Tantei wa Mou, Shindeiru - Volume 9 - Chapter 2.07

Side Yui

The moment I finished my vocal training at the studio, I sank weakly to the floor. The fatigue was more mental than physical; I’d never put so much thought into singing before.

“Wonderful work, Yui. It’s hard trying something new, isn’t it?”

The kind voice belonged to Marie, who’d agreed to coach me. I’d been stressing out about techniques and mindsets for singing in a musical instead of as an idol, and she’d taken me on as her student.

“Drink this if you’d like.”

“Thank you!” Marie had handed me a water bottle, and I gulped down its contents. “What brand of mineral water is this? My body feels all hot now!”

“It’s hot water with honey and ginger. I didn’t expect you to drink it all in one go like that.”

Ah, that explained why I suddenly felt like I was boiling.

“I have plenty of throat drops, too. Would you like some?”

“Yes, please. Ten of them! Oh, but I don’t like mint!”

Marie filled my cupped palm with strawberry candy. I love people who spoil me! …Though she’d been pretty strict during the lesson.

“It’s vital to look after your throat. Granted, I’m sure you don’t need me to tell you that.”

“…Sorry. I haven’t had the time or energy to pay attention to it lately.” I knew there was no point in making excuses, but I did anyway.

“Well, I only carry around this sort of thing because I need it myself.”

“Um, are you also taking care of your throat because you’re a singer, Marie?”

“That’s part of it, but I seem to be physically frail by nature. Even the weather tends to affect my condition.”

Ah, that made sense. I often got migraines if it rained or when the pressure dropped.

“What do you do at times like that, Marie? When your body just refuses to cooperate or your throat is acting up.”

“There’s nothing to do but wait for a day when I’m able to sing again, of course.”

…I knew it. I’d thought that was probably how it went, but even so, a strange sense of unease was spreading somewhere in my heart. It was directed at myself, not at Marie.

“Is something wrong?” Marie asked gently, sitting down beside me.

“It’s just, even if I’m not in the best shape, my schedule won’t wait for me.”

My musical rehearsals. My new song releases. There was a big event just around the corner as well, and every second of my spare time was filled with singing and dance lessons. Right now, I didn’t have any time to stand around.

That had been my ideal and my goal for years now, though. I’d wanted to become a shiny-clean, pretty idol who was always sparkling. I was sure I wasn’t there yet.

“Why are you an idol, Yui?”

Marie’s question almost made me flinch.

Why was I an idol? What had made me want to become one? Telling her that would mean talking about my slightly dark past. Still, trying to gloss that over with Marie seemed pretty pointless, so I told her.

I said that I’d been sick as a child, which had made me quiet and withdrawn. That a beautiful false sapphire eye had given me courage. That I’d started to work as an idol because I wanted to broaden my horizons… That my mom and dad had died, and that I kept working hard as an idol because I wanted them to look down from heaven and see me doing my very best.

As I told her all that, Marie listened kindly and nodded.

“Is that still why you do it?” she asked. She wanted to know if I was still singing for my parents’ sakes.

“Mm… I’m not sure. In all honesty, I think I used to be dependent on them. That isn’t true now, though. Wanting to sparkle and shine has turned into my own way of life.”

Right. That’s how I stay so positive! I flashed a mental peace sign; there was no time for brooding.

“In that case, who do you sing for now, Yui?”

“Huh? Well, for my fans, of course.”

“Who do you mean when you say ‘fans’?”

Hmm. Was this a riddle? Marie looked dead serious, though.

“When you say ‘my fans,’ do you think of specific faces?”

“Well…”

There were regular events, of course; meeting fans and shaking their hands, that sort of thing. I also interacted with people during my daily live streams, so I remembered a lot of names and faces… That was true of the sick little girl the mummified hand had reminded me of, as well. Still, when I said “my fans” in that general sort of way, whose face came to mind? I couldn’t answer that question right away.

“I’m a traveling singer. The stages I sing on are always far smaller than the ones where you perform as an idol, but that means I’m able to look out across my whole audience. I’m more aware of the individuals I’m singing to.”

“…I see. So that’s what you mean when you ask who I sing for?”

“Yes. Just staying conscious of that may change the way you sing onstage.”

Being an idol was the peak of entertainment, and it was only natural to try to make sure that everyone in the venue enjoyed themselves. But thinking about singing a song for a specific person? Maybe that was the issue I needed to tackle next, now that I wasn’t doing it for my parents anymore. Why was I singing? Who was I singing for?

“Is there someone you want to sing for, Marie?”

She’d said she was able to see her audiences’ faces because she was a wandering singer, but if she sang right here, this very minute, who would she sing for? I didn’t know myself well enough, so I asked her instead.

“I think I’ve probably always loved songs.” Marie still couldn’t remember her past, but she gazed up at the ceiling, a distant look in her eyes. “I must have sung the songs I loved for someone. So I think I must still sing for that person.”