CHAPTER 3
Our Barbaric Neighbors
1
A week after the crazy woman was arrested for the second time, the agents sent to scout Toris a second time returned.
“Well, you gave us all sorts of crap for the last report, so we used a relatively large amount of Evil Points and gathered lots of useful information with high-precision optical telescopes. Here, take a look at this.”
We are all gathered in the conference room as the scout team, looking pretty disheveled, plops a thick-bound sheaf of reports down on the table.
Alice flips through it before opening her mouth to comment.
“‘As a country rich in water crystals, Toris uses its plentiful water supply to create a large number of leisure facilities such as public pools and giant bathhouses. Perhaps because the primary mode of transportation in the city is boats along its many canals, people prefer to dress in light, thin clothing just in case they fall into the canals. Because the massive deposits of water crystals underground occasionally erupt in geysers, the people of Toris are often showered by these geysers…’…So when do you actually get to the useful information?”
“That was all useful information! Especially the part about Toris citizens wearing skimpy clothing and getting wet!”
Alice tilts her head quizzically as the agent smacks the table for emphasis.
“…So are you saying that we should sell swimsuits in Toris? I mean, sure, clothes that dry quickly, plastic umbrellas and raincoats, and hair dryers would probably sell well, but I reiterate: Is this really useful information?”
Alice has her head tilted in confusion, but she is totally missing the point.
“I see, so there’re tons of women wandering around with wet T-shirts in Toris!”
At my comment, the other Combat Agents perk up.
“They really did bring home useful information! Hey! I’m going on the next scouting mission!”
“Screw you! I wanna go, too!”
“Leave infiltration missions up to me. I’ll draw up a superaccurate map of Toris.”
My selfish colleagues get into a shouting match and begin physically fighting over who will go next. I join the fray, too. Obviously. Sick of watching us fight, Alice speaks up.
“If we conquer Toris, you’ll be able to see those women in wet T-shirts every day, you meatheads.”
Well, well. It seems my partner really is as high-spec as she claims to be.
“So you are a genius after all! Now use those smarts to figure out how to conquer Toris. Let me preface that by saying it has to be an operation with zero Combat Agent casualties.”
I ruffle Alice’s hair. Rather than putting up a fuss, she simply nods.
“Leave it to me. I’ve already got a plan written up. In war, numbers are everything. So I’m going to clone you lot and send in those clones to—”
“Why do you always come up with these morally questionable schemes?! No bioweapons! No nukes! No clones! Every life is precious! C’mon, isn’t there something more along the lines where we get to slack off but still enjoy the fruits of the conquest?”
As we all reel back in revulsion at the ruthless android’s proposal, Alice shrugs and replies:
“If such a thing existed, we’d already be done conquering Earth. The easiest shortcut is to continue developing Hideout City. We may have gotten some land pretty quickly on this rock, but Hideout City is our only real accomplishment so far. Now’s the time to secure our gains, build up our strength, and make this place a true safe-ops center.”
The Combat Agents, myself included, let loose with a stream of jeers and boos as we have the delicious treat yanked away from us and replaced by boring routine work.
“Fine, whatever. We’ll set aside developing the city and proceed with invading Toris. But you’ll need to tell Viper that we won’t be able to fulfill our promise of securing living space for the demons until we finish our invasion. Tell her that we’re sorry but she’ll have to wait a little longer…”
“Don’t use Ms. Viper to guilt trip us! Fine! We’ll work on development!”
“How awful! Ms. Viper’s been working her ass off because she wants to repay Kisaragi for saving the demons!”
“She wakes up earlier than everyone and stays up working later than everyone else. And not only does she do so without complaint, she even puts on a smile every day. We can’t possibly tell her that…”
Seems like these guys can’t stand the thought of upsetting Viper, even though they’re cannon fodder for an evil organization.
Obviously, I can’t break that news to her, either.
The android that’s extremely good at manipulating people, noting that we’ve calmed down, makes her pronouncement.
“Then we’ll stick to our policy of working on the governing. Also, the useless scouting party needs to head back to Toris and get some useful information this time… Dismissed!”
“Dammit, scouting missions are dangerous! Fine! We’ll definitely bring back important intel this time!”
We start filing toward the exit after the scouting party leaves in a huff, but it’s then that Alice says, “Oh, right, I need the rest of you to come help me with something.”
She says it casually, as though asking us to run a simple errand.
Combat Agent shouts ring out across the giant lake in the woods.
“Ahhhhhhhhh! New enemies incomiiiing!”
“More enemy life-forms detected!”
“Something’s growing out of the ground! Watch your legs!”
“Detecting several dryad types, orc types, gorilla types, and several new species! We can’t hold this! Retreat!”
The Combat Agents who accompanied Alice are fighting the endlessly spawning monsters in the forest.
A short distance away from the hellish battle scene—
“B-Boss! There’s way too many of ’em! Even with everyone in Hideout City, we won’t be able to eat ’em all!”
“Gah, we’re not here to secure food, you idiot! Just leave the monsters where they fall!”
As Rose’s voices concerns that are completely off base, I shout at the top of my lungs in Alice’s direction, “How much longer is setting up the tow cable going to take, Alice?! We can’t hold out much longer!”
At the center of the lake, Alice is currently connecting a tow cable from the Destroyer to the wreckage of the giant robot.
Having surveyed the wreckage the other day with Rose, Alice declared that she was going to salvage it.
Since the giant lake is deep in the woods, we can’t take any heavy equipment with us, so we had to drag out the still-recharging Destroyer, but—
“We can’t just leave them here! The laws of nature demand we eat the enemies we defeat!”
“Hey! Leave the feral orcs alone! No orc meat allowed in Hideout City!”
Rose, who has been dragging a supopocchi by the tail while hauling a feral orc on her back, suddenly throws her body to the ground.
Something thrown in Rose’s direction slams into the orc’s head…!
“Boss, there’s someone else here! The Bashin tribe’s showed up!”
“Eeeeeep! That orc’s head looks like something out of a splatter flick! Throw the damn thing away!”
I can’t help but let out a scream on seeing the gory remains of the orc on Rose’s back. Just then, the low bass of a heavy engine rumbles through the area.
None of us turn to face the source of the engine noise, something every Kisaragi employee finds to be a comforting sound. Instead, we look in the direction the ax came from.
“The Bashin tribe are civilized. If you’re polite to them, they won’t attack us! Smile! Smile at them!”
With that, I turn and smile at the bushes only to be greeted by an ax thrown in my direction.
“What do you mean ‘civilized’? They’re totally ready to kill us! Actually, in my case, I sometimes enter the woods looking for food, and usually there’s a high chance I get attacked by the Bashin tribe. They’re an evil tribe!”
“B-but we’ve been able to come to an understanding with the Bashins of late! Vi would interpret their spirit language, and…”
It is just then that I remember.
Oh, right, they—!
“The supopocchi! Rose, leave the supopocchi! That’s their main source of food, so if you leave the supopocchi alone, the Bashin won’t attack us!”
“I can’t follow that order, Boss! A Kisaragi Combat Agent letting someone else take their prey?! You should be ashamed of yourself for that suggestion!”
Why the hell are you picking now of all times to show some Kisaragi spirit?! That’s totally out of character for you!
When I look around for covering fire, my useless colleagues have already started retreating upon hearing the Destroyer’s activation noise.
Rose moves to guard the enormous pile of monster corpses behind her, then spreads her arms and tries to intimidate the enemy bushes.
“Raaaaaaaaaaawr!”
Rose’s attempt at intimidation looks like a child doing her best to scare away a wild animal, but I guess something about her stance is keeping the opponent in the bushes on their guard, and there’s no sign of them leaving.
…No, after a rustling noise, a small Bashin tribeswoman hiding her face behind something that looks like a hockey mask steps out of the bushes with an ax in one hand.
The tribeswoman who stands in front of Rose is dressed like a Neanderthal. She is wearing various animal skins and has strange patterns tattooed on her arms and legs.
The lone tribeswoman—based on her long, dark-brown hair and figure—appears to be a girl in her teens.
“So you’ve come, Ms. Bashin! Why do you always try to take my prey?!”
“Pretty sure it’s you that’s been coming and intruding on their hunting grounds.”
Based on Rose’s remarks, it sounds like she knows this young Bashin tribeswoman.
“When I enter the woods, this girl usually shows up. So far, we’re tied for wins and losses. But I don’t feel like I’m going to lose today!”
“…It sounds like you and Little Bashin are rivals. Why the hell are you forging weird relationships with people when I’m not around?”
I can’t see her face, but it looks like she’s about the same age as Rose.
…Just then, I don’t know what occurs to her, but the girl put down her ax and then tauntingly quirks her index finger at Rose.
I can’t understand what she’s saying, but it’s clear what she’s trying to communicate. She’s challenging Rose to a fight.
Rose sets down the orc on her back, balls her hands into fists, and drops into a stance.
“I don’t really get what’s going on, but I won’t lose today, especially with you here, Boss!”
“Huh…?! Two against one? Are you sure you’re okay with that…?”
“…?!—Ah!”
Apparently she understands what Rose is saying, and the girl appears to be raising an objection despite not being able to raise her voice.
And seeing that I also dropped into a fighting stance, the girl looks around worriedly and trembles.
“It’d be one thing if this was a duel, but this is a fight for survival to secure my dinner! Fighting two on one may not be fair, but might makes right! So let’s end this today!”
“Man, your morals fly right out the window when food gets involved, don’t they? …But fine. I guess we’re employees of an evil organization, after all.”
Seeing that I was intent on joining the fight, the girl then smacks her mask with both hands.
Seems she’s steeled herself for the fight, and she picks up the ax she’d set on the ground, drops into a stance, and—
—cowers as the Destroyer’s front leg lands right next to her.
Then comes Alice’s voice from inside the Destroyer, amplified by the loudspeaker.
“Stop playing around, you idiots… Begone, savage!”
“…Tch! ……Tch, tch!!”
As the leg waves around to shoo her away, the girl lets out a silent shout and flees—
It seems she was the only member of the Bashin tribe in the area.
There is no sign of axes flying in our direction after Alice chases them off, and Rose insists loudly that she’s going to take all the monsters home. So we tie the monster corpses to the Destroyer and somehow manage to get them back to the city.
And when we arrive back at Hideout City, there is a woman who looks starry-eyed at the giant robot towed by the Destroyer… No, at the giant pile of monster bodies tied to its steel frame.
“There’s so many monsters that’ll make good money! Alice, leave dealing with those to me! I’ll use my connections, the strength of Kisaragi, and my authority as a former knight commander to get a good price from the merchants!”
Snow, who has started calling herself the ‘Governor’ and ‘Deputy Lord of the City,’ starts appraising the value of the dead monsters.
“No can do, Ms. Snow. I’m going to eat all these monsters!”
“Don’t be ridiculous. There’s no way you could eat all those monsters. The innards can be used for medicine, while the skins and bones can be sold at a respectable price. If we had all that money, we could use it to help develop the city… H-hey! Doing that won’t change anything, Rose! Stop gnawing on me!”
As Rose fights like a wild animal to avoid losing her prey, there is a group gathering to have a look at the wreckage of the giant robot that has been dragged here by the Destroyer.
It is about one size-class smaller than the Destroyer and slightly resembles the Sand King.
There’s algae growing on various parts of its body, perhaps because it has been submerged in the lake for so long.
If it was created to fight the Sand King, why was it at the bottom of a lake instead of in the ground?
The planet’s mysteries just keep getting weirder.
“All right, your name’s Mr. Mogero. I’m going to fix you and make you look all new!”
Alice cheerfully pats the robot mole’s armor and gives it a name.
I guess she feels a certain kinship with it because it’s a robot, even if it’s from a different planet.
“Well, you can fix it if you want, since you’re the one who picked it up. But make sure you care for it, so it doesn’t go on a rampage or anything… I mean, I’m sure it’ll be pretty hard to repair a completely alien robot in the first place…”
After all, a different world means different culture and technology.
We’d have to take the robot apart with large-scale crane equipment, figure out what’s broken, look for parts that seem compatible and adjust them to fit, and then do test runs… It’s a long, long process that’s already giving me a headache.
I shrug at Alice, who is full of childlike wonder now that the giant robot is finally in front of her…
“The hell are you talking about? Given that you’re not doing anything in Hideout City, you’re gonna help fix Mr. Mogero, Six.”
“Wha…?”
No Comments Yet
Post a new comment
Register or Login