Combatants Will Be Dispatched - Volume 2 - Chapter 1.5

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We make our way home after our survey of the Cursed Forest’s wildlife.

Once inside the city, we run into Rose and Grimm, who look rather tired.

“Hey, Boss! Welcome back! How did your survey go? Never mind that, actually! Grimm used this weird ritual and summoned these undeammmph?!”

“Welcome back, Commander! You look a little glum; is something wrong? Now, Rose, there’s plenty of delicious skewers for you! No need to go tattling. Just focus on eating.”

Something about what Rose is saying catches my attention, but Grimm silences her by shoving meat skewers into her mouth.

“Six almost got eaten by a mokemoke in the woods. I saved him in the nick of time, but he hasn’t been the same since. I guess he’s still recovering from getting lost and being attacked by that vicious beast.”

“No, I’m still recovering from the fact that you butchered my friend in front of my eyes! And then you poured soy sauce on him and ate him, you cold-hearted bitch!”

She butchered that poor mokemoke, assuming it was attacking me, then ate it as a snack.

“H-how dare you! I saved you from that creature! The least you can say is thanks. And what’s wrong with eating a freshly killed mokemoke? We weren’t going to be able to drag that entire carcass home! You were pretty happy with the meal yourself, if I recall. You were crying tears of joy at how delicious it was!”

“Sure, I ate him, too… I admit it, I ate him! But still!” The only reason I ate him was to put his soul to rest! Since he was dead anyway, it didn’t make a difference. I had to make sure his death wasn’t in vain by making him a part of me. “Never mind that. I heard Rose say something I can’t ignore! Grimm! You summoned undead again, didn’t you?!”

“So what? I’m a follower of Lord Zenarith, god of undeath and disaster! What’s wrong with the archbishop summoning one of his follow-ow-ow-owwww!!!”

Snow grabs Grimm’s face and squeezes her temples, cutting off Grimm’s rant in mid-sentence.

At those words, Alice glances up sharply. “Did you just say undead? I assume you mean ghosts and zombies, yes?”

Grimm smiles softly at the android’s curiosity. “Oh my, Alice, has Lord Zenarith finally drawn your attention? Yes, what I summoned earlier was a ghost. What originally drew me to Lord Zenarith was the promise of eternal youth as well as the promise of revenge preached in his teachings. How about it, Alice? Would you like to join?”

“No thanks, I’m an atheist. Hey, Six, we’ve got talk of ghosts, the universal standard bearer for supernatural mumbo jumbo. It’s a blatant challenge to my existence. After all, I stand at the pinnacle of science and technology. Ghosts…Hmph! Looks like we’ve got some ghost busting to do!” Alice says all this without a hint of irony despite the fact that as an android, she’s pretty close to supernatural herself.

“I don’t know what you have against ghosts, but you’re taking this awfully personally. I mean, this planet has magic. Why is this the hill you choose to die on? You’ve seen stuff like Heine’s flame magic, right?”

“Magic or whatever is fine. Well, it’s not fine , but Kisaragi’s done plenty of research into ESP and similar abilities. Heine of the Flames is just your typical pyrokinesis wielder. Basically, magic is just an elevated form of psychic ability,” Alice explains in a straightforward manner, speaking in a hushed tone only I can hear.

“Could you use smaller words? Kinky wielders? Physical abilities? Are we talking about some sort of fetish?”

“…I’m saying the flame stone that Heine was using works under the same principles as fire starters on Earth. We can use Kisaragi brain-modification surgery to give that ability to anyone. However, ghosts are another story. I won’t accept this superstitious nonsense.”

“You’re a pretty nonsensical presence yourself, you know? Why not just accept that ghosts are real?”

It appears Grimm could hear our conversation, as she interrupts with a huff.

“Now, Alice! What do you have against my lovely little ghosts? Doubting Lord Zenarith’s power is never a good idea.”

“Grimm, your so-called curses are just a form of auto-suggestion and hypnosis. Zenarith doesn’t exist.”

Grimm starts smacking Alice for blaspheming against her dark god, but Alice doesn’t seem to care.

“Then there’s the problems with magical monsters like we saw on today’s survey. Griffins ignoring the laws of aerodynamics, crustaceans like mokemokes growing to absurd sizes. It’s all very fascinating, but I’m sure there’s a perfectly reasonable explanation for all of them. I’ll get to the bottom of it eventually.”

“So you’re going to try to debunk the existence of a fantasy world entirely, is that it? Grimm died once and came back to life… You saw her head come off.”

“Hrmph! Lizards can regrow tails. We can’t be sure Grimm is actually human. She may just be an unknown life-form masquerading as a human.”

“Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!”

At being called nonhuman, Grimm begins strangling Alice. She appears to lose patience as Alice doesn’t so much as blink in response…

“Fine! If you’re going to go that far, I’ll show you some necromancy! I can’t back down when you’ve claimed Lord Zenarith doesn’t exist! But I’m out of magic for tonight. You can wait until tomorrow, can’t you?”

“Ha! Did you hear that, Six? Common scammer’s MO. Can’t do what you request right then and there, but only after taking time to prepare. That gives her time to set up her various tricks.”

“Grrrrrrrrrrr!”

Snow looks at the two fighting like children and sighs.

“So Alice is a magic denier, mm? I’ve seen them from time to time, but never one so dedicated. I mean, my swords are magical, too…”

“Ah yes, your magic swords. I’d love to crack them open and see how they work. Invite me over to your house sometime. I’ll take a few apart for analysis.”

“Absolutely not!”

Ignoring the trio getting worked up over nonsense, Rose approaches me and tugs on my sleeve.

“Hey, Boss, I heard you beat a mokemoke. Did you bring any of it back? Maybe some of the meat…?”

As Rose asks in a needy whine, a question occurs to me.

“…Alice did bring some back. You’re not going to start saying ‘mokemoke’ once you eat some, right?”