Combatants Will Be Dispatched - Volume 2 - Chapter 2.3

3 

Most of this planet is covered in a giant forest. 

The remaining land is a reddish-brown wasteland, completely unsuitable for human habitation. 

Currently we’re in the middle of said wasteland— 

“Mwa-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha! Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha! We’re going so fast! We’ve become the wind itself! Commander! Look over there! Those Deadly Heggs are like purple-orange lady snails! Nothing can catch us now!” 

“Hey, Grimm, calm down or you’re going to fall out! Snow, Rose! Don’t just sit there, stop her!” 

We’re in the middle of said wasteland, zooming along on a giant buggy with Grimm excitedly leaning out the open sunroof. Due to some unfortunate taunting, the buggy’s being chased by a mob of those four-legged monstrosities. 

I don’t know what Grimm’s so excited about, but she’s been in a fine mood, standing up and leaning out the sunroof, laughing in delight. 

In the back seat, Snow and Rose, perhaps in awe at their first car ride, are glued to the windows, watching the red land speed past. 

“Alice? Don’t go too fast. If we hit a bump, Grimm’s gonna go flying… Wait, hey! Your feet don’t even reach the pedals!” 

“I’m a high-spec android. If it’s a machine, I only need a connector to control it.” 

I look over at Alice, and sure enough, stretching from beneath her clothes is a cord connected to the steering column. 

“The road gets rough from here on out. You should probably drag Grimm back inside.” 

Right as Alice issues her warning, we hit a large bump, and the whole vehicle is briefly airborne. 

At the same time, the laughter from the sunroof stops… 

“B-Boss! Grimm fell out! Uh-oh! The Deadly Heggs are after her! It looks bad!” 

“I told you so!” 

Alice slams on the brakes while the rest of us jump out of the buggy. 

Grimm has passed out from the impact when she flew out of the vehicle. The mob of monsters are dragging her back to their nest. 

“Hey, put her down! That spinster’s not very tasty, I promise! I’ll give you this instead! Go on home!” 

I throw some rations out as bait. The monsters abandon Grimm, flocking to the food instead. I don’t think they understood what I said, but I guess it’s pretty obvious which is tastier. 

We pick up the walking time bomb, and the Deadly Heggs, perhaps satisfied at getting a little payback, leave us alone. 

“…Can we do something about the fact that she’s disabled before every battle?” 

“She’s still alive. They were just gnawing on her here and there. She’ll be fine.” 

Grimm slumps in her seat, eyes rolled up in her head, as we continue our journey by buggy. 

“Hey, Six. What say you let me have that magic item? What was it called? A buggy? I know someone who’s good at flipping rare items for a good price. I’ll deal with selling it for the low, low price of a five percent commiss—” 

“Nope! You lot aren’t ready for that level of technology. Besides, ordering one takes a load of Evil Points.” 

After leaving the kingdom of Grace in the early morning, we’ve arrived at the neighboring kingdom of Toris around dusk. 

“Evil Points? You mentioned something about not having enough points when fighting the Demon Lord’s Army. Does the summoning magic you and Alice perform work on some sort of point system?” 

We’re not actually using magic to get our equipment, but evidently that’s what it looks like to the locals. 

“Yep, more or less. Evil Points are something I earn on a day-to-day basis. It’s more or less my ace in the hole, so I try to save it for emergencies.” 

“I don’t quite understand, but I guess it means we get rare magic items if we stick with you, right…? Hey, Six, can you order swords like Tiger Man? Depending on the quality, I wouldn’t mind paying you with my body…” 

“Um…” 

Apparently she’s totally fine with selling her body in exchange for money or swords. 

I heard she was from the slums, but just what sort of life did she live to end up like this? 

And to think she was blushing over a kiss she gave me as a reward the other day. 

Arriving in Toris, we park the buggy at the city gate and head to the castle. 

Rose, carrying the unconscious Grimm and looking around, appears to have spotted something of interest. 

“Boss! Look at that! They’re selling Andrew Skewers. I wonder what sort of monster Andrew is?” 

Rose points toward a stall selling meat skewers. 

“Andrew is a giant magical beast that threatened this kingdom around ten years ago. Despite it being dead for over ten years, the meat is still flavorful and delicious. It was such a gigantic beast that they’ve been able to eat it for the last decade.” 

“Wow! You sure know a lot, Boss!” 

As I fill Rose’s head with nonsense, the owner of the stall interrupts. 

“C’mon now, don’t be spreading weird rumors like that! My name’s Andrew. Andrew Skewers just means skewers from Andrew’s shop.” 

“Boss! You lied to me! It’s just as grandpa said! Humans are treacherous creatures that should be wiped off the face of the planet!” 

I ignore Rose’s embarrassed slapping and survey the city. 

At a glance, Toris’s tech level seems to be about the same as Grace’s. There’s the occasional mystery machine (aka artifact), but for now it seems Kisaragi’s technology is better. 

As we stroll along, the castle comes into view. 

It appears someone alerted them to our presence, and as we approach the main gate, a well-dressed man greets us. 

“Representatives of the kingdom of Grace, I bid you welcome to Toris! I’m afraid your timing makes an immediate audience with His Majesty impossible, but we have prepared a feast to ease the aches from your travels. Your host for the evening will be His Highness, the Crown Prince Engel. Please enjoy yourselves.” 

The older gentleman, probably a bureaucrat of one sort or another, greets us with a formal bow. 

I’m weighing how to respond when Snow steps in front of our group. 

“Thank you; glad to be here! My name is Snow, captain of the Royal Guard and personal knight to Princess Tillis. I suppose you could say I’m Her Highness’s right hand.” 

I openly gawk at her through her spiel, but she continues with a wide smile on her face. 

“I’ve heard that the export of water crystals is the main industry for Toris. Not only that, but those rare crystals are buried abundantly beneath the soil. I’ve never seen a water crystal, but I sure would love to. I’m quite envious that they’re so abundant here!” 

“I—I see. Well then, we can provide you a few water crystals as a little token of our esteem. If you could please give our regards to Princess Tillis.” 

I can’t believe this. She’s just soliciting bribes. 

“Of course! I’ll let Her Highness know that we were given a wonderful welcome here in Toris! Ah, that reminds me. Our mode of transportation is most convenient, indeed! It can carry quite a bit of cargo, much more than just a small amount…” 

We stare at Snow, completely repulsed by her attitude as she enters the castle, chatting up the official. 

“…Hey, Alice,” I say. “Do you really think she can handle being a diplomat? We’re here as her escort. If she screws up, we’ll probably get in trouble, too. Not to mention, even I’m turned off by her naked greed.” 

“Despite appearances, she was a knight captain. I’m sure this isn’t her first time serving as a diplomat. Bribes are pretty common in backward places like this. Isn’t that true, Rose?” 

“Grandpa was right. Humans are avaricious vermin that need to be extinguished…” 

…I glance at Rose muttering darkly beside us, following Snow as she cheerfully strolls through the castle.