One day, Romiemarigana successfully sneaked out of Eason's room. She was careful not to get caught, or they would bring her back to the room. She began exploring the building.
Finally, she found Eason. Despite her urge to run towards him, Romiemarigana suppressed it and hid herself in a corner to look at him.
Just then, a woman appeared before Eason. Romiemarigana did not know the woman's name — she observed the two speaking intimately. From her happy expressions and her feminine charms, it was obvious to anyone that she loved Eason.
Not just the woman, Eason looked delighted as well.
Romiemarigana could only watch in silence.
At the same time, it felt as if there were a sound coming from within her body.
It was the sound of her world gradually shattering into pieces. A heartbreaking sound indeed.
Nishizono Yūko
<Romiemarigana's Expanding World>
***
From that day on, Shinonome and I hardly spoke to each other for about a week.
It might be due to the approaching exam dates. My grades aren't exactly stellar, so I'll fail rather spectacularly if I don't put any effort into studying. Should that happen, I'll have to take the make-up exams.
We do have to continue our shift during the exam periods, but Shinonome and I never really spoke at the library either. As for those cold text messages of hers, I chose to reply with equally stiff answers.
On the day when the exams were all over, while we were at the classroom, Shinonome walked towards me and called me by my name — something she has never done before.
"Minami-kun."
"...... Huh?"
"Are you free today?"
Due to the stares of our classmates, this isn't exactly the place for me to speak coldly to Shinonome.
"Mmm."
I stood up after a brief reply. Seeing me get up, Shinonome returned to her seat and picked up her bag. I was already done packing up, so I grabbed my bag and walked out of the classroom together with Shinonome.
Shinonome was all quiet, so I chose not to speak as well. We walked silently on our way towards the station.
Shinonome stopped in her tracks when we reached the shopping street.
"Are you free...... tomorrow?"
Tomorrow's Friday, but school will be taking a break as we were done with the exams. Of course, there's no need to perform our librarian duties as well.
"Yeah, I probably am."
For a brief moment, I wanted to tell her I'll be busy. In the end though, I replied to her honestly. I guess I hesitate whenever it comes to lying.
"Are you interested...... in meeting up tomorrow?"
Shinonome followed up with a rather hesitant question. Similar to how she approached me and initiated a conversation earlier, Shinonome coming up with a request is just an incredibly rare event.
"I guess......."
I couldn't answer her with an honest "Sure." Deep inside me, I was actually a little happy that Shinonome made a move first.
"Well then...... As for the time, I will message you the details later."
With that, Shinonome resumed walking. I stopped her immediately.
"Where will we be going?"
Shinonome's response was to move her eyes away from mine. With her head lowered, a mischievous smile appeared.
"It's a secret."
My eyes were locked on Shinonome for a while, who continued walking after her reply. I then snapped back to reality and caught up to her with a quick jog.
"I'm sorry for not speaking to you recently."
I said to Shinonome when I caught up to her side.
"So were you really...... avoiding me?"
"Yeah...... A little."
"...... Did I do anything...... wrong?"
It's hard to explain things to her clearly. I guess she did do something, in the sense that her actions caused me to be restless and uneasy. I'm not blaming her though; that was just me getting all worked up on my part.
"Not at all."
I murmured. After a moment of hesitation, I added,
"I was just feeling down for a bit."
"I see......"
That was when Shinonome stopped walking. From the faint ringtone that was coming from inside her bag, it seemed like there was an incoming call.
I stood stiffly at the side, looking at Shinonome while she spoke on the phone. From the few familiar terms which I faintly caught, the call should be from her editor. It felt like something similar had happened before. That was when I wondered — how was it going for Shinonome's novels?
The last time I asked, Shinonome mentioned she was doing a draft or something, so that probably means there should be some sort of progress, right? As I made up my mind to ask her about that after she was done with the call, Shinonome hung up the phone and kept it in her bag.
"Sorry, Minami-kun...... My editor happens to be around, so I want to discuss a few things with him."
Shinonome apologized before I could even speak. It's not like I could hound Shinonome about her novel.
"Ah, I see...... Guess this is where we part then."
"Mmm...... I will text you tonight on the plans for tomorrow."
"Got it."
"Well, see you then."
I looked on as Shinonome walked along the shopping street with dainty steps and into the coffee house. Hey, we could have walked together — I thought to myself. However, I stopped myself immediately just as my legs were about to move.
If Shinonome and her editor were seated next to the windows, that would mean I'll be walking past them right before their eyes. That would feel really awkward, so I changed direction and entered a small alleyway just before the shopping street.
"What on earth am I doing?"
I muttered subconsciously.
It was all just me getting toyed around with by Shinonome. The roller-coaster of emotions I'm experiencing, or the fact that I was walking sneakily in some alleyway.
It never felt like this back when I was in love with Arumi-san.
I was way too naive back then, so all I did was to dance around her. I would never get angry at her, nor would I feel any embarrassment.
So that means I'm more mature than I used to be, resulting to all these various emotions which I haven't experienced before.
I wasn't quite sure if that's a good thing or not.
What exactly should I be doing?
If I love Shinonome— If I love her, I should be satisfied just by being next to her regardless of the situation, instead of getting angry with her, right?
So I just have to get Shinonome to love me, right? To look at me happily and say,
"I love you."
Do I want her to say that? But if that's the case, then Shinonome won't be Shinonome anymore. The Shinonome Yuuko I love is someone who's slightly different from others; a girl whose thoughts I cannot read. Since this is Shinonome we're talking about, does this mean I'm doomed to have her toy with me around with my mixed emotions for all eternity?
The phone in my pocket was vibrating. It was a message from Arumi-san.
"Keisuke and I will be going to our university gathering, so I'm sorry, but Eita will have to have dinner by yourself. I have prepared some food in the fridge, so you just have to heat them up. The rice should be ready by the time you reach home."
"Hmm......" If that's the case, they probably won't be back home early tonight. Stuff like this happens occasionally, and they would always return home late. To be honest, I'm quite suspicious about the whole 'gathering' thing, but I'm not in the mood to reach the bottom of such things.
Before, when I received messages like this, it always felt like I would die from sadness. But now, I'm incredibly calm.
"Got it. Have fun."
And I can even reply her with stuff like this.
That just shows how much I have grown. Come to think about it, I more or less have Shinonome to thank for that.
Back at home, I stared blankly at the TV. After a while, I grew bored of the shows that were airing, so I made my way to Keisuke's room instead. As I looked at his room with all the messily placed books lying all around, I picked up Shinonome's favourite <Eréndira> once more.
I flipped through the book briefly, but it was way more difficult than I have imagined.
I felt a little guilty to take yet another book when I haven't even started on <Nine Stories> which I had borrowed from Keisuke, However, what I wanted to read right now was not a "short stories compilation", but Shinonome's favourite book.
I laid on my bed and began working on the first chapter of <Eréndira>.
Just as I had expected, I couldn't understand it. Similar to the short stories written by Shinonome, the only thing appearing in my mind were a series of blurry images. Still, having known that this is Shinonome's favourite novel, I pressed on.
I had no idea if the story is fiction or based on facts, but it somehow feels similar to Shinonome.
An unfathomable girl who is a little disconnected with the rest of the world, someone whose thoughts I can never understand.
Then there's me, who has fallen in love with Shinonome.
This feels like the sort of story you can expect to find in a short stories compilation, isn't it? Though it's nowhere near grandiose enough to be woven into a novel, but there should be enough to give birth to a rather intriguing story, right? I chuckled to myself on my bed.
***
The place to meet, as designated by Shinonome, was a station built into a giant shopping complex. Most of the time, I'm the one who would arrive earlier, but Shinonome was already there waiting for me when I walked out of the ticketing gates.
"You're very early."
Reason I said that was because I arrived ten minutes ahead of the agreed time.
"I left home slightly earlier today...... because there is something I wanted to see."
While explaining, she turned her head towards the direction of the shopping complex. One can find plenty of bookshops in the mega-complex which had just opened up a year ago, so she's probably referring to them. I replied nonchalantly with a "Right."
"Well then, where are we heading for today?"
I directed the question towards Shinonome, as she had not mentioned about our destination in any of her mails yesterday. Shinonome lifted her eyes bashfully and answered,
"Urm...... If you can accompany me while I am shopping......"
"Shopping? Sure. Books?"
I then thought to myself — she probably wanted to buy a ton of books, so she's looking for someone to help her with the bags as she won't be able to carry them all herself. I mean, speaking of 'Shinonome' and 'shopping' hand in hand, the only thing which came to my mind was books.
However, Shinonome shrunk a little as she shook her head slowly.
"No...... I am thinking of buying clothes......."
"Klo...thes?"
For a brief moment, I frowned as I tried to work out what Shinonome was trying to say. However, what she mean't soon dawned on me.
"Oh, so you're referring to clothes. You wanna buy clothes huh...... not bad."
Even I find that response to be really silly.
"I am not too familiar with fashion, so I was thinking...... of getting Minami-kun to help me with the selection......"
"Eh? Picking your clothes...... but I'm totally clueless about fashion as well......"
To be honest, she was putting a great deal of pressure on me. But Shinonome was urging me with, "Come on, let's go," so we began shopping.
So it seems like the 'something I wanted to see' Shinonome was referring to were clothes. That probably meant she some ideas in mind. I followed Shinonome, visiting a few stores. All of them were selling female clothing, so it's natural for all the customers to be girls.
There were a handful of guys around, but all of them looked like they were there to 'accompany their girlfriend'. That made me feel out of place.
"...... So which store do you prefer?"
Shinonome popped the question out of the blue when we were done browsing a few stores.
"Eh?"
The reason for that weird response of mine was because Shinonome had never once sought my opinion while she was browsing the stores. It didn't feel like she had mentioned anything along the lines of "This looks pretty nice" or "Which one is better". All Shinonome did was to pick a few clothes up and placing them back on the rack before moving on to the next store.
I thought she was not pleased with the designs, so I said nothing while following her footsteps.
"Though you're seeking my opinion...... but I'm not too sure which store's better."
Upon hearing my answer, Shinonome tilted her head with a troubled look.
"...... Urm, how did you buy the dress you're wearing now?"
I asked Shinonome out of curiosity. Shinonome, fidgeting, answered with,
"Well...... The magazine request for a photo-shoot...... so I bought them online."
"Ah......"
I understand the situation now.
Shinonome doesn't possess the experience of 'buying clothes from a store'. Either that, or she didn't spend much thought on the clothes whenever she bought them. That is just the sort of person she is.
As for me, I'm not someone who is particularly fussy with what he wear, so in a sense I'm kind of similar to her. All that mattered to me was that the clothes fit, and maybe I would pay some attention to whether they looked decent on me. There are times where I couldn't be bothered and end up seeking the store assistants for their opinions.
"OK, I got it. Let's walk through the stores once more."
I grabbed the hand of the hesitant Shinonome and headed straight to the stores which we had visited earlier. I may not be an expert when it comes to fashion, but I should be a tad bit better than Shinonome; at the very least, I know what to do while shopping for clothes.
"What sort of clothes do you have in mind? Summer wear?"
We were in that time of the year where the stores were transitioning into the summer fashion, so it was easy to find summer wear at just about everywhere. However, Shinonome shook her head.
"Well...... I am interested in more mature styles."
That was kind of vague. Similar to Shinonome, I'm no expert when it comes to fashion. At times like this, it is best to go out of the way and engage an expert.
"...... Pardon me~"
The female store assistant who was observing us at a distance away approached us with a professional smile on her face. Shinonome moved herself warily behind my back.
"Do you require my assistance~?"
Asked the assistant. I turned around and pointed at Shinonome behind me.
"Yeah...... She's looking for something that's more towards the mature side. Do you have any recommendations?"
Upon hearing my request, the assistant fixed her eyes on Shinonome.
"Let's see...... How about going for a set~?"
"What do you think?"
Shinonome remained silent, her only response was tilting her head.
"Please wait for a moment, I will select a few pieces for you to try on."
After a while, the assistant returned with a few clothes in hand.
"These are the more recent styles. The colors are on the dark side, so they should look more mature on you~"
The only one interacting with the assistant, who was speaking with a drag at the end of her sentences, was me. There was no "Mmm" or "OK" from Shinonome. Shinonome took the clothes passed to her and compared it over her body shyly, before looking at me with a helpless expression.
"I...... am not too sure, so please pick for me, Minami-kun......."
Even if you ask me, I'm not too sure about stuff like this as well — but I swallowed my words, reason being that she's depending on me right now. It doesn't feel that bad to be in such a situation.
"Why don't you try them?"
"Eh?"
"Try them on! She can, right?"
The female assistant answered with a smile.
"Definitely! The changing room is empty~"
The assistant pushed the confused Shinonome towards the changing room.
"In any case, why don't you try one of the sets for now? It will be much easier for me to provide my thoughts."
upon she heard my explanation, Shinonome finally relented.
"Okay......"
It was an answer which sounded like she was on the brink of tears. Shinonome stepped into the changing room and pulled the curtain. A chair was placed before the changing room, making it look like some sort of 'waiting seat'. There's no point wandering around the store filled with only female customers, so I sat myself on the chair.
There were two changing rooms situated side-by-side. The other room was not used, so the curtain was left opened.
As for the curtain which was drawn shut, that's where Shinonome was in — and I could hear the rustling sounds of clothing coming from within. I drew a deep breath.
Shinonome's changing on the other side of the curtain right now. I couldn't keep still as my imagination ran wild; I was shaking my leg subconsciously. A bystander would probably think of me as a boyfriend who was irritated with his girlfriend shopping, hoping everything would be done in a flash so that he could leave.
Then came another rustling sound from the curtain, followed by the sound of a piece of clothing falling onto the ground.
Was that her skirt? My thoughts run wild once more. I took another deep breath.
Shit, this can't do. My mind's slowly drifting towards the endless world of perverseness, despite me being in a place as stylish as this. If there's any psychic nearby reading my thoughts, he would definitely see me as a pervert.
Come on, hurry up and be done changing, Shinonome. I can barely hold on much longer — and I mean that in a lot of different ways.
While I was busy with my thoughts, I heard Shinonome clearing her throat from behind the curtain. She then asked softly,
"Urm...... Is Minami-kun around?"
"Y-Yeah...... Anything wrong?"
"I-I am done changing......"
"Ah, really? And?"
"Is it...... weird......?"
Despite her question, Shinonome remained hidden behind the curtain. There was no way I'd know.
"Well...... I wouldn't know if you don't show yourself."
The curtained moved slightly when I gave her my answer. Shinonome's face appeared through the small opening.
"Promise me you won't laugh...... even if it looks weird."
"I probably won't......"
"If you cannot promise me that, then it would be better if I don't show you. I don't think it suits me that much......"
I stood up in a hurry when Shinonome was about to draw the curtains shut.
"I won't, I promise I won't laugh at you."
Shinonome pressed her fingers against the curtain and pulled it open as if she had given it all up. She then stood before me while remaining in that position.
Wearing a sheer white blouse and black skirt, Shinonome achieved her aim of looking more 'mature' than she usually does; just as she wanted. The glean of her fair skin lit up my eyes.
"H-How is it......?"
Asked Shinonome nervously. My voice went a pitch higher than normal.
"Eh? Ah, pretty good. Yeah."
Shinonome's eyes were filled with surprise.
"Is that really...... what you think?"
"Mmm, yeah. They really do look good."
Despite my reassurance, Shinonome continued looking at me suspiciously for a brief while before putting on a smile.
"Mmm, alright. I will buy this set then."
"Eh? But there are others, no?"
"There are...... but this will do."
Hearing our conversation, as the female assistant who picked the clothes walked towards us.
"What do you think~?"
Shinonome ignored me, who was struggling with an answer, and said without hesitation,
"I will take this."
"Really? Thank you very much for your patronage~"
Shinonome continued speaking to the assistant, who was talking to us without any emotion in her voice,
"Also...... Can I wear this set right away?"
The female assistant looked at Shinonome in surprise when she heard her request.
The same applied to me as well. Upon noticing my gaze, Shinonome flashed me a shy smile.
***
We then made our way to the cafe.
"I would like to discuss something with you."
Said Shinonome. I guess anything can happen in this world. As we made our way to a nearby cafe, Shinonome carried the bag containing the clothes she wore just moments ago as though she were hugging a teddy bear or something. Knowing very well what the bag was holding, I knew it was nothing heavy, so I said,
"Allow me to take that for you."
Ignoring Shinonome's protest, I took the bag away from her hands. Shinonome thanked me softly. However, I'm not too confident I did that purely out of goodwill.
Part of the reason was me not wanting others to see me as someone who 'nonchalantly allows his girlfriend to carry something that huge'.
We found a slightly old cafe. While we were waiting for our items to be served to us, Shinonome's attention shifted to the clothes she was wearing.
A surprised expression appeared on Shinonome's face when she realized my intent. She bit her lips gently. As I closed in, she shut her eyes as though she were about to get splashed by an incoming bucket of water.
So can I or can't I?
I pondered to myself as I remained in a position where my face was only a few millimeters above her lips.
Can I? Really? Why? Because she likes me?
We are doing this for our 'material gathering' — that's what Shinonome would probably say. She cares nothing about what I think; even if it's something she hates, will she take it just for the sake of 'experience' and her novel?
I stared at Shinonome. Her body was totally stiff and petrified. With her eyes closed shut, she looked just like a child who was about to cry.
I moved my head slowly, pulled my neck to the side and plonked my face past Shinonome's cheeks onto the bed.
Just reject me if you don't like it.
I heaved a sigh while thinking that.
"Minami-kun......"
Shinonome called out to me next to my ear with a hoarse voice.
I didn't answer her. Instead, I was rattling on and on in my mind as if I was mumbling a curse.
If you hate it that much; if you're so afraid that you have to bite your lips, if it hurts you to be doing such things with me, you can simply tell me as it is. How will I possible know what you're thinking if you choose to remain silent? There's no way I can remain in a zen-state when we're all alone in this room.
With that, I slowly moved my body away from Shinonome.
Shinonome sat up and looked at me in surprise. I sat beside her and heaved a sigh.
"...... Sorry."
I'm fully aware that Shinonome had no such intentions in mind. The reason we came here wasn't because she 'wanted to do that', rather, it was simply out of curiosity. The reason she chose me to play pretend couple was simply out of coincidence because I stumbled upon her true identity as an author. These were the conclusions I reached no matter how I look at it.
"I went...... overboard with my actions."
I added on with an awkward laughter.
The reason I went out with Shinonome wasn't to harm her, but to help her out with her 'material gathering'. I cannot ruin Shinonome just because of my feelings and desires.
The only option was to defuse the awkward atmosphere and the various feelings in a joking manner.
"Sorry...... I won't do it again."
I apologized once again. I was unable to look straight at Shinonome, but it felt like she was shaking her head. The only thing I could do was to lower my head in silence, aghast at myself for not being able to exercise self-control.
Shinonome said nothing, so I could only feel her gaze. It felt like her gaze was reproaching me. I was afraid of confirming that fact, afraid of seeing Shinonome's expressions which were on the other end of her gaze. I lowered my head to avoid her.
"Let's...... stop."
That was what Shinonome finally said.
"Thanks to Minami-kun, I went to lots of places...... so you don't have to force yourself any further. I'm sorry."
"I wasn't...... forcing myself."
"But......"
Shinonome was unable to continue her words. Perhaps she was thinking of how to phrase her sentence in a way which won't hurt me.
"Sigh, whatever. With the material on hand, you should be able to come up with a novel, right? I had fun as well, so let's end everything with this, okay?"
I brought up the suggestion faster than Shinonome did. I didn't want her to say anything that could hurt me, so the least I could do was to end the relationship myself.
Silence fell between us once more, but I said not a word more.
Finally, Shinonome murmured,
"Mmm...... I understand. Thank you very much for all this time."
We then waited for the rain to stop without saying anything else. The rain ended surprisingly quick, as though it were urging us to head home immediately. That pissed me off.
The fee for the room was split between us. After depositing the cash into the billing machine located at the side of the entrance, it thanked us with a mechanical "Thank you for your patronage."
That pissed me off even more.
It felt like it was thanking us for not doing anything and leaving the room in pristine condition.
After leaving the hotel, Shinonome and I walked towards the station together. We then parted and boarded our respective trains without speaking a word.
When I reached home, the sky was clear with the moon peeking out from behind a cloud — everything felt unreal.
"This is fine."
A scene which symbolizes a happy ending, leaving only me to wallow in pain.
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