CHAPTER 2
The Warrior and the Dancer from Norse Mythology
First Friday of February
In one small jeans shop in London:
“No more of this, girlfriend. I’m not selling you anything.”
“Wh-why not?!” cried Kaori Kanzaki, slamming her hands on the counter with a bam. “I always bring payment along with me! Even when you’re charging me an arm and a leg for vintage ones with ambiguous market value, even though I include a tip for you—and why won’t you look at me?!”
“Well, just look at you, honey!!” The owner pointed sharply at Kanzaki’s thigh area.
The jeans she was wearing had one leg completely cut off at the thigh, granting her an asymmetrical sort of beauty as well as an unadorned sexiness.
“I work so hard, going all over the world for these vintage jeans, only to have you cut them up!! You don’t seem to understand how much that pair is worth—it was made with all sorts of special features meant for the men working the mines during the California gold rush…!!”
“I understand that. That’s why I’m always sure to make the part I cut off into a purse, like this one—”
“Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaagh!!” roared the owner like a raging bull, running his hands through his hair. “Anyway, I’m not selling anything to you, and I’m not going to help you with your work, either! If you don’t like it, then go cry to the god of jeans and premium goods and apologize to them!!”
“I…I see. I haven’t even explained the details yet… But you say you will not aid me in my work. That is a shame…” Kanzaki’s shoulders drooped. “That just means I’ll have to deal with them alone—the mysterious jeans-snipping slasher being whispered about on the streets.”
“You should’ve said that sooner!”
Kaori Kanzaki’s job was to take down evil sorcerers.
It wasn’t the most specific job, and it seemed like an occupation best left for storybooks—but they existed, and that was that. And since the organization she belonged to was connected to their state religion, she quietly earned a stable income that was about what a civil servant could expect to make. This was how the hard-earned money of UK taxpayers paid for nebulous activities and expenses.
Like out of a storybook… Kanzaki laughed at herself a little. Right now, thanks to certain circumstances, her heart was sealed shut on a deep level—although humans are creatures who cannot hold a single emotion in their heart for very long. Without twisting a person’s fundamental personality to an irreparable level, their innate senses of duty and compassion will eventually surface when they least expect it.
“Come to think of it, what did happen to that Stiyl?” asked the owner.
Stiyl was a colleague of Kanzaki’s. “He’s following the child,” she answered.
“He’s still going on about that?”
“……”
“Well, not that I have any right to criticize him. We just have to pray some idiot doesn’t dash in like a hero,” said the owner before pausing and changing the topic. “Actually, Kanzaki, aren’t you cold in that getup? It’s February, and it’s freezing.”
The owner was hugging himself, shivering fiercely. Februaries in London fell squarely in the wintertime. And this year, a severe cold wave had hit the entire nation—the kind where the story about the match-selling girl who died made perfect sense. It was cold enough that some ponds had frozen solid, and now anyone could walk across them.
But even though Kanzaki’s thigh was completely exposed—albeit just the one—she replied, “No, not especially.”
“Unbelievable…,” the shop owner muttered, his lips turning blue and his breath white, while wearing heavy gear that he could have scaled Mount Everest in. “Anyway, what’s this about a jeans-snipping slasher?”
“It’s just what it sounds like. A mystery person, identity unknown, who cuts only the jeans of those they pass by. The only notable damages thus far have been jeans—no one has been injured, apparently.”
“We can kill them, right?”
“You decided on that faster than the speed of sound.”
“Now that I think about it…the jeans-snipping slasher, eh…? Surprised you weren’t suspected.”
“??? Why would anyone suspect me of this?”
The owner gave a sigh at the confused, thigh-exhibitionist girl standing before him. “Never mind. Any clues where they’re hiding?”
“Yes, but not much of one. The criminal’s actions have the smell of Norse mythology.”
“…Any proof of that? Who investigated this?”
“Theodosia.”
“Her? I suppose we should take that with a grain of salt— Oh.”
As the owner and Kanzaki watched, they saw an old bearded man suddenly stumble, lose all his energy, and collapse. The jeans he was wearing had been severed cleanly at both thighs; the tragic transformation made them look more like briefs than jeans.
The owner unwittingly covered his face with his hands. “Damn, that’s awful… They just robbed a proud English gentleman of all his dignity. They didn’t even leave him with the energy to fix his own beard!!”
“Indeed. If they were going to cut them, they could have done it with a little more class, like I do.”
“I am definitely not selling you anything ever again.”
Just then, Kanzaki heard a sharp noise like metal plates scraping together.
Almost like scissors.
“?!”
It almost got her.
Kanzaki whipped around, swinging the long, sheathed katana she carried at nearly the same moment an unknown attacker closed in on her with a blade. Two silhouettes crossed. A silly ba-bam went off, but for the moment, Kanzaki’s jeans hadn’t turned into denim briefs.
“Who are you?!” Kanzaki shouted, glaring harshly at her opponent.
The rumored surprise-tailor turned out to be a woman about the same age as Kanzaki. She was slender and well proportioned, with hair that was closer to silver than blond. Her clothing consisted of several pieces of steel positioned in a particular way to form a unique set of breastplate and waist armor; her hands were in long gloves that reached above the elbow; and her legs sported long boots above tights that were, for some reason, white and black in a cow pattern, and wait a minute.
Kanzaki’s eyes shrank to pinpoints.
The shop owner’s eyes goggled. Trembling, he said:
“That’s gotta be…the legendary bikini armor.”
Flustered at the incredible sight before her eyes, Kanzaki said, “Umm, well, where do I even start with this…?!! I mean, the top part—there’s barely anything there. So how about I start with that?!”
The mysterious exhibitionist stuck out her ridiculously ample chest. “Your own shirt is quite the same, I’d say. Even I find myself in awe and admiration of its sexiness.”
“…!!”
“Hang on a sec there, Kanzaki!! It’s too soon to draw your blade!! And if you ask me, you are way too erotic, from an objective point of view!!”
“Why are you putting me in a full nelson and agreeing with her?! Have you forgotten we’re about to fight that exhibitionist jean-slasher?!”
“No, we might still be able to talk things out!! We need to do the best we can, right now!!”
“Is… Is that so? To tell the truth, I’ve already started to give up about halfway!! Could you please deal with that pervert?!”
“We just have to hold on a little longer!! From a clothing specialist’s point of view, it’s true that her outfit is out of fashion. Cow-skin patterns don’t hold any special meaning anymore! Why, all she’s doing is showing off those boobs of hers!! After all, this whole time my eyes have been glued to—”
“You’re just completely falling for her trap, aren’t you?!”
Kanzaki let loose a punch to catapult the owner meters away from her, like a kung fu movie.
The bikini-clad woman in question laughed softly at the display. It was a quiet, alluring tittering that was at odds with her outfit. “I cannot blame the gentleman for his excitement. That is, after all, the meaning behind the Valkyries’ existence.”
Valkyries?
In Norse mythology, they were humans referred to as heavenly maidens, or battle maidens. It was said their duty was to deliver the souls of warriors to Valhalla, in preparation for Ragnarok. But some postulated they were actually angels or spirits—something that had never been human. A maiden born as a human could apparently become a Valkyrie by desiring battle over all else and satisfying certain conditions to be granted power by the chief god Odin. In other words, it was a path that dauntless and courageous women could walk to be apotheosized.
If humans could indeed become Valkyries, it wasn’t unusual to think that a group residing in the world of sorcery might just try to do so artificially. Sorcery was like a lab-grown diamond. The system was completely dedicated to bringing about normally rare, miraculous events on demand. Wanting to create a simple homemade recipe for becoming a Valkyrie—well, the idea wasn’t wrong, exactly.
“…And why exactly is a Valkyrie apprentice doing this…? The last I checked, there weren’t any spirits of macho men in this neck of the woods.”
The Valkyrie tsked. “Transporting the souls of warriors is not the only duty of the Valkyries. More important is that we pour wine for the gentlemen invited to Valhalla, perform our dances for them, and bind and ‘educate’ their minds for the sake of Valhalla. My goal is to use my charms to create more Einherjar, thus single-handedly accumulating power rivaling that of an entire sorcerer society.
“In conclusion!!” continued the battle maiden, sticking out her chest even further. “At times to fight, at times to dance, always girding oneself with heroism and beauty—the logical conclusion of this Valkyrie, I must say, resides within the very way I present myself!! Indeed, as a dancing girl in sexy armor!!”
…So not only her armor was off the rails but her mind was, too?
For a moment, and just a moment, Kanzaki had uncharacteristically given up on everything about this. But she shook her head and managed to reject it. Kanzaki’s magic name was Salvere000: the hand of salvation for the unsaved. She couldn’t allow herself to give up now.
But she couldn’t deny that this was a ridiculous situation. “All right!” she shouted. “I’m fully disappointed now, so let’s make sure we talk things over as we fight!!”
“Ha-ha!! I am she who hath abandoned her humanity, even donning such embarrassing clothing as this! A mere sorceress off the streets hath not the strength to stop me!!”
“So you do feel embarrassed about it! That means there’s hope for you yet…!!”
Kanzaki was getting fairly worked up herself, but the sexy Valkyrie’s attack had enough speed, weight, and power to be worthy of the title Valkyrie. And she rammed her blade into Kanzaki’s over and over again, too.
“Behold, the true power of a Valkyrie—it’s a Party of Nine!!”
After chanting something or other loudly, the Valkyrie’s shadow suddenly split into nine at her feet. The strange shadows almost seemed to be forming a magic circle, and this set Kanzaki on her guard.
“?!”
The nine shadows didn’t really do anything, though. They whirled around the Valkyrie for a bit, then just disappeared. Kanzaki was confused, until—
“Mhhoooooohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh?!”
—a scream suddenly rose from the jeans shop owner’s throat, shaking the very air.
What, what? What happened? Kanzaki looked his way. The owner, who had collapsed, rose back onto his feet, his movements awkward and stunted. No, wait—nine maidens? She wasn’t sure where they came from, but they grabbed him by the hands, legs, waist, and neck and were moving him around by force.
“Hoh-hoh-hoh,” chuckled the Valkyrie. “When magically supporting a warrior, a Valkyrie does it with a group of nine. My spell uses nine maidens to control a gentleman and make him my pawn!!”
“What about his mind?”
“Frankly, the more they see my body and think ‘this is the most incomparable expression of feminine beauty that I’ve ever seen! You are truly too beautiful for this world!! I want to abandon all my friends, my women, and my life, sell them away, and serve you and you alone!! Actually, with that kind of beauty, how are you not a god yet?’—the easier it is to trap them in my spell, if you must know.”
Which means, the moment someone becomes too aroused by her sexy bikini outfit, they fall under her control, thought Kanzaki, reviewing the situation as she regarded the shop owner with cold eyes.
He looked away from Kanzaki somewhat awkwardly and mumbled a “sorry.”
Kanzaki simply nodded. “Off with your head, then.”
“Wait, wait, Kanzaki!! My sense of justice is all helter-skelter in my brain right now!! I’ll break free of this cowardly sorcery with love and justice—just you wait, I will show you what a man is truly made of!!”
Just then, the Valkyrie bent over in his direction. She placed her palms on her knees, squeezed her breasts between her arms, and gave a quick wink. “Kill her, and I’ll show you all kinds of things. Would you like to be top or bottom?”
“…Sorry, Kanzaki. My heart—it’s changing so fast right now that I don’t think I can reel it back—”
“Off with your head, then.”
Apparently, Kanzaki was still willing to offer a modicum of mercy since she hit him with the dull edge of her blade, sending the sulky shopkeeper flying into the skies above London.
Having purged the traitor, Kanzaki prepared to restart the battle, but first, she cut to the heart of this curious incident. “By the way, why are you only cutting the jeans of gentlemen?”
“Ah, yes. My field of specialty when it comes to entertaining warriors is erotic humiliation.”
I’ll have to beat her down 20 percent harder. She was being a public nuisance, after all.
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