Bungo Stray Dogs - Volume SS - Chapter 2.5

A Certain Explosive - 5

It wasn’t like Dazai was asking Atsushi to fight the bomber or to defuse the explosive as if he were a member of the military police’s bomb squad. He’d never be able to do any of that.

Atsushi was simply being asked to distract the agitated bomber for just a few moments. That was all. Dazai and the others would handle the rest.

At least, that was what was supposed to happen…

“Th-th-that’s enough, please!” Atsushi yelled with what little courage he could muster while timidly stepping forward.

His legs trembled and his voice pathetically cracked. To make matters worse, he started retreating despite himself.

“Wh-what are you even trying to accomplish? I—I bet y-your parents would be really disappointed if they saw you now!”

He was putting everything into the act, but even he could tell how stiff his delivery was. If anything, it would be strange if the bomber didn’t find this suspicious.

“Who the heck are you?!” the bomber demanded.

His piercing gaze alone was enough to make Atsushi’s legs give out, leading him to stumble theatrically and fall on his rear.

H-h-h-h-help meeee!!

“Eek! I’m sorry!”

Atsushi desperately waved his hands and curled into a ball. The bomber wasn’t much older than him, but he still had an explosive powerful enough to take out the entire floor and everyone on it. Atsushi, on the other hand, was equipped with only a stack of beat-up old newspapers. It wasn’t even fair comparing them.

All he ever wanted was to find a new job, get a roof over his head, and live an honest life. Yet somehow, he found himself confronting a mad bomber.

Atsushi was on the verge of tears. Perhaps it was the moment Dazai got involved in his life that settled his destiny for things to never go the way he’d planned (although his plans weren’t as meticulous as Kunikida’s). In a way, Atsushi felt like he understood why Kunikida was always so irritated around Dazai. That didn’t make him feel any better, though…

“You’re not one of the detectives, are you?” the bomber asked.

“A-a-as you can see, I’m j-just a passing paperboy!”

Atsushi nervously held up the stack of old newspapers.

“And what the heck’s a paperboy doing here?!”

The bomber skeptically knitted his brow.

He was right. It was the middle of the afternoon, which was far too late to deliver the morning paper and far too early to deliver the evening paper. Plus, what kind of paperboy would come all the way up to an office on the fourth floor? It was only natural for the bomber to have doubts.

Dazai’s plan is far too reckless. No way this is going to work. But there’s no use whining about it; we can’t back down now. Dazai doesn’t look like he plans on leaving his hiding spot, either. Maybe that means I have to keep going. How much longer do I need to distract this guy, though?

“I get that you hate the agency, but that doesn’t mean it’s okay to take a hostage and blow the place up! You can still turn your life around, but you have to be alive for things to get better!” Atsushi staggered to his feet, his voice trembling.

“…How are things gonna get better?”

“Urk…!”

Atsushi found himself stumped by the question.

“I said, how exactly are things gonna get better?!” the bomber repeated in annoyance.

Huh? Uh… Th-th-that’s a good question…

Atsushi was merely saying the first thing that came to mind in order to persuade the bomber to stop. He actually had no idea how exactly things were going to get better.

He started panicking, desperately tracing his memories for an answer, but all he could come up with were memories he wished to forget.

Almost nothing good ever happens to me. But still, there has to be something. Something good that makes me glad to be alive. At least one thing—

“You’ll……”

“I’ll what? Spit it out already!”

The bomber glared at Atsushi the moment he began timidly opening his mouth. Startled by the young man’s impatience, he continued in a fluster:

“Y-y-you’ll be able to eat tea over rice again!”

Kunikida, still on all fours atop the desk, nearly collapsed.

The bomber looked extremely baffled. Atsushi knew he said something stupid, but that was the only good thing he could think of.

“You can eat tea rice until you’re stuffed! You can sleep somewhere with a roof over your head! You can go to bed, and when you wake up, it’s morning! And that will be what’s normal!”

Atsushi was rambling and raising his voice. The bomber appeared to be at a loss.

“Uhhh… But…if you detonate that bomb…you and me won’t get up in the morning…because…”

Atsushi swiftly lifted his head back up and declared:

“…we’ll be dead!”

“That’s the whole point!” the bomber yelled.

“Agghhh?!”

Atsushi was astounded, retreating a few steps. He was visibly confused, unable to comprehend the bomber’s response.

“Uh… I just—I don’t think you should do it, man. I mean, if you die…you die, y’know?”

He placed a hand on his face and looked despondently toward the bomber.

Once you died, it was over. Everything. Atsushi had no idea what the bomber had been through, but this wasn’t the right way to go about things.

“I know there are times when you might wish you were dead, but there are people trying to live, no matter how hard things get. Like…like me!”

He smacked his chest.

“I have no family or friends, and I was kicked out of my orphanage… I’ve got nowhere to go, no one to turn to…”

And I even turn into a tiger from time to time…

Atsushi immediately started feeling depressed. He hung his head lifelessly.

It’s just one thing after another. Why do only bad things happen to me? To top it all off, I’m standing in front of a mad bomber with no way to stop him from blowing up this place whenever he feels like it.

“Yeah, you got me!!” Atsushi shouted desperately as he quickly stood up straight again. “I’m not good at anything, and I’m objectively useless just like you said, but even then…I haven’t given up on myself! I want to live!” Tears were welling up in his eyes.

The bomber’s cheek twitched as his expression stiffened. He looked even more frightened than Atsushi. The shoe was now on the other foot, apparently.

“Good job, Atsushi. That went beyond acting. You really played the perfect down-and-out loser,” Dazai whispered with a smirk from the shadows. Of course, Atsushi couldn’t hear him, and of course, he wasn’t acting, either.

“So forget that bomb, and let’s go look for a job together!”

Atsushi swiftly approached the bomber, leaning forward until their faces almost touched. He’d completely forgotten that he was supposed to be pretending to be a paperboy.

Getting a job meant having a roof over your head. It meant being able to stuff your face with tea over rice until you couldn’t eat another bowl. It meant sleeping in a soft, comfortable bed. And if this young man had all that, he wouldn’t even think of ever bringing a bomb into a detective agency.

People did bad things when they’re hungry, and Atsushi himself already knew what it was like to give in to despair. Nothing good came from it. So what this young man probably needed was a job, a warm bed, and some tea over rice.

And what he definitely did not need was a bomb. Nothing like that would ever help him in life, and he needed to get rid of it as soon as he could. Therefore, Atsushi needed to find a decent job with this bomber and take one step closer to a future that was filled with hope, not despair.

“Sound good?!”

Atsushi wore a completely serious expression as he leaned in even closer to the young man.

“Wh-what? But I’m not looking for a job…”

The young man’s cheek twitched while he recoiled.

Atsushi had completely lost sight of his objective and role, but he still ended up successfully distracting the bomber, whose thumb was no longer hovering over the button on the detonator.

Dazai wasn’t going to let this chance slip by, and he immediately jumped to his feet.

“Kunikida, now!” he yelled.

“I know!”

As if he’d been waiting for this very moment, Kunikida wasted no time pulling out his notebook, his fountain pen effortlessly gliding across the paper.

“Unique Skill: The Matchless Poet!”

He tore out a page with the words WIRE GUN written on it.

“Wire gun!”

The sheet of paper clutched between his fingers suddenly began to take form.

This was Kunikida’s unique skill: He could materialize whatever he wrote in his notebook.

In other words, that was no ordinary piece of paper in his hand. It was an actual wire gun.

“Oh no…!” the bomber muttered as his eyes opened wide, but it was too late. Kunikida was already aiming the muzzle forward; he pulled the trigger with perfect precision, knocking the detonator out of the young man’s hand. The impact caused the bomber to instinctively shut his eyes.

* * *

“Get him, Kunikida!”

Dazai’s voice sharply echoed throughout the tense agency.

“Quit barking orders!” Kunikida grabbed the bomber by the collar. “I obviously wasn’t going to simply let him get away!” he hissed while throwing the young man with one arm.

The bomber spun in the air before landing on the ground with a thud.

“Gwaaah!”

He wailed painfully as Kunikida twisted his arm behind his back, pinning him to the floor. It all happened in the blink of an eye, and the detonator was already in Kunikida’s hand.

“All right, folks, that’s a wrap. Good work,” Dazai said after abruptly appearing out of nowhere.

…Is it over?

“Whew…”

Atsushi tiredly took a seat where he was standing. It was as if the relief had sapped every last bit of energy out of his body.

Thank goodness. I was worried about what was going to happen for a second there. That life-shortening experience was hopefully the first and last of its kind.

The tension in the agency dissipated, and the female staff in the neighboring room started clapping.

Yet the man of the hour, Kunikida, was surly.

“‘Get him’? ‘Good work’? You did absolutely nothing but give obvious orders while we did all the work!”

Kunikida was the one who had captured the criminal and safely grabbed the detonator, so perhaps he felt like Dazai had been using him.

“Hey, it’s not my fault, Kunikida.” Dazai proudly smirked with his hands in his coat pockets. “You’re the one who lost at rock-paper-scissors.”

“You little—!”

Kunikida’s voice and fists shook with frustration.

“Come on, don’t sweat the small stuff. You caught the bad guy. Isn’t that enough?” Dazai’s tone was mild, but his face almost immediately clouded with worry. “From what I hear, if you keep letting every little thing bother you, you’ll get wrinkles and age faster.”

“What?!” Kunikida’s expression turned grave. “Is that true?”

“Better write that down before you forget.”

“Being high-strung…accelerates aging…”

Kunikida promptly began taking diligent notes.

“I made that up, by the way.  ” Dazai averted his gaze and wore a smug grin. The next moment, yet another high-end fountain pen snapped in Kunikida’s hand.

“Haaaaaahhh!” Kunikida shouted as he kicked Dazai as hard as he could from behind.

“Gwah!”

Dazai was sent flying forward, slamming into the door before cartoonishly sliding to the ground. A very impressive kick.

“Stop making fools of people for your own pathetic amusement!” Kunikida yelled, veins bulging on his forehead.

“Speak for yourself!” the bomber cried, grabbing Kunikida’s arm from behind. Kunikida had been distracted for only a brief moment.

But that was more than enough time for the young man to kick him in the back and pry the detonator out of his hand. Kunikida stumbled forward. By the time he’d regained his footing, the young man already had his finger hovering over the detonator’s button.

“No!”

Kunikida’s face drained of color.

“How dare you make a mockery of me!” the bomber yelled in between heavy, unsteady breaths. “Skill users really do have twisted minds… Every last one of them,” he muttered in disgust while looking up at the ceiling.

He smirked, and everyone watched with bated breath when all of a sudden…

…he pushed the button to detonate the bomb.

Immediately, red numbers appeared on the explosive lying on the desk.

0:30:00…

“It’s gonna explode in thirty seconds?!”

Atsushi was closest to the bomb.

0:29:99…

Kunikida reflexively threw himself toward the explosive.

“I’m not going to let that happen!”

But the bomber immediately tackled him, and they both crashed into the nearby desk.

“Kunikida!” Atsushi shouted in a panic. The time remaining only continued to vanish.

0:23:35…

“What are we going to do?!”

Sweat was pouring down his face; his throat felt drier than a desert. At this rate, everyone here was going to—

“We could cover the bomb with something to dampen down the explosion…”

He suddenly recalled what Dazai said earlier and began darting his eyes around the chaotic office.

“There has to be something I can use…”

0:19:93…

“There’s gotta be something… Come on!”

Atsushi was in full-panic mode. His racing heartbeat only got louder and faster.

That was when he met the gaze of the hostage who was still tied up on the floor by the desk. She looked up at him, trembling and desperate for help. Atsushi stared wide-eyed at her, his expression still tense. Then he gritted his teeth.

0:13:87…

He grabbed her by the wrist and threw her as far away as he could. She landed in Dazai’s arms.

“Atsushi!” Dazai yelled, startled.

Atsushi immediately swiped the bomb off the desk and curled his body over it on the floor. Dazai’s eyes widened in astonishment, and he gasped.

“Hmm? What am I doing?” Atsushi muttered with a blank look on his face.

It all happened almost unconsciously.

He didn’t have a second to even think about it. He had to do something, and he couldn’t think of any other way. It was as if his body was acting of its own accord.

What he did took everybody by surprise. Not even Atsushi himself could believe it.

“You idiot!”

He heard Dazai furiously shout at him in the background.

0:03:68…

I’m an idiot…huh? Yeah…I guess I am…

Atsushi shut his eyes tight. He didn’t want to die. Not even a little bit.

My existence is worthless… I don’t deserve to be alive…

Maybe they were right…

But still…!

The bomb he had clutched to his stomach continued its rhythmic ticking. It was all going to be over soon. Atsushi’s palms were covered in sweat.

If I knew something like this was going to happen…I would’ve had Kunikida treat me to at least another ten bowls of tea over rice…

The thought idly crossed his mind while each second ever so slowly passed by.

0:00:01…

Beep!

It was the sound signaling that time had run out. All that followed was silence.

“…?”

Atsushi, trembling with the bomb in his arms, timidly opened his eyes and saw that the timer had stopped at 0:00:00 like a broken piece of junk.

“Good grief… I knew you were dumb, but I wasn’t expecting you to be this dumb…”

It was Kunikida who finally spoke up, crossing his arms and staring at Atsushi in exasperation. Still holding the bomb, Atsushi slowly got to his feet and stared blankly as though he had no clue what was going on.

“He has the makings of a fellow suicide enthusiast. Wouldn’t you say, Tanizaki?” Dazai asked with a grin.

All of a sudden, the bomber slowly peeked his head out from behind Kunikida.

“I’m really sorry about all that. You okay?” said the young man called Tanizaki, his hands clasped together in apology. He was wearing a very kind expression, a complete 180 from only moments ago.

“Huh…?!”

Does that mean…this was…?

Atsushi’s cheek began to twitch.

“Oh, my sweet, sweet brother!” the supposed hostage cooed as she aggressively charged straight for Tanizaki. “Are you all right?” she asked while tightly embracing him, accidentally head-butting his chin in the process and sending his upper body bending backward.

“Oof?!”

But even then, she still went ahead and rubbed her cheek against his.

“Oooh!   Your little bad boy act was so cute.  ”

“My chin…,” mumbled Tanizaki. The girl’s overly intense displays of affection had him on the verge of passing out.

She continued to bury her face in his chest. There was no longer any sign of terror in her eyes, of course.

“I didn’t know how much more I could take!   Ooh! Let’s continue where we left off when we get home.  ”

“So the girl working part-time here was in on this, too…?”

Atsushi bitterly smirked. He’d picked up on what was going on and was uncomfortably trying to look away.

“If you want someone to be mad at, be mad at Dazai. Or be mad at yourself for relying on someone like him to introduce you to a job.”

Kunikida offered an inkling of sympathy, even though he was scowling to show that he wanted no part in these shenanigans.

“Wait… Don’t tell me…”

Atsushi turned a hardened glare at the man who was behind this absurd game.

“I told you there’d be a little test, didn’t I?” Dazai casually replied without a hint of guilt.

In other words:

“That was my entrance exam?”

“Precisely,” came a powerful voice from the back room.

“The exam finished without any issue, boss,” one of the female employees lined up at the door politely reported.

A man with silver hair and a sharp gaze stepped into the office. His kimono was a subdued color that blended perfectly with his calm features.

“Mmm…” The man nodded, tucking his hands into his sleeves as he walked right by his staff.

“…‘Boss’?”

Atsushi was still crouching with the bomb clutched to his chest when he looked up at the newcomer.

The atmosphere seemed to instantly tense when this man showed up. He had dignity and a powerful presence that made him somewhat intimidating.

President of the Armed Detective Agency: Yukichi Fukuzawa. Unique skill: All Men Are Equal.

“Dazai over there informed me of a ‘promising young man,’ so I wanted to test the veracity of your soul,” he stated while looking Atsushi right in the eye. That alone was enough for Atsushi to unconsciously tense up in awe.

“See, I recommended you to the boss, but remember, you’re wanted by the local ward in your beast form. We had a little dispute here at the agency on what we should do with you,” Dazai revealed with a shrug.

“But Dazai insisted…” Fukuzawa lowered his gaze midsentence, not saying another word. Dazai simply smiled in silence as well.

Kunikida turned to Fukuzawa. “So what is your decision, sir?”

Dazai chuckled almost inaudibly, his hands still stuffed in his coat pockets.

“…I’m leaving that to Dazai,” the president grandly stated before he turned on his heel as though there was nothing more to say.

“I won’t let you down, boss,” Dazai replied while he watched Fukuzawa retreat to his office.

“H-hold on, Dazai.” Atsushi frantically stood back up with the completely unassuming fake bomb still in his hands. “So…that job you said you’d give me was…”

“You’re hired.”

Dazai spun around and jovially grinned at him.

“Welcome to the Armed Detective Agency, Atsushi Nakajima.”

Kunikida knitted his brow and worried if this really was the right choice, but he had no intention of opposing the president’s decision.

“Congratulations!  ”

Naomi beamed and dragged her brother over by the arm.

“Glad I could help.”

Tanizaki bashfully placed a hand on the back of his head.

“Wait, wait, wait! I can’t work here! It’s way too dangerous!” Atsushi cried in a panic.

He personally didn’t feel like he’d actually done anything. Unlike Kunikida, he hadn’t used his powers to stop the bomber.

Obviously, that was part of their plan, but still… All I did was pathetically run around in a panic. It’s kind of bizarre that they’d even want to hire me after that.

“I was impressed. You used your own body to cover the bomb to save everyone here.” Dazai’s eyes somewhat gently narrowed. “I know you can do it. You’ll be fine,” he added to encourage Atsushi.

“Yeah! I was really touched by what you did!” Naomi chimed in animatedly.

“But…”

Atsushi fell silent, too exhausted to even get another word out.

Everything I did was purely unconscious. I’m no hero, and I wasn’t trying to pull off an act of bravery. This is nothing I deserve praise for.

I was scared. Nothing more.

Me, a pathetic little coward—