Combatants Will Be Dispatched - Volume 3 - Chapter 1.4

4 

That evening… 

“Are you ready, Commander? Come on, Rose. Push me more carefully!” 

A tightly wound Grimm has summoned Rose and me again. 

“…So we’re going to gather materials for your dolls, right?” 

“That’s right… Come on, Rose, faster! We’ll ride the wind!” 

“It’s too risky! If we go too fast, you’ll fall off, Grimm! Besides, I just had a big dinner, and now I’m getting sleepy…,” Rose complains drearily. 

“And that’s why you’re still a child! The night is young! Come on, I’ll show you how grown-ups like me have fun after dark!” Grimm declares as her wheelchair is slowly pushed along. 

“Uh, not that I have anything against enjoying the nightlife, but do we really have to leave the city? I thought we were here to gather materials.” 

“That’s right. I keep telling you, we’re going to gather materials for the dolls.” 

……… 

“What exactly do you use for these?” 

“Plants from the Cursed Forest.” 

Rose and I turn around. 

“Hey, wait! Do you know what’ll happen if a frail maiden like me goes into the Cursed Forest alone? There are barbarians in that forest! If they see a tasty morsel like me, they won’t be able to resist their carnal desires! Are you okay with your precious subordinate becoming damaged goods, Commander?” 

“And you wonder why no one’s interested in you. Go hook one of those barbarians and settle down already. A spinster with unrealistic marriage expectations is too much of a ticking time bomb for anyone else.” 

Grimm scowls at my response. “That’s going too far, even for you, Commander! I’ve got plenty of interested suitors! I’m the Archbishop of Zenarith! Got it? A priestess has to remain pure of body for…” 

“Hey, there’s something hopping around over there. Rose, go catch one. See how it tastes.” 

“That’s a mipyokopyoko. They explode in your mouth if you try to eat them.” 

“Listen to meeeeee!” 

Grimm throws a tantrum in her wheelchair. We’re already out of town; I wish she’d quiet down. 

“I’m impressed you noticed it in this darkness, Boss.” 

“My body mods include basic night vision. You’re pretty impressive yourself. All I saw was a weird shape hopping around in the distance.” 

Grimm starts smacking me on the back. Begging for attention, I guess. “Commander, I can see in the dark, too! As the God of Undeath, Lord Zenarith rules the night, after all, and provides appropriate blessings to his archbishop!” 

“That’s nice.” 

“Why are you always so cold to me? If you keep that up, I’ll curse you!” 

Suddenly, off in the distance, another indistinct figure leaps into the air. 

“I just saw something else hopping around. Is that a mipyokopyoko, too?” 

“That’s a mupyokopyoko! Let’s catch and boil it!” 

“Enough with the pyoko-pyoko-pyoko-pyokoing! Both of you, listen to me!” Grimm tearfully pleads, holding on to Rose before she can go off hunting. 

“Let’s just catch it and go home. We can make hot pot at the hideout. Besides, it’s getting late anyway.” 

“The fact that it’s nighttime is the whole point! I need a flower that only blooms under moonlight! The flower acts as a permission slip for dead spirits to stay in the world. It’s how we keep the spirits from turning evil!” Grimm vehemently pleads her case as she latches onto Rose’s tail. “Commander, please don’t go home. The festival will be a disaster without enough possession dolls. It’s a chance for you to make up for your usual crimes.” 

“ …Sigh. If Grimm’s this committed, I think we should help her. She’s right about it being a good chance to reflect on your behavior, Boss.” Rose seems to be at her limit. 

“Can I point out that I wasn’t born this way? My personality’s the result of how my parents raised me. Kids don’t get to pick their parents. It’s not like I want to be this way,” I inform them, and Rose and Grimm gasp. 

“I-I’m so sorry, Boss. I guess you’ve had a rough life, too.” Rose looks down, likely reminded of her own struggles with her grandfather’s teachings. 

“My parents used to tell me to actively do things people don’t like. I’m just doing as I was taught.” 

“Apologize to your parents! You’re totally misinterpreting what they told you!” 

I half-heartedly dismiss Rose’s lecture as Grimm takes something out. 

It’s a well-worn dagger that seems to have been handled with care, although I don’t know who it belongs to. 

I’ve never seen her use a weapon, so I’m assuming it’s an object with some sentimental value that she plans to use for a curse. 

“…So, Commander, do you remember how the prince of Toris became impotent due to the effects of my curse…?” 

“Wait, Grimm. What are you talking about? What the hell did you do when we weren’t looking?” I ask her. 

Grimm smiles thinly as Rose grabs her by the shoulders and shakes her back and forth. 

“I recommend you help me while I’m asking nicely. I can’t promise things will stay that way otherwise…” 

How impressively evil. I suppose that’s to be expected from the follower of a dark god. 

But she needs to choose her targets more carefully. 

“Bold of you to threaten the agent of an evil organization. But my profession means I can’t back down when threatened. I’ll answer your threat with a threat of my own.” 

“Wait, Boss, what’s this about an evil organization?! You never told me about that. That’s the group you forcibly recruited me into, isn’t it?!” Rose grabs and shakes me instead, but I push her aside and assume a fighting stance in front of Grimm. 

“If you curse me, I’ll sexually harass you until you beg for mercy and break the curse. It’ll make the things I did to you while you were passed out in the desert look tame by comparison.” 

“Wait, Commander, what do you mean? Just what did you do to me in the desert while I was out cold? Tell me!”