CHAPTER 3
A Father’s Wish Is for Contact and Exchange
Fourth Friday of February
After Valentine’s Day, February was as good as garbage.
So thought the middle-aged father, Touya Kamijou, but then…
“Oh, right. There was a carnival here in Europe, wasn’t there?”
When Touya thought of carnavals, he thought of those big events in Brazil, where the young ladies wearing peacock-like accessories swung their hips from side to side really fast, but apparently they didn’t have any of those peacock girls here in Italy. That was too bad. Here, with men and women going about with masks that looked like they were made of glass, the view was more surreal—actually, if they went into a department store like that, someone would probably call the police.
Anyone who got that glimpse into his thoughts would realize that Touya Kamijou was not affiliated with any particular religion, nor did he differentiate between global religions, new age religions, and cults. No, he was a typical Japanese man, one who would simply wonder what festival this was again.
So he decided to ask the part-time girl working at the local souvenir shop, located in a tent on the corner of the cobblestone road.
“Oh, yes, sir. Lent is going to start soon. This festival is for stuffing ourselves with food before the coming fast, but, uhhh, a lot of stuff has gotten mixed in with the tradition over the years. Kind of like how the sambas for Rio’s carnaval originally came from religious African music, then grew into its own thing.”
“Another ambiguous one… Are those masks official, then?”
“Doubt it. People just bring them here because they think Venetian customs are cool. Glass masks aren’t part of the traditional crafts here in Milan. Hey, you want to buy one?”
The blond-haired, blue-eyed part-timer smiled, recommending a souvenir that wasn’t even local.
Touya, half appalled, said, “Ha-ha. You don’t understand the basics of business.”
“Huh? The Carnival only happens once a year—you’re not a tourist who came for it?”
“I actually just clocked out, believe it or not. Finished up a bit of a business talk.”
Touya was a sales representative for a foreign-owned enterprise.
…Which may make it sound like he was just an average salaryman, but his actual occupation was fairly irregular. Strictly speaking, he belonged to a department called the Office of Securities Trading Prevention.
His job was to use any means at his disposal to stop stock trading, mergers, and the like that would be harmful to his own company. The post was beginning to be seen as even more important now that anyone could use a computer to buy and sell stocks in a matter of a few hours.
This sort of securities trading was, as a rule, something that could be done relatively freely, and since the global market straddled national borders, it was difficult for a single country to legally control…but that was a different issue. The mere eleven people belonging to the Office of Securities Trading Prevention were the best of the best—they’d put all their knowledge and technique to use from fields like economics and psychology and freely bent the rules in gray areas in order to do their jobs.
Well, broadly speaking, it’s okay to tell them, “You might take a huge loss if you buy up all these securities” but not “Hey, don’t buy those securities.”
“What would I know about business, anyway? As you can see, I’m a regular part-timer. There’s no business plan here. I’m standing out on the side of the road, just like the little match girl.”
“Let’s start there. You should have more confidence in the products you’re selling. The reason ennichi yakisoba looks so appetizing isn’t because of the festival atmosphere around it. It’s because of the way the old guy at the stall cooks it.”
“What’s en-nee-chee mean?”
“It’s the same reason they codified customer service in chain restaurants. Seeing employees with inconsistent levels of confidence is enough to affect how patrons look at the place. That’s why restaurants promote a standardized, average level of confidence that all employees should be able to project.”
“Anyway, are you going to buy one or not? I mean, I really don’t mind if you’re just window-shopping, ’cause it passes the time.”
Touya sighed. She truly didn’t have any enthusiasm. “I’m looking for an Italian souvenir. Something you can look at and immediately know I went to Italy. Something everyone would be delighted to see. Bonus points for having some kind of casual boon from a god or something.”
“Oh, right, I see. You’re looking for local good-luck charms. Japanese people really like ambiguous things like that, huh?” replied the part-timer offhandedly, fishing around in a nearby pile of items. “How about this? Dollar bills sure to summon good fortune. I’ll let you have them for one hundred euros if you buy now.”
“Italy doesn’t even use dollars to begin with.”
“I’ll get a receipt for you. Otherwise it’ll be considered tax evasion, here in Italy.”
“Wait. I haven’t even bought anything, so don’t print a receipt for it. You’re being a very pushy saleswoman.”
“…That’s strange. I heard Japanese people will buy just about anything if you tell them it brings good luck,” she muttered.
Then, as if spotting something, her face paled. Frantically, she got all the items in order, then pulled a single string to fold up the tent, completing her preparations to flee in just fifteen seconds.
As Touya watched, flabbergasted at how fast she was, the part-timer said, “Crap, the weirdo is here! Sorry, sir! If we’re lucky, maybe we’ll meet again!!”
“Huh? Ummm, what?”
“Someone who doesn’t tolerate selling such ambiguous souvenirs is approaching fast!! She’s especially strict about ripping off Japanese sightseers in particular! As a parting gift, I’ll tell you the three things I hate most: my parents, my teacher, and missionaries!!” she rattled off, shouldering the piles of goods, the rolled-up tent joined to her backpack like a mountain climber’s sleeping bag, and quickly rushing off.
“If we’re lucky,” huh? She certainly seems like she believes in luck, at least…, thought Touya, left behind with his peculiar impression. He stood dazed for a few moments.
“…Mgh. I’m certain that mana specific to Balbina was emitted somewhere in this area…”
All of a sudden, someone appeared, muttering suspicious-sounding Italian under her breath. It was a woman, dressed in a mainly white nun’s habit that looked old-fashioned and worn. She was in either her late twenties or early thirties. Clearly, she had once been a beauty, but everything about her seemed strangely faded, like she alone was living in a damaged roll of film.
The nun squatted down in the space where the part-timer had her shop set up just moments ago, then slowly held her palm to the ground.
“It’s still warm, as I expected. Which would mean… That brat ran away on me again! You there, sir—have you spotted a dull-looking lamb going through her rebellious phase around here?”
Touya was taken aback at the sudden mention, but eventually, he said, “No. The only one I saw was a young woman with quite charming freckles.”
“If I could, I would deduct all points for that nauseating sentence and smile. What were you doing here in the first place, sir?”
“I was looking for an Italian souvenir. What about you, by the way? Are you her guardian or her teacher?”
Touya asked that specifically because they’d been examples of what the girl said she hated.
“No.”
But it seemed neither was the case. Which meant there was only one answer left.
“I am a Roman Orthodox missionary. My name is Lidvia Lorenzetti. If you have an interest in our lord and savior—or have any ideas as to where our Balbina went after she snuck out of the morning sermon to earn a little cash—please contact us.”
…That was the story anyway, but Touya Kamijou managed to coincidentally run into the missionary Lidvia five times in that day alone.
“Why are you always standing in places Balbina would likely go?”
“I told you, I’m just looking for an Italian souvenir. She simply happens to be everywhere I’m going. Anyway, why does the little stall keeper run away so fast every time you show up?”
“Hm? If you’re looking for souvenirs, they’re sold everywhere. Look over there—Milan cookies and Milan sweet bread. All you need to do is buy something and go home already.”
“…Wait, they sell sweet buns in Italy?”
“I believe Japan, too, has a pasta dish called Napolitan. I should think you have no need to acquire the extravagant ‘products’ that Balbina is likely to sell.”
“Well, there’s a bit of a story behind my shopping, actually,” said Touya, giving a relatively exhausted sigh. “Do you believe in rotten luck?”
“Hm?”
“I do. Because I’ve seen it. To tell the truth, my only child—a boy—has terribly rotten luck. He doesn’t do anything bad to deserve it, either, but he’s always getting caught up in trouble. It’s become such a normal thing that whenever something unfortunate happens to him, everyone around him can’t do anything but point and laugh.”
Touya spoke while poking a small doll in a different stall with a finger.
“…I’m pathetic, aren’t I? I can complain all I want about the people around him, but in the end, I haven’t been able to do anything for him, either. I think maybe it will help if I buy a lot of good-luck charms, but maybe even that is nothing but a way for me to comfort myself. It’s just an excuse to let me say that I’m doing my best—more than everyone else is.”
Lidvia said nothing. Touya figured he was just being a bother by suddenly confiding in her, but he found he couldn’t stop himself.
“To tell the truth, I want to get rid of his burdens myself. I’m his father, you know? But what can I do against an invisible opponent like misfortune? I’m truly pathetic. And an idiot for clinging to things like this.”
“Heh…”
Then, before he knew it, Lidvia was hanging her head. What could be wrong? wondered Touya.
“Heh-heh. That’s wonderful—truly wonderful. That trouble of yours… Being thrust into a situation where you can do nothing at all about it… Everything… Everything about this is…”
“U-umm—eek?!”
Touya sucked in a breath. For some reason, Lidvia was smiling. And it wasn’t the kind of smile that would set someone at ease. It was a wide smile meant for herself, the sort where if she wasn’t careful, she’d start drooling all over the place.
“Wonderful!! What wonderful impossibility! What wonderful absurdity!! The more difficult the situation grows, the more dramatically one’s enthusiasm waxes!! Hee-hee—you wish to remove the misfortune clinging to your son, yes? In that case, the matter is simple. Balbina! Balbina—the magic herbalist, Balbinaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!”
Shouting, Lidvia burst into a small alley at Mach speed, then came back just ten seconds later dragging the part-timer by the back of her neck. The girl, Balbina, pouted angrily as she slid along the ground.
“Ow, ow, that hurts!! What the heck?! Can’t I just have a part-time job?! Is that so much to ask?!”
“It isn’t the time for that! We have a situation—blah-blah, this and that!!”
“Geh!! You moron! Why didn’t you tell me this was about helping someone out?!”
The two Italians seemed to be extremely agitated about something or other—Touya couldn’t quite keep up. Lidvia and Balbina continued to become more heated, ignoring the perplexed middle-aged man. Balbina removed several things from her bag to show to the clueless Touya, like a strange doll and something that looked like dead grass, then packed them all in on top of a small notepad.
“For now, I gathered everything you don’t need incantations or ceremonies for—stuff that’s effective just from leaving it be! As for their safekeeping, all you need to do is read the warnings here and here!!”
“We wouldn’t want some anti-sorcerer organization to set eyes on him. What about covering it up?”
“No worries, no problem!! Each one of these is still considered a Soul Arm, but they’re not specialized for specific people, so none of them are worth getting punished for. Your strange souvenir problem is solved. This is gray-area stuff, close to white, so even a pro sorcerer would have trouble telling the difference!!”
““Anyway, you’ll be fine!!”” cried both of them at the same time, giving their seal of approval. And then, to top it all off, Lidvia took out a Bible and half forced it into Touya’s pocket.
“If it still doesn’t work, please go to the nearest church. We build those roofs specifically to protect lambs tormented by undeserved calamity!!”
“Ha… Ha-ha. I see,” said Touya, chuckling a little. “To be honest, I can’t bring myself to believe in God like that. But if kind people like you believe in him, then maybe I can, too.”
In that same city, Oriana Thomson, a huge-breasted smuggler who always acted in tandem with Lidvia, had just alluringly stuck out her tongue to engage in close-quarters combat with some gelato when her partner suddenly appeared as she hurtled toward her at a breakneck pace before finally tackling her.
“Orianaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!”
“Nghagh?!”
The blow bent Oriana’s carefully honed body over at the gut and sent her ice cream flying as both plopped onto the ground. Without paying the slightest bit of attention to the trembling smuggler, Lidvia was rapidly wiggling her hips around for some reason, hands on her cheeks.
“Th-this day!! What a good day this day is!! I may have been prisoner to a misunderstanding when it comes to Japanese people! I had thought they were the enemies of our society because of that barbaric Academy City—but to think it was home to fathers who cared so much for their children!! It may be that we will need to change our plan of conquest to a warmer, more peaceful one!!”
“What…? What do you mean…? Why’s she so excited…?” Oriana asked Balbina after a bit of trouble breathing—she’d probably been dragged here by Lidvia. Blah-blah and so on. After hearing the story, Oriana pretended to worry for a moment.
“I… I see. Well, I mean… Ugh. At it again with the upper—”
“Oooooookaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaayyyyyyyyyyy!!” yelled Lidvia suddenly before she could finish. Her swiftly undulating hips banged right into Oriana, sending her sliding to the side. Hearing an awful kee-rack, Balbina paled.
Without a care, Lidvia said, “Let’s keep up our enthusiasm! Troubles are troubling because they are not easily resolved! And for those who do not understand the fun inherent in them, we shall resolve all their troubles for them!! First, we must prepare the Soul Arm. As it’s so heavily affected by the positions of stars, we will first need to conduct observations on-site in order to use it at the appropriate coordinates!!”
With Lidvia being excruciatingly gung ho, Balbina began, once again, to flee. Oriana attempted to do the same, but before she could, Lidvia captured the smuggler.
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