6
It’s the day after we abandoned fortress construction and returned to town.
Alice is pissed off because of all the delays.
We’re currently occupying the city’s park and have turned it into a temporary base.
Obviously, they’d yell at us if we built an actual base there, so we just set up a bunch of tents.
“Okay, time to rethink our plan. Sorry, Six, I haven’t been taking this planet seriously enough. I didn’t expect to fail with this many Combat Agents involved. This is on me,” Alice says as I finish putting up my tent.
Given her usual confidence, it’s weird for her to be so contrite.
Alice spreads out a map of the surrounding area, kneeling down in front of it. “I chose that land for our base because I thought it would let us watch over Toris and our competition while gathering samples from the forest. But it’s time to stop being so greedy. We’ll wait till things calm down a bit before sending a unit to collect samples.”
“I was hoping that having the forest nearby would let us eat mokemokes whenever we wanted. So if we’re giving up on the forest, are we moving our base location?”
Alice shakes her head in response. “Let’s burn down the forest. That’ll throw the natives and fauna into a panic. We can use that time to finish construction.”
I can’t shake the feeling that this new approach seems a little extreme. If this planet had any environmental groups, they’d be coming after us with torches and pitchforks. I mean, arson is every villain’s dream, but…
“The Cursed Forest spans most of the continent. Reducing a woodland that size to ash would take a long, long time. After a large-scale bombing or fire, the air gets filled with soot and ash, which leads to cloud formation and rain. Keep that in mind. A forest that big won’t be reduced to wasteland just from a little fire—go burn to your heart’s content.”
“I suppose flamethrowers would make it easier to deal with the zombies, too… And so long as it’s a forest fire…” I look to my side. “…We can have him handle fire suppression.”
“…I mean, sure, I’m good with water magic, so firefighting would be something I could handle, but…listening to your conversation makes me think you guys are a lot more of a threat to humanity than us demons could ever hope to be.”
There’s a hint of exasperation in Russell’s tone as he busily prepares everyone’s meals over the stove he built next to the tents.
With the Cursed Forest before us, Alice calls out to the group.
“Are you ready, you bastards? We’re an evil organization! Leave your morals at the door! Raze that forest to the ground—zombies, mokemokes, mipyokopyokos, and all!”
““““WHOO-HOO!””””
The Combat Agents let out a cheerful whoop.
You shouldn’t join an evil organization if you’re afraid of a little environmental destruction.
With each of them equipped with a flamethrower, all Combat Agents other than me let loose a stream of fire toward the forest. Even Rose gets swept up in the moment and joins in the festivities, adding her flame breath to the mix.
As the wet trees start bursting into flame, the forest—ever the perpetual thorn in our side—begins to go up in smoke.
I bet my coworkers are going to earn a lot of Evil Points for this assignment.
Flamethrowers are an evildoer’s dream weapon.
I watch my coworkers happily engaging in arson and mumble…
“ Sigh , if only I was allowed to order weapons, too…”
“You Combat Agents have a weird attachment to flamethrowers.”
Just as I’m enviously watching my coworkers commit a grand act of arson…
“Hey! What are you doing to the forest?”
…a voice calls to us from behind, interrupting my and Alice’s observations.
It’s Snow, galloping toward us on a unicorn after seeing the black smoke rising from the forest.
I turn to Snow with my best evil grin. “What does it look like? We’re burning down the forest. We’re an evil organization. The ends always justify the means! If it’s gonna mess with our base construction, we’ll reduce the whole thing to ash!”
“You’re showing off now,” Alice retorts, “but you were the one who was worried about taking things too far.”
“There’s no time for your petty banter! Hurry and retreat. The forest is about to retaliate.”
…The forest can retaliate?
“Gaaaahhhh?! B-Boss! BOSS!!”
I turn toward the sudden scream and see Rose hanging upside down in the air, a root holding her up by her ankle.
Meanwhile, the Combat Agents, myself included, gather around her.
“H-hey?! Wh-why are you just watching instead of helping?”
We settle down in a spot under Rose, sitting on the ground and gazing up serenely.
As the announcements of Evil Point acquisition chime in our heads, Rose takes in a deep breath, holding up her skirt as gravity tries to peel it away—
“W-wait, hold on! We’ll get you down, so don’t use your breath!”
The other Combat Agents scatter as Rose prepares to strike.
Using my R-Buzzsaw, I prepare to hack away at the roots grabbing Rose…
“B-Boss! Behind you! Look behind you!”
“Hmm? Whoa! The hell is this?!”
Turning around, I see the ground shift and wriggle around me. Roots are starting to pop out here and there; this must be what Snow meant by the forest retaliating.
“Keep burning, boys! Use your flamethrowers from a distance and burn the damned things away!”
I give the orders as I jump to safety, but the ground beneath the Combat Agents swells as though it’s about to explode…!
“Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh!”
“Wh-whoa! Th-this thing’s trying to strip away my power armor! Stop! I’m not an exhibitionist like Six!”
“There are tons of pretty girls around here! Why are you attacking me?! Pay attention, dammit!”
Reduced to a struggling mass, the Combat Agents fight against the roots tangling around them.
Although the strength boosts from the power armor are letting them resist the roots, the flamethrowers aren’t much use against the ones that approach from underground.
As if mocking our confusion, the trees begin spraying a mist from their leaves.
“…This planet’s flora comes with its own fire-suppression abilities?” observes Alice from a distance. “That’s incredibly fascinating.”
“This is hardly the time for observations! We’re outmatched! Let’s get outta here!” I yell as I chop up the roots holding Rose with my R-Buzzsaw.
Just then, we hear a high-pitched scream.
“Gyaaaaaaaaaah!”
I look over and see our resident firefighter, Russell, getting snatched up by a bunch of roots.
“You know… He kinda looks like a pretty maid getting groped by tentacles, but he’s still got a dick…”
“Would you stop with the weird comments? The forest is only getting started! We should get out of here while it’s occupied with Russell!”
Snow offers a harsh proposal, but Alice holds up her hand to shoot it down.
“I’m all for running, but go cut down one of the trees. There’s something I want to try.”
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