Combatants Will Be Dispatched - Volume 3 - Chapter 3.2

2 

Grimm leads us to a fancy little spot that I’d never go into by myself. 

In a space lit with gentle blue-white lighting, the patrons sip from colorful cocktails. 

“As I was saying, Commander. I’m a friend and ally to the undead. But they refused to listen to me. As though someone else was controlling them…” 

“Bartender, can I get another one of those pink drinks? Also, could I get something substantial to snack on?” 

I put in some additional orders as Grimm swirls her cocktail glass with an expression of concern. 

There’s a high percentage of women among the patrons, and I can’t resist glancing this way and that. 

I gulp down the pink cocktail that’s set down in front of me, then stuff something resembling a scone into my mouth. 

I wonder how many Evil Points I’d earn if I got drunk enough to strip naked in the middle of the room. 

“…This is a pretty serious problem with the Undead Festival right around the corner. Call it an archbishop’s intuition, but I think something bad is going to happen at the festival.” 

“Bartender, another one of the pink ones. Also, something a little stronger. One of those brown drinks suited for an interesting man like myself.” 

It’s not like I can drink a whole lot, but the enhancement to my ability to process poisons means I sober up quickly. Given that Grimm’s paying, I decide to give that brown stuff a try. 

“…C-Commander? Don’t order too much, okay? My wallet’s a little thin this time of the month and… Are you listening to a word I’m saying?” 

“I’m listening, I’m listening. Snow got so desperate for cash that she made a mold of her breasts, and now she’s selling the pudding she made with it, right?” 

“Where did that come from? Also, make sure you don’t mention that to Snow. She might be desperate enough to try it!” 

It isn’t my best moneymaking scheme, but I bet it’d sell well with morons. 

Maybe I will propose it to Snow next time I see her. 

“Bartender, can you send that really pretty lady a cocktail? Tell her it’s from this customer here.” 

“Do you mind doing that with your own money instead of mine? Also, don’t hit on someone when you’ve got a good woman like me sitting right next to you!” 

The brown stuff smells really strong, enough to give me pause. While I hesitate, Grimm grabs me by the shoulders and shakes me. 

“All right, fine. Grimm, this one’s on me. Give it a try.” 

“Don’t order it if you can’t drink it! Commander, listen seriously, will you? The reason they keep me employed in this kingdom is to run the Undead Festival. That’s what’s paying for these drinks!” Grimm pleads desperately. 

“Calm down a little. We’re an evil organization. Trouble is our business. Our standard MO is to get involved with a problem, claim damages, and make money out of it. Also, leave the festival to us. Festivals mean stalls. Stalls means Kisaragi. From administration to protection money, we’ve got a perfect manual for this sort of thing.” 

“Wait, I don’t remember joining any evil organization… Also, the Undead Festival—it’s a holy event. It’s not a moneymaking scheme,” Grimm says with a look of concern. 

Meanwhile, the woman at the end of the bar who got my cocktail from the bartender starts glancing in my direction. 

It looks like he did the whole It’s from the customer over there thing, as requested. 

The bartender whispers something to the lady… 

…who then stares intently at Grimm, her cheeks flushing red. 

“…Commander, that woman’s looking at me for some reason…” 

I ask the returning bartender what exactly he said. 

“As it appears your companion is paying, I handed her the cocktail and said, ‘It’s from the young woman over there’…,” he replies. 

“What?! It feels like she’s staring at me rather intently. I hope she’s joking… Wait, she’s coming this way!” 

Draining my cocktail, I turn to Grimm, who’s starting to panic. 

“Thanks for an interesting evening, in more ways than one.” 

“Why are you trying to leave on your own?! Commander, wait! Don’t leave me here!” 

Leaving Grimm behind and making my way back to the hideout, I run into a coworker preparing to head out despite the late hour. 

The coworker in question is Agent Ten. 

He’s the second-longest-serving Combat Agent on this planet after me, and the others hold him in high regard for a variety of reasons. 

Agent Ten double-checks his equipment with a serious expression on his face, and a single glance confirms to me he’s on the same quest as I am. 

Careful not to wake the others, Ten and I nod to each other in silence. 

Tonight’s a rare overcast evening on this planet. 

Perfect weather for getting work done— 

“Six to Ten. Two guards up ahead—caution recommended. Stakes are positioned on the outer castle wall. They’re tricky to use on a clear night but should be an ideal route given the cloud cover tonight. Over.” 

“Ten to Six. I’ve dug an infiltration tunnel beneath the outer wall. Will use stake route tonight, but feel free to use the tunnel on a clear night. Over.” 

Ten and I exchange useful information over our infiltration headsets—a must-have item for mass stealth missions. 

Given we’re within three feet of each other, we don’t really need to use them, but it helps set the mood for the mission. 

Approaching my usual stakes at a crawl, I glance around and signal the all clear. 

Placing my hands on the stakes in the wall, I feel a push at my feet and a sudden reduction in my weight. I don’t need to look to know there’s someone behind me. 

Ten has wordlessly approached and lifted me to make it easier to climb the wall. 

I feel reassured just by having the presence of a skilled comrade who works well with me on a mission like this. 

I grasp the top stake with my right hand, lift my body, and hold out my left hand. 

Ten grabs my hand, and together we clamber the rest of the way over the wall. 

As Ten and I enter the courtyard, I reach into my jacket and retrieve the bottle as usual. 

The contents are running a little low, so I need to ask Tiger Man for a refill. Honestly, I’d prefer not to since he gives me odd looks when I ask, but… 

Ten wags his finger at me, as though to tell me to hold off on using the bottle, and instead shows off a wrapped paper package with a triumphant look. 

Along with the package, he takes out some sort of meat, and based on its coloration, I can tell it’s one of my favorites: mokemoke meat. 

As he rubs the contents of the paper package on the meat, I realize he plans to use a sedative. 

He’s planning to combine a luxury food item like mokemoke meat with fast-acting sedatives that cost a ton of Evil Points. 

“Whooo.” 

“Heh, oh stop…” 

I tease Ten and his high-rolling tactics with a low whistle, and he responds with a faint smirk. 

After a moment, Ten hurls the mokemoke meat in the direction from which the dogs have been released, holding his breath and ducking behind cover— 

“Bark, bark, bark!” 

“Awooo! Awooo!” 

“What the hell?! What is it?” 

“It’s the hounds. Is there an intruder?” 

Seems the dogs didn’t like the mokemoke meat and are making a fuss. 

“What the—?! Ten, you moron! Why were you acting so cocky earlier?” 

“It worked last time. I guess those dogs are in the mood for supopocchi meat tonight. Anyway, let’s get out of here. Come with me, Six.” 

Should I really be following him? 

Despite the circumstances, Ten remains oddly cocky, leaving me wary even as I follow him. 

“What the hell is up with your pack anyway? Couldn’t you have packed a bit lighter?” 

“This is all necessary equipment. You’ll see when we get there. Worry about that later. Just use this for now.” 

Ten activates his optical camo device, then tosses one to me. This little gizmo uses an electromagnetic field to bend light, making you invisible to the naked eye at anything other than close range. 

Ten uses this sort of expensive equipment with abandon, which makes me wonder how exactly he’s earning the requisite Evil Points. 

“I’ve always wanted to ask, how the heck do you get so many Evil Points? You’re one hell of a high roller.” 

“I’ve got a younger sister going through her rebellious phase. So I get points just by hiding in her closet, eating her underwear as tempura, or pooping in her room.” 

“Ah, gotcha. Not something I can copy, then…” 

I activate the camo device, then start spritzing around Tiger Man’s pee to keep the dogs away. 

Another night, another safe entry. 

<Large Sum of Evil Points Acquired> 

Once again, I hear the announcement of massive point gains as Tillis sleeps peacefully in front of us. 

I’ve always wondered just how the Evil Point system works. Not earning points if the target consents and the point gain going down if you repeat the same action—the standards all seem a bit murky. 

Ten and I nod to each other, then begin stripping off our power armor. 

“Six, put this over there, will ya?” 

As I relax in my T-shirt and shorts, Ten strips completely naked, then takes something out of the pack he’s been carrying. 

It’s a portable air filter that removes odors from the air. Typically, it’s used along with a portable ashtray when smoking. 

I figure Ten is going to light up while watching Tillis sleep, but instead he produces a portable grill. 

At this point, even I can figure out what the plan is for tonight. 

We’re going to have a barbecue here. 

“Ten, you’re insane. Grilling meat in front of a sleeping girl? What sort of brain comes up with this sort of thing?” 

“I’ll take that as a compliment. Check this out; it’s a lightless heating coil—it doesn’t glow. I brought a bunch of mokemoke meat, too. This meat’s priceless in situations like this because it doesn’t make any noise when cooking.” 

I somehow doubt this is a situation we’ll find ourselves in again, but it’s pretty thoughtful of him to take that into consideration. 

Next to the quietly sleeping Tillis, the two of us enjoy our mokemoke feast.