Combatants Will Be Dispatched - Volume 1 - Chapter 4.6

6 

I heave a deep sigh, supporting the half-conscious Six against my shoulder and dragging him out of the tavern. The soldiers we’d shared drinks with look over at him leaning drunkenly against my arm and laugh. 

“Thanks for dinner, Boss! It’s been a while since I’ve had this much to eat!” 

“My thanks as well, Commander! Now, Rose, you and I are going to go for a little joyride. I feel we can set a new speed record tonight!” 

As Grimm gleefully makes an ominous proposal, Rose hesitates, her expression souring. 

“Can we not and say we did? My stomach’s full and I’m getting sleepy. Can’t you just go by yourself? Besides, Grandpa always said that I shouldn’t stay out all night.” 

“Who’s going to witness my record if not you? Come along now! Let’s go harass all the happy couples who dare use our triumph as an excuse to get all lovey-dovey!” 

“Sigh…” 

I watch as Grimm grabs Rose by the arm and drags her along on her self-declared mission. I then half escort, half carry Six back to the castle. 

“Yaaaaaaaaaaawn! It’s been a while since I drank that much! That one barmaid sure was cute, wasn’t she? Did you see her reaction when I grabbed her butt? So innocent!” 

Six, in full jackass mode, continues like this for some time. 

“…At least try to remember you’re a commander. Your stupidity is terminal, but I can’t have you tarnishing the rest of our reputations!” 

“Dumbass! I’m just followin’ the etiquette fer a proper Combat Agent! Did you forget to memorize the maaanual? ‘Heh-heh, how about you walk that cute butt of yours over this way and pour me a drink?’ is the standard compliment for cute waitresses, ’member?” 

This idiot is hard enough to understand when he’s sober. Now that he’s sloshed, he’s incoherent. 

“Tch… No, don’t go that way, you idiot. This way! Hey! That is not a bathroom!” 

I forcefully drag the stumbling Six back to the barracks. By some miracle, we make it back to the room he shares with Alice. 

“Yo, Six, welcome back. Ah, looks like he’s wasted again. Just how much did this idiot drink?” 

It seems Alice had been eagerly awaiting Six’s return. She opened the door immediately after I knocked. 

“It was worse than I expected. He demanded they bring the keg, then bought everyone in the tavern drinks, claiming he’d struck it rich.” 

“He’s allergic to saving money. I suppose he can’t help that he’s a spendthrift. Good work bringing him back.” 

I feel you’ve crossed a line of no return when even a child this young has such a low opinion of your character. And yet, this fool claims to be my superior. 

“G’niiiiight, Snowy! Thanks for escorting your commander home! Gimme a good-night kiss before you go!!” 

“Don’t call me Snowy, you drunk moron! Just shut up and go to bed!” 

I kick the blathering boozehound into his room. Picking up the pace, I start toward my own quarters. 

Honestly… How the hell has he survived this long? He’s been insolent and rude since the day we met. Now, I won’t deny he can fight, and I admit he has his uses in battle, but “Snowy”? Ridiculous. 

“I can’t believe him! Thinking he can mock me as he pleases. I’m seriously going to end him one of these days,” I mutter. 

So I say, but I understand full well I can’t do that now that we’ve fought in the same unit. As much as it pains me to admit it, I’m pretty sure he’s… 

“Oh? Ending Sir Six? I’m afraid I can’t ignore such a remark.” 

I freeze at the sudden voice before sharply turning in the direction it came from. 

“My lord…” 

Standing there is the chief of staff, a one-eyed man wearing a hat to hide his balding pate. 

“N-no, my lord… I didn’t mean it; I was just trying to vent some…” 

Given how often I’ve uttered a variation of that sentiment in public, I don’t know why it would be an issue at this point. 

The chief of staff holds up his palm, interrupting my explanation. 

“Don’t worry yourself. I understand how you feel. An insolent stranger blows in from parts unknown and immediately begins running amok and acting a fool. And who gets the blame? You do. Meanwhile, he lucks into a command position, then uses despicable means to rake in the glory. That seems reason enough to want him dead.” 

The chief of staff doesn’t bother to actually listen to me, completing his circle of reasoning and nodding to himself in agreement. 

I’ve never actually wanted him dead, but I can fully agree about his insolence. 

“Honestly! He’s so insufferable! And he’s always finding new ways to get under my skin! It’s as though his purpose in life is to annoy everyone around him!” 

My alcohol tolerance has always been pretty low, and I’ve had several drinks at this point. I suppose that’s coaxed out the pent-up day-to-day frustration. 

“I completely understand your feelings! Every little thing he can think of, he comes and needles me, calling me ‘old man.’ It would seem that you and I are of the same mind.” 

The chief of staff stands next to me, placing his hand on my shoulder. 

Same mind? A bald-faced lie. I haven’t forgotten how this man used to talk down to me. As a lowly knight, my status as a homeless orphan made me a perfect target for his public mockery. 

The thoughts go through my head in rapid succession as I glance uneasily at the hand on my shoulder. 

“Lady Snow, you’ve almost certainly produced enough results to return to your old position. Do you not agree that you would be better suited to commanding the Royal Guard?” 

“I-if possible, yes!” 

Nothing can describe the amount of blood, sweat, and tears I shed in order to rise from slum-dwelling orphan to knight captain. 

I suffered countless acts of cruelty motivated by my lowly birth and fueled by envy later on. 

To be able to return to my old role would make it all worth it! 

…But what would that mean for my current squadron? The recent victories were achieved by the whole squadron, not just myself. 

I suppose I could just induct them into the Royal Guard. It would be my unit, and it’s my right and privilege to treat Grimm and Rose as equals. I could also make use of Alice’s smarts to handle strategies and combat tactics. 

…And as for the moron. 

You can’t rely on a single thing that goes on in his brain or comes out of his mouth, but he’s a better fighter than I am. It’d be cruel to leave just him out, so I’ll include him in my unit! 

I don’t know what my expression looked like at that moment, but the chief of staff nodded at me with a satisfied smile. 

He’s kept his hand on my shoulder for an uncomfortably long time, but I don’t want to upset him by pointing that out. I can take out this frustration on someone later, maybe on the moron… 

“Excellent, excellent. Lady Snow, you look quite pleased as well. I’m sure you’re sick of fighting alongside that demon-blooded abomination and crazy disaster cultist as well. I understand, I understand completely.” 

My brow twitches at those insults to my comrades, but I somehow manage to contain the anger. That flash of rage coupled with my tendency to lash out at provocation are the reasons why the moron can mock me about my quick temper. 

“On a related subject…Lady Snow, you mentioned in front of His Majesty that Sir Six was a foreign spy.” 

I’d forgotten about that. I vaguely recall saying something along those lines. 

“I’m afraid that was a misunderstanding on my part. I don’t believe that man is capable of something as subtle as spying. If anything, he’s the kind of person who would forget his mission if he grew too comfortable in his target country, and he would probably end up settling in.” 

That’s definitely my gut reaction. There’s no way that fool could manage something as complex as espionage. He’d make a horrendous spy, drawing far too much attention to himself. 

…Still, the chief of staff seems unconvinced. 

“I believe it’s too soon to say. That man won those victories, after all. It wouldn’t be a stretch to assume that he might be smart enough to hide his true nature… You’re observant and intelligent. Moreover, your loyalty to this kingdom is unparalleled. So I wish to ask you a favor. Can you subtly monitor Sir Six’s activities? I want you to find evidence that he’s a spy. Regardless of the truth of the accusations.” 

Slumping my shoulders while walking down the hall, I sigh and think back to the chief of staff’s request. Find evidence that Six is a spy in exchange for promotion back to Royal Guard captain. The chief of staff made it abundantly clear that he didn’t care if the evidence was genuine, meaning he planned to set Six up for a fall either way. 

Despite the kingdom facing annihilation, the chief of staff is more worried about his career. 

“…The chief of staff. I don’t like him. He’s shady as hell, I just know it. He’s definitely the sort of self-serving bastard that’ll do whatever it takes to ensure he comes out ahead.” Suddenly Six’s words come to mind, and they’re much more credible now. 

There may be some hypocrisy in the statement, but I can’t shake the feeling that the moron is still the better man. 

I let out another deep sigh, shoulders still slumped, as I approach Six’s room. In my hand, I carry a leather pouch containing reward money for Six. The chief of staff happily gave me the errand. 

“‘It’ll give you a reason to meet with Sir Six,’ he says. Ugh… If I go to his room at this hour, I’m never going to hear the end of it.” 

…Oh, well. I guess I’ll give up on the Royal Guard billet. 

If I keep fighting with the current squadron, I’ll eventually have a real opportunity to win back my rank. 

Standing in front of Six’s door, I take a deep breath to calm my emotions. 

“But seriously, like, what do I do? If the king asks me to take Tillis as my wife and rule the kingdom, should I do it? Does this kingdom even allow polygamy?” 

I still can’t understand how the hell his mind works. 

“Don’t know, don’t care. Tillis seems like quite the beauty to me. Are you not content with just one wife?” 

“It’s not about being content. Think about it! My squad’s nothing but hot babes! What if on the night before the wedding, one of the squad members came up to me? ‘Commander! The truth is, I’ve always…!’” 

…S-seriously! What is wrong with his head?! 

“…I thought my wealth of prior knowledge on these scenarios would prepare me for any situation. I guess I’ve got a lot to learn.” 

“Is that so? Well, I have no idea what you’re talking about, but you’re pretty good at getting things done when you actually try. Give it your best effort.” 

I’m starting to feel a lot of sympathy for Alice. She’s the one stuck caring for him. 

“If my wife ended up being someone like Snow, I bet every day would be something new and exciting.” 

I feel the blood rushing to my head at the remark. I take a deep breath, preparing to launch into a venomous tirade as I reach for the door…! 

“…That reminds me. I need to keep the Kisaragi Supreme Leader route open. Let’s start wrapping up our spy activities. The reward for this last mission was pretty impressive. We probably have enough to finally establish that base…” 

“Six, it’s good that you’re happy, but you need to keep it down. At least use Japanese when talking about—” 

The leather bag of coins given to me by the chief of staff lands on the floor with a loud thump. 

 [Status Report: Update] 

Primary survey of target planet status—completed. 

Alice and I are switching primary objective to establishing a base of operations. 

Secured sufficient funds to purchase a base of operations through local currency investments conducted by Alice. 

Will provide update when a location suitable to serve as a base of operations is identified. 

…No major obstacles anticipated in acquiring a base of operations. 

Reporting Operative: 

Combat Agent 6