Combatants Will Be Dispatched - Volume 5 - Chapter 1.2

2 

That night. 

“Barkeep! I’ll have one of everything on the menu!” 

“Not so fast, Lady Whitemane! Just because I’m paying doesn’t mean it’s all-you-can-eat!” 

“You’re one to talk! You always order the most expensive drinks on my tab!” 

In the bar where we first had drinks with Snow shortly after landing on this rock, Alice and the rest of my squad have joined me for a rare happy hour. 

I take a long swig from a mug of beer as Grimm grabs and shakes me by the shoulder. Rose raises a fist while munching on some bar snacks. 

“Don’t worry, Boss. There won’t be anything left as long as I’m here!” 

“I’m not worried about that. I’m worried about the contents of my wallet. With a group this large, it’s gonna be hard to sneak out.” 

“Commander, I’m begging you not to dine and dash! This is one of my regular bars!” 

Grimm punctuates this by banging her hands on the table, and Alice says something faintly nostalgic as she watches us. 

“I heard humans are supposed to mature as they grow older, but you all never change.” 

“In other words, you’re saying we’re forever young. I can take that as a compliment, right?” 

Uh, probably not. 

Just then, Rose, who’s been snacking away, straightens her back as though she’s come to a decision. 

“…Boss, Ms. Alice, I have something to tell you.” 

“Hmm? You want our snacks, too? Sigh. Fine, knock yourself out.” 

“I can’t eat, so you can have mine, too. Here ya go.” 

“No, that’s not it! I mean, I’ll still take them, but…!” 

While moving the snack plates to her corner of the table, Rose hardens her expression as she continues: 

“I’ve officially resigned from the Grace Kingdom army. From now on, I’ll do my best as a Kisaragi Combat Agent! Thanks for giving me this opportunity!” 

“Whaa—?!” 

Snow yelps in surprise as Grimm smiles happily. 

“I still have some duties to hand over as a high-ranking member of my order, but my resignation will be effective as of next month, too. You’re short on hands, right? I’m sure an Archbishop of Zenarith will be very useful to have around.” 

“Grimm, not you too!” 

Snow reels in shock while Alice and I exchange whispers… 

“Um, Alice, I know we’ve been pushing Rose as a mutant candidate, but what do we do about Grimm?” 

“Let’s be honest. Is there really any demand for a wheelchair-bound Combat Agent? She’ll have pretty significant terrain restrictions, so we should probably just station her in this country for the most part and then wheel her out when she’s needed…” 

“I can hear you, you know! Hold on a moment. I showed you how useful I can be during the Undead Festival, didn’t I?! Sure, I’m usually pretty useless, but I’m an asset when it counts! B-besides…!” 

Grimm gives me a meaningful glance. 

“Besides, isn’t a girl with a few flaws a little cuter than some perfect woman?” 

“You’re sounding like Snow now.” 

Grimm freezes at my remark, and Snow rubs her temples at the idea of the two of them quitting. 

Rose lets out a bashful chuckle and paws at the back of her head. 

“Even as a Recruit, I’ll be working for Kisaragi from now on, so I thought I needed to clarify where I stand. Which is why I made sure to tell Princess Tillis.” 

“F-for my part, I couldn’t just leave Rose on her own, you know! And also you, Commander! You’re weirdly vulnerable at times! You have no problem with me joining, right? Because I’ll be unemployed otherwise! I already handed in my resignation for next month!” 

Grimm seems more than a little clingy while saying this, but I suppose it’s her way of looking out for Rose. 

“…Well, I suppose we can do that. I mean, you’ve got that weird mystery power that makes you useful at times. Besides, we don’t have a mutant zombie-woman yet. I’m also not gonna complain about having another female subordinate.” 

“Welcome to the team, then, Mutant Zombie-Woman! Since I’m your superior now, you better show me respect! Make sure you call me Ms. Alice.” 

“Don’t call me that! I’ll curse you!” 

With the addition of Mutant Zombie-Woman settled, we’re about to do another round of toasts when… 

…Snow slams her empty mug onto the table and glares at us. 

“…Hrmph! Just this once, I’ll ignore the fact that you headhunted Rose and Grimm from our country. I hate to say it, but they were treated like garbage before you arrived. I don’t have any right to stand in the way of their happiness when they’re this excited. HOWEVER—!” 

“Depending on what you say next, you might be paying your own tab.” 

Snow’s momentum comes to a screeching halt. 

“…H-however…I won’t be so easily pulled away from my duty! I may be easily bribed, but my loyalty to this kingdom is…” 

Her words trickle out, and Alice and I exchange glances. 

“Even I know it’d be a bad idea to try to recruit a loyal knight.” 

“We can just leave Snow where she is. She can look after the kingdom and come do side gigs for us when we need her.” 

“Hwaaah?!” 

Snow’s weird utterance confirms we caught her completely off guard. 

“I mean, thinking about it, I guess I’m also employed by the kingdom. Since things are gonna get pretty busy on the Kisaragi side, should I also have a chat with Tillis?” 

“In your case, your employment is part of maintaining relations with this country. I don’t think it’s a problem for you to keep pulling double salary from Kisaragi and the local regime. So there ya have it, Snow. We’re not gonna force you to join us; you can relax.” 

Hearing that, Rose excitedly tugs on Alice’s sleeve. 

“Ms. Alice, Ms. Alice, I recall being aggressively coerced into becoming a Combat Agent Recruit…” 

“Hey, here comes the food we ordered. I don’t eat, so you can go ahead and have my share.” 

“Yay! Thank you!” 

As Rose is drawn away from her memory by the sight of food, Snow starts rapidly laying out her case. 

“Y-you really aren’t going to try to recruit me?! I mean, I’m still a former member of the Royal Guard, if nothing else. Hell, I was the captain! I’ve got leadership skills and plenty of fighting ability. Are you sure you want to give up on me so quickly?” 

For some reason, Snow seems to be in a slight panic. 

“We’ve got plenty of guys who can fight. Hey, Rose, gimme some of whatever that is… Is it some sort of stewed lizard?” 

“This is stewed mupyokopyoko. It has this delicious pop flavor.” 

What sort of flavor is “pop” exactly? It doesn’t explode, does it? 

“Y-you’re okay with this, then?! My network of informants is quite impressive! You’ll regret letting me go!” 

“I keep telling you we don’t need you! We’ve got Alice, and I’m pretty sure she’s much better at gathering intel than you are. I mean, she’s hooked up to a satellite, for crying out loud. All the knowledge of this world is laid bare before her!” 

As I taunt her, Snow’s brow twitches violently… 

“Yo, Six, with Lady Lilith gone, we don’t have access to the military satellites anymore.” 

Alice mentions that supremely valuable fact as though we’re just swapping gossip. 

“Huh? Why?! Isn’t the satellite still in orbit? Why can’t we use it anymore?” 

“No clue. Last picture it took showed something like a floating island. Since we didn’t see anything like that when we arrived, it might’ve been hidden with optical camo.” 

A mysterious floating island that shoots down satellites in space… 

“Oh, so it seems you can’t use Alice’s secret weapon after all! Well then, I wouldn’t be opposed to lending you my network in exchange for a not-so-modest fee, and perhaps a little groveling? Bwa-ha-ha-ha-ha!” 

Snow wraps her arm around my shoulder, more smug than she has any right to be. 

“What the hell is up with this planet anyway? It’s full of screwball creatures like giant sparrows and giant moles! And the people are just as weird!” 

“Six, you better not be including me among those weird people! Just admit it already! You need my abilities! Go on, say it! You want me!” 

What the hell? Snow’s being way more of a pain in my ass than usual. 

“You’ve gotta be—Did you seriously chug your drink even though you’re a lightweight?! Grimm, she’s cut off!” 

Despite her usual stubbornness and arrogance, Snow’s as bad at holding her liquor as anyone else her age. 

When we were running our scam hostess club, we even had to prepare nonalcoholic drinks just for her… 

“I’m not a lightweight! Look, my mug’s empty! I can drink as much as I want!” 

“Well said, Snow! You can drink with the best of them! What a woman! Now drink this next.” 

“I said, she’s cut off! She lives at the hideout right now! You know who has to drag her back, right?!” 

“Boff! If you’re nah eafing thif meat, can I haf if?” 

Snow turns beet-red from the alcohol while desperately trying to convince us that she’s not three sheets to the wind. Grimm, wildly amused by the spectacle, funnels her more drinks. Rose just chows down without a care in a world. It’s all so familiar to another night in recent memory. 

“You better be able to walk home! Otherwise, I’m just gonna toss you into a cheap inn and leave you there!” 

“You’re going to push me down in a cheap inn? You hear that, Grimm? He plans to have his way with me! Ah-ha! So that’s why you’re trying to get me drunk! Pervert!” 

“I said I’m leaving you there! And you only have yourself to blame for your drunkenness! And stop acting like I’d just throw myself at any woman I saw!” 

As we get into a shoving match, Grimm laughs and downs her drink while Rose starts cheering us on to keep fighting. 

Alice then chimes in with amused exasperation. 

“You guys really don’t change…” 

“Um, excuse me, I know you’re valued customers, but could you please knock it off already…?” says a nearby server.