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“Hey, you there! We’ve got boobies here! Big boobies! Whaddaya think? We’re doin’ a four-for-one boob deal if you act now!”
“Huh? Wh-what are you talking about?”
This is the city’s hospitality district. Using money borrowed from Alice, we’ve rented a small space for the festival.
“C’mon, bro, you know what I’m talkin’ about! Boobies, of course! They’re soft, warm, and make you happy just by lookin’ at ’em! Everyone loves boobies!”
“Everyone loves…”
“Boobies, yes.”
There aren’t any hostess clubs in this town. There are more direct forms of prostitution like brothels, but perhaps there just isn’t much demand for bars where men can drink surrounded by beautiful women. After all, this country has way more women than men.
I smile at the customer, rubbing my hands together.
“For just five silver pieces an hour, you can spend time with some pretty young women. How about it? Refresh yourself with tasty booze and bountiful boobies.”
“I’m in.”
Seems this guy doesn’t have much resistance to this sort of thing, as he accepts the invitation quite readily.
I show him inside before he changes his mind.
“You’re in luck today! Right now, our number one hostess, Miss Snow, is available! Customer incoming!”
In the dimly lit interior, Snow awaits him on a sofa, wearing a dress that really shows off the goods.
“Welcome! I’m this club’s number one hostess, Snow. Why don’t we start things off with some drinks?”
“H-huh? D-drinks? Sure, do what you want…”
“Oh my, thank you very much! Boss, an order for drinks!”
The Number One asks for drinks without so much as an explanation of how customers are charged.
The man sits next to the Number One without the faintest notion of what sort of establishment this is. Then, without giving him any time to think, the club’s Number Two brings a bottle and some glasses over and places them on the table.
“I brought the drinks. Here ya go.”
Number Two is Alice, wearing a dress that shows off her shoulders.
Obviously, since this club’s only got two hostesses, she ends up being the Number Two by default.
“Apologies, sir. Alice’s mouthiness is part of her charm. Now drink up. Since you’re the only customer, we’ll go ahead and give you a deal and have two girls entertain you.”
“O-oh, thanks… But didn’t you say earlier there’d be four boobs? There are only two boobs in this club, as far as I can see…”
The man appears to remember what I told him up front.
He takes a long look at Snow’s chest, then glances toward Alice, looking less than satisfied.
“Eh? What is it? You trying to start a fight with Kisaragi? This is the optimal size for high-spec functionality. You got it?”
“I’m not trying to tell you anything. Also, I don’t understand what you’re saying.”
As Alice squabbles with him, Snow wastes no time and pours the man a drink.
“There you are, sir. Please have a drink.”
Having already serviced two prior customers, Snow seems to have gotten a handle on how to deal with our current guest. Meanwhile, Alice continues to entertain the man with an attitude that veers between threatening and encouraging.
The man continues to cast glances at Snow’s chest, but he doesn’t appear to have the courage to get handsy, instead making small talk as they encourage him to buy more drinks.
After an hour quickly passes by, I sidle up to the table as planned.
“Enjoying your time here, sir? Your hour is almost up. Would you like an extension?”
“Huh? It’s already been an hour? Well, five silvers for this much booze is a steal! All right, I’ll take another hour or so…” The man laughs cheerfully, taking out the silver coins.
“Oh, don’t be silly, sir. The five silver pieces are just to cover your drinks. Miss Snow’s drinks, the hostess fees for two girls, and the potato chips add up to twenty gold pieces…”
“Whoa! I don’t have that much money! Hey, that wasn’t the deal!” The man starts to panic.
Festivals are a scam city.
That’s right; we’re taking advantage of the festival to run a rip-off hostess club to earn both Evil Points and invasion funds. Having lost our ability to earn points using Tillis’s bedroom, we’ve had to find an alternate source to get by.
“You know, I did give Miss Snow permission to get one drink at first, but the rest were things she ordered on her own…”
“Is that true, Miss Snow?”
“I dunno.”
As Snow plays up the part of a bimbo, the man’s face contorts with fear.
“Hmph! Miss Snow says she doesn’t know! Also, you sexually harassed Miss Alice for being flat! We’ll be charging you recompense for that, too!”
<Evil Points Acquired>
“Mm-hmm, that really traumatized me. I’ll settle for ten gold pieces.”
<Evil Points Acquired>
“But she’s just a kid! She’s clearly got no boobs!”
<Evil Points Acquired>
As the man tries to put up some resistance, Alice and I stand up.
“Well, that’s a problem, sir. If you have no money, we’ll need to have you show us to your home.”
<Evil Points Acquired>
“I’ve got a pretty good eye for things. I’ll start by appraising your belongings.”
<Evil Points—>
“That’s enough, announcer!”
As I bitch at my internal announcements, the man finally loses it.
“Screw you! I can’t believe you’re running a scam like this! If I’m gonna pay that much money, I’m gonna grope Miss Snow’s boobs!”
“Wh-what?! Don’t be ridiculous! Have you lost your mind? Hey, Six, Alice, stop him! I’m not going to let him touch me for so little!”
Feeling he’s got nothing left to lose, the man pounces on Snow to get his money’s worth, but there’s no way a knight like Snow would lose to a civilian.
Yet, lust proves itself a powerful motivator. Now grappling with Snow, the man is actually holding his own against her.
“Good work, Snow! Let’s make this a fait accompli!”
“Yep, once that happens, we can get our share even if it goes to court. Well done, Number One. You’re in rare form today.”
“Stop commenting and stop him! …Grrr, this man’s putting up stiff resistance for a commoner…!”
As the nondescript man puts up a good fight, the door suddenly bursts open.
“Freeze! City guard! We’ve received reports that you’re running an illegal business here…”
Before the guards who burst in can finish, Alice and I break for the back door.
“W-wait, at least let me recover the money…” Snow hurriedly swats the man she’s grappling with aside and grabs the club’s money.
“They’re making a break for it! Circle around to the back!”
“Wait, there’s still one straggler! She’s trying to grab the club’s money! Deal with her first!”
As Alice and I bolt out the back door, shouting can be heard coming from inside.
“There, we’ve captured the greedy one! We’ll interrogate this one and get the details!”
“Y-you lot, do you know who you’re dealing with?! State your unit, titles, and names! I’m the former knight captain of the Royal Guard, and…!”
“Stop resisting! Don’t try to hide the money in your dress! Let go!”
With Snow staying back and buying us time, we make our way from that spot—
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