Chapter 3: Name My Feelings
December 21st. Monday morning.
The sky is clear. It’s almost like the rain yesterday was just a dream.
Even though I arrived an hour early, the school had already “woken up”.
Sports clubs aren’t the only ones that show up early.
There are sounds of instruments from the Music Room. The Orchestra Club is preparing for its competition.
I entered the west building while listening to the music. The lights inside the quiet Art Room are on.
Both students and teachers are present.
The Literature Club room is at the end of the west building. I yawned and checked my watch.
Usually, at this time, Kaju would be driven out of my room for trying to change clothes for me.
Someone’s in the room. I decided to open the door.
“Good morning, Nukumizu. It’s been a while.”
The person lifting his head sleepily from the chemistry reference books is ex-president Shintaro Tamaki.
He’s a student preparing for the university entrance exam and Tsukinoki-senpai’s boyfriend.
“I heard from Koto yesterday. Sorry about that.”
Tamaki-senpai said with a bitter smile. I returned the same expression.
“Sorry, I didn’t tell you beforehand. I should’ve said it earlier.”
I told him I would like to have a chat with him yesterday. So, he decided we should meet in the club room in the morning.
Perhaps Tamaki-senpai knows what happened between Tsukinoki-senpai and Shikiya-san in the past.
“Koto didn’t let you tell anyone, right? Don’t just stand around. Have a seat.”
I sat on the chair before him.
“I’ve been busy with my own stuff lately, too.”
Tamaki-senpai glanced at his reference book again. He tore down a post-it note and stuck it onto the page.
“I’ve heard that you’re transferring to major in science. Do you have enough time to prepare for the exam?”
-Majoring in science. Despite being in a Liberal Arts class in high school, he’s going to study science at university.
Changing his intent in the second semester of the third year definitely isn’t easy. Also, the national university he’s aiming for has a reputation for being the hardest to get into in the prefecture.
“I still got an A in the mock exam a few days ago. The national university has been my first choice all along. It could’ve been worse.”
“Isn’t that amazing? What about Tsukinoki-senpai then?”
Tamaki-senpai put out a bitter smile with a few tinges of sternness.
“Probably a private university in Nagoya. She casts her net in every major she’s interested in. However, her mock exam scores- sigh, I’ll say it’s so-so.”
No matter what, these two will proceed on different paths by spring.
It’s not just Tsukinoki-senpai. Tamaki-senpai must be worried too.
Breakups caused by different plans for the future are way too common.
“I am kind of sorry for bringing you out in such difficult times.”
“I don’t blame Nukumizu. Don’t apologize to me. I’ll talk to the teachers and the student council. Let me deal with the confiscated doujinshi, please?”
With that, he showed a smile, trying to ease my worries.
However, senpai frowned as soon as my expression turned stiff while I was attempting to return a smile.
“What’s wrong? Is there something else?”
“Actually, not even the teachers or the student council president know about that book. The only one with a direct relationship is the vice president.”
Pure confusion appeared on Tamaki-senpai’s face.
“The vice president is the first-year Basori-san, right? How did that girl cause such a huge mess by herself?”
“It looks like that person has a lot of opinions toward the Literature Club- or, I should say, Tsukinoki-senpai.”
I sighed for the first time in the morning.
“...She asked me to cooperate with her when I tried to take back the doujinshi. She said if I wanted the novel back, I would have to do what she said.”
“Do what she said? That’s literally a threat, right?”
It’s not literally. It’s precisely a threat.
“Yes, hear me out. That request is-”
“...Is it okay for you to say it?”
I paused for a moment and looked at senpai’s face.
“-Put an end to Shikiya-san and Tsukinoki-senpai’s relationship.”
Senpai’s face twitched after hearing that. I immediately approached him upon confirming that.
“What happened between the two of them?”
I questioned. Tamaki-san frowned and pondered about it.
Then, he slowly shook his head.
“...Sorry, I need some time to think about it.”
“Sure, I understand.”
Did something really happen between the two of them? No, based on Tamaki-senpai’s vague attitude-
I stopped thinking and gave a wry smile. Now’s not the time to investigate that.
Right now, I should consider how to solve this problem.
“But I need senpai’s assistance. Can you help me out?”
“I don’t mind it. What are you up to?”
“The two of them are the only ones who can put an end to this, right? They need to meet each other and talk it out.”
Tamaki-senpai looks deflated after hearing that.
“You think they will see each other for good? Especially Koto.”
“They won’t. Especially Tsukinoki-senpai.”
Also, these two just fought with each other yesterday.
However, the window will forever be closed if we don’t do something now.
“If their relationship has become twisted already, they need some kind of reason. Like unusual events or common enemies, for example. Anyway, we need to create an opportunity.”
“I get what you’re saying, but what will you do exactly?”
“Uh, borrow this to me for a bit.”
I took out an eraser from Tamaki-senpai’s pencil case and put it in the center of the table.
“For example, let's say Tamaki-senpai is meeting Tsukinoki-senpai somewhere, and then Shikiya-san has to show up at the same location and time.”
After that, I removed the highlighter’s cap and put it next to the eraser.
“When they both notice each other, the people they meet will call them and say they will be late. This will force them to wait together.”
“So, you mean we’re lying to let them see each other?”
“Not the same, actually. We have to let them realize that they have been tricked. We have to become their common enemies.”
“It doesn’t hurt to try…”
Tamaki-senpai touched the standing cap with the eraser.
The rolling cap circled around and returned to its original position.
“But we can only bet that it works.”
“It already counts as an ‘end’ if someone runs away in that situation.”
Perhaps.
Mending their relationship is just one of the results. It doesn’t have to be the standard answer.
The request from Teiara-san is putting an “end” to their relationship.
“Well, then, the problem now is how to ask those two out, right?”
Senpai took out his phone and stared at the screen.
“Christmas Eve is on Thursday, right? I have planned to meet Koto at the light show before the station. We’ll have dinner afterward.”
Christmas. The neon light show in front of the station.
“Is this senpai’s revenge for last year?”
They weren’t going out yet at last year’s Christmas.
Tamaki-senpai wasted a superb opportunity under the neon lights.
After all kinds of mistakes, they finally became become a couple. However, a lot has happened. Indeed, a lot.
“Well, how about you tell Shikiya-san to go there then? This will be Nukumizu’s so-called ‘unusual event’, right?”
“But is senpai okay with this? This is your first Christmas ever since going out with her.”
“I can wait until dinner, you know? Also, Koto and I still have the next year and the future beyond.”
Tamaki-senpai seems a little troubled. He smiled as usual.
“I don’t know what’s on Shikiya-san’s mind. However, they used to have a good relationship. Ending it on such a note seems a little…”
“A little sad?”
“No, it’s more like I feel a sense of responsibility.”
-Responsibility. Senpai had already started packing up before I could even ask him.
“6 PM on Thursday. The light show before the station interchange. Koto should be there by that time. Then, Nukumizu will call Shikiya-san out on the phone.”
“Got it. I can’t let her know Tsukinoki-senpai is there, right?”
Tamaki-senpai left. I remained in the room to think this out.
I’m calling Shikiya-san to the neon light show before the station on the night of the 24th. What happens next can only be decided on that day.
…Hmm? Hold on, December 24th. In other words-
…I’m inviting Shikiya-san to spend Christmas Eve with me.
*
“Well, see you. I’ll go to my make-up classes.”
After school, club room. Yakishio dropped her shoulders and walked outside. Only Komari and I remained in the room.
It feels a little terrible to see Yakishio going in and out of the club room after she’s banned from participating in club activities due to failing the exam. However, the Literature Club people are just chilling in the room doing nothing usually…
I thought about that as I opened the calendar on my phone.
-The plan takes place at night on the 24th.
Today is already the 21st. I have to plan this out immediately.
In other words, I’m asking Shikiya-san out on a Christmas date-
“...No, it’s just coincidentally the 24th. Yep, indeed, nothing strange at all.”
I mumbled to convince myself. Komari’s eyes targeted me.
“W-What’s wrong, Nukumizu? A-Are you hallucinating?”
How impolite. It’s just that I can’t tell the boundary between fantasy and reality sometimes. My body is perfectly healthy.
“I just have something on my mind. By the way, Komari, on the night of Christmas Eve-”
As if it was to interrupt me, the door to the club room opened.
Yanami’s peeking at us while trembling.
“...Greetings. You two are here.”
“What’s wrong? What’s with the formality?”
“Uh, I want to apologize to you two.”
Yanami looks pretty apologetic. She curled the tip of her hair.
Apology? Komari and I looked at each other. Yanami suddenly bowed down.
“I’m really sorry for yesterday!”
“Uh, what is it?”
“About Remon-chan! Didn’t she end up in the karaoke room? It was because I didn’t communicate with her properly. That’s why I felt I need to apologize after hearing about it from Remon-chan.”
Ah, I see. But she’s Yakishio, after all.
“Well, I mean, even though you’re right, the result wouldn’t change much even if Yakishio was in the board game cafe, right? Also, if anything, I’m at fault for being late as well.”
Komari nodded.
“A-Also, I-I was the one who brought Tsukinoki-senpai over since I was scared. S-So-”
That’s right, you know? This argument wouldn’t have happened if that person wasn’t there.
“Well, let’s just say this was Komari’s fault.”
“G-Go die.”
Didn’t you say it yourself?”
But it’s rare to see Yanami being aware of her mistakes for once.
Is there some unknown reason behind this? However, I don’t have time to dig into that now.
“We can talk about that later. Yanami-san, what are you planning to do on the night of the 24th?”
The topic suddenly changed. Yanami blinked in confusion.
“Eh? Just spend the night with my family normally.”
“Isn’t there a neon light show in front of the station? I want you to go there with me.”
Indeed, it feels a little weird to invite Shikiya-san out by myself. I don’t need to worry about this if I have another person.
“Heh!? No, I mean, uh, are you serious? Ehh!?”
Yanami let out a weird scream. She looked between Komari and me.
Fine, the sudden invitation is my fault, but you being so upset hurts me a little, you know?
“Sorry, it’s whatever if you’re busy. Well- Komari.”
“Wha!?”
I looked at Komari. She jumped.
“Can you hang out with me on Christmas Eve?”
“Go die! D-Die at least 5 times!”
Ehh, …what’s with the rudeness?
Alright, perhaps suddenly asking them to make room in their Christmas Eve schedule is a little too much.
“Sheesh, I’ll ask Yakishio then…”
With that, I took out my phone.
“Ha?” (x2)
Yanami and Komari groaned. Then, the two girls surrounded my seat.
Uh, what’s with all of this? Why are these two making the mood so tense…?
Yanami crossed her arms and glared at me.
“Nukumizu-kun, sit tight.”
“Hmm? I’m sitting.”
My perfect answer had no effect. Yanami raised her thumb and pointed downward.
“-On the floor.”
What? Why would I do that?
“No, hold on. Hey, Komari, help me out here.”
“S-Shut up. No talking.”
Huh!? Is something wrong with Komari too?
As usual, they are looking at me like I’m a piece of garbage, but aren’t they too mean this time?
“Alright, let’s calm down first. What did I do?”
The girls looked down on me silently.
The pressure is immense. However, a man must not bow to outrageous acts like this.
“That’s why I told you- uh, …well, …yes, I got it.”
However, isn’t backing down when I should be a sign of maturity?
I earnestly kneeled on the floor. Yanami stared at me coldly.
“Nukumizu-kun, do you know what you have done?”
“Uh, what have I done? Let me think…”
“I asked you whether you wanted to go to the light show before the station with me…”
“You asked Komari-chan right away after me, and then you tried to invite Remon-chan after she rejected you. What on Earth are you trying to do?”
What do you mean by what I’m trying to do?
“It’s because, look, don’t I have to bring Shikiya-senpai out too-”
“Wha!? That senpai is next? Nukumizu-kun, aren’t you overstepping your bounds a little!?”
“Eh, haven’t I told you two this? I talked about it with Tamaki-senpai. We have decided to let Tsukinoki-senpai meet with that person. After that, our plan is for me to call Shikiya-senpai on the phone on the night of the 24th. That’s why I want…you two to help me out…together…”
Why? I can feel Yanami and Komari getting more horrifying by the second.
“Uh- did I say anything weird?”
The girls’ cheeks blushed in anger.
“This is why I don’t like this part of you, Nukumizu-kun!”
“Y-You should really g-go die!”
They turned around after dropping those words on me.
Ehh, …what’s happening here? Didn’t I just forget to explain beforehand?
“So, you two, on Christmas Eve…?”
Yanami turned her head a little. Her side profile glared at me.
“I’m sorry. I have to eat with my family that day. Do whatever you want.”
Komari smacked her tongue and stared at me.
“I-I’m busy too. I have to have cakes with the kids at my house. G-Go die alone.”
Aren’t young people these days too hotheaded?
I’ll probably receive even worse treatment if I just find Yakishio after this. Well, I guess I’ll have to invite Shikiya-san alone.
However, with what happened yesterday, isn’t it a little hard to ask Shikiya-san out today?
I still remember how cold her hands were.
It’s different from Yakishio’s powerful grip on the beach. It’s also not the same as Kaju’s innocent palm when she wants me to spoil her. Instead, her petite hands were as brilliant and glamorous as a piece of artwork as they tangled with my finger-
…No, that person definitely didn’t reach her hand out to me with that in mind.
At least, I think there wasn’t any romance or other thoughts the moment our hands touched.
I closed my eyes and reminisced about the feeling from yesterday.
Shikiya-san’s timidness and melancholy- and how I felt when I was next to her.
The more I think about this, the more unbelievable I am toward my own hazy feelings. Then, I remembered Shikiya-san’s wet side profile under the rain for the last time.
She looked very lonely after being rejected- this is what Teiara-san told me.
I don’t know whether the side profile Teiara-san and I saw was the same one. However, I can guarantee the emotions we feel won’t differ too much.
I made up my mind and opened my eyes.
The club room is the same as usual. However, my sight seems to be at a lower angle.
By the way, …how long do I have to kneel on the floor?
*
At night, I carefully checked the door lock in my room.
Very well. No one can come in this way.
I changed into my uniform and looked at my whole body in the mirror.
After that, I tilted my head 45 degrees and spoke with determination.
“Do you want to watch the light show with me at Toyohashi Station this Thursday?”
…That’s it. I think it’s coming together.
After all, I’m inviting a senpai to go out with me on Christmas Eve. Practices for formal situations like this are necessary.
Even though I want it to come off as clean as possible, perhaps it’s a little frivolous to abbreviate the whole thing as a “light show”?
Is it better to be a little more casual…?
Ahem. I cleared my throat and made my pose before the mirror again.
“By the way, this year’s neon light show before the station has already begun, right? If it’s okay with you, do you want to check it out with me on Christmas Eve?”
This is a plain and natural route. This way, I can inject that into a casual conversation.
“Onii-sama, why don’t you try to be a little more indirect?”
“The person may not be aware that this is an invitation and skips it over if I do that, right?”
“If that’s the case, she’s explicitly avoiding it. Listen up. A girl won’t be unconscious of the fact that she’s being invited while in a conversation.”
Eh, really? Girls are scary.
“...By the way, why is Kaju in this room? I’ve already locked the door, right?”
“Ara, it’s not locked, you know? I’m here to return your books.”
Kaju smiled and handed the book to me.
When was the door unlocked? I think this happens every once in a while. I should probably get it fixed…
Kaju even decided to just sit on my bed. I guess she’s going to chill here for the time being.
This can’t be helped. I walked toward my desk and pretended to take out my homework.
“Alright, onii-chan needs to do his homework. Go back, Kaju.”
“Onii-sama, who are you inviting on Christmas Eve?”
…It looks like she’s not letting me go. I stuck my face onto the book purposely.
“Uh, fine, there’s something I need to do. Alright, it’s getting late. Go to bed. Otherwise, you can’t wake up tomorrow, you know?”
I wanted to keep pretending that I was doing my homework. Then, waves of sobs can be heard from behind.
I hastily turned around.
I’m not hallucinating. Kaju’s crying. Huge drops of tears slash through her cheeks.
“What’s wrong, Kaju!?”
“It’s because, …it’s because…I can’t believe onii-sama is going on a date with a girl on Christmas Eve despite not having any friends in the first semester. …Kaju is so, so happy…”
Sniff. Kaju wiped her nose with a paper towel.
“I-It’s not what you think. There’s a reason-”
“Even Kaju thought it was too much when onii-sama was being indecisive between the group of girls, you know?”
“That didn’t even happen, right?”
Kaju wiped her tears and stood up.
“Onii-sama has finally decided who your true love is going to be. Well, Kaju has to give everything I’ve got. The interview can be delayed first!”
Are you still going for an interview after all this? Kaju hugged my head tightly with teary eyes.
“Please leave the rest to Kaju if the Christmas Eve date goes well! The entrance ceremony to the Nukumizu family has already been completed. It’s nice to make new year's dishes together too. The 30 or so <Onii-sama’s Handbook> must be delivered little by little-”
Uh, what’s <Onii-sama’s Handbook>? I don’t dare to ask her despite my curiosity. The amount is a little scary as well.
“Okay, listen to me, Kaju. We’re just going out together. It’s not a date.”
I pulled Kaju down.
“But, onii-sama, that’s Christmas Eve, you know?”
“Yeah, it’s just a coincidence.”
“It’s a date. At least this is an invitation to a date.”
“...!”
I went silent with Kaju’s strong judgment.
I tried my best not to think about the word “date”. Yet, it’s filling my brain right now.
“No one would possibly reject onii-sama’s invitation. If by one in a million chance you’re rejected-”
Kaju hugged my head tightly once again.
“Please don’t worry. Onii-sama still has Kaju, okay?”
“O-Oh…”
But I’m getting increasingly worried.
There are- 3 days until Christmas Eve.
*
Lunch break. I’m in the corridor of the old building with curry bread in my hands.
It’s Wednesday today. A day before Christmas Eve.
It’s been two days since that. However, I still haven’t invited Shikiya-san out yet.
…I’ll go ahead and say this first. I already did my best. Specifically, even though I didn’t do anything, I tried my best.
Things like this are all about opportunities. It’s definitely not because I chickened out. The evidence is that I already practiced countless times with Kaju yesterday night.
I opened the door to the emergency stairs after finding an excuse for myself. A cold breeze descended on me.
It’s been a while since I last came here. This place gets really cold in late December-
“N-Nukumizu, you’re here.”
I raised my head after hearing that. Komari is sitting on the stairs.”
“Komari, what are you doing in such a cold…”
I jolted before I could even finish my sentence upon seeing her look.
She’s wearing fluffy earmuffs with a scarf on her neck. There’s a Hang Ten cotton gown and lap blanket on her body. She has even prepared a cushion to avoid the freezing floor.
“You’re in full gear. Did you bring all that by yourself?”
Komari smiled and pointed at the wall.
“I-I brought a little every time. I put a hook on the maintenance door and hang my bag there.”
This girl is enjoying her blessed life at the emergency stairs.
“N-Nukumizu, it’s been a long time since you have been here, right?”
With that, Komari started chewing her bread.
She’s eating the king among national food- breadsticks. It must be the leftovers from the kids in her house.
However, I came here today because I want to be alone. It looks like this is the wrong place…
Komari called me again when I wondered whether I should go to another floor.
“T-The thing you’re doing tomorrow, is it going well?”
The thing I’m doing tomorrow- is that I have to invite Shikiya-san out.
I fell silent. Komari seemed like she couldn’t bear me anymore and shook her head.
“C-Can’t you just text her or something?”
“I thought about doing that. However, trying to invite a girl on Christmas Eve has an extremely high possibility of rejection.”
“I-Indeed, it’s also an invitation from Nukumizu.”
The last half was unnecessary.
“What I mean is that she will probably ignore me if I text her on Line or something. What if she puts out an ‘I already rejected you, which part do you not understand’ face when I ask her face to face? My heart will be chopped up at that point.”
“G-Go worry about that after you i-invited her.”
She’s right, but boys are sensitive, you know?
“Don’t worry about it. There’s still time after school today. The future me can definitely pull it off.”
“T-This future is right around the corner, you know…?”
No point in keeping thinking about it. I leaned on the railings and chewed my curry bread. As for Komari, her eyes floated around. She seems suspicious.
“What’s wrong, Komari? Are you waiting for someone?”
“N-No. Uh, well, h-here.”
Komari suddenly handed me a small box.
I remember this packaging paper. It was the same one Komari dropped when I ate crepes with Teiara-san.
“Eh, for me?”
Komari didn’t look at me. She nodded silently.
What does the sudden gift mean?
I saw the bookmark within after opening the package carefully.
It’s a thin metallic plate. There’s a hollowed Japanese icon on it. Honestly, it’s pretty well-made and fantastic.
“Are we exchanging Christmas presents? But I didn’t prepare anything.”
“N-No- that o-one is for N-Nukumizu specifically.”
“Eh, so, is this a birthday present?”
I didn’t expect Komari to prepare this for me.
I remembered how I felt when the stray cat I picked up allowed me to feed it for the first time as I carefully observed the bookmark.
“This is really well-made. Isn’t this expensive?”
“N-Not that ridiculous…”
“The print is a river and red leaves. What about this sphere? …Is it a temari? [TL: It’s a ball with numerous decorations on it. They are highly valued and cherished gifts that symbolize friendship and loyalty.]
“...S-Shut up.”
Why is she mad at me?
“Did I say anything I wasn’t supposed to?”
“T-That’s why…I don’t like t-this part of you!”
Komari covered her head with the lap blanket. She hid inside and started munching the bread.
Uh- I don’t understand. Did I step on a landmine somewhere?
Even so, that Komari is giving me a present. Come to think of it, we have been through a lot together.
I observed the sky over the bookmark.
The winter sky is clear and cloudless. The weather report says that it will be sunny tomorrow too.
-I have to go for it. The match will take place after school.
I took a bite of curry bread to cheer myself up.
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