Sickly Tyrannical - Chapter 96

Main Story Part 96 (End of the Main
Story)

On rainy days in particular when the rain pitter patters outside, we will silently look at each other between our bated breaths. After being stared at for a long time, I’ll suddenly open my mouth and bite his face.

That one time when DongYan saw the teeth marks on Ye CanSheng's face, he gave me the thumbs up. Of course, after that night, I couldn’t get off the bed for an entire day.

However, there are times when I can’t fall asleep or go out. Ever since Ye CanSheng knew that the Big Big Wolf[1] could never eat the sheep, he started to reject the television. Compared to a TV, I would rather read a book. Hence, there’s now a pile of novels on the bedside table for us to read anytime we like, including recipes, manga and all sorts of weird and eccentric books.

DongYan bought the manga for me.

It perfectly matches his style; a very smutty BL manga. Even though it’s not very gory. I’m still thankful that Ye CanSheng doesn’t like to use those perverted toys. He only bites me often or sometimes acts like a lunatic, and after getting used to it for so long, I can understand it and accept him.

I did once ask him on my second reading if he's ever thought of using those things. He suddenly lifted his head up and his long, pitch black eyes were full of anger. He instantly pinned me down and asserted, "How could I let those things touch you!!"

"..."

The corner of my lips slightly twitched. So doesn’t that mean in the end it’s all because of his abnormal possessiveness?

NanYan gave me the recipes with a huge smile. The books didn’t introduce any famous dishes. When I flipped through it, it was full of colourful sweets, ice cream, and desserts...

I told Ye CanSheng to send NanYan a message to get him to bring back a dessert from the book every time he comes back. Ever since then, it’s almost been a month since I last saw NanYan. I'm contemplating right now if I should take back my words.

XiYan gave me something quite worth reading, it’s the unofficial history of all the famous people from each dynasty. It's full of entrancing content that leaves much food for thought.

And so the days aren’t too hard to live through, it’s just that I’m probably the only one who’s experiencing the emptiness inside.

There's actually only one scene I think back to everyday, and that's the reflection a pale, frail figure curled up on the sofa in the french window.

Even though I didn't get any skinnier, I haven’t returned to my original body shape. I’m still so light one could pick me up single handedly.

I still need time to adapt and forgive.

But what’s different from before is that I’m willing to try.

It snowed today. It doesn’t often snow here, yet it happened this winter...

The snowfall was quite heavy too.

However, the place I stay in is still an optimal temperature, hence I'm still wearing a t-shirt in Winter as I stand bare-footed before the french window whilst silently watching snowflakes fall one at a time. They float to the left, they float to the right and then land on the glass.

It then instantly melts into water droplets on the window because it can’t withstand the temperature indoors...

There are water droplets both inside and outside of the glass. The ice cold droplets outside gradually warms up to the same temperature as those inside.

I reach out and randomly swipe across the window. I see a thin layer of snow has already fallen on the fruits on the stone table in the courtyard.

Due to the constant high temperatures indoors, the fruits will quickly lose water and shrivel, that's why I told Ye CanSheng to take them outside when he leaves today. Wow. I think to myself. They’re not going to die from dryness but instead from coldness.

I can't help but softly sigh.

Next to me, Peanut gazes at the white beads outside from novelty and sticks out his red, hot tongue to lick the window every now and then as if he wants to have a taste of the white substance.

I bend down and extend my middle finger to flick his forehead, "Stop messing around dumb dog, you just have to wait for CanSheng to come back and let you out."

He merely wags his tail and continues to stubbornly lick the window with his tongue.

Feeling helpless, I stop worrying about him and just silently gazes at the world of falling snow outside. I don't feel much sorrow. I only think about how I probably can’t touch it again in this lifetime...

Ah, a lifetime...

The snow outside swirls without restraint.

From where I am, I don’t hear the sound of snow falling outside, the only sound that’s present is the ticking of the second hand. Tick tock, tick tock it goes, unchanging since the ancient times. Accompanied by the soundless white hue, it almost seems like this scene could continue until the end of time.

My hand starts to feel the bone-chilling coldness outside from being pressed against the window for too long.

It seeps into my skin bit by bit. It feels real, yet my brain clearly knows that it’s two different worlds.

In the end, a sense of longing still exists.

Just like that. I unknowingly stand and gaze for a long time. Maybe it’s because my ankles have been exposed to cold air and moisture, there was faint pain from the very start which has now increased to the point where I'm shaking from head to toe.

It’s painful and scorching hot. It’s pure torment.

The pain isn’t simple, instead it feels like waves of stabbing and ripping pain. My body starts to rock back and forth and the pain in my feet begin to spread upwards. My feet begin to shake...

My body is like a leaf in the wind as it constantly sways. The chains smash against the window nonstop and frightens Peanut. He blankly looks at me, not knowing what to do. With great difficulty, I force a smile out at him.

In the end I can't bear with the agony and I stagger my way towards the sofa. However, on my last step I fall down on the carpet that’s a short distance away from my destination.

I'm crippled at last.

I depressingly lean my body against the sofa. I sit on the carpet and watch the golden terrier continue to stare outside in great interest.

"Dumb dog. that stuff isn't even as tasty as your dog bones. I don't even think I've seen you stare at your dog bones with such fiery eyes before."

My voice gets softer and softer...

Probably because I'm talking to myself.

It's not like I haven't seen the snow before. Why did I go through the pain of getting myself into such a discomposured manner...?

My ankle is severely red and swollen. The tightly shackled chains have already lodged into the swollen flesh like a crystal clear water ball. It's surprising I actually just realised.

I go pull the blanket on the sofa over and use it to cover my feet. They're too ugly, so ugly that I can't keep looking at them anymore.

I close my eyes and find a comfortable position. My eyes are closed. I'm tired, I’ve been standing up for too long.

I'm probably leaning against the sofa asleep when Ye CanSheng comes back because when I wake up again I’m already in his arms.

Outside the window, the golden terrier who’s had his wish fulfilled is currently playing around in the snow.

It’s already night time. There’s a light above my head and the snow has already stopped falling outside. The light goes through the window and shines upon a large field of cherry blossom footprints, it feels similar to a kind of contentment that's like a love which outlasts even heaven and earth.

It feels like home.

I blink my eyes and gaze up at Ye CanSheng.

He still looks handsome. I hazily say out of habit, “You’re back?”

He tightens his arms around me and replies, “I'm back."

I nudge into his embrace, "You understand that golden furred dog well. He’s been longing to go out for the entire day."

He kisses my forehead, “What about you, how long have you been longing for?”

"A long time," I reply earnestly. I smell the familiar scent on his body and feel safe.

"Do you want to go out?"

"I do, but at the same time I don’t really want to either."

He lifts his hand and strokes my head. “Did you stand in front of the window for an entire afternoon today? Your ankle was still swollen when I came back."

"Mmm,” I hum assertively. I'm now half-awake and grab onto his neck to sit up.

After a moment of silence, his voice resounds by my ear, “Do you want me to carry you out for a walk? It’s quite rare for it to snow here too.”

I almost doubted my ears for a second. I immediately come to my senses and instantly look towards Ye CanSheng. The light shines on him brightly and gently...

Thick arched brows. A fine profile. A pair of cold lips half closed.

I go blank for a long time, did he say he’s going to take me out?

My lips shakingly open. I almost agree yet at the last moment I close my mouth. It's a while before I then ask, "What about in the future?

Ye CanSheng remains silent. He won't allow that.

I don't get angry because I know the answer. It won’t happen in the future, today is a special exception, he merely pities me today.

I reach out and touch his mature, charming face, “CanSheng, I don't want it for one or two times only, that will only fuel my never-ending desire."

My body tilts forward and I lean against his shoulder. I gaze outside at Peanut who's already become bored, "What I desire is to be able to open the doors and window anytime I want. That’s why I don’t want this kind of exception.”

“I won't look forward to going out, nor will I harbor any hopes for freedom. CanSheng, I’m already like this so you don’t need to feel pity. You don't need to take me out."

His hand clasps on my shoulder. The scent on his body is extra strong, his fragrance is like the roses I smelt on that sunset. He merely leans halfway back and looks at me in the evening sunlight.

He says. "What if this is the only time I fee! pity?"

I slightly smile and reply, "Don’t worry, if it won't last forever I'll disdain this exception."

After I finish speaking, I get pinned down on the sofa and he bites the corner of my lips.

He pulls down my pants in an almost unrefined manner. His slightly cold hands then touches and starts to caress the seal on my inner thigh in nostalgia and obsession.

There are three words on it: Ye CanSheng.

It’s his name.

His possessiveness.

His ownership.

And all of his love.

I hold onto him and let him continually bite down as he pleases.

The taste of blood spreads and his breathing becomes heavy.

His voice is hoarse, “Sorry YunSheng, but I really love you a lot."

"Don’t worry. I know.”

I won't regret throwing this chance away, because as soon as I taste freedom again I will start to desire it eagerly and I’m already tired of such feelings and such torment.

That’s why I would rather not have it.

The only possibility of me walking out of this room is if Ye CanSheng learns to trust and let

go-

So I knew when I was standing in front of the window watching the snow fall that I wouldn’t be able to touch it in this lifetime. This is my choice, and is also my... last forgiveness and salvation...

I lick the blood on the corner of my lips and suppress my breathing and cries. I say, "CanSheng, quickly c-come in. I want to feel you. Ah!"

He doesn’t hesitate at all and spreads my legs before entering.

The pain that I still haven’t accustomed to instantly silences my voice.

I hug him and feel his strength that’s becoming more and more out of hand, yet my mind is extremely clear and sharp.

I hope. Not expect. It’s hope.

I hope that one day I will fall in love with the pain he inflicts. I hope that one day he can stand in the courtyard, beneath the sun whilst holding me in his arms and say, "YunSheng, do you smell it? The smell of roses.”

When that happens I will definitely kiss his lips and tell him:

“No, I only smell your scent.”

And in the distance, a butterfly lands still on the tip of Peanut’s nose that’s lifted high in the air....

END

Author’s Final Words:

A story is merely to recount a tale, not every story has a perfect ending, nor does every bad person receive the punishment they deserve. If I made Ye CanSheng suddenly change in my ending and admit his wrongdoings to YunSheng whilst getting rid of the other’s restraints; and at the same time also becoming someone who knows how to love and look after others, someone who doesn’t randomly bite people and someone who won't be jealous over petty things; if two princes then lived happily ever after then such a HE would be meaningless. I hope that everyone looks at this objectively.

YunSheng has such an ending partly because of his forgiveness. If he’s willing then it’ll lessen the suffering. The road he has chosen won’t be too hard for him due to his personality. The scene I wrote in the end of him giving up his chance to go out. represents that he has already let go of all his concerns. In the future, even if he’s restrained he won’t be in too much pain. Naturally, some torment will always exist.

No one died, they’re all living vividly in my mind, so I hope that you guys aren’t too reproachful towards Ye CanSheng and Fang YunSheng.

(I stress that these words were said by the original author of the novel, MoQiu)

T/N

[1]    This was mentioned before, for

those who forgot the Big Big Wolf is a character in a popular children’s cartoon called The Pleasant Coat and the Big Big Wolf. The main plotline is where the wolf always tries to capture and eat the goats but he fails every single time regardless. Please note that these name translations are all official and not done by me.