the store in the next volume, so it all turns out okay! That’s the volume where all the real estate agents in town start mysteriously dying one after another.
LAIKA
Are we certain there isn’t some terrible curse placed upon that sweets shop…?
Time passes.
FALFA
All right, Big Sis Laika. Falfa wants you to tell us what you were doing when Miss Halkara was attacked.
SHALSHA
Shalsha wants to know that, too. At the end of the day, there can only be one true story.
LAIKA
I was in the medicine-making room, helping Lady Azusa with her work. I believe Lady Azusa will be willing to confirm that.
SHALSHA
And did you ever leave that room and go into the dining room?
LAIKA
Ummm… I—I did, yes. I went to the kitchen to fetch water, so I passed right by the dining room on my way.
Sound of a flash of inspiration.
FALFA (IN A SLIGHTLY BELLIGERENT TONE)
Oh really? So you passed by the dining room and didn’t notice whether Miss Halkara was inside?
LAIKA
Well, I…I couldn’t see her, since she was on the ground. I never even imagined she would be lying on the dining room floor, so it didn’t occur to me to check…
FALFA (IN A SLIGHTLY BELLIGERENT TONE)
Hmm. That seems weird, though. You’re acting like you knew that Miss Halkara was already lying there when you went to fetch water, but if you didn’t see her, then how could you know whether she’d been attacked or not? Very, very weird!
LAIKA
…Who are you trying to imitate, exactly?
SHALSHA
Falfa is imitating the speech patterns of the main character of Pulpatany Doublon: Ace Detective, a novel considered by many to be a masterpiece. Pulpatany Doublon talks in a very belligerent manner.
LAIKA
I—I see… B-but in any case, I swear I didn’t do it!
FALFA (IN A SLIGHTLY BELLIGERENT TONE)
But you could’ve done it. You had the opportunity, and you’ve got no alibi to prove you didn’t, do you? Plus, it’s always the straitlaced ones who end up being the perps for this sort of crime. That means the most straitlaced person in the house in the highlands is our criminal, and that’s you, Big Sis Laika!
SHALSHA
Sister, you’re being too aggressive. We have to supply evidence that proves she’s guilty first.
LAIKA
A-as I said before, I didn’t do it. I have nothing against Miss Halkara and no reason to attack her!
FALFA (IN A SLIGHTLY BELLIGERENT TONE)
Well then, let’s ask you another question: Was that jar heavy?
LAIKA
It was, yes. It was no trouble for a dragon like me, but it was heavy enough that you or Shalsha would have had difficulties lifting it.
FALFA (IN A SLIGHTLY BELLIGERENT TONE)
Oh-ho? Now tell me—why do you know how much that jar weighs, eh?
LAIKA
Ah!
SHALSHA
You know how much the weapon weighs. That could be seen as conclusive evidence against you.
LAIKA
It’s not what you think! I just happened to see the jar on the table and decided to try lifting it, that’s all… Oh, but wait. That means when I saw the jar, Miss Halkara hadn’t returned home and been hit by it yet, doesn’t it…?
FALFA (IN A SLIGHTLY BELLIGERENT TONE)
Hmm? Thought you said you couldn’t see her because she was on the ground. Seems you’re contradicting yourself, doesn’t it?
SHALSHA
When a suspect’s story contradicts itself, it’s best to assume that some aspect of that story was untrue.
LAIKA
Wait a moment, you two, please! I only said I couldn’t see her at first because I was caught up in the moment, that’s all… It’s true, I swear! Please believe me…
FALFA (IN A SLIGHTLY BELLIGERENT TONE)
Sorry, but it’s a detective’s job to figure out who can and can’t be trusted, y’know?
SHALSHA
Shalsha advises you to tell the whole truth and nothing but the truth. It’s not too late for you. If you apologize now, this can all go away.
Laika shoots to her feet.
LAIKA
I swear on the name of every deity in this world that I have not harmed so much as a hair on Miss Halkara’s head! Huff, huff…
Time passes.
FALFA
…Well, if she’s willing to go that far…
SHALSHA
It’s difficult to believe she could be lying. The true criminal must be someone else.
LAIKA
So you believe me? I’m so glad to hear it.
FALFA
Well, of course! You’ve never lied to Falfa, after all.
SHALSHA
If we judge your case based on whether you’re a liar or not, then the answer is clear. Thus, we declare you innocent.
LAIKA
And I assure you that I’ll continue to live as sincerely and conscientiously as possible to maintain that trust!
FALFA - NARRATION
We knew from the start that Laika was too honest to commit that kind of crime. It was time to call our final suspect into the interrogation chamber. The woman who found the body: Mommy!
SCENE 4
Interrogation of Suspect #3: Mommy.
Falfa and Shalsha call Azusa into their room.
AZUSA
Okay, I’m coming in now! Ooh, you really nailed the look of an interrogation room, huh?
FALFA
Sorry, Mommy, but we can’t let the fact that you’re our mommy and we love you hold back our investigation.
SHALSHA
We can’t allow ourselves to consider extenuating factors.
AZUSA
Is it just me, or is that the sort of thing a judge would say before passing down a verdict…? Well, anyway, I was the first to the crime scene, so I’ll tell you everything I know. I was making medicine with Laika and realized I needed water. I’d just sent Laika for water a little while before, so now it was my turn, and I went to the kitchen to get some. That’s when I heard someone groaning in the dining room. I went over to see what was going on and found Halkara collapsed by the table, with that jar lying on the ground nearby!
FALFA
Noting that down, noting that down! By the way, Mommy, what do you think about the theory that the jar was the weapon? Are you sure that’s right?
SHALSHA
Ah! Shalsha hadn’t considered that there could be a different weapon, but it’s true! The jar could have been a red herring all along! You’re amazing, Sister!
FALFA
Heh-heh! Falfa is a great detective, after all!
AZUSA
Yeah, um, considering the size of the bump on Halkara’s head and the damage to the jar, I think it’s pretty safe to assume it’s what hit her. I checked that when I was healing her.
FALFA
Okay, then I guess we can say the jar was the weapon after all.
SHALSHA
Yes! Shalsha feels like we’re drawing closer to the core of this case. Why did the perpetrator use the jar as their weapon? Nobody knew that Miss Beelzebub would bring it here this morning, and her leaving it on the dining room table was a matter of random luck.
FALFA
So then… Oh! The criminal just happened to see the jar and seized their chance to attack Miss Halkara with it! This…was a crime of opportunity!
AZUSA
Ooh, good sleuthing, you two! You’re sounding like the real deal!
FALFA
We’re not playing make-believe, Mommy!
SHALSHA
We have to find the perpetrator, for the sake of law and order in this household.
AZUSA
Okay, I know. Sorry for teasing you.
SHALSHA
This is just like in The Child Detective of the Sweets Shop, when the protagonist has to work as hard as they can to find the culprit and bring peace back to their town after fifty people mysteriously turn up dead.
AZUSA
What a terrifying town! Everyone who lives there should move! Anyway, have you found any good clues about who might have attacked Halkara?
SHALSHA
Shalsha thinks…the time has come for me to focus.
AZUSA
Huh? Why’d you close your eyes, Shalsha? Are you sleepy? Is it nap time?
FALFA
No, that’s not it, Mommy! Shalsha’s meditating. She closed her eyes to help her focus so she can deduce the truth behind this incident.
AZUSA
Since when has that been one of Shalsha’s abilities?!
SHALSHA
Shalsha’s mind is clear. Shalsha’s mind is clear… Shalsha’s mind is clear… Shalsha is thinking about nothing, nothing at all…
AZUSA
How’s she going to figure out who the criminal is if she’s not thinking…?
FALFA
Mommy, you shouldn’t distract her.
AZUSA
Right… I’ll be quiet…
Sound of a flash of inspiration.
SHALSHA
…Shalsha knows who did it!
AZUSA
What, really? That’s amazing, Shalsha! Your mom’s so proud of you right now!
SHALSHA
The culprit…is you, Mom!
AZUSA
Whaaaaaat?! Me?!
FALFA
You should know it’s bad to hit people, Mommy! You have to say you’re sorry to Miss Halkara later, okay?
AZUSA
But I didn’t do it! And I don’t think attempted murder is something you can smooth over with an apology, either.
SHALSHA
Allow Shalsha to explain the trick that nearly let you get away with it. This may take some time, but please listen until the end.
AZUSA
Okay, then. I’ll listen, and after you’re finished, I’ll make my case and point out any parts that don’t line up. I want to help you two solve the case, but not if it means taking the fall myself!
SHALSHA
When you went to the kitchen to fetch water, you saw Miss Halkara in the dining room. You experienced a sudden moment of rage, hit her with the jar you grabbed from the nearby table, then pretended to find her body and called everyone in to see it. That’s it.
AZUSA
That barely took any time at all! And there wasn’t even a trick! Why would I have a sudden moment of rage anyway? I’ve never snapped for no reason before!
SHALSHA
Humans just snap sometimes.
FALFA
Mm-hmm! You can never be totally sure what they’ll do next. That’s why the people in novels always say stuff like “He was such a nice, quiet person. I can’t believe he’d do something so terrible…”
AZUSA
I really don’t think “You can never be totally sure what they’ll do next” has quite that extreme of a nuance, usually…
SHALSHA
As for what might have set you off, for instance…it could have been Miss Halkara’s chest!
FALFA
Ooh, that makes sense. Mommy does always say that she wishes she had a chest like Miss Halkara’s.
AZUSA
Wait, wait! Th-that’s not… Well, okay, so I might be a little jealous of Halkara’s boobs, sure. And yes, sometimes I wonder what possible biological factors could have caused her to be that big. That’s all true, but I wouldn’t hit her with a jar over it!
SHALSHA
Shalsha still has more evidence. Laika came to the kitchen before you, and she said she didn’t do it. That means the only person left without an alibi who could have committed the crime…is you, Mom!
AZUSA
Whaaat?! Objection! Objection! Laika doesn’t have an alibi, either, does she?!
FALFA
Laika said she would never do something like that, so she’s innocent.
AZUSA
Why do you trust Laika but not me?! This is totally unfair! Here, I’ll do it, too—I’d never, eeever do something like that! And I didn’t! And anyway, the door wasn’t even locked, so anyone could have sneaked inside the house for all we know. Like, I’m not saying Rosalie did it, but she’s a ghost, so she could’ve easily come home quietly, floated the jar into the air, and dropped it on Halkara’s head.
FALFA
Making a ghost the culprit in a mystery is against the rules, Mommy.
SHALSHA
A nonsensical plot twist like that would get your story laughed out of the room.
AZUSA
But I mean, ghosts are real! We live with one, even! And magic’s totally real, too… Anyway, there must be something I can do to make you stop treating me like a criminal… All right, I know just the thing! Your mom has a trick up her sleeve for times like these!
FALFA
Falfa thinks you should just fess up and apologize, Mommy.
SHALSHA
How can you look your daughters in the eye unless you confess your crimes?
AZUSA
I’m literally looking my daughters in the eye right now!
Azusa stands up.
AZUSA
All right, you get to go first, Shalsha. Get ready for a squeeeeze!
Azusa hugs Shalsha.
SHALSHA
Mnh… Are you trying to knock me out with a choke hold, Mom? Are you continuing your crime spree?
AZUSA
No, I’m giving you a hug! And just so you know, if you admit that I’m not the culprit, I’ll keep hugging you for as long as you want!
SHALSHA
Ugh! You drive a hard bargain…
Time passes.
SHALSHA
Mom didn’t do it.
AZUSA
Thanks, Shalsha! I guess my innocence is set in stone now!
FALFA
You can’t let the culprit win you over, Shalsha! A real detective stays strong, even in the face of bribery! Just think—they only eat sweets in The Child Detective of the Sweets Shop after the case is already solved!
SHALSHA
…We ate Miss Beelzebub’s sweets just a little while ago.
FALFA
Ah! You’re right, we did!
AZUSA
Okay, Falfa, your turn! If you admit I’m not the culprit, I’ll give you all the hugs you want!
Falfa dashes over to Azusa.
FALFA
Falfa loves you, Mommy!
AZUSA
Yep, yep! You two are just the cutest! Super-ultra cute!
SHALSHA
But now our investigation’s back to square one.
FALFA
Who could the real culprit be?
There’s a knock on the door.
HALKARA
Falfa, Shalsha, are you in there? I’m all better now, so I thought I’d come tell you what I know!
FALFA
Shalsha!
SHALSHA
Right. Shalsha understands.
FALFA
You’re the victim in this murder case, Miss Halkara, so please—tell us what really happened!
HALKARA
I can do that, of course…but I’m not really a murder victim, you know. I’m alive and well.
FALFA - NARRATION
Falfa and Shalsha decided to listen to the victim’s story. It seemed it was finally time for the truth behind the mystery to be revealed.
SCENE 5
Falfa and Shalsha listen to Halkara’s story in their room.
HALKARA
Boy, that jar sure did fall right on me! I didn’t even know they made jars that hard. I’m pretty sure I saw my late grandma waving to me from a field of flowers for a minute there! But that’s when I realized something was weird, so I told her “Sorry, Grandma, but I’m still alive!” Then she vanished, and the next thing I knew, I was awake again.
SHALSHA
In other words, the jar really was the weapon.
HALKARA
A weapon? That’s going a little far, I think! Though I guess it did nearly finish me off.
FALFA
Finish you off? What do you mean, Miss Halkara? Had you already been attacked when you were hit with the jar?
HALKARA
Well, I was already lying on the ground when it fell off the table and hit me on the head.
FALFA & SHALSHA
Whaaat?!
SHALSHA
So then… Maybe the culprit knocked you down first, then set the jar up to fall on you to make it look like an accident!
FALFA
If that’s what happened, then everyone’s a suspect again!
HALKARA
Oh, no, no, not at all! I’ll explain the whole thing, okay?
The victim’s testimony reveals the truth.
HALKARA
I had today off, so after lunch, I decided to wander into town and do some shopping. While I was out, I found myself in a pub and decided to grab a drink, because why not?
FALFA
That definitely sounds like you, Miss Halkara.
HALKARA
But that’s when the strangest thing happened!
SHALSHA
The strangest thing? Did you encounter some sort of paranormal phenomenon?
HALKARA
I was only going to have one drink at first, but before I knew it, I’d powered my way through six!
FALFA
You have no self-control!
HALKARA
I already tipsy, but I decided to head back to the house in the highlands anyway. You wouldn’t believe how long that walk feels when you’re a little drunk! But, well, I made it back just fine. I was way too tired to make it to my room after I got back, though, which is how I ended up taking a little nap on the dining room floor.
SHALSHA
Shalsha doesn’t think that sounds very hygienic.
HALKARA
Oh, it’s fine! Alcohol’s a disinfectant, after all! Hee-hee—get it? But really, though, I was trying my best to stand up! One of the table’s legs was right next to me, so I tried to use it as a handhold to pull myself up. That must have gotten the table wobbling, though…
FALFA
And that’s what knocked off the jar!
HALKARA
You’ve got it! Something smacked me right in the back of my head, and I was down for the count! Thank goodness my teacher happened to pass through the kitchen and notice me.
FALFA
…Well, I think this mystery is solved, Shalsha.
SHALSHA
It was a long, hard struggle, Sister.
HALKARA
Huh? Why are you two looking at me like that? You’re scaring me!
FALFA
This means, in short…
SHALSHA
The culprit…
FALFA & SHALSHA
…was you, Miss Halkara!
HALKARA
Huh? What do you mean, “the culprit”? I don’t remember doing anything bad today…
SHALSHA
Your crime is lacking the self-control to keep one drink from turning into six.
FALFA
And also making a bunch of trouble for the rest of us!
SHALSHA
You’re under arrest.
Falfa and Shalsha bind Halkara’s hands with rope.
HALKARA
Huh? Wait, what are you doing with that rope, you two? Why are you tying my hands together?
FALFA
Falfa has taken the criminal into custody!
SHALSHA
Take her to the dining room. We’ll make an example of her.
HALKARA
Wait, no, I’m sorry! I’ll confess! It was really eight drinks, not six!
SHALSHA - NARRATION
The criminal was unmasked, and peace returned to the house in the highlands…but there was no telling when another terrible incident would occur and wipe the smiles off our faces. The Great Detectives Falfa and Shalsha would keep fighting to protect the people’s happiness from the forces of evil.
SCENE 6
House in the highlands - living room.
AZUSA
Hmm… So let me get this straight: The reason you fell over is because you drank too much again, right?
HALKARA
Yes, Madam Teacher… I’m terribly sorry for causing you and everyone else so much trouble… This was all my fault, and I’m ashamed of myself…
AZUSA
Well, you apologized and everything, so I think we can call all this water under the bridge.
FALFA
That’s right! Hate the crime but love the criminal!
SHALSHA
Incidents like this are scary because we don’t know how they happened. Once we find out the truth, they’re usually pretty stupid.
LAIKA
I have to agree that this was a disappointingly banal explanation.
BEELZEBUB
I never thought the jar I brought as a souvenir would get used like this… Though perhaps used isn’t the right word here.
HALKARA
That jar was so much harder than I thought it would be…
BEELZEBUB
Hmm. Perhaps it would make a surprisingly suitable weapon.
AZUSA
I don’t think I like the idea of decorating my house with potential weapons… But anyway, I think we can all agree this case is closed! How about all of us get together for a nice dinner tonight? We have lots of drinks—with and without alcohol—and Rosalie should be back from Nascúte by this evening, so she’ll be able to join us.
FALFA
Yaaay!
SHALSHA
Shalsha likes this idea.
HALKARA
It’s drinkin’ time!
AZUSA
You’ve already had enough today, Halkara, so none for you.
HALKARA
B-but nooo… I can hold a few more drinks, really! I promise!
LAIKA
Miss Halkara… I would appreciate it if you would at least make a token effort to resist temptation.
AZUSA
Oh, and they always have sweets after they solve a case in The Child Detective of the Sweets Shop, right? So I was thinking we could go down into Flatta and pick some sweets up for ourselves!
FALFA
Hooraaay! Falfa loves you, Mommy!
SHALSHA
People need rewards as encouragement. Shalsha is very grateful.
BEELZEBUB
Well, in that case, I shall have to bring an even more massive assortment of sweets with me the next time I visit!
AZUSA
Better that than another creepy jar anyway…
BEELZEBUB
Hmm? Speaking of which, the Jar of Grief that hit Halkara is slightly dented, isn’t it…?
AZUSA
Oh no. I hope that thing wasn’t really expensive. Then I’d feel bad about it getting damaged.
BEELZEBUB
Nay, ’tis not an issue of expense…
LAIKA
Then is there some other reason why it being damaged is a problem?
BEELZEBUB
You see, a Jar of Grief…is said to curse those who do it harm.
HALKARA
Huh? Wait… You don’t mean…?
A deeply cursed aura manifests.
HALKARA
Um, excuse me, everyone? Why are you looking at me like that…? Oh, come on, I’m fine, see? Just look at me! I don’t look cursed at all, do I? …Ugh! My chest! My chest, it hurts!
LAIKA
Her face is turning blue! Wait, no—purple!
HALKARA
Aaaugh! My chest! My cheeest!
BEELZEBUB
It’s the curse! It’s taken hold of her!
AZUSA
First off, never bring us anything cursed as a souvenir again! Ugh, I’ve gotta dispel this right away…
HALKARA
My chest is being compressed… It’s like some invisible force is squeezing it…!
AZUSA
Oh, your chest is getting compressed, huh? Maybe we should let the curse do its thing after all.
HALKARA
What is that supposed to mean, Madam Teacher?! Do something about this, please!
LAIKA
Perhaps since the jar was dented, its curse is attempting to dent Miss Halkara’s chest in the same manner? An eye for an eye, as they say. It’s only fair.
HALKARA
No it isn’t! Help me, please!
Time passes.
FALFA
Hey, Shalsha?
SHALSHA
What is it, Sister?
FALFA
Falfa thinks detectives might be pointless in a world with real curses.
SHALSHA
Nothing is certain in this world. A phrase taught by a certain sect comes to mind: “All worldly things are impermanent, and all with form is emptiness.”
AZUSA
Oh? Are the two of you done playing detective, then?
SHALSHA
Powerless though we may be, we can at least clasp our hands in supplication. Let us offer up our prayers for Miss Halkara’s sake.
FALFA
Falfa agrees. Get better soon, Miss Halkara! Get better soon! Pain, pain, go away!
HALKARA
Um, prayers are nice and all…but if possible, I’d really like you to use some anti-curse magic on me, too, Madam Teacher!
The End
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