Suddenly, This Summer - Chapter 26

Cai Man Xin, who had also returned early to prepare for her GRE test, was surprised to see her. “Why are you also back so early?”

“Trust me, I want to stay home for a few more days too. But the faculty told me to come back because the visiting professor I’ve once interpreted for is visiting again. Since I’m already familiar with him, they’re not looking for anyone else.” He Luo handed Cai Man Xin a bag of bread. “Here, the Russian bread you wanted. I can’t carry the rest. There’s not much difference anyway.”

“I did think about it if I should apply,” He Luo hesitated to say.

“No…” He Luo sounded guilty, knowing Cai Man Xin was going to lecture her again. “I can’t talk, I have to go pick the professor from the airport.”
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He Luo laughed as she pulled on her coat. “Yes, yes. They’re everywhere. But why don’t I see you meeting any of them?”

“Yes, yes. We’ll wait for you to go America and see if you have that American time you speak of.” He Luo laughed. “I really have to go. The plane is landing soon.” 

“Is Yantai cold?”

“Is your stomach still hurting? Take care and stop drinking so much.”

She had once asked all these questions. Perhaps he was meeting a client, drinking as businessmen do. Each time he replied to her texts, it was as short as humanly possible.

“Okay.”

“Not sure.”

She felt that her words were inappropriate so she amended it one by one. In the end, she just deleted everything and started anew: “The person I like you is still you.”

What about her? 

Was the freshness of a love really that brief…

The bus had passed the toll at the airport. As the green road signs outside flashed outside her window, He Luo repeated the tongue-twisting names of the professor and his wife in her head: Mr and Mrs Zawistowski. From the sound of their names, it seemed like they came from Eastern Europe. Both were about 60, but still in good health. Professor Zawistowski had even participated in the California interstate marathon last year, clocking in at 3 hours and 8 minutes. This year, he was also gearing up to sign up for the Beijing international marathon.

She buried the confession text deep in the drafts folder of her phone. No matter what, she could not find the courage to send it out.

If Zhang Yuan’s prideful self was tired of her, bored of her, wanted to retreat from her back then, how was the situation now better? Even if she cried in front of him, shouted, begged, what would change if they had gotten back together? Their problems still exist. Like a silent stone, passersby at night would never be able to guess where it would appear. Even as they walk on a path as familiar to them as the back of their hands, they might still trip on the stone and fall harder than the last time.

“That’s too depressing. Will I even have the confidence to fall in love anymore?” Ye Zhi said, “You won’t trip. But you hug the stone for so long that you might as well use it as a stool to sit on. If you don’t start digging, it’ll forever remain in its place.”

“I will. I will,” He Luo said. “But between us, it’s not something that a phrase such as ‘I like you, let’s be together’ can solve. I’ve already tried and I believe he understands my intentions. But if he doesn’t any desire to turn back, what can I do? Do I threaten him with a knife or by jumping into a river? Actually, I want to tell him clearly that I really…”

“That I really can’t live without Zhang Yuan, that I won’t marry anyone but him.” Ye Zhi harrumphed. “Girl, you can’t even say that frankly in front of us. What more in front of Zhang Yuan?”

If she revealed what she truly felt inside, perhaps her tears would fall first.

The more beautiful the mirage it was, the more of an illusion it was.

“I’m seeing a ghost at night.” He Luo laughed, twisting the light to shine at Zhou Xing Yan’s eyes.“Look, it’s a demoness. You didn’t manage to get any water, did you? I have some in my bucket. If you want, you can take it yourself.”

“You won’t die if I touch a little. Why are you smacking so hard? It really hurts! How do I sleep later on?” Zhou Xing Yan cried. “As compensation, give me Professor Towski’s notes for reference.” “Tong Jia Ying’s notes are the most complete,” He Luo said. “There are many parts that I don’t understand that I need to ask her.”

“You’re begging for rice yet complain it’s rotten.” He Luo glared at her.

Tong Jia Ying said, “It’s a bit hard, but it’s very interesting.”

“You’re too lucky!” Zhou Xing Yan said. “You’re so bloody lucky! If he writes you a recommendation letter in the future, won’t you have your pick of American ivy leagues?”

“There’s nothing good about the moon. Chang’e lives a pitiful life,” Ye Zhi slowly said, her tone carrying compassion.

“You must’ve twisted your neck.” Shen Lie’s voice came from beside her. “You’ve gotten the book before I could. I just knew it. After someone used these books, they hid it away not wanting others to find it.” He extended his hand. “Let me carry the books. Hurry up and massage your neck.”

“Still daydreaming. Hurry up and give me.” Shen Lie lowered his voice and laughed. “Do you think I would hide away your books?” 

Shen Lie shook his head as he laughed and sat beside her companionably. He lowered his head and flipped the book. It was so quiet that only the sound of rustling could be heard.

He Luo wanted to apologise, but words like “thank you” and “sorry” were both polite yet hurtful. Besides, what reason did she have to say them? The other person did not make his confession. These words would just seem like a condescending form of charity.
Spring would always make people feel lazy and drowsy. The sunshine would sometimes alternate between brightness and dimness. When the weather cleared up, the peach blossom flowers outside would be dazzlingly pink. The smell of piled-up old books tangled with the refreshing scent of soap.

Every time Shen Lie came close, she would inevitably be reminded of Zhang Yuan. There was nothing to compare. She can only apologise to him.

“Seriously! I can’t find any of the books we need.” From the other side of the shelf, the complaining voice of a girl floated over.

“How many recommendation letters do you think he’ll write for the people in the class?”

The two girls sighed. He Luo could tell they were postgraduate students who were in Professor Zawistowski’s class. Out of the blue, her name was brought up in their conversation.

“Doesn’t have to mark classwork. Only has to be good at English.”

“My uncle isn’t from the Ministry of Foreign Affairs…” Her tone was sour. “Isn’t Professor Zawistowski funded by both countries to do this science and technology exchange project? Of course he has to give the ministry people some face.”

“Right. So we’ll just have to focus on our GRE test, PS, and our own recommendation letters. Her? She can get in with just a word from her uncle.”

Shen Lie glanced at He Luo, got up, and put the reference book he was reading back to the shelf. “Here. There’s a copy here.” The two girls cheerfully shouted, forgetting whatever they were saying earlier.

“They’re all sour grapes. Don’t mind them.” Walking out of the reading room, Shen Lie took big steps to catch up to He Luo. “Not many mortals know the fact that you’re a deity. Without even studying much, you already achieve such a good result.”

“That can only prove that your entire family is capable. Just let those sour grapes envy.” Shen Lie pursed his lips. “Really, it’s already been established that the project is under the Ministry of Education. There’s nothing to do with your uncle. If I’m Professor Zawistowski, I also won’t pick them as teaching assistants. They have such bad mouths.”

“Huh, truly I’ve wasted my good intentions and became the bad guy instead,” Shen Lie helplessly said, extending his palm. 

“What did you say?” Shen Lie asked.

“If you praise a girl, the nicest compliment you can tell her is that she’s pretty. If that’s not true, you can tell her she’s graceful. If her looks aren’t acceptable, you can say she has good temper.” Shen Lie laughed. “Similarly, if you want to praise a boy, you can say he’s smart and brave, or even handsome and charismatic. If you really can’t find any good qualities from him, you can say he’s kind.”

“You said it yourself. Those qualities are for you to look for in a friend.” Shen Lie heavily spat out the last word.

A friend was exactly that, someone who accompanied you whether in sadness or happiness. When you turn around and run into someone else’s arm, he still has to smile and give you his blessing. He Luo pressed her lips together. Nothing felt appropriate, no matter if she smiled or was quiet. “I think I’m going to sit for GRE after all. I’m already studying for it anyway.”

“Not yet, but I want to give it a try,” He Luo said. “There are some things where you might not get compensated for despite your hard work. But I believe there are even more things where you can do well as long as you want it.”

He Luo was stunned. She always thought Shen Lie was determined to go abroad, yet he laughed and said, “I’m the kind of person who will die if I can’t say five ton of words a day. If you ask me to speak that many words in English, I’d die of exhaustion. After considering my general comfort, I decided that staying in the country is better.”

Honestly, does going abroad guarantees success? He Luo had no idea. She had always known this world to be a sphere, yet the more she understood, the larger the circumference of earth felt, and the more uncertainty she came into contact with. She wanted to see if the skies overseas were wider. She wanted to know if there will be a different kind of scenery.

“How is possible that he doesn’t even have time to sit down for a cup of coffee?” Tian Xin asked in disdain. “Meeting him is more difficult than meeting our country’s president. We can at least see the US president on television every day.”

Tian Xin was confused. “Back then you didn’t support Zhang Yuan and said he’s just speculating. Why are you being so supportive now?”
He Luo bitterly smiled. “Sometimes I think it’s only right that he broke up with me. Back then, what I cared about most isn’t what he wants to do, but that we can’t separate. That’s why I don’t support anything risky. I care about our love too much and neglected his feelings. Yet, we still separated. When there’s no longer a romantic relationship between us, I can support all his decisions without any reservations.”

“Tch. You really have the spirit of self-criticism.” Tian Xin harrumphed. “Based on your words, this means you rather separate with him. Back then you were so determined to get back with him. It turns out you have the courage to persist, but not the courage to confess.”

“I promised to write it down for Zhang Yuan, but the other day I left in a rush and forgot about it. Auntie, why don’t you copy it down?” He Luo recited the recipe for the glutinous rice porridge. Zhang Yuan’s mom appeared to be very interested in He Luo and, from time to time, would talk to her about matters unrelated to the recipe. She smiled. “How strange. This child has never liked porridge. He says there’s not filling enough.”

“What? Gastritis?” His mom’s voice was shrill. “That brat! He has never told me any of this.” Afterwards, Zhang Yuan sighed. “This is the first time I know that you’ll also report someone to the authorities. You’re ruining me.” He continued, “My mom is happily cooking for me. She’s happy to finally get an excuse to make me come home often for dinner.”

“If I don’t work hard, how can I finish my work?” Zhang Yuan replied. “I just accepted a project. The final meeting will be in Beijing.”

After reading a little more, she noticed the notifications on her QQ was buzzing for her attention. She exchanged words of ridicule with her friends, some encouragement. And then she cheerfully told each of them: “He’s coming to Beijing.”

He Luo had never had a resolute ambition to go overseas to continue her studies, thus she was bewildered by how far she had taken herself in this path. Being with new east(?) was something that happened a long time ago, and even her “Red Treasure” book was left dusty and covered in spider webs. She had spent only half a month revising one section of the test, but she was so relaxed and happy as if she had already completed the whole test. She spent all her days either in the library or in the study room and depended on a combination of coffee, chocolate, and her Walkman, to maintain her confidence in life. She would also think of the busy someone in the other city. Would his view out the window be as fascinating as hers? In his bustling city, will he also sometimes think of someone?

2,340 points. A score she can be proud of. Walking out from the examination hall, He Luo wanted to raise her head and show her happiness to all those who doubted her. It was a tiny shred of vanity on her part, she thought. Just let her display all that today. Who else will dare look down on her?

Zhang Yuan’s meeting was late at night. He carpooled with someone he knew and met He Luo directly at her dorm. It was the first time she had seen him in a suit. Wide shoulders, an ever-straight back, a pure black suit. He Luo realised, he was no longer that young boy in T-shirt and jeans in her memory.

“I just realised you’ve changed a lot. I’ve forgotten what you look like.”

“You still have some way to go in terms of height.” He Luo stepped on the sidewalk curb. Raising her feet like a child, coupled with her wedges, she looked at him. “Look, I’m almost as tall as you.”

He still had things to do and asked He Luo to go to the Internet cafe with him.

He Luo didn’t say a word.

“I heard you did pretty well on your GRE,” Xu He Yang said. “Have you written your application and recommendation letters?”

In the Internet cafe, Zhang Yuan asked, “Is he going overseas?”

“What about Li Yun Wei?”

“If one is going but the other isn’t, how awkward would that be?” Zhang Yuan loosened the muscles in his shoulders.

“In two years, many things will change.” Zhang Yuan’s tone was neutral. “If any of them keep each other in the dark, won’t it be an international joke?”

Time passed just like that, the air was warm and humid. When they left the Internet cafe, it was drizzling. Zhang Yuan’s steps were leisurely, but what was pitiful was He Luo’s newly washed hair. “Hurry up and walk faster,” she complained.

His white breath blew over her temples, like a small piece of refreshing, clear sky. If only you stop and turn around, there would be a familiar and warm embrace waiting. Our distance is always this close, yet as far apart as a ten thousand light years.

“Why don’t I treat you to something?” He Luo said. “The green bean sweet soup at my campus canteen is pretty nice. I’ll eat iced, you can take it warm.” They couldn’t resist ordering a plate of Viviparidae snails. Zhang Yuan said, “I can’t eat a lot. My stomach isn’t that good. If I eat too much of this, I might get an upset stomach.” Even though he said that, they still ordered another plate. His shirt was clean, his sleeves raised, as he happily used a toothpick to eat the snails.

“I’m really envious of you. Days like this are really comfortable.” Zhang Yuan wiped his hands clean. “I’m dead tired these few days. Each day I only get about three hours of sleep. As soon as I come back to you, I’ve become entirely relaxed and don’t want to move anymore.”

“Then… rest a few days here before going back.”

In one breath, he listed all the obstacles in his startup. All of those He Luo had never encountered and couldn’t think of any solutions. She could nodded and said, “The first step is difficult for everyone. Whoever perseveres until the end will be the one to win.”

“You… you want to go for big companies?”

He Luo looked at Zhang Yuan thoughtfully. In this moment, how could she bring up things like romance and feelings and trouble him?
Zhang Yuan noticed her concerned expression and said, voice suddenly much gentler, “I’m fine. I just overate today.”

“Liar. If you’re not feeling comfortable, just eat your meds.” He Luo glanced at him. “I’ve also eaten the same food, but I’m still fine.”

Zhang Yuan didn’t leave for the moment. He stayed in Beijing and busied himself meeting from one scholar to another, from businessman to another. This happened day and night. This city was as wide as the ocean; He Luo’s beloved emerged from the still water, yet she could not even find his shadow or hear his voice.

That was the Zhang Yuan that He Luo loved most, like the boy who played basketball so many years ago, calm and persistent, with the full confidence of winning. Back then he was still a boy showered in sunshine, with clear and bright eyes, cunning like a fox, soaring in the air like an eagle. His youth radiated the sun itself, as if there was nothing that could stop him in his path.

But her, where was she going?

At the end of summer, the frost began to cover the roads. Soon, the snow would start to pile. Her enthusiasm and expectations were buried deep. Her personal beliefs could not win against the hand of fate. What ought to come will come, what ought to leave will also naturally turn into clouds.

He Luo’s heart had been warmed by the sunshine in the summer, it was not that easy for it to change due to the seasons. It was like the air still carried the scent of summer. The pleasant autumn would sometimes give her the illusion of that there was not much difference between the cool summer and early autumn.

But how much longer will you let me wait and wander?
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