CHAPTER 3
Go Sell!
1
“What’s a sexy thing like you doing drinking all by yourself? Come over here and pour me a glass, would ya?”
“Wh-who are you? P-please leave me alone!”
With our fortress construction at a standstill, we’ve been reduced to spending our days drinking at dive bars around town.
“Never mind that—just come on over! I promise I won’t try anything funny. I’m just offering to buy you dinner!”
“N-no way! You can’t fool me! You have no intention of stopping with just dinner!”
It’s not like I’m actually trying to pick her up. I’m just trying to let off some steam and earn some Evil Points in the process.
Which is why I’m drinking by myself and chatting up a random stranger…
“Relax, lady. I just want you to eat a little bit of this thing here. Mokemoke with a special thick milk sauce! Heh-heh, I’ll treat you to it if you’ll come over and pour my drinks for me! There’s more, if you want it!”
“Lies! I bet when I finish eating, you’ll next go, Now you can have my special thick milk for dessert , and do terrible things to me! You can’t fool me!”
Holy shit, what a thing to say in public!
“N-no, that’s something a dirty old man would say… I just need you to resist a little while eating some mokemoke. Go on; open your mouth.”
“No way! I don’t believe you! You’ll say that as you force-feed me that sticky white stuff, and when my face is all messy, you’ll start getting horny and say, Next let’s have your other mouth eat this …”
“What the hell are you talking about? W-wait a minute. I haven’t been getting any Evil Points this whole time! Now that I think about it, I recognize you!”
I can’t remember where, but I can swear I’ve seen this woman before.
“Woe is me! After having his way with me, this man, becoming addicted to my body, is going to lock me up in a gorgeous lake house… And then he’ll force me to have babies one after another, and after several decades, I’ll happily draw my last breath, watched over by all my grandchildren…”
“Whoa, I’m not gonna do any of that! Are you even listening to me?! Forget it! I’m letting you go! Get outta here!”
“Nooooooooooo! After all this anticipation, you’re just going to let me go? Noooooo! You’re going to abandon me again after threatening to show me something in a dark alley?!”
“H-hey now, you’re giving people the wrong idea! I’ll pay your tab, so just leave me alone, please!”
Oh crap, I really stepped in it this time.
Just then…
…as I’m busy trying to pay off the weird woman’s tab, a voice calls out to me.
“There you are. You’re a hard man to find, Commander… Look, he’s with me. Shoo!”
Shooing away the weirdo with a glare is an obnoxious woman driving her wheelchair into a crowded bar.
After watching the weirdo click her tongue in disappointment and head out the door, Grimm turns to face me.
“Tch, I can’t leave you alone for a minute without you chatting up other women. Commander, are you a womanizer?”
“I won’t deny that I’m surrounded by women, but they all come loaded with baggage.”
“I guess you have problems of your own, Commander. But if you’ll pick up the tab, I’m happy to go on a date with you whenever you want.”
You’ve got the most baggage of any of ’em.
“Anyway, this most recent resurrection sure took a while, huh?”
“That’s right. I remember purging the gift of undeath from the zombies, but I can’t remember how I died. Then, while dead, I dreamed of a strange woman calling herself Lord Zenarith and yelling at me.”
Was that really a dream? Maybe she was getting lectured in the afterlife?
Is she actually an archbishop?
“What is it? You look like you have something you want to say… Anyway, Commander, is it true? That you couldn’t finish your base? And that you’ve got nothing to do?” Grimm chirps, gazing expectantly at me.
“Actually, I’m planning to gather scrap materials with some homeless guys tomorrow. It’s pretty profitable. I’m broke after using up the allowance Alice gave me.”
“Please don’t resort to something so embarrassing! Wait. If you’re broke, how were you planning to pay for the tab here?”
“I’m pretty quick on my feet, you know. I can outrun a bartender easily enough.”
“You know, I’m still technically part of the army. I can’t let you dine and dash in front of me! Tch, fine…”
As Grimm takes out her wallet and pays the tab, I head out of the bar.
Picking that joint was a mistake. Seems it’s that weird woman’s haunt. Guess I’ll go elsewhere next time.
As I wander aimlessly, looking for the next bar, something bumps into me from behind.
“Why did you leave without me?! Hmph, to disappear without so much as a word of thanks after making a woman pay!”
The bump came from Grimm.
“Thanks for picking up the tab.”
“You’re welcome! Anyway, Commander, do you have a minute? I’ve got something pretty important to ask you.”
Grimm wheels herself along next to me with an unusually serious expression on her face.
“I’m about to head to a second bar. If you’re okay with that, we can chat.”
“Why are you going if you’re broke?! … Sigh , this last resurrection was pretty pricey, too…” Grimm sighs as she looks sadly at the contents of her wallet.
“Considering you spend your free time harassing couples, I wouldn’t expect you to be so serious.”
“Harassing couples is the responsibility of every Zenarith follower. Say, Commander, I’ll pick up your tab if you’ll listen to me. There’s something odd in the air lately.”
Well, yeah…
“It’s spring on this planet, right? Love is in the air, and couples are all getting it in while the getting’s good. Like those two over there.” I point to a couple.
“No, that’s not what I meant! …You two! Stop with the public displays of affection! I’ll curse you!” Grimm threatens them. “The zombies we ran into… There was something odd about them.”
With that, Grimm furrows her brow in as serious an expression as I’ve ever seen from her.
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